The Pursuit of Mr. Happy

[Big Gulp]

The cup is compensating.

You're right, it's a baby sippy cup...  My secret shame revealed!   

Seriously, I'm definitely not some ladies man.  Far from it.  I didn't lose my virginity 'til I was 18, so it's not like I was one of the cool kids in school.  However, I did have a couple of girlfriends and at least engaged in some heavy petting when I was a kid.  I'd seen a boob, for Christ's sake.

How do you get to be in your mid 20's (or God forbid, older than that) and not have engaged in any kind of sexual play?  If you haven't I'd say you've got bigger problems than never having had sex.  At that point you've got psychological issues that need to be addressed, because no matter how physically loathsome you may be there's someone who is willing to put up with your ugly ass.  Talking to a therapist would probably be helpful.

[Hindenburg]

you've got psychological issues that need to be addressed

I.... the irony....

[stray]

I don't know, there's some people who are fine, but who are sexually inexperienced. I think it can be OK. Probably not good for a guy like that to date a former Bunny Ranch milf though. Seriously, that's awful advice. 

[HaemishM]

Come on, how can you even get out of high school without finding one other misfit who'd let you get to at least second base? 

It's actually not nearly as hard as you seem to think it is.

[bhodi]

Um yeah, I didn't get laid in high school. I'm sure a lot of others didn't too.

[Nevermore]

I don't know, there's some people who are fine, but who are sexually inexperienced. I think it can be OK. Probably not good for a guy like that to date a former Bunny Ranch milf though. Seriously, that's awful advice. 

On the other hand, I bet she'd be good at showing him the ropes. 

[stray]

Actually, yeah I take that back. I remember watching an episode where some (very nice) mom took her late blooming dork son there, and got him laid. The bunny ranch chick knew how to make him comfortable. I suppose most prostitutes might actually have a lot of experience there.

[Nevermore]

I was going for the bondage innuendo, but I guess that works too.

[Lantyssa]

Seriously, I'm definitely not some ladies man.  Far from it.  I didn't lose my virginity 'til I was 18, so it's not like I was one of the cool kids in school.  However, I did have a couple of girlfriends and at least engaged in some heavy petting when I was a kid.  I'd seen a boob, for Christ's sake.

It's just not a priority for some people.  They're not interested in sex for the sake of sex and they, for whatever reason, haven't found someone they click with in other ways so they never got to that point.

Considering the crap I've seen my friends put themselves through for sex, not to mention the results afterwards, I'd say these "lacking" individuals don't necessarily have it so bad.

[LK]

My issue that was I was dead broke until my mid 20's and couldn't even so much as afford to go out. I didn't get a car and a stable residence with people my age until last year. My previous residence for 4 years was the equivalent of living with my parents (She wasn't my Mom but she might as well have been).

I had no business complicating my life with sex or relations when I couldn't even take care of myself. That's changed now.

[Strazos]

Come on, how can you even get out of high school without finding one other misfit who'd let you get to at least second base? 

It's actually not nearly as hard as you seem to think it is.

Um yeah, I didn't get laid in high school. I'm sure a lot of others didn't too.

QFMFT

I mean, shit, I didn't lose mine until, what...age 21? And the experience ranked pretty high up there on the dysfunctional scale (or coincidental? lucky?), but I digress. The are plenty of reasons why some people have...trouble, in this area. Bashing people over the head with it seems sort of counter-productive. I mean, I could give personal examples, but that seems unnecessary.

I think we should definitely steer away from the whole "lolz omg you sux with wimens" line of conversation - nothing good will come of it.

[Engels]

People have different levels of sex drive. I have a fair to middlin one, was not and still aren't a ladies' man, but I managed to get some along 'societally acceptable timeframes'. On the other hand, I know far more socially gracious people who can navigate the most ackward of social interactions who just didn't care or couldn't be bothered to get laid till far later in life. Considering the unspeakable numbers of psycho lunatics I had to stick my pecker in before I found one that wasn't broken, I can't say the less agressive were 'doing it wrong'.

[Strazos]

Sometimes I like to think of sex like this:

Think of sex like a TV (or anything else you are accustomed to having consistently), and yourself like an Amish person.

Most people have grown up with a TV, and are not necessarily used to Not having one. Now, take the Amish person, who I am comparing to someone who either is a virgin into their 20s and such or is very inexperienced. Now give them a TV (sex), and they might like it...now take it away for, oh, a few years. Our Amish person isn't used to having it, so they probably won't miss it much when it's gone.

...Well, the analogy at least makes sense to ME. My attitudes about this stuff drives some of my friends NUTS, but I've found that it's something I'm very good at, even when I'm not even trying.

[NowhereMan]

I probably wouldn't have lose my virginity were it not for alcohol primarily because I really don't like approaching women. No problems socially but the idea of 'making moves' on a woman just makes me feel creepy and the girls who have made it clear that they're interested I'm pretty much never interested in. That said I'm really not desperate about having sex, I can happily live without it and really don't understand this idea that you're socially disfunctional if it's not something you're really keen on getting.

In fairness if you're really desperate to have sex and haven't by your mid-twenties then you probably do have some sort of problem, I'm just not sure how many people that would actually describe. Possibly Big Gulp is assuming most people want to have sex and anyone who hasn't has simply not been able to get it.

[Strazos]

To be fair, those problems can vary a LOT from person to person - it might be social, psychological, or just a product of bad circumstances. Or possibly choice, though not neccessarily the express choice to not engage in sexual activity.

[LK]

1. My view of this forum that's evolved over the last year is that it is full of extremely intelligent people or people who have extremely good common sense.

And that's why this thread is awesome once more.

[Selby]

Or possibly choice, though not neccessarily the express choice to not engage in sexual activity.

Some of us just don't care.  You can go your entire life without it and it won't really matter much (similar to TV honestly).  I still don't see what the big deal is about it and why people trip over everyone and make asses out of themselves for it.

[FatuousTwat]

Seriously, I'm definitely not some ladies man.  Far from it.  I didn't lose my virginity 'til I was 18, so it's not like I was one of the cool kids in school.  However, I did have a couple of girlfriends and at least engaged in some heavy petting when I was a kid.  I'd seen a boob, for Christ's sake.

It's just not a priority for some people.  They're not interested in sex for the sake of sex and they, for whatever reason, haven't found someone they click with in other ways so they never got to that point.

Considering the crap I've seen my friends put themselves through for sex, not to mention the results afterwards, I'd say these "lacking" individuals don't necessarily have it so bad.

QFT.

I'm 22, and a virgin, and I really could not care less. Even if someone managed to fall into my lap (HUR), I'm not into a one night stand.

I really don't get why people are tripping all over themselves in order to have sex. Enjoy your unwanted children and AIDS.

[MrHat]

I really don't get why people are tripping all over themselves in order to have sex.

Because sex is awesome.

[Ironwood]

Alas, it totally is.

[Sky]

Enjoy your unwanted children and AIDS.

Yeah, I've never had sex 

[Tebonas]

Luckily for those virgins they don't realize what they miss. Having sex once is way worse than never having sex! 

[Signe]

I am also a virgin again.

[bhodi]

I am also a virgin again.

Did you have surgery too?

[Engels]

let us not persue that line of questioning plzkthnxbye

[apocrypha]

Enjoy your unwanted children and AIDS.

Not get taught about condoms in your sex education then?

[Murgos]

I'm 22, and a virgin, and I really could not care less. Even if someone managed to fall into my lap (HUR), I'm not into a one night stand.

I really don't get why people are tripping all over themselves in order to have sex. Enjoy your unwanted children and AIDS.

There is more to sex than just the physical act and no one rational is saying you should have a one night stand and certainly not without protection.

I think getting sex is a lot simpler than most people, who are hung up on it, realize.  Mostly it's just asking, which is probably why other people in this thread tend to think you're dysfunctional if you haven't had sex well into your third decade.  You just have to realize, your partner wants to have sex too.

[HaemishM]

I think getting sex is a lot simpler than most people, who are hung up on it, realize. 

This is true, especially of the people who lack the confidence to chat up women in high school. They put the pussy on a pedestal. 

You just have to realize, your partner wants to have sex too.

While this is almost always true, the key difference is they may not always want to have sex WITH YOU. For many, it's damned hard to tell if this is true or not.

[Sky]

That's why you gotta ask. If you're having a nice conversation with someone, and they're single, there's a pretty damned good chance you'll get some if you don't put it on a pedestal.

One of my most effective theories when I was younger was that if two single adults are together in a private place, they might as well fuck. Astoundingly effective.

[Merusk]

Seriously, I'm definitely not some ladies man.  Far from it.  I didn't lose my virginity 'til I was 18, so it's not like I was one of the cool kids in school.  However, I did have a couple of girlfriends and at least engaged in some heavy petting when I was a kid.  I'd seen a boob, for Christ's sake.

It's just not a priority for some people.  They're not interested in sex for the sake of sex and they, for whatever reason, haven't found someone they click with in other ways so they never got to that point.

Considering the crap I've seen my friends put themselves through for sex, not to mention the results afterwards, I'd say these "lacking" individuals don't necessarily have it so bad.

It's much simpler if you go about it my way.  I was always looking for a relationship, that was my priority. It was hard to find but it always lead to sex after I was 15, and petting, etc prior to that. 

It surprises me to hear how many folks were in fact virgins into college (and apparently beyon), seemingly not of their own choosing. Wow.

[stray]

I read somewhere that there actually has been a lot of abstinence/anxiety due to STD's since the AID's scare, and not all people who refrain are doing it because of beliefs or "psychological" issues. Call it paranoia, but I can kind of understand where Fatuous is coming from (ahem, not really.. but I'm trying).

[Merusk]

No, he's just being dumb.

[Oban]

... if two single adults are together in a private place, they might as well fuck. Astoundingly effective.

One of the many benefits of growing up in suburbia. 

When I was old enough, I learned about how hotels add to the available number of private places available for a tryst.  Just by asking, "Do you want to get a hotel room?" or "Do you want to go back to my hotel room?" increases the odds of success dramatically.

If you are avoiding sex because you are worried about STDs, buy some condoms. 

[Ironwood]

One of my most effective theories when I was younger was that if two single adults are together in a private place, they might as well fuck. Astoundingly effective.

Don't ever share a cell in prison.

[Lantyssa]

It's much simpler if you go about it my way.  I was always looking for a relationship, that was my priority. It was hard to find but it always lead to sex after I was 15, and petting, etc prior to that.

My social skills were non-existant until my 30s.  I had to work really hard to be able to reach my current point of being marginally sociable around people who aren't good friends.  I kind of stumbled into the few intimate relationships I had by them making the first move, or both of us being drunk enough to get into serious enough play to admit to one another we wanted something deeper.

It's always been the other person who had to make the first move for me to get into a relationship.  Part of that is shyness, but a larger part is that my potential dating pool greatly overlaps with the pool of people I am comfortable with as friends.  While I do view a more intimate relationship as a closer friendship, I get really, really uncomfortable thinking about causing things to become strained with a friend.  My friends are everything to me.  So I end up eliminating all my good possibilities by not even allowing myself to seriously consider such a thing.

Maybe that's messed up.  I dunno.  I don't see any reason to pursue people I don't know though since, well, I don't know them enough to be attracted to them.  My friendships are probably strong enough to get past, "Hey, you interested...?  No?  Okay, that's cool", but I just don't need one badly enough to risk it.