How to Catass your way in real life... well sort of...

[WindupAtheist]

Episode 2 ranked UNDER FUCKING EWOKS. It was that fucking bad. It had a completely assed-up plot; I've seen better video game plots, written by Japanese furry tentacle-fuckers. Hentai has better plots. It felt like a really bad video game plot. First, we'll go over here, then we'll go over here, then for no good goddam reason, we'll go over here where it's dangerous. Lucas can't even decide what he wants Jedi to be. Are they policemen? Are they military men? What the fuck are they?

They're the central government's figureheads/peacekeepers in a nation that doesn't have a real military because it hasn't had an external enemy in a thousand years.  Listening helps.

Character names. I mean, Dexter Jettster? WHAT THE FUCK? No sentient being who can understand the language would let someone call him that.

Who?

COUNT DOOKU? YOU WANT TO SADDLE ONE OF THE GREATEST BADASS ACTORS IN OUR TIME WITH A NAME THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HUMAN WASTE PRODUCT? WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE? FUCK! Veins start pulsing in my head every time I think about the injustices heaped on Christopher Lee by Lucas and Peter Jackson in the last few years (see the extended Return of the King for Jackson's part).

Injustices like dragging him out of "guys who weren't quite Vincent Price" obscurity and putting him in two huge franchises?

Kung-fu puppet Yoda? I mean, what? Does Lucas seriously think that making Yoda jump around like a four-year old on fucking meth is supposed to make us think he's bad ass? Jedi that old aren't bad ass because they can be Jet Li, they are badass because they can kill you with a flick of their fucking finger, you retard. Read your own fucking stories. Neither Obi Won or Darth Vader were gymnastic kung-fu artists, they were Jedi.

Yoda pwned.  Oh by the way...  Who da man?  YO-DA MAN!

And then the CGI... fuck me, I thought I was watching Roger Rabbit in 1984. No, wait, Roger Rabbit blended animation and real live actors better than this shit. You mean to tell me that instead of hiring someone to do a goddamn mat painting or set backdrop, you thought it would be a better use of resources to film a scene of 3 Jedi walking down a hallway talking on a bluescreen and then paste in some shitty background? It looked like monkey ass. By the time you get to the parts that should matter, like the Jango Fett/Obi Won fight, you are BORED SHITLESS.

Wrong.

And I wrote better love scene dialogue in second grade. That was just painful to watch. Meg Ryan romantic comedies have more believable love dialogue. Fuck, Ayn Rand had more believable dialogue, and all her characters are pedantic mouthpieces for her twisted philosophies.

Uh...  How would you explain either one of them being anything but bumbling incompetents in the romance department, given the character's histories?  Really, if Anakin were all smooth, I'd have to wonder just what the hell was going on in the "celibate" Jedi Order.

You shouldn't have gotten me started on Ep2.

Star Wars uber Alles.

[Train Wreck]

He'd better be. I wouldn't exactly relish the idea of being in the Cinerama's neighborhood after hours. Dodgy doesn't even begin to describe it.

Any hood thug knows that a guy camping in front of a theater for five months doesn't have anything worth mugging him for.

[Fargull]

The force is strong with this one.

Finally.  Nice to see the old Haemish back.  Did you get the bill for all the christmas shoping?

[HaemishM]

Christopher Lee is hardly a "guy who wasn't quite Vincent Price." The motherfucker served in the British Secret Service in WWII, and could stab you directly in the eye with his dick before you could blink. He's also done more movies than you've had hot dinners and could teach genre hacks like Lucas just how to treat a genre with respect.

Dexter Jettster was the thing that Obi-Won talked to in that awful American Graffiti diner.

Your quote about the role of the Jedi is silly. Nowhere in any of the Star Wars movies is the actual role of the Jedi Council clearly delineated. It makes their activities seem strange and out of context. I could listen to the crappy dialogue all day and still not understand it.

The fact that you actually liked the YO-DA MAN! commercials puts your current mental age at about 3. With dirty diapers.

I don't care how cloistered either Anakin or Amidala are, their dialogue is just bad. There is no justification for dialogue that stilted. It is AWFUL DIALOGUE. It isn't about being "smooth." It's about sounding like words people might actually say, which it didn't.

And I say this as a long time Star Wars fan, at least before Episode 2, Attack to the Wallet.

It sucked ass.

[HaemishM]

The force is strong with this one.

Finally.  Nice to see the old Haemish back.  Did you get the bill for all the christmas shoping?

Yes.

[Dark Vengeance]

Cloak & Dagger.

That film taught me possibly the two most important lessons of my childhood, both of which are still true today:

1) Watch out for 3-fingered old ladies, especially ones with Atari 5200 cartridges, and chloroform in the glove compartment of their car.

2) Jack Flack always escapes!! (i.e. Never fuck with Dabney Coleman. Ever.)

Bring the noise.
Cheers............

[Shockeye]

Vincent Price could never have been Dr. Fu Manchu.

[Jayce]

COUNT DOOKU? YOU WANT TO SADDLE ONE OF THE GREATEST BADASS ACTORS IN OUR TIME WITH A NAME THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HUMAN WASTE PRODUCT? WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE? FUCK! Veins start pulsing in my head every time I think about the injustices heaped on Christopher Lee by Lucas and Peter Jackson in the last few years (see the extended Return of the King for Jackson's part).

Injustices like dragging him out of "guys who weren't quite Vincent Price" obscurity and putting him in two huge franchises?

If you pull someone out of obscurity to make a laughingstock of them, it's not doing them any favors.  I think PJ did fine, but I agree with the um.. unfortunate name Lucas assigned him.  I would have walked on that alone.

Uh...  How would you explain either one of them being anything but bumbling incompetents in the romance department, given the character's histories?  Really, if Anakin were all smooth, I'd have to wonder just what the hell was going on in the "celibate" Jedi Order.

If they had realistically portrayed bumbling incompetents at romance, a road which I might mention has been trod MANY TIMES (have you ever heard of a romantic comedy?), then I wouldn't have a problem.

As it is, it just looked like two people who received their poorly written lines five minutes before shooting.

[Paelos]

Anakin: I....need to put it in you
Amidala: But we can't, arbitrary rules of our code say no.
Anakin: Love is like sand. You are sandy.
Amidala: Your words fill me with love and sadness.

[Evil Elvis]

The only thing missing from Ep2 was 'Nsync.

[WindupAtheist]

Christopher Lee is hardly a "guy who wasn't quite Vincent Price." The motherfucker served in the British Secret Service in WWII, and could stab you directly in the eye with his dick before you could blink. He's also done more movies than you've had hot dinners and could teach genre hacks like Lucas just how to treat a genre with respect.

Nevertheless, I fail to see how GL & PJ have done him a disservice by giving him the most high-profile work of his career.

Dexter Jettster was the thing that Obi-Won talked to in that awful American Graffiti diner.

Oh.  What was wrong with the diner?

Your quote about the role of the Jedi is silly. Nowhere in any of the Star Wars movies is the actual role of the Jedi Council clearly delineated. It makes their activities seem strange and out of context. I could listen to the crappy dialogue all day and still not understand it.

Clearly the Jedi run their own affairs, but are granted some official status by the government, which finds them useful as a sort of secret service.  There's no real modern-day analog to it, but shit, the term "knight" ought to clue you in to that.

The fact that you actually liked the YO-DA MAN! commercials puts your current mental age at about 3. With dirty diapers.

Actually it was terrible, but I'm trying to make that pulsing vein of your rupture.  Next I'll start posting in Gungan.

I don't care how cloistered either Anakin or Amidala are, their dialogue is just bad. There is no justification for dialogue that stilted. It is AWFUL DIALOGUE. It isn't about being "smooth." It's about sounding like words people might actually say, which it didn't.

Anakin's courtship strategy of following a girl around and perversely leering at her, then getting pissy when she doesn't like it, is probably more familiar to the MMOG community than anyone will admit.  :-D

And I say this as a long time Star Wars fan, at least before Episode 2, Attack to the Wallet.

It sucked ass.

MEESA SEZ IT WUZ DE BOOMBA!

[WayAbvPar]

MEESA SEZ IT WUZ DE BOOMBA!

Die.

[stray]

What's funny is that the hate is more evident of how much some of you really love Star Wars. So much as to consider Lucas has "raped your childhood".

Somehow, that's far worse than anything Windup's guilty of.

[Krakrok]

Anakin: I....need to put it in you
Amidala: But we can't, arbitrary rules of our code say no.
Anakin: Love is like sand. You are sandy.
Amidala: Your words fill me with love and sadness.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

[stray]

Man-ass but no titties? WTF is up with that?

[HaemishM]

What's funny is that the hate is more evident of how much some of you really love Star Wars. So much as to consider Lucas has "raped your childhood".

Somehow, that's far worse than anything Windup's guilty of.

Oh no, truly I love the original Star Wars movies. Despite how much of a whiny pussy Luke was in the first movie, I still love it. Empire is up there for one of the all time greatest movies, because it was so well-crafted. I speak of the theatrical versions, not these over-CGI abortions Lucas has foisted off on us. I love Star Wars, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I will fly my geek flag high.

I write for a web site dedicated to bitching about MMOG's. If you haven't clued in to the fact that I'm a hopeless geek, nothing will help you.

As for the term Knight, that was a construct of the feudal system. It's a nice name, but in a highly industrialized galaxy-spanning civilization, it hardly has a proper place. And either way, it's a convenient term Lucas uses to say that Jedi do "whatever the fuck he wants them to, even when it makes no sense whatsoever."

The diner... if you don't know what's wrong with it, nothing else I say will EVER clue you in to my distaste over that shitstain Episode 2.

[Shockeye]

As for the term Knight, that was a construct of the feudal system. It's a nice name, but in a highly industrialized galaxy-spanning civilization, it hardly has a proper place. And either way, it's a convenient term Lucas uses to say that Jedi do "whatever the fuck he wants them to, even when it makes no sense whatsoever."

Let's not even go into voting for a Queen of Naboo.

[stray]

The diner... if you don't know what's wrong with it, nothing else I say will EVER clue you in to my distaste over that shitstain Episode 2.

I agree about the diner scene. They should used the real Ernest Borgnine.

[WindupAtheist]

Voting for a "queen" isn't the weird part.  It's just a matter of calling the chief executive by an anachronistic name.  What's weird is that said chief executive is like... fourteen years old.  Doubleyou tee eff?

Anyway, really, what was wrong with the diner?  Was it not 'cool' enough?  It's a shitty greasy-spoon diner.  Or is there some compelling reason it doesn't fit into the fiction?

[Samprimary]

We can't go back in time, we can't change the past. That means that our particular version of the multiverse here only has ONE CHANCE, chronologically, to get the Star Wars prequels right.

Somewhere out there, there's a near-parallel universe where George Lucas got hit by a car, survived, and came out of surgery with a prophetic vision of what the prequel should be, re-wrote the entire script and introduced to Star Wars fans a series of three movies which were godly and fully satisfying, inspiring and creating a whole new generation of love and fond remembrance for movies destined to be fondly recalled and admired, forever.

Instead, I live in the universe where we have Jar Jar Kiddie Comic Relief, Queen Leadface, Count Doodoo, C-3PO punfests, jedi angstfests, and - most importantly - space combat narratives with lines like 'Now THIS is pod racing!' that should make any decent moviegoer over the age of 12 start chewing their own tongue to alleviate the pain.

And because of it, Star Wars has begun stumbling into sellout oblivion. I live in the wrong universe, man. We've been robbed. Robbed, don't you see? We don't get another chance at a good Star Wars series! This is a temporal crime!

[Krakrok]

Somewhere out there, there's a near-parallel universe where George Lucas got hit by a car, survived, and came out of surgery with a prophetic vision of what the prequel should be

I think Joss Whedon crossed the dimentional portal to that universe, stole the script, brought it back and called it Firefly.

[stray]

Instead, I live in the universe where we have Jar Jar Kiddie Comic Relief, Queen Leadface, Count Doodoo, C-3PO punfests, jedi angstfests, and - most importantly - space combat narratives with lines like 'Now THIS is pod racing!' that should make any decent moviegoer over the age of 12 start chewing their own tongue to alleviate the pain.

And that's how it should be. I don't know one kid who doesn't like these movies, who didn't like Jar-Jar, who didn't go out and buy the new toys, who didn't become new "fans", etc., etc..

It isn't easy to strike a balance and appeal to older audiences at the same time (the original Star Wars was just as much luck and timing). Lucas tried some things, but ultimately, whether they please anyone over 12 or not isn't important.

[Zetleft]

Anyway, really, what was wrong with the diner?  Was it not 'cool' enough?  It's a shitty greasy-spoon diner.  Or is there some compelling reason it doesn't fit into the fiction?

To put it simply so that even you can understand, it was a fucking earth 50's style throwback diner in a galaxy that earth does not exist and their was no fucking 50's.  It had NO place in star wars and just removes you from that world, as if all the shitty cgi didn't do a grand enough job already.  Plus it was just poor animation work the dialog was bad and the acting poor.... I guess in that sence it fits with the rest of the prequels though.

[Arnold]

Camping out for a movie you really want to see is cool, but new rule:
If you camp out to be first in line, and you get there more than 3 days before the guy in second place, you are banned from ever seeing that movie ever.

He's probably one of those same tards that hung out on the SWG forums, just so they could be the first to post "FIRST!" in reply to every developer's post.

[Abagadro]

I don't buy the whole "its a kids movie" and  "kids loved it" shpiel.  My nephews are far more into LOTR and Spiderman. In fact, they don't care about SW at all.   I also read several articles about how the merchandise tanked.

They are just bad films.

[WayAbvPar]

Update

I want to see the average doughy Star Wars nerdster stand for 16 hours a day. Maybe we can take up a oollection and fly Triumph the Insult Dog in for some quality time with this guy...

[Paelos]

Hell, standing that much a day isn't healthy. You'll kill your joints doing that even if you are in outstanding shape.

[Strazos]

I'd shoot him with my paintball gun if I could...

After Triumph roasted him.

[HaemishM]

But he's disappointed in a city that he says has become so humorless and controlling that it can't tolerate a little street color.

He's lucky some group of "citizens" didn't decide to add some street color for him, in the red form of his spattered geek blood.