The Worlds Fattest Man Marries

[Sir T]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7692672.stm

The world's heaviest man has married his girlfriend in front of TV cameras and 400 guests in Mexico.

Manuel Uribe was taken to his wedding on the bed he has been unable to leave for the last six years, towed by a truck, in his home town of Monterrey.

The 43-year-old tipped the scales at 560kg (88 stones) in 2006, but has since shed around 250kg (39 stones).

A tearful Mr Uribe married Claudia Solis, 38, in a ceremony filmed by a US TV channel.

Mr Uribe earlier told reporters: "I'm very happy this is a really special day for me. God has permitted this day to arrive and for a beautiful woman like Claudia to marry me. We will start a new adventure together."

No cake

Mr Uribe's custom-made bed was decorated with a canopy, flowers and gold-trimmed bows at it was towed by a truck through the streets of Monterrey to a local hall for the civil service, the Associated Press news agency reported.

He wore a white silk shirt and a sheet wrapped around his legs, while his bride wore a strapless ivory dress and tiara.

Instead of a first dance, the pair are reported to have sat together, holding hands and swaying to the song.

Mr Uribe's mother, Orquedia Garza, said her son had steered clear of the five-tiered wedding cake - a vow he made when he announced the date of his wedding at the start of the month.

"He didn't break his diet," she told the AP. "His doctors are here and they are watching him closely."

Manuel Uribe, a former mechanic, entered the Guinness Book of Records as the world's heaviest man when he weighed 560kg - the weight of a small truck.

He has since been following the Zone Diet - consisting of a strict formula of carbohydrates, proteins and fats - which has enabled him to nearly halve his body weight. However, he remains unable to walk.

He met Claudia four years ago and the couple were engaged for the last two years.

The wedding was filmed by the Discovery Channel for a forthcoming documentary.

*ensures that everyone clicks on the movie link*

DONT CLICK ON THE MOVIE LINK!!

*Evil laughter*

[Sky]

You could play a new game - what body part is that?


 

[Broughden]

wtf is up with his right arm?

[schild]

I like how the topic just trails off. "The Worlds Fattest Man Marries" what? A beluga whale? A bucket of fried chicken? His own gravitational pull?

CLICK THE TOPIC AND FIND OUT (AND WIN TWO FREE IPOD NANOS)

[Mrbloodworth]

NO CAKE!

[Cyrrex]

It occurs to me that the best way to ensure this guy doesn't eat 50 pounds of cake is to simply not bring him any.  WTF is he going to do about it?  Not like he can get his own.  He can pledge til he's blue in the face, motherfucker would lose all kinds of weight on my watch.

[NiX]

I can't begin to imagine how the logistics of the honeymoon work...

[Murgos]

I can't begin to imagine how the logistics of the honeymoon work...

She brings him food and he grunts in pleasure.

[Mrbloodworth]

I can't begin to imagine how the logistics of the honeymoon work...

[Nebu]

I can't begin to imagine how the logistics of the honeymoon work...

This is more what I envisioned.

[Aez]

You guys are both wrong.

This is what you actually need :

[Broughden]

Instant weight loss.

[bhodi]

Bump!

THE world’s fattest man has finally managed to consummate his marriage after friends built him a “sex ramp”.

[Nerf]

 ......

[Merusk]

You ever read a tag and think, "Oh hell, I've GOT to read this."

Bastard. It wasn't near as interesting as I'd hoped.

[Oban]

She brings him food and he grunts in pleasure.

Can not stop laughing, hahahahahaha.

 

[FatuousTwat]

Sex ramp? How would that even work? What could roll him up the ramp?

PIX OF RAMP KTHNX

[Nerf]

Dear internet,

Please ignore FatuousTwat, no one wants to see pictures of the sex ramp, or diagrams of the sex ramp, or video of the sex ramp in action.
In fact, I threw up a little when I got onto the freeway earlier by way of ramp.
So please, for all that is holy, show us anything but the sex ramp.  Link tubgirl, or goatse, or 2girls1cup .gifs, anything except the fucking ramp.

Thanks,

Nerf

[Hindenburg]

Dear Nerf,

Deep down, you know you want to know. 


Way more boring than i thought it would be.
Looking at their products, the Whirl looks quite useless.

[apocrypha]

Bump!

THE world’s fattest man has finally managed to consummate his marriage after friends built him a “sex ramp”.

I read that as "consume his marriage" and was very for half a second.

Edit: btw this "zone diet" that Uribe has lost 250kg on is one of those fad diets, backed up with lots of scientific sounding theory but absolutely zero published research and is pushed by a guy called Barry Sears who also sells omega 3 fish oil pills. Just in case anyone here was interested.

[Cyrrex]

Inventing a diet for this guy would be about the easiest thing in the world:

Step 1:  Don't let him eat 27 ham sandwiches for lunch
Step 2:  Don't give him three bags of potato chips on the side
Step 3:  Don't let him wash it all down with 4 gallons of cola
Step 4:  Retire to the next room and turn up the volume on the telly, to better drown out his wailing and teeth gnashing

Easy.

[shiznitz]

If the guy can seriously lose a lot of weight, he will just be a bag of skin.

[apocrypha]

Inventing a diet for this guy would be about the easiest thing in the world:

Step 1:  Don't let him eat 27 ham sandwiches for lunch
Step 2:  Don't give him three bags of potato chips on the side
Step 3:  Don't let him wash it all down with 4 gallons of cola
Step 4:  Retire to the next room and turn up the volume on the telly, to better drown out his wailing and teeth gnashing

Easy.

He's on 2000 calories a day. Really not a vast amount and probably about the minimum he could be on without risking heart problems.

If the guy can seriously lose a lot of weight, he will just be a bag of skin.

If you watch the video you'll see that's one of his exact problems - he's lost so much weight over the last 2-3 years that he has enormous flaps of skin hanging off him.

[Cyrrex]

He's on 2000 calories a day. Really not a vast amount and probably about the minimum he could be on without risking heart problem

If that's the case, then it sounds pretty sensible.  I was pretty much just being a douche.

[apocrypha]

He's on 2000 calories a day. Really not a vast amount and probably about the minimum he could be on without risking heart problem

If that's the case, then it sounds pretty sensible.  I was pretty much just being a douche.

Hehe, and I was being far too serious for a Serious Business thread 

[Grimwell]

The only diet advice one ever needs.


Cliff Notes Version: Eat fewer calories than your body burns in a day and you will loose weight; eat more calories than you body burns in a day and you will gain weight.

Everything else is just table dressing surrounding this point. If your body burns 1900 calories a day and you eat 1800 calories worth of Twinkies, you will lose weight. You won't be  very healthy, but you will lose weight.

[Paelos]

http://www.idkwtf.com/videos/latest-videos/find-your-penis-one-dollar-family-guy

[FatuousTwat]

Dear Nerf,

Deep down, you know you want to know. 


Way more boring than i thought it would be.
Looking at their products, the Whirl looks quite useless.

See, I think that ramp wouldn't work... Isn't it designed for female use?

The biggest problem I see with the guy having sex is getting his gut out of the way of his junk. I don't see how a ramp could help with that.

[apocrypha]

The only diet advice one ever needs.


Cliff Notes Version: Eat fewer calories than your body burns in a day and you will loose weight; eat more calories than you body burns in a day and you will gain weight.

Everything else is just table dressing surrounding this point. If your body burns 1900 calories a day and you eat 1800 calories worth of Twinkies, you will lose weight. You won't be  very healthy, but you will lose weight.

Absolutely agree. Only exceptions would be metabolic disorders (real ones, not made-up ones used as excuses) and situations of extreme obesity (BMI >35ish) where VLCDs (very low calorie diets) are used for very rapid weight loss, then you need some monitoring and care to minimise the risks of acute problems with electrolyte balances etc.

[Hindenburg]

See, I think that ramp wouldn't work... Isn't it designed for female use?

The biggest problem I see with the guy having sex is getting his gut out of the way of his junk. I don't see how a ramp could help with that.

Nah, it'd work just fine. He'd lie down on it, stomach up, head downhill, hip near the highest point,  and the woman would just have to push the lard out of the way, having access to his dick after that.

Also, his is made of concrete.

[Tale]

When I search the internet for "sex ramp" I get George Clooney with a sex ramp.

[Phire]

I too am interested in this sex ramp, if only to watch this lady dig through rolls of fat and skin to find whats left of this mans junk. The struggle to get there and the disappointment afterward would be priceless entertainment.

Also his crotch must smell like rotten cheese made from the milk of a cow that has been dead for 20 years. Yiiick.

[Cyrrex]

This thread just continues to deliver.

[Broughden]

Dear internet,

Please ignore FatuousTwat, no one wants to see pictures of the sex ramp, or diagrams of the sex ramp, or video of the sex ramp in action.
In fact, I threw up a little when I got onto the freeway earlier by way of ramp.
So please, for all that is holy, show us anything but the sex ramp.  Link tubgirl, or goatse, or 2girls1cup .gifs, anything except the fucking ramp.

Thanks,

Nerf

This ^ is the funniest thing I have ever read on F13.

[Sky]

Interestingly, it is an actual freeway ramp.