Is it passive aggressive to ignore a roomate you don't like?

[deadlyanteater]

And by ignore I mean aknowledge them when they say hi,  ask them to pay their bills, but never really engage with them because you think they are petty, pathetic, lazy, and boring?

If your roomate is actively upset because you don't talk to them isn't it their problem and not yours?

[SuperPopTart]

If you are the one ignoring your roomie..

And that is you in that pic shaking hands with WTF that is..

I think you need to re-examine your social circle and make some human friends..

Have you ever offered to try hug therapy? Every time he annoys you just run up and hug him close?

[Khaldun]

Depends on how upset the roommate is and might yet become.

I think you can shut a person out if it's your habit to shut almost everyone out, e.g., you're just very asocial. If you make a habit of ignoring a particular person you're often around while being quite social with most other people, though--well, come on, people aren't stupid, and they tend to infer (accurately, in this case) that you dislike them. Being disliked by someone you're obligated to share living space with gets pretty grating after a while.

That said, you're not exactly the first person in the world to dislike a roommate or be disliked in turn by one. Lots of people manage to keep going in that situation until, well, until they can't any more for some reason.

[Nebu]

Lots of people manage to keep going in that situation until, well, until they can't any more for some reason.

We call this a divorce. 

[SuperPopTart]

Or a homicide.

[Sky]

Learn to communicate. You probably also need a new roommate.

[stray]

Yeah, I don't understand why people have room mates they don't even like. Then they complain later in life about how room mates are just bad in general.

[Rasix]

Yeah, I don't understand why people have room mates they don't even like. Then they complain later in life about how room mates are just bad in general.

Freshman year in the dorm.    Guy didn't like me much either and tried to switch roommates with someone else.  The replacement didn't approve of me telling him that he could not use my computer (I had heard what he used his current roomies computer for) so I was stuck with a discontent roomie for the entire year.  We survived. 

Every roommate after that was a walk in the park.

[apocrypha]

You don't always get to carefully choose who you live with when you're sharing. I've lived with some right wankers when I was a student, but then I also lived with some lovely people.

If you can't work out a way to get by with them then just move out :/

[deadlyanteater]

Hmm well i think you can be introverted and have a healthy social life.

I think you can also avoid being happy sing friends, and aknowledge somebody and still not wish to interact with them.

some people don't like to talk after a hard days work.

[deadlyanteater]

Yeah, I don't understand why people have room mates they don't even like. Then they complain later in life about how room mates are just bad in general.

Freshman year in the dorm.    Guy didn't like me much either and tried to switch roommates with someone else.  The replacement didn't approve of me telling him that he could not use my computer (I had heard what he used his current roomies computer for) so I was stuck with a discontent roomie for the entire year.  We survived. 

Every roommate after that was a walk in the park.

well sometimes you have to do what you have to do and find a place quick, for a job, or to save money, or because you just moved into a place.

or because the person wasn't a massive cock when you first met them.

[Grimwell]

I think you are missing on the ripe opportunity to mess with his head.

Pretend to be bi-polar. You've just been on the down side for more time than normal. Switch on the fun and over engage with him. Stick your nose in all his business. Invite lots of people over and throw a party. Do that for about a week and then completely flip back and be silent and brooding.

Start grumbling about protecting the borders and reading survivalist websites while you are on the down side. Be very anti-social. Then when you flip back to being happy do the whole "I love you man." thing, even if you aren't drunk.

Run with ideas like this and he will move out before the next semester starts.

Do. Not. Harm. Him. Under. Any. Circumstances.

[deadlyanteater]

I'm ok with being an asshole.

I'm a considerate asshole mind you, and I pay my bills on time mind you.

I just don't think it's passive aggressive.

[stray]

Anyways, to answer your question.. Yeah, it is passive aggressive to ignore them when they're speaking to you. Not necessarily passive aggressive to just ignore them though.

[deadlyanteater]

Anyways, to answer your question.. Yeah, it is passive aggressive to ignore them when they're speaking to you. Not necessarily passive aggressive to just ignore them though.

No, I respond when they say "hey."

I say, "whats up."

and go about my business of awesome.

[Hawkbit]

Youtube your problem.  There's lots of videos of people applying margarine to the linoleum kitchen floor and then ringing the phone, causing the roommate to crash into a wall or something.  Or the old stringed mentos in the pop trick. 

[Amarr HM]

It sounds like he / she has a crush on you, you should bring home a girl / anteater and have really loud intercourse.

[NiX]

I'm torn between supporting Grimwell or Amarr. Maybe should make love to an anteater very loudly while going through the mood swings of a bi-polar. That should fuck with him real good.

[tazelbain]

Is fucking an anteater an up swing or down?

[apocrypha]

Is fucking an anteater an up swing or down?

Depends if it's an anteater with which you have a deep and meaningful relationship or just some skanky anteater you picked up in a bar.

[Arnold]

And by ignore I mean aknowledge them when they say hi,  ask them to pay their bills, but never really engage with them because you think they are petty, pathetic, lazy, and boring?

If your roomate is actively upset because you don't talk to them isn't it their problem and not yours?

Man, it's weird.  I keep ending up with roommates that seem to genuinely hate working.  It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I'd like to see LESS of them.  They seem to do enough odd jobs/have enough inheritance to pay all the bills on time, but to always be around and hardly ever working.  I don't like living alone, because it's too quiet and boring for me, but jeez, there's more to life than lounging at home!

I understand that there are more fun things to do than to be working, but I do enjoy a good day of hard work where everything is clicking.  These people seem to be VENOMOUS in their comments regarding any job they've ever held; it's just weird.

I just don't get them, and how they are able to make ends meet.  But it's a similar situation to you.  I don't ignore them, and we hang out and have fun from time to time, but some days there's not a whole lot of interaction.

[Selby]

My roommates and I were in this situation the last 2 semesters of undergrad.  No one spoke to anyone other than "hey" in the hall, checks were made out and put on the bulletin board without discussion beyond the amount being written on the white board, and no one socialized or talked beyond that.  I am anti-social and my roommates decided to get into a fight with each other and drag me into it and me being who I was didn't side with either, pissing them off.  So we had a situation where people were civil as much as they absolutely had to be, but no more.  It can be done.

I don't like living alone, because it's too quiet and boring for me, but jeez, there's more to life than lounging at home!

Just wait until your roommate brings home their raver friends who all sit out tripped on X touching hands and giggling until the wee hours of dawn.  Or they go skiing the Columbian Alps right in your living room.  I don't miss roommates.

[Sky]

I just don't think it's passive aggressive.

You're wrong. But hey, I'm sure being an "introverted" but social asshole is not part of the problem at all. It's your annoying roommate. Totally.

[Special J]

WTF?  What is this, Oprah?  Are you worried about being passive aggressive or is this about closure?

Yes you could do that.  But you still have to live him.  I suppose if you enjoy living in a poisonous environment then you can go ahead and piss people off and see what they do in kind.  Personally I just try to get along and get out first chance I get.  That doesn't mean you have to hang out and be buddies.

[schild]

If I were doing it over again, I would just tell my shitty roommate that we didn't make great roommates and had to figure something out to make the rest of the year/whatever enjoyable.

At the same time, I went to the housing folks in college and convinced them to switch my roommate with someone else before he even got back from winter break. When he arrived back I told him he got moved to the next room over, but he wasn't the most argumentative guy and just moved his stuff over without question (Yea, I knew I could get away with it). So, depending on your skills of manipulation, you could get someone else to solve the problem for you. Since you've posed the question on a message board on the internet, I have to assume that you don't possess such skills and this year will suck. Oh well, shit happens. Learn to live civilly or don't.

And yes, "ignoring someone" is passive aggressive - and no one likes it when folks are passive aggressive.

[Hawkbit]

As in any great relationship, one of you needs to tell the other one that you need to talk it out to make things work.  The other one is going to be quiet and not want to talk at all, at which point the talkative one will do something to piss the quiet one off to the point where it becomes a yelling match.  Then both of you will yell at each other, things will be thrown, feelings will be hurt.  You might even get to smacking each other around.  Don't call the police unless weapons get involved.  Soon, one of you will cave and say you're sorry so you can get on to the makeup fuck.  Then in two weeks you'll do it all over again.

[NowhereMan]

Having had a roommate I spent the best part of a year not talking to, if you're asking people whether it's being passive aggressive then it probably is. If one of you is making an effort to talk and the other one's not responding at all or being very clearly civil when they do, it's passive aggressive. My roommate and I just didn't talk, neither of us were really great at small talk or enjoyed it as far as I can tell and I don't think we had a huge amount in common. We didn't dislike each other or anything we just didn't really talk.

I've also had people I really couldn't stand who seemed hell bent on being friends with me and I was most definitely being passive aggressive with them, by and large if the other person is unhappy with the situation that's what you're doing. I say be interesting and go with the bi-polar thing, if you become hellish enough to live with he might move out (a friend of mine went for this and netted himself a large double room for his own personal use).

[deadlyanteater]

I just don't think it's passive aggressive.

You're wrong. But hey, I'm sure being an "introverted" but social asshole is not part of the problem at all. It's your annoying roommate. Totally.

So how is it passive aggressive to NOT talk to somebody that I have nothing in common with.

I think it would be passive aggressive to pretend to like them and go against my own nature for alone time, when I really just dislike them.  Why be a two faced idiot?

And if I'm around people I respect and enjoy I'm pretty social.

I'm sure some of the blame is mine but I really don't see how it's passive aggressive.

Why argue with somebody about their failings when youre only going to live with them a few months?  You aren't their parents.  I feel no obligation to change their behavior, and I feel no obligation to continue the friendship after I move out.

I think passive aggressive is a coping mechanism when you give a fuck, but just can't deal with it.

I don't give a fuck and im making an active choice to DEAL with it by ignoring the persons vindictive nature.

[deadlyanteater]

WTF?  What is this, Oprah?  Are you worried about being passive aggressive or is this about closure?

Yes you could do that.  But you still have to live him.  I suppose if you enjoy living in a poisonous environment then you can go ahead and piss people off and see what they do in kind.  Personally I just try to get along and get out first chance I get.  That doesn't mean you have to hang out and be buddies.

I'm not worried about closure or being passive aggressive.

I just don't think its an accurate label.

[deadlyanteater]

Having had a roommate I spent the best part of a year not talking to, if you're asking people whether it's being passive aggressive then it probably is. If one of you is making an effort to talk and the other one's not responding at all or being very clearly civil when they do, it's passive aggressive. My roommate and I just didn't talk, neither of us were really great at small talk or enjoyed it as far as I can tell and I don't think we had a huge amount in common. We didn't dislike each other or anything we just didn't really talk.

I've also had people I really couldn't stand who seemed hell bent on being friends with me and I was most definitely being passive aggressive with them, by and large if the other person is unhappy with the situation that's what you're doing. I say be interesting and go with the bi-polar thing, if you become hellish enough to live with he might move out (a friend of mine went for this and netted himself a large double room for his own personal use).

well that's the thing... when we did talk it was just them babbling and when i tried to interject they weren't listening at all.  or they were complaining about their EX who they broke up with every week.

I just got sick of fake conversation for their sake, to make THEM feel better when they were home being lazy.

I got better shit to do.

[Amarr HM]

Sounds like you've chosen not to have anything in common with them that's passive agressive in itself. Oh and if you are only gonna be living with them for a few months why you so worked up about it? On second thoughts I'll probably be sorry I asked that.

[deadlyanteater]

Sounds like you've chosen not to have anything in common with them that's passive agressive in itself. Oh and if you are only gonna be living with them for a few months why you so worked up about it? On second thoughts I'll probably be sorry I asked that.

so you're suggesting that if i don't spend a lot of energy "working things out" it's my fault?

making a post is being worked up?

its just about sorting the data and getting other view points.  nothing more.

[Sky]

So how is it passive aggressive to NOT talk to somebody that I have nothing in common with.

I think it would be passive aggressive to pretend to like them and go against my own nature for alone time, when I really just dislike them.  Why be a two faced idiot?

And if I'm around people I respect and enjoy I'm pretty social.

I'm sure some of the blame is mine but I really don't see how it's passive aggressive.

Why argue with somebody about their failings when youre only going to live with them a few months?  You aren't their parents.  I feel no obligation to change their behavior, and I feel no obligation to continue the friendship after I move out.

I think passive aggressive is a coping mechanism when you give a fuck, but just can't deal with it.

I don't give a fuck and im making an active choice to DEAL with it by ignoring the persons vindictive nature.

It's definitely all your roommate's fault.

Alright, I'll stop being snarky and expand on what communication means, since you seem unable to grasp that fact. It means you talk to people whether you like them or not. I don't mean sitting around having tea with the person if you have nothing in common. But rather than be passive aggressive by ignoring your roommate, be fucking man enough to tell them that you have nothing in common and really aren't interested in exchanging small talk. It's a financial relationship and that's the end of it. You can be civil to each other, and respectful, but it's not a friendship.

I demand you let your roommate post on here so we can hear the other side of the story. Because despite your rather inflated opinion of yourself, you sound like a fucking douchebag. This thread is made of win.

[NowhereMan]

 

[deadlyanteater]

So how is it passive aggressive to NOT talk to somebody that I have nothing in common with.

I think it would be passive aggressive to pretend to like them and go against my own nature for alone time, when I really just dislike them.  Why be a two faced idiot?

And if I'm around people I respect and enjoy I'm pretty social.

I'm sure some of the blame is mine but I really don't see how it's passive aggressive.

Why argue with somebody about their failings when youre only going to live with them a few months?  You aren't their parents.  I feel no obligation to change their behavior, and I feel no obligation to continue the friendship after I move out.

I think passive aggressive is a coping mechanism when you give a fuck, but just can't deal with it.

I don't give a fuck and im making an active choice to DEAL with it by ignoring the persons vindictive nature.

It's definitely all your roommate's fault.

Alright, I'll stop being snarky and expand on what communication means, since you seem unable to grasp that fact. It means you talk to people whether you like them or not. I don't mean sitting around having tea with the person if you have nothing in common. But rather than be passive aggressive by ignoring your roommate, be fucking man enough to tell them that you have nothing in common and really aren't interested in exchanging small talk. It's a financial relationship and that's the end of it. You can be civil to each other, and respectful, but it's not a friendship.

I demand you let your roommate post on here so we can hear the other side of the story. Because despite your rather inflated opinion of yourself, you sound like a fucking douchebag. This thread is made of win.

I did tell them that.  I spent plenty of time being patient and communicating my side.
We already had one conversation about it, that I don't like to talk a lot when I'm in from work.  I thought it was settled but they still cite my inability to small talk to them as being "mean".

I'm always civil and respectful and I rarely, if never,  bitch at them for the things they do that annoy me.



Apparently that wasn't good enough for them and they are still being butt hurt about it, even to the point of talking to people I know about it outside their own circle of friends.

its rather silly in my opinion.


Maybe I should have explained that right off.  this is the internets.  there's always one captain asshole who would rather be snarky than further the conversation.