Clash of the Titans

[Teleku]

If Ron Moore hadn't screwed up the end of BSG, I'd say get him.  But yeah, basically give Babylon 5 the BSG treatment.

[Ard]

I'm waiting for the edgy remake of Babylon 5.

Take the basic premise, strip out the cheese, get some good special effects and Big Fucking Space Battles, and Bob's your Uncle.

I might be a few too many years removed from having seen it, but wasn't that all of season 4 of the show?

[Trippy]

I guess it really is true.  There is nothing new left.  We are out of new stuff forever!  I might be lucky that my memory is so dreadful.

I'm waiting for the edgy remake of Babylon 5.

Take the basic premise, strip out the cheese, get some good special effects and Big Fucking Space Battles, and Bob's your Uncle.

Sadly, it'll probably be tried by Joss Whedon on Fox, go 11 episodes, and get cancelled. I don't even know why he bothers trying to make shows for Fox.

Cause no one else will buy them.

[Morat20]

I'm waiting for the edgy remake of Babylon 5.

Take the basic premise, strip out the cheese, get some good special effects and Big Fucking Space Battles, and Bob's your Uncle.

I might be a few too many years removed from having seen it, but wasn't that all of season 4 of the show?

More or less, yeah. :) I LIKE big, honkin' space battles.

On the other hand, you could probably claim that DS9 was the edgy, darker Babylon 5 remake.

[Riggswolfe]

Sadly, it'll probably be tried by Joss Whedon on Fox, go 11 episodes, and get cancelled. I don't even know why he bothers trying to make shows for Fox.

Cause no one else will buy them.

The CW would buy it. I suspect that Fox dangles money in front of him and Whedon has no pretensions to being an artiste.

[stu]

The Kraken looks cool.

[Riggswolfe]

But only if they do something about these bloody marsh-flies.

You know, the first time I read this thread I totally missed this call out to the original movie. Well played!

On a more related note, Terminator Salvation has made me look forward to this because I found Sam Worthington to be the best thing in that movie,

[WayAbvPar]

Just ordered my tickets for Friday night. Nerdgasm incoming.

[Riggswolfe]

Did you go 3d or 2d? I've heard the 3d on this is terrible because it was retrofitted in.

[Velorath]

Yeah, the 3D in this movie is absolute shit and with 3D prices on the rise at the moment I'd strongly advise skipping the 3D version.  I've seen plenty of 3D movies where the 3D didn't really add much to the movie.  This is the first I've seen where the 3D version was actually worse than the 2D. 

On the other hand, I sat through all of the 2D version tonight and it was entertaining enough. 

[WayAbvPar]

Ugh. Got 3D. If it is bad enough I will bitch to the theatre 

[Velorath]

If you bought your tickets in the theater (as opposed to online on Fandango which I'd never recommend) I'd just get them refunded and buy tickets to the 2D showing.

[WayAbvPar]

Didn't even cross my mind...duh (although I did buy them online anyway). It was pure and utter shit. GOD it was bad. Like nearly Dungeons and Dragons bad. Whoever edited it needs to go to rehab and never get near a film again. The 3D effects were so blurry that the picture was far clearer when I took my glasses off. Sam Worthington makes Keanu Reeves look emotive. And I am pretty sure the Hades effects were stolen from Voldemort scenes left on the cutting room floor, with some hair CGI'ed to Ralph Fiennes' head and face.

A couple of inspired bits- Polly Walker (who I adore) as Cassiopeia doing her best Atia impression and Alexa Davalos really looked like they could be mother and daughter. And the Medusa part was reasonably well done. Other than that, just fucking terrible. Avoid.

[Teleku]

Hmm, that's not good to hear.  Especially since I'm going out with friends tomorrow night to go see it.

[SurfD]

I have to agree with the bit about Worthington.  Compared to other recent movies he has been in, I can only describe his performance in Clash as even less then phoned in.  I mean, fuck, during the first 1/3 of the movie, they could have knocked him un-concious and propped him up with sticks, and you probably wouldnt have been able to tell the difference between that and his actual acting.

Personally, I actually really liked the "god" effects.  Zeus and Hades looked appropriately awe inspiring when doing their Sparkly / Dark-n-evil bits.

[Khaldun]

It was cheese. If you don't expect much, you'll be entertained. It's basically a less visually imaginative version of God of War with a similarly expressionless protagonist. Sure, Worthington phones it in--was someone expecting otherwise? Or somehow misremembering Hamlin doing Oscar-worthy work in the original?

About the main complaint I had was that it's actually a bit slow-paced in parts, could use a few more bit characters chewing some scenery, and one or two of the action sequences suffer (even in 2D) from bad camera work of a kind that's become practically the standard for action sequences in contemporary films.

[Khaldun]

Though now that I think on it, speaking of bit characters, I kind of enjoyed the hatefulness of the hippie-freak Shaggy Hades-loving religious nut. That's the kind of cheese that kids who see this flick today will be remembering fifteen years from now.

[proudft]

Wait, I thought that guy was Jesus.  

My one random question is why did Athena get replaced as the hander-outer of magic items?

[tazelbain]

Generally, it was an alright movie.  It annoys me when they try to make Hades into Satan. 

[Khaldun]

Separate problem, but yeah. Hades should basically be a middle-aged fairly passive depressive who drinks too much but has a trophy wife.

[Evildrider]

I think if you go into it not expecting it to be a complete remake, you'll find it watchable and entertaining.  If you are gonna nitpick every little inconsistency, don't bother going.

I liked it for what it was, it wasn't the best ever, but definitely watchable imo.  

[Khaldun]

Though honestly if you want a moment that reveals where Hollywood's head is at with this kind of shit, it's the moment where Perseus picks Bubo out of the chest and says WTF is this and the guy-who-looks-like-the-Rock-but-isn't is like don't worry, it's just stupid. Like, what's the point of doing a remake where you decide that the single most affectionately remembered thing from the first version is something you're obligated to take a dump on so that you can show you're all serious, yo.

[Nerf]

the guy-who-looks-like-the-Rock-but-isn't

Fucking thank you.  The entire movie it was bugging the shit out of me - I kept poking the girlfriend and saying "That kind of looks like The Rock but isn't" and she just couldn't see it.

Oh also, the movie was shit, but the scorpions were big.  Goddamn those were some big fucking scorpions.  An hour and a half of those would have been better than an hour of "But I have to do this a man! (Even though I'm pretty much Hercules so it doesn't count anyways)"

[Aez]

I just saw it.  Clash of the Titans = Mortal combat 2. That is all.

And there is no Titans.

[Sir T]

Titans clashing? You really want to see Cronus beating his dad Uranus by chopping off his genitalia? 

[Der Helm]

Titans clashing? You really want to see Cronus beating his dad Uranus by chopping off his genitalia? 

Spartacus: Blood and Genitalia (aka Season 2) 

[tazelbain]

I don't think there were titans in the original either.

[Riggswolfe]

I don't think there were titans in the original either.

I think the Kraken was supposed to be the last Titan. I guess Clash of the Titan just didn't sound as exciting though.

[Samwise]

Medusa was referred to as a Titan too, I think.  And the final battle involved Medusa killing the Kraken, sort of.

[Mattemeo]

The 3D effects were so blurry that the picture was far clearer when I took my glasses off.

Hard and fast rule of 3D: no cut can be less than two seconds long, because that's the ammount of time the human eye needs to fully register the 3D effect after the cut. That is why Avatar works, and Clash of the Titans cannot - Avatar was filmed in 3D, by a man who perfected the current technology, Clash was filmed like any other movie, and then some moneygrubbing Hollywood fuckstick suggested they shit all over the film in post-production cludging false 3D onto something never designed to have it in order to pull in a few more bucks off the holiday punters.

The '2D' experience is great - the action is crisp, fast cuts make sense, effects are hunky dory.

Though honestly if you want a moment that reveals where Hollywood's head is at with this kind of shit, it's the moment where Perseus picks Bubo out of the chest and says WTF is this and the guy-who-looks-like-the-Rock-but-isn't is like don't worry, it's just stupid. Like, what's the point of doing a remake where you decide that the single most affectionately remembered thing from the first version is something you're obligated to take a dump on so that you can show you're all serious, yo.

Ehh, I didn't think the Bubo bit was at all serious. LeTerrier knows he's making a silly movie, I thought it was very tongue in cheek and a nice little cameo. As for Mr-looks-like-the-Rock - that's Mads Mikkelsen! Aka: Le Chiffre from Casino Royale. If you look closely, he's not even particularly buff.


My own thoughts? I enjoyed it, despite the long list of wrong. I saw it in 2D, mind - I was forewarned thanks to a few early reviews.

The good? Special effects are great - over the top, yes - but the tone of the film absolutely requires it; and the creature (re)design is mostly excellent, barring a slightly retarded looking Kraken (a bit too much of the Cloverfield on that one). The Scorpions are hilarious, Medusa is graceful and other-worldly, the Pegasus is actually so convincing you kind of forget it's an effect. Ralph Feinnes hams it up to the hilt as Hades, all red-rimmed eyes, black smoke and hatred. Gemma Arterton fucking glows as Io, she lights up every scene she's in and she's not in enough scenes.

The bad? The plot was already preposterous, but the dialogue means it gets even more stupid in this remake. The pacing is just... completely fucking off. It wants to be epic but it shuffles along so fast it never once has a chance. It's like a 3 hour movie rammed into a 1 1/2 hour hole. Seriously, if you're going to location hop as madly as this film does (I loved spotting Erta Ale volcano - a mere stone's throw all the way over in that sunniest of Grecian provinces, Ethiopia!), at least let us spend more than 5 minutes there, if that. One of my biggest gripes is the Olympians are treated with even more disdain than the bloody Jedi Council - they're there to look pretty (read: create some more massive fucking lens flare) and that's it. Speaking of Lens flare... Liam Neeson's SHINYSUIT is just eye-watering. Ok, we get it, he's Zeus. Does Zeus really need to look like a walking photoshop filter circa 2001? Oh yes, and lastly, Sam Worthington's buzzcut. Potato-headed twat.

[Aez]

Medusa was referred to as a Titan too, I think.  And the final battle involved Medusa killing the Kraken, sort of.

I wouldn't bet on this but from memory :

Medusa is a beautiful human that got raped
Kraken is Hades' child, the gods use it to kill the Titans

None of them are Titans.

[Sir T]

I think this nerd fight needs me to watch the original! 

[Samwise]

I watched the original on Netflix streaming last month.     Admittedly, I wasn't paying THAT close attention, but I'm pretty sure both the Kraken and Medusa were referred to as being among the last of the Titans.  Not that this makes any sense with respect to the original mythology as far as I know.

[Riggswolfe]

Medusa is a beautiful human that got raped

I thought she was cursed because she thought she was more beautiful than Aphrodite or something?

[Aez]

In the classic mythology yes but in the movie she was raped by a god (I don't remember which one) in Athena's temple.