Post Your Desk - The 2009 Edition

[Quinton]

Come on, I'm sure other people have site security besides me and Murgos.

Google has 30-ish buildings in Mountain View and we certainly have a security team -- good folks, our blue shirts.  But it's still a silicon valley tech company that wants to believe it'll be a startup forever and nobody interrogates you if you take a box of crap out to your car.

[Rasix]

Come on, I'm sure other people have site security besides me and Murgos.

All site security does is check badges (visible check only) upon driving in.  All over the place there are pallets of laptops, non GA'd equipment worth thousands of dollars, boxes of tapes/HDDs, etc.  Security would likely only say something if they were called on you.

I haven't physically seen a security person that wasn't at a road entrance in months.

[Righ]

Besides all that, I'd never be able to wheel a leather chair out of here even in the best of times.  Way too obvious.

Throw it through a window, then walk nonchalantly past security and go and collect it.

[Yegolev]

Well, no one interrogated me about taking Obvious Server Hardware out of the building for ten years... things can change.

Bet you can take your chair out once everyone is fired. Just be there on the last day.

Things are far more organized than that, major corporations don't just let people go on some random day.  Fridays are preferred and there is always extra security on hand to clamp down on bullshit.  The last day would be the absolute worst day to pull something, which is why I'm getting my stuff out now so I don't have to carry a lot of shit out at once.  You should have come visit me when you had the chance, it's like going through the airport to get in here except you are harassed by security if they find you unescorted.

Throw it through a window, then walk nonchalantly past security and go and collect it.

I like how you think, except I can't throw it across the loading dock into the parking deck.

[Righ]

Throw it through a window, then walk nonchalantly past security and go and collect it.

I like how you think, except I can't throw it across the loading dock into the parking deck.

That's because you spend too much time sitting in a plush executive chair and have grown fat and lazy.

[Yegolev]

I'd like to meet the guy who could toss this chair up two stories and laterally 70 feet.  Then again, I might crash the loading dock.  Or drive in through the front windows into the lobby, like the security guard suggested.

[Segoris]

Just get a spork and a sharpened toothbrush and dig a tunnel imo.

[Lantyssa]

Injure yourself at work and use the chair to wheel yourself to the car.  "Yeah, it looks silly, but I've got to reach my vehicle."  They'll be too confused to worry about the chair.

[IainC]

Organise a 'chair race' for your last day, design the course so that it goes out of the facility and close to where you have left your car.

[Yegolev]

I'm glad you guys are being so creative!  Unfortunately, each of these excellent plans have some sort of issue with execution.

Just get a spork and a sharpened toothbrush and dig a tunnel imo.

Fourth floor.

Injure yourself at work and use the chair to wheel yourself to the car.  "Yeah, it looks silly, but I've got to reach my vehicle."  They'll be too confused to worry about the chair.

On-site medical.  They'd wheel me over to the company doc.

Organise a 'chair race' for your last day, design the course so that it goes out of the facility and close to where you have left your car.

Has legs!

[Segoris]

Get 10 people and hold races out the door, right past security

Gah, I got beat. That's what I get for playing with the wheel chair in our office

[Yegolev]

I'd need more than ten people.  Since we have "undercover" Atlanta police here on many days watching the entrances (hooray 9/11 ... today!!!), I'm going to bet real money that we have real police on site.

You guys are depressing the fuck out of me.

[Ookii]

You could just steal or embezzle enough money to buy your chair.

[Yegolev]

A fine idea, I can actually read/write all of the databases.  Too bad I'm not smart enough to do this successfully.  Did you watch Office Space?

[IainC]

Or fake a receipt for it and claim you brought it in yourself to replace the shitty one you were issued with due to your back problems.

[Yegolev]

Hmm.

[Quinton]

*mumbles* that's the last straw... I'm gonna burn the building down...

[Segoris]

A fine idea, I can actually read/write all of the databases.  Too bad I'm not smart enough to do this successfully.  Did you watch Office Space?

The computer program took fractions of cents left over from financial transactions and interest compounding and transferred them to a dummy account, it's the same plan from Superman 3

Which as commented in Office Space, is an underrated movie 

[Ard]

This might be a bit too obvious, but you could just ask if you can have the chair...

[Yegolev]

That has about equal chance of working while also being the least likely to incur damage.

I have just decided that I'd rather have a hammock.

[Segoris]

I have just decided that I'd rather have a hammock.

Yes, a hammock would be much easier to sneak out of the office, just grab a backpack  

[Righ]

You could take an idea from the title of this thread and post your chair. Have Fedex deliver the packing materials, box it up and arrange for them to pick it up the day after you leave. Have it delivered to your boss' home address during the day with instructions to leave it at the door, then drive round there and pick it up.

[Signe]

Bring in a bit of personal stuff every day for a while.  Eventually, you can fill out a form to remove your personal effects and use the chair to take it all out to your car.  They'll probably just think of the chair as a vehicle to get it to your car.  If you time it during a security shift change, no one will be the wiser.  Well, unless there's a murder or something in the parking lot and they review the security tapes.  Of course, anyone who would steal a chair would probably commit murder.  I would NEVER steal a chair! 

[IainC]

Sharpen the chair, use it to fight your way to the car park. Bonus points for having your tie around your head like a headband and chanting your death prayer in a forgotten tongue as you advance down the blood-slick corridors

[Signe]

Sharpen the chair, use it to fight your way to the car park. Bonus points for having your tie around your head like a headband and chanting your death prayer in a forgotten tongue as you advance down the blood-slick corridors

Oh, I like this one the best.

[Ard]

Oh my god.  I take back my vote for sanity.  I don't think I've heard of chair related impalement outside of zombie movies.  If you were to go to jail for anything, this should be it right here.

[Quinton]

Of course, anyone who would steal a chair would probably commit murder.  I would NEVER steal a chair! 

Security already thinks he might be capable of driving his car through the lobby, so this is not surprising.

[Teleku]

Man, I need to hurry up and get a job at a real live major silicon valley corporation!  I only get to read about this stuff.  I work at a small software company in Berkeley.  I could walk out the front door with the fucking server and nobody would notice.  We'll shut down the entire customer support section on a whim for an hour or two to run out for pizza and beer.  We not only have chair races, but chair jousting tournaments, all the while shouting insults at the most annoying company owners we have to deal with who use our product.

Of course, I'm pretty sure my pay grade is nowhere near what you assholes make, which is why I really do need to hurry up and get the fuck out of here to corporate land.   

[Yegolev]

Of course, anyone who would steal a chair would probably commit murder.  I would NEVER steal a chair! 

Security already thinks he might be capable of driving his car through the lobby, so this is not surprising.

Yes, apparently I have a certain look.  ?  Anyway, you guys keep posting ideas but when it comes down to the tacks, I don't know any of you.

[Segoris]

Of course, I'm pretty sure my pay grade is nowhere near what you assholes make, which is why I really do need to hurry up and get the fuck out of here to corporate land.   

Just be glad you don't work in a company that doesn't allow you to do all that stuff you posted your work does while also making the lower salary 

[Margalis]

My desk at home is actually a kitchen table.

Which is a step up from my last desk, which was a long cardboard box turned on its side.

[Ookii]

Are you homeless?

[Sky]

Yeg, claim it's your wheelchair and goddammit, why are they hassling disabled people in the workplace (bonus points for getting a disabled tag to hang from your chair), then rant about 9/11 or 'Nam or something and mention your attorney on retainer and how you just want to use your wheelchair to get home and take care of your sick grandmother before she's killed by the death panels.

[Nija]

Here's my rockin' space. I moved my work laptop out of the way so you all could see CastIronPopeye. He weighs in at 16 lbs.

[Quinton]

I love the big powerstrip down there.  I should get something like that.  Is the critter next to popeye some kind of storage appliance?  I just picked up an acer aspire home server, installed ubuntu and some 1.5TB drives, and am loving it.