Horrible, Awful movies that don't deserve their own threads.

[Signe]

Hudson Hawk was a terrible film, Oban, now stop that! 

Speed Racer.  Awful film, not even a little bit cute.

[Nerf]

Hudson Hawk was supposed to be an awful movie though, that's what made it good.

[ghost]

My "bottom five"

1.  Battlefield Earth-  I went out and bought this it was so bad.
2.  Gothika-  Putrid piece of shit.
3.  The Titanic-  Yuck.  Glad it sunk
4.  Knocked up-  Can't believe this movie got good reviews.  Woo.
5.  Supercop-  terrible. Just putrid...............but worth seeing once for the guys rolling around in those circular things for "training"

[stray]

Knocked Up is an instant classic, in my book. And even if you didn't like it, I don't see how it could be regarded so low anyhow. You really can't find a better thing to fill out a top 5 worst list than that?

[Ironwood]

Knocked Up made me laugh a couple of times too.  Not sure where the hate is coming from.  Worst case, ogle the heigl.

[Sky]

I kinda watched the third Bourne movie while I was starting to doze the other night on the sofa. I liked the first one, and I want to like the second two as mindless action movies, but the editing puts them firmly in this thread. I was so distracted by the fast cuts that I ended up timing the cuts rather than watching the movie. Most are 2-4 seconds, with entire swaths of the movie done in 2 second cuts. I think the longest I counted was 7 seconds before a cut. And of course that stupid jiggling camera the entire fucking time.

[HaemishM]

The Thin Red Line. It was free and I still walked out. Ditto on Eyes Wide Shut. Horrid movies.

Yeah. Both were overwrought, pretentious piece of shit movies with way too much ego and not nearly enough craft in storytelling. Beautifully shot movies with absolute shit stories.

[Morat20]

Steve Martin has indeed lost it.  I saw a play he did where Picasso and Einstein were talking at a cafe, and at the end Elvis shows up in a cloud of smoke.  For a while I figured I wasn't highbrow enough, but now I think I just wasn't high enough.

Picasso at the Lapin Agile. I saw a local production of it, and it was fucking hilarious. But then, Martin wasn't involved (I mean, other than that he wrote the play originally) in this production. The local cast was talented, and with insanely good comic timing.

Plays, though -- it boils down to the director and the cast there. It's real easy to turn gold to shit in theater. :)

[Ookii]

My "bottom five"

1.  Battlefield Earth-  I went out and bought this it was so bad.
2.  Gothika-  Putrid piece of shit.
3.  The Titanic-  Yuck.  Glad it sunk
4.  Knocked up-  Can't believe this movie got good reviews.  Woo.
5.  Supercop-  terrible. Just putrid...............but worth seeing once for the guys rolling around in those circular things for "training"

If those are your bottom five movies I would imagine you're quite the angry cynical man.

[Nerf]

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

I had almost blocked this one out, it's not often that I get pissed about movies I've downloaded, but if the MPAA had sent me a letter about downloading it, it would have contained a check and an apology.

[HaemishM]

Ghost Rider. Motorcyclist possessed by a demon with Sam Elliot and the hotness of Eva Mendes - and you still can't make a movie that isn't excruciatingly stupid?

[Chimpy]

Moontrap

Terrible movie that is only barely redeemed by the fact that Bruce Campbell is in it. He has to play second fiddle to fuckign Checkov though.

Oh, and anything with Christopher Lambert in it made after 1986.

[stray]

I haven't seen it. It must have been OK.. err... maybe...? Because another one is already coming out.

My nephew loved it.  But he's 10 and his dad worked on LOTRO so his taste is suspect.

I watched this on the weekend actually. It turned out to not be so bad. I mean, it's not Peter Sellers... but Steve Martin and Kevin Kline still have some things going for them in their own right.

[edit] And I can see why a kid could like it at least. It's silly.

[Amarr HM]

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

I had almost blocked this one out, it's not often that I get pissed about movies I've downloaded, but if the MPAA had sent me a letter about downloading it, it would have contained a check and an apology.

I enjoyed this but I like slow moving films sometimes it was real un-hollywood, and again Kubrick inspired, get really baked out of your mind and you'll enjoy these movies a lot more  Knocked up was a decent film and I agree all those fast edits in Bourne just pissed me off aswell.

[Sky]

I watched this on the weekend actually. It turned out to not be so bad. I mean, it's not Peter Sellers... but Steve Martin and Kevin Kline still have some things going for them in their own right.

[edit] And I can see why a kid could like it at least. It's silly.

Imo it's not really about Peter Sellers. There was one vintage Panther done without Sellers that was still really good (imo, of course), mostly because the guy didn't try to be slapstick. We just saw a bit of it over the weekend, too, and it reinforced how much we dislike the new one.

Disclosure: my mother is a huge Panther fan and I bought her the DVD set but I've watched it more than her, I love most of them.

[Sky]

Reform School Girls

Actually, this movie might warrant its own thread, it's so bad. You cats that were around in the 80s might remember a crappy pop metal artist named Wendy O Williams. Well, she's the 'star' of this thing. This movie is so awesomely bad, it's actually worth watching.

Lots of nubile young women who lounge around in lingerie after dark, though some wear denim jackets or spandex bodysuits (it was 1986, after all). By day, they make license plates or toil away in a field, turning over the same little patch of dirt in a poorly propped radish field (just some radishes and leaves thrown on the dirt). The protagonist is seduced by this really great ugly 80s guy, who takes off his shirt and then wipes his pits with it. There's a sex scene later (sorta) with him, he gives her whiskey from a bottle, but takes it away before she drinks too much, whips her shirt down, and spits out the candles. Of course, there's a shower scene, though I could barely be turned on because we were laughing at the way the girls all put a little baby powder on their clavicles...in the shower, which quickly washed it off again. And teh subplot where they smuggle in a kitten to have the sarge-type character step on it. Yes, there was a scene where someone stomped a kitten to death (and then asked for something to clean her shoe....though they didn't show the actual deed). The sarge character was pure win, like a giant jew satan.

But the best part was the constant presence of an aging Wendy O amongst a cast half her age, gutterally delivering awful dialogue and oddly stroking her body nervously.

Best quote, the administrator of the school tells Wendy O: "You're just a shitstain on the panties of life." To which WOW replies, "You oughtta know, you licked it!" Quality!

[stray]

I'm all for punk and rock chicks, but Wendy O was pretty nasty. Aged or not.

[Sky]

I'm all for punk and rock chicks, but Wendy O was pretty nasty. Aged or not.

The truly sickening part is she looks exactly like one of my cousins, and seeing her in bra+panties the entire movie was really creeping me out. My fiancee wouldn't let me change the channel though, she loves watching bad movies with me and making fun of them. I've been opening her up to a whole world of silly she never knew existed. Need to get some mystery science theater going sometime.

[stray]

Prince of Space for the win.




Best episode ever imo (and not in a shitty/tacky/boring as fuck Manos way)

[Grand Design]

Krankor!!1!

[stray]

I recently ran into a hot half-Asian girl online with the handle "Krankor" and an avatar to boot.

Why can't I meet these types in real life? 

[Signe]

Wendy O was awesome!  She used to even be my avatar.

[stray]

OK, I can kind of appreciate her in a sort of Signe kind of light.

[Signe]

If you want to meet girls with 'staches, hang out in Little Italy.

[stray]

Whoa.. How'd you know she had a stache?

[Special J]

The wife rented The Happening last week.  Holy fuck that's bad.  Like 'Signs' bad.

[Signe]

Do you know I saw "Signs" and I can't remember a thing about it except Mel Gibson standing in a corn field. 

[Yegolev]

I liked Signs, but that's mostly because I liked the camera work with the aliens.

[Nerf]

I wanted to like Signs, I might have been able to if the twist wasn't just so fucking awful.
Earth is what, 98% fucking water? You think that beings smart enough to invade another planet would think "oh shit, maybe we shouldn't invade a planet made up almost entirely of the ONE THING THAT FUCKING KILLS US?"

[NowhereMan]

It kind of worked in War of the Worlds because cold bacteria are at least microscopic so I can believe the alien invaders honestly didn't know. I would think however that these aliens would have at least picked up on it when they landed in some 90% humidity jungle and their skin started falling off. Fuck that movie's ending hurt with the stupid.

[bhodi]

Yes. I couldn't have helped but think that the movie would have been so much better had they used a different backdrop to tell the story. There was no need for aliens at all.

[Nerf]

That was exactly how I looked at it, you can miss bacteria, you can't miss an entire planet being made of death.
It would be like invading the sun and not realizing "oh shit, fire kills us!" until our ships start to explode.

[Sky]

W was leading the aliens.

[stray]

i kind of liked signs for the general massive disaster vibe though. it did that element in a scary way at least. well depicted disasters are the only type of films that are "horror" to me. mainly the reason on why i dig zombie movies so much

[Tige]

So bad it's good.  Well, maybe in a cult movie kinda way.

Bubba Ho-Tep

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281686/

The trailer is a better representation than the write up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7Qo74_L3vo