Any speech writers here?

[Nightshade]

I'm currently doing my Valedictorian speech for school, and could use a few more sets of eyes and some advice, if anyone is available could you please PM me?

That would be greatly appreciated.

-Night

[NiX]

I suggest you take every opportunity to make reference to your penis.

[schild]

Might I suggest the inclusion of "All of you motherfuckers are gonna pay, you are the ones who are the ball-lickers."

Oh, grats on being valedictorian, nerd.

[Nightshade]

I suggest you take every opportunity to make reference to your penis.

I did that less than an hour ago at your house... enough already!

[FatuousTwat]

Just do a screaming rant. MAYBE YOU WILL GET ON YOUTUBE? EH?

[Krakrok]

Don't say anything. They will remember your silence forever. 

[Merusk]

Might I suggest the inclusion of "All of you motherfuckers are gonna pay, you are the ones who are the ball-lickers."

Oh, grats on being valedictorian, nerd.

Did you watch a Kevin Smith marathon recently or something?

Oh, grats, Night.  Enjoy facing the #1 fear of Americans, public speaking.   

[Nightshade]

Might I suggest the inclusion of "All of you motherfuckers are gonna pay, you are the ones who are the ball-lickers."

Oh, grats on being valedictorian, nerd.

Did you watch a Kevin Smith marathon recently or something?

Oh, grats, Night.  Enjoy facing the #1 fear of Americans, public speaking.   

Thanks for the congrats... unfortunately I haven't been named Valedictorian yet, just a nominee... at my college its weird - you actually have to do all the work, the speech, and then your assessed on the criterion posted.  So its really a FFA of who wants to apply.

It's okay, I'd rather do public speaking than kill myself (I heard a random stat about Americans rather killing themselves than doing public speaking, am I correct?!)

[Nebu]

I know, you could give a speech on grade inflation.  It would be rich with irony. 

[NiX]

I know, you could give a speech on grade inflation.  It would be rich with irony. 

This.

[Oban]

I have written speeches, but the last time I actually spoke to an audience was three years ago.

[schild]

Might I suggest the inclusion of "All of you motherfuckers are gonna pay, you are the ones who are the ball-lickers."

Oh, grats on being valedictorian, nerd.

Did you watch a Kevin Smith marathon recently or something?

Oh, grats, Night.  Enjoy facing the #1 fear of Americans, public speaking.   

Thanks for the congrats... unfortunately I haven't been named Valedictorian yet, just a nominee... at my college its weird - you actually have to do all the work, the speech, and then your assessed on the criterion posted.  So its really a FFA of who wants to apply.

It's okay, I'd rather do public speaking than kill myself (I heard a random stat about Americans rather killing themselves than doing public speaking, am I correct?!)

Haha they don't trust the valedictorian.

[Nightshade]

Haha they don't trust the valedictorian.

I don't think I'd trust myself either, who knows... maybe the committee will read one speech and then when I'm on stage, I will read an entirely different one.

[NiX]

You should read one about racism against white people. I'd get the joke and that's what matters.

[Nebu]

I don't think I'd trust myself either, who knows... maybe the committee will read one speech and then when I'm on stage, I will read an entirely different one.

Not to sound like a cynic, but I give talks all over the country and find it really easy to do because a year from now, noone will ever remember that I did it. 

Enjoy the time, but don't take it too seriously.  If anyone remembers it, you did it right.  People take this shit way too seriously. 

[Nightshade]

I don't think I'd trust myself either, who knows... maybe the committee will read one speech and then when I'm on stage, I will read an entirely different one.

Not to sound like a cynic, but I give talks all over the country and find it really easy to do because a year from now, noone will ever remember that I did it. 

Enjoy the time, but don't take it too seriously.  If anyone remembers it, you did it right.  People take this shit way too seriously. 

Hey Nebu,

Thanks for words of advice, yeah, I didn't take it too seriously, but it was an experience writing it for sure.  I guess I'll keep you all informed on what happens in the next few weeks - the board will pick the top 3 applicants, and then after that - the Valedictorian.

-Night

[Righ]

I think that you should point out that the word valedictorian comes from the same Latin root as the word dictator, and that in British Universities the award is Dux which is the same name that Mussolini called himself to assert his leadership. You beat them all and you now command them. They cannot leave and go on holiday until you finish speaking. And you have so much to say.

[NiX]

I think Righ wins for best idea.

[schild]

I think that you should point out that the word valedictorian comes from the same Latin root as the word dictator, and that in British Universities the award is Dux which is the same name that Mussolini called himself to assert his leadership. You beat them all and you now command them. They cannot leave and go on holiday until you finish speaking. And you have so much to say.

Fuck yes.

[NowhereMan]

Follow it up with, "Filibusters through history: A Journey". Hell just read that title and see who decides to run before someone locks the doors.

[NiX]

Another option is to replace your speech with the script from a very verbal porn.

[Nightshade]

I think that you should point out that the word valedictorian comes from the same Latin root as the word dictator, and that in British Universities the award is Dux which is the same name that Mussolini called himself to assert his leadership. You beat them all and you now command them. They cannot leave and go on holiday until you finish speaking. And you have so much to say.

Seeing as I'm a visible minority, and talking about any time of dictatorship might possibly get me shot - I'd probably say no dice to that one...

On a side note, I could randomly be naked under my ceremonial robes... and no one would ever know!  Nix will witness my reign of terror as Valedictorian for our graduating class... right there in the front row.  Just don't look up.

[schild]

Are you black?

Obama inauguration speech. Just change some key words. Bonus points for doing it all like Rodney Dangerfield or Bobcat Goldthwait.

[stray]

Well articulated, but extremely offensive couch burning Bob Goldthwait is even better.

[Samwise]

I think that you should point out that the word valedictorian comes from the same Latin root as the word dictator, and that in British Universities the award is Dux which is the same name that Mussolini called himself to assert his leadership. You beat them all and you now command them. They cannot leave and go on holiday until you finish speaking. And you have so much to say.

I know who I'm coming to for advice the next time I have to prepare a talk at work.   

[Nightshade]

Another option is to replace your speech with the script from a very verbal porn.

I might need you to come up on the stage with me, we can enact a duo role.  We need someone else for the narrator.

[NiX]

I might need you to come up on the stage with me, we can enact a duo role.  We need someone else for the narrator.

Monocle Cat.

[Nightshade]

I might need you to come up on the stage with me, we can enact a duo role.  We need someone else for the narrator.

Monocle Cat.

That would be the most regal porn enactment since that time we watched that British Porn video.

[Nightshade]

I know, you could give a speech on grade inflation.  It would be rich with irony. 

Indeed it would, and I'm seriously considering it now that I have been elected.   
Nix and I contemplated actually ending it off with a Hitler salute...

[NiX]

I'll say what I said to you on MSN: Oh dear god.

[Nightshade]

I'll say what I said to you on MSN: Oh dear god.

Quoted for truth.

[schild]

Wait wait, you are actually giving a speech now?

Dude, they can't take the diploma away from you. If you don't make this epic, you've wasted a once in a lifetime chance.

[Rendakor]

And if you're going to make it epic you need to record it for us all to see.

[NiX]

I'll record it if it's epic.

[schild]

It'll be epic if he's not a big pussy.