Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

[K9]

Will probably see this, seems like fairly mindless entertainment.

I do like Roger Ebert's review though

[gryeyes]

Pretty scathing review, still going to see this the instant its convenient.

[Lakov_Sanite]

The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed "The Rock" in 1996. Now he has made "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." Faust made a better deal

Made me laugh more than is right.

[HaemishM]

So then it's just as shitty as the first one. That's not a review, just a statement of probability.

[Brogarn]

So then it's just as shitty as the first one.

No. Shittier.

At least that seems to be the consensus of all the reviews I've read so far.

[WindupAtheist]

This isn't a film so much as a toy tie-in.

You don't say.

[Tale]

Ebert is becoming more erratic. He gave 3/4 stars to Land of the Lost, the worst movie I've seen in some time.

[Viin]

Ebert is becoming more erratic. He gave 3/4 stars to Land of the Lost, the worst movie I've seen in some time.

Probably depends on how the drugs he's on mixes with the movie.

[Ironwood]

So then it's just as shitty as the first one. That's not a review, just a statement of probability.

No.  No no nonononon.

I've just come back from seeing this.

It's Cancer.  It's fucking Vile.  It's the worst thing in a long time that I've seen. 

I just read on Wiki that Bay took a hastily written treatment and turned it into a script.  It fucking Shows.  This film is fucking awful and you'd be as well watching that Youtube of 'BAYSPLOSIONS' Again and again and again and fucking again.

It's awful.

And Megan Fox is Still Fucking Mucky.  Someone PLEASE wipe her fucking face.

[Merusk]

So the old guard is once again slamming it.. meaning my son and nephews will love it.   Sounds like they did what they set out to do and it'll do well.

[Abagadro]

So the old guard is once again slamming it.. meaning my son and nephews will love it.   Sounds like they did what they set out to do and it'll do well.

It's entirely possible to be both old and also tell that a movie is shit. Nice false dichotomy you got going there though.

[NiX]

I'm assuming he's making the point that you were looking for more when kids or younger people are just longer for the 'splosions with giant fucking robots.

[Abagadro]

I like splosions and giant robots if it is done well. Being an old bastard doesn't prevent that.

[Margalis]

Sounds like they did what they set out to do...

Take money from people with poor taste? 

The thing I don't get about these new Transformers movies is that the robots themselves look idiotic. They don't look like vehicles or like anything other than a random collection of moving parts and they all pretty much look the same. It's absolutely terrible visual design, as if to create the robots they took a hammer to a bunch of Bionicles and then reassembled them randomly.

Given how fast this movie was pumped it it pretty much had to be shit. So no surprises there.

[Trippy]

The thing I don't get about these new Transformers movies is that the robots themselves look idiotic. They don't look like vehicles or like anything other than a random collection of moving parts and they all pretty much look the same. It's absolutely terrible visual design, as if to create the robots they took a hammer to a bunch of Bionicles and then reassembled them randomly.

That's the intention. In the cartoon the Transformers look like robots made out of car parts. In the movie(s) (haven't seen the 2nd one yet) the car parts are just an adaptation to camouflage their real appearance when they landed on Earth and their real "form" wouldn't have any car parts dangling about at all.

[Ironwood]

So the old guard is once again slamming it.. meaning my son and nephews will love it.   Sounds like they did what they set out to do and it'll do well.

Oh seriously, go and fuck yourself.  I loved the first one.

[Surlyboi]

Thought the first one was audiovisual ass with occasional flashes of funny.

Glad to see missing the second one won't be a major hardship.

[SurfD]

Someone REALLY needs to be present at every major movie deal, who's sole purpose is to stand there, with a large spiked impliment of destruction, and viciously beat anyone who even hints at the suggestion of the use of a Jar Jar binks style "comedy relief" character in the movie.   Seriously, the movie would be 100x better if the "Twins" had gotten vapourised in the first 20 seconds, in some kind of gritty ultra violent mechanical murder romp.

And gotta love how the token characters always seem to be the ones that get wasted.

First movie, the token black transformer bites it.
Second movie, the token female transformer bites it within 0.1 seconds of finishing her only line of dialogue.

[Margalis]

That's the intention. In the cartoon the Transformers look like robots made out of car parts. In the movie(s) (haven't seen the 2nd one yet) the car parts are just an adaptation to camouflage their real appearance when they landed on Earth and their real "form" wouldn't have any car parts dangling about at all.

Part of the charm of transformers is that the dude who turns into a jet looks like he can turn into a jet and watching him turn into a jet and back is cool. If he just magically morphs then what's the point?

Also I would point out that Optimus transforms into a big barrel-chested guy, Sideswipe turns into a sleek guy and Megatron / Galvatron / Shockwave can use their gun barrels in robot form. The fact that the robots take design elements from the vehicles is great, it ties their designs together and makes them visually distinct.

[bhodi]

I am pretty sure this is the best review of this movie. Kind of long, but I am almost positive it's more entertaining than the movie itself:

http://io9.com/5301898/michael-bay-finally-made-an-art-movie

[Cyrrex]

I am pretty sure this is the best review of this movie. Kind of long, but I am almost positive it's more entertaining than the movie itself:

http://io9.com/5301898/michael-bay-finally-made-an-art-movie

Awesome.  Now I kind of want to see the movie.

[Lakov_Sanite]

Wasn't a major plot point of the first movie that they were able to keep megatron frozen in stasis for decades? Why exactly do the decepticons want to destroy the sun if they can freeze like anything else?

[Ironwood]

For Energon.

They weren't planning on staying.


Dont ask me why.  It wasn't too clear.

[Samprimary]

Have you ever fallen into a city-sized Cuisinart that is grinding its way through a vast Chinese scrap metal field and had your face abraded with shards of aluminum and eyelash-size scraps of rusty torn iron, so all the skin is peeling off your face, your delicate nose-bones being flayed by grinding gear bits and yesterday's shredded microchips and at the same time that song "Citizen Soldier" from the National Guard commercials is blaring at top volume, and somewhere in the distance you can see that "The Hurt Locker" is screening for no good reason and there is sand inside what remains of your teeth and then Megan Fox float-flounces by (like the cow in "Twister"!) with her nipples nearly pouring out of her crop-top camisole and some kid is trying to give her a flower but she is like "I am sooo busy getting highly paid and even though the makeup department set their mirror to 'evening' instead of 'day' and so my beautiful perfect skin is sort of plastered needlessly with foundation, I am still the hottest sex doll on two legs," and so she doesn't take the flower, the poor sad flower, which stands for natural beauty, a flower which is then blenderized like a sad goose sucked into a jet turbine? If so, then you have seen the new "Transformers" movie, which opens tonight at midnight, and despite all this awful noise and machinery, the real star of this movie is Megan Fox's rack, which is unparalleled in our modern time.

Megan Fox is a magical Disney cartoon, a Jessica Rabbit run wild, and she eagerly invites the camera to attend to her every crevice and flesh-folded intersection. Even as an avowed homosexual, I cannot help but notice just how feverishly she thrusts her secret parts towards the camera at every opportunity. (Of course, the camera thrusts back, as it has the hideous, orc-like eye of "director" Michael Bay leering behind it, and clearlyhe is touching some grotesque and unnaturally short and discolored protuberance of his own flesh the whole while.) In a slightly worse world, Megan Fox would be the star not of Hasbro's idiot "Transformer" franchise but of something that has the phrase "Double Penetration" in the title. All on her own, she is reeling back twenty years of gender and film studies textbooks. While we may have thought the male gaze was wilting or troublesome, Megan Fox proves that (for her and a select few others, at least) the male gaze is just some flimsy and pitiful little ray to rub her flesh up against so as to keep warm her nearly-exposed rump. She is hard to believe, with the soft kitty-cat stripper ways of a Gina Gershon melded with the hard machineness of a Linda Fiorentino.

Can this machine do anything else? It may not matter!

The plot behind the endlessly-long series of explosions that Megan Fox's rack is forced to endure is impossible to relate or understand. Of course, the world is going to end if the bad machines get their way. That is the plot in theory. In practice, there are a bunch of machines who are mad at other machines and they enter into many encounters where they whirl around, but if you are any kind of normal person, you won't be able to tell which machine is which, and so it will pretty much look like two or more enormous microwaves with swords violently mating. Some horrible chaos happened in the editing room where someone tried to make sense of this mess but it was too late. There are some ludicrous attempts at exposition. Actually, many of them—Hasbro & Co. are trying to throw so much into this movie to account for its endless run time, they have to keep stepping back and have some machine explain its motivation. This is hilariously sad.

There is exactly one funny joke in this endless, extremely long and unbelievably loud and nonsensical movie, and it has to do with the invention of the wheel. The rest of the things that pass for humor—which often take place at the worst possible time, as the "director" feels the need to add moments of levity to its explosions, thereby undermining his "end of the world" scenario constantly—are frat-boy fag jokes, crudities, robots farting, and general moronities. All told the script is WAY too crude for children; but also, far too childish for teenagers. At least people of every age and gender can have a relationship with Megan Fox's phantasmagorical rack.

—Choire

[Chimpy]

Someone REALLY needs to be present at every major movie deal, who's sole purpose is to stand there, with a large spiked impliment of destruction, and viciously beat anyone who even hints at the suggestion of the use of a Jar Jar binks style "comedy relief" character in the movie. 

But then Shithead LeBoob would never get another job! We can't let that happen.

Wait...nm...I am all for this.

[K9]

Transformers BiiF:

This movie is awful, and I have a pretty low tolerance for mindless pap. It has entertaining moments, but every single scene is woefully predictable and the plot makes little sense. Enemies spontaneously come and go during scenes with no real logic, Shia is a douce, the minor characters are bland stereotypes and there is absolutely zero sense or suspense anywhere. The fights are unenjoyable because it is so hard to tell CGI robot from CGI robot from explosion. The only charm is a single new robot who enters late in the movie. The most annoying thing is that it feels bad to write a bad review of this movie; it's like punching a baby, easily done, but not positive or satisfying.

This movie is basically 2.5 hours of military hardware porn, interspersed with CGI.

Rating: Avoid.

There is exactly one funny joke in this endless, extremely long and unbelievably loud and nonsensical movie, and it has to do with the invention of the wheel.

This is true, sadly you have to sit through 1.5 hours of the movie to get to it. This moment briefly redeemed the movie for me, but as quickly as it came, it fell by the wayside.

Oh, and Megan Fox is still insanely hot.

[Ratman_tf]

I just read on Wiki that Bay took a hastily written treatment and turned it into a script.  It fucking Shows.  This film is fucking awful and you'd be as well watching that Youtube of 'BAYSPLOSIONS' Again and again and again and fucking again.

It's awful.

This is what I'm thinking. I don't plan to go see it. I heard about the wigger Autobots and the ro-balls and I know that whatever reined in Bay on the first movie was missing for this one.

Movie will make bank though. There's a lot of morons who go to the movies to slurp shit and grin. I don't feel like picking Bay's corn out of my teeth this time around.

[Trippy]

But then Shithead LeBoob would never get another job! We can't let that happen.

Wait...nm...I am all for this.

He messed up his hand so badly in his car crash that it's going to be a while before he works again.

[Riggswolfe]

I saw it last night. The theater was packed. The movie was alright. I was a little annoyed at the undercurrent of "Obama is an ani-military idiot!" until I remembered the thinly disguised Bush jab in hte last one. The fight scenees were marginally better, the plot was marginally worse.

[Signe]

2 1/2 hours long?  WHAAAT?  The first one was waaaaay too long.  What's wrong with these people?  I can't sit still that long to watch a film in my own comfy living room without a break, let alone a claustrophobic, smelly theatre filled with stinky, nasty strangers!  Even with tons of crazy special effects! 

[Ironwood]

If you sit through the film long enough, Bay will EXPLODE them all for you...

[bhodi]

Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen's Wednesday midnight opening broke box office records by $16 million with its first screenings, becoming the largest Wednesday midnight opening ever... and the third biggest midnight opening of all time.

[Ard]

There is no god.

[Brogarn]

There is no god.

No. There is. And he is cruel.

[Ard]

Transformers is the new school fire and brimstone then?  Gotcha.