Zombie Nation

[dusematic]

Have you been busy living your life lately? Then you’ve no doubt noticed all the zombies clogging the highways and byways of this nation like buttered yeast rolls in a baby’s heart.

Maybe it was when you were driving to work on the Colonial Parkway and the three cars in front of you were doing 30 m.p.h. When you honk your horn at them they look confused.  I guess, despite the signs posted every 15 feet that passing is illegal, they don't understand that you have no recourse.  Or maybe it’s when you’re walking through the mall and the person in front of you simply stops abruptly, forcing your body into contortions to avoid running into them, and causing a logjam in the busy thoroughfare. Maybe you couldn’t avoid bumping into them and they shot you an annoyed look.

What are these people doing? Don’t they have someplace to be? There is an affliction sweeping this country, an affliction of the mind. People shamble around like mindless wights with empty expressions and even emptier heads. If I get behind one more herd of water-buffalo on the sidewalk I’m going to lose it like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. This isn’t about how important I am and how valuable my time is. Even if I don’t have pressing business, I accomplish tasks with efficiency. I have a plan.

It’s almost as if, as much as I want to be somewhere, there are others who don’t want to be anywhere.


WALK FASTER. IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE BLISTERING PACE OF THE SIDEWALK, MOVE ON OVER TO A FUCKING PARK BENCH AND REGROUP. 



DRIVE FASTER. IF YOU’RE DRIVING LESS THAN THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT, THEN YOU SHOULD COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO A NORMAL PERSON’S, AND THEN KILL YOURSELF.

[Hawkbit]

belltower ---> thataway.

[Oban]

Peeve thread perhaps?

[Signe]

Peeve thread perhaps?

No.  It HAS to be it's own thread so someone will have to put it someplace else or den it.  Otherwise the mods would get fat and lazy.

[bhodi]

This is serious business if I've ever seen it.

For the record, I agree completely.

[Prospero]

I thought this was going to be a thread about this:

[dusematic]

http://www.openfilm.com/flvplayer5.swf?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.openfilm.com%2Fplayer%2Fvideo%2F%3F%26video_id%3D609%26lang%3Den_us%26sort_id%3D1&color1=0xa2a2a2&color2=0x3e3e3e

[K9]

What an ugly url.

[FatuousTwat]

It's not (just) that these people are lazy, or don't have any where to be. They just do not give a fuck about anyone else, AT ALL. They seem to think that it's just fine and dandy to do whatever they want, as long as no one calls them on it, and everyone else is too much of a fucking pussy to do so.

[rattran]

People who ride up behind me, or beep as soon as the light goes green, cause me to slow down/pause. I've had someone start beeping at me to go just before the light changes, and I've waited the entire cycle.

If you're in that much of a rush, perhaps you should plan your time better. Fuckhead.

[dusematic]

People who ride up behind me, or beep as soon as the light goes green, cause me to slow down/pause. I've had someone start beeping at me to go just before the light changes, and I've waited the entire cycle.

If you're in that much of a rush, perhaps you should plan your time better. Fuckhead.

Yeah because it's your world and we just live in it right?


STOP YAWNING AND MOVE.


If you not only can't relate to this post, but you also take offense, it's because you're part of the problem.


Edit: Anyone who waits an entire light cycle to "punish" someone for beeping at their slow ass deserves a punch in the dick and a bullet through the cerebral cortex (I doubt anyone would notice).

[Hawkbit]

Yeah, about 15 years ago a friend decided to play the 'wait the asshole through a traffic cycle' game with someone being impatient.  All went well till the red light cycled back.  The guy behind my friend got out, ripped open his car door and punched him right smack in the eye.  10 day long black eye on that one.  Not generally a smart game to play. 

[gryeyes]

Traffic i have a pretty thick skin i wont get aggravated. Obese fucks at the store on scooters infuriate me to a rare level. In any other circumstances i ninja through the slow fuckers in my way.

[Azazel]

I move at high speed myself, but I manage to not worry about others my means of not giving a fuck and simply overtaking when possible. Sure I may get annoyed at the time by fuckwits who won't get the fuck out of my way (on foot, I sometimes overtake them, then slor right the fuck down to a crawl for 5 seconds or so to give them a taste of their own medicine,) but mostly I overtake, then build a bridge and get over it long before I make it to my keyboard. I try to get over it within seconds of overtaking, in fact. Helps me be less of a raging douche. 

[Xuri]

Anyone who abuse their car-horns to bully/intimidate other people in traffic deserves a punch in the dick and a bullet through the cerebral cortex.

[kaid]

Pretty much if anybody rides my bumper I take my foot off the gas and see how slow I have to go before they decide to pass me. I really hate tailgaters. Ideally I find a semi in the other lane going nice and slow and then just match speed with the semi and watch the guy behind me honking and randomly switching lanes back and forth.

If you need to go well in excess of the speed limit to get where you were going on time you need to plan better.

[Hawkbit]

Hopefully you're not douching it up in the leftmost lane. 

[Stewie]

Why can't we just exercise a little common sense? If you are on a highway and the speed limit is 100kph and the person in front of you is going 80, then there is an issue. If they are going 100 and that isn't good enough for you then tough, suck it up.

I'll be the first to admit that I speed on a regular basis but if the people in front of me are going slower than me but are still going the posted speed limit, then I don't have any reason to get all worked up.
I see people all the time that get on my ass when I am going over the posted speed limit by a decent margin already and they look like they are gonna lose it it I don't get out of their way, in that case I may occasionally slow down but usually just get out of their way and don't think to much about it.

That being said, when walking it does infuriate me to no extent when others have no awareness of their surroundings. I mean mistakes happen and then you get the occasional "sorry". this is all good, but when you get the asshole that gets to the top of the escalator and just stands there. They need a good "punch in the dick"

[Samwise]

While I am somewhat annoyed by the slow drivers and slow walkers of the world, I do take delight in tormenting the I'M SO IMPORTANT GET OUT OF MY WAY jackasses in expensive cars who zip through lanes cutting people off.  Forming an L-shaped trap with a semi is the best, because you know that asshole is too proud and/or stupid to slow down to get behind the semi and out of the local maximum of the system you've created.  He'll just sit there frothing at the mouth until you decide to let him out.  It makes me feel all warm and tingly, like I'm doing a good deed for the universe.

[Sky]

I'm surprised douche-o-matic is the kind of person who would make this thread.

Leave yourself time to get where you're going and enjoy the ride.

Yes, I'm part of what you consider to be 'the problem'. Suck it. I polish my truck with your tears.

[Sky]

He'll just sit there frothing at the mouth until you decide to let him out.  It makes me feel all warm and tingly, like I'm doing a good deed for the universe.

While I understand, you do have to remember he is probably going home to kick his dog or punch his wife. That kind of rage seeks an outlet, and it's usually something that can't fight back.

[WindupAtheist]

People who ride up behind me, or beep as soon as the light goes green, cause me to slow down/pause. I've had someone start beeping at me to go just before the light changes, and I've waited the entire cycle.

I am now fantasizing about blowing your brains out at an intersection.

[dusematic]

, I do take delight in tormenting the I'M SO IMPORTANT GET OUT OF MY WAY jackasses in expensive cars who zip through lanes

By the way.  Those people usually have expensive cars because they're in a hurry to get things done.  What you call "jackass" behavior, I call the driving force behind the progression of mankind.


It's funny that all the people internet high-fiving each other about how they "taught some guy a lesson" don't realize how utterly impotent and pathetic they sound.

[NiX]

It's funny that all the people internet high-fiving each other about how they "taught some guy a lesson" don't realize how utterly impotent and pathetic they sound.

You're on your second post, in this thread alone, that is rich with irony.

[dusematic]

lol.  Sure guy. 

[dusematic]

I like how you can't even make a harmless rant against slow retards without the pussy patrol coming through.  I bet you faggots used to remind the teacher to hand out homework.

[Hindenburg]

This thread represents all that is good in the internet.

[dusematic]

I agree

[Oban]

Forming an L-shaped trap with a semi is the best, because you know that asshole is too proud and/or stupid to slow down to get behind the semi and out of the local maximum of the system you've created.  He'll just sit there frothing at the mouth until you decide to let him out.  It makes me feel all warm and tingly, like I'm doing a good deed for the universe.

Ten lane highway, speed limit is 100KMH (62MPH).  Semi in the fourth lane, doing 120KMH.  I am in the fifth lane passing him at 130KMH.  No traffic in lanes 3 or 2.

Piece of shit dark blue American SUV roars up behind me, it must having been going well over 160KMH, and starts riding my bumper.  

I, deciding that I should not be tailgated by a thing that probably has barely functional brakes, do not pass the semi.  I hear a noise behind me, look in my rear view mirror and see that the SUV driver has decided to pass me by going over the rumble strips and in to the shoulder.  He flails his arms and then speeds off.

Two days later, I am watching the news and see that an SUV that looks exactly the same was involved in a fatal road rage accident.  Apparently the SUV driver was tailgating a guy in the passing lane and then the two drivers went in to full road rage mode. They proceeded to aggressively weave in and out of traffic while speeding in excess of 160KMH for over 20KMs on a busy highway.  The SUV driver was killed when he lost control of his piece of shit and slammed in to a concrete barrier.   He was not wearing a seatbelt and was ejected from his SUV.

One down, many to go.

[NiX]

But, but, but it's his right to go that fast! He's IMPORTANT!

Edit: Well, he's not important anymore.

[Engels]

What you call "jackass" behavior, I call the driving force behind the progression of mankind.

I bet you faggots ..

[Hindenburg]

TBH, he never advocated going above the speed limit.

[Samwise]

Ten lane highway, speed limit is 100KMH (62MPH).  Semi in the fourth lane, doing 120KMH.  I am in the fifth lane passing him at 130KMH.  No traffic in lanes 3 or 2.

Piece of shit dark blue American SUV roars up behind me, it must having been going well over 160KMH, and starts riding my bumper.  

I, deciding that I should not be tailgated by a thing that probably has barely functional brakes, do not pass the semi.  I hear a noise behind me, look in my rear view mirror and see that the SUV driver has decided to pass me by going over the rumble strips and in to the shoulder.  He flails his arms and then speeds off.

Two days later, I am watching the news and see that an SUV that looks exactly the same was involved in a fatal road rage accident.  Apparently the SUV driver was tailgating a guy in the passing lane and then the two drivers went in to full road rage mode. They proceeded to aggressively weave in and out of traffic while speeding in excess of 160KMH for over 20KMs on a busy highway.  The SUV driver was killed when he lost control of his piece of shit and slammed in to a concrete barrier.   He was not wearing a seatbelt and was ejected from his SUV.

One down, many to go.

That is some grade-A Chicken Soup for the Soul shit right there.

[Samwise]

TBH, he never advocated going above the speed limit.

He just said that people acting like assholes while speeding (not just speeding, but speeding like assholes, which is an important distinction) are the driving force behind the progression of mankind.  If that's not an endorsement I don't know what is.

[Hindenburg]

People acting like assholes against people that move at the speed of snail / are in the improper lane for their speed. Clear distinction.

All the rest is flavour. Delicious flavour.