Mandatory English policy in the LPGA

[Paelos]

Nobody really pays a lot of attention to the LPGA, but recently they made a statement that every player on the tour must speak proficient English by 2009. On the PGA tour, this would be mostly meaningless because almost all the top 150 players already speak English. I think the last one I saw give an interview with an interpretor was Angel Cabrera.

However, apparently the LPGA tour has become dominated by over 120 international players, 45 of which are from South Korea. This stance sort of goes beyond the sport itself and begs the question of whether it is appropriate to require these athletes to speak a language in order to qualify. To me, it seems fairly obvious that the LPGA is terrified of descending into American sports obscurity because nobody will sponsor them. Sponsors don't want athletes they can't promote, and the American populace isn't going to be thrilled about watching people from other countries who can't speak the language. If the PGA tour was nothing but Japanese or Swedish golfers, I probably wouldn't watch it. What would be the point of having the tour in America if there are no American players?

The main logic the LPGA is using is that they need things like Pro-Ams to get funds, but that American golfers don't want to play with women they can't understand. I think that's a little flimsy, but as a golfer I can understand thier point. Why would you pay thousands of dollars to play golf with somebody who can't talk to you for four hours? That would be painful.

I find the whole process interesting for the possible precedent it sets with sports governing bodies.

PGA Players give their opinion

[HaemishM]

#1 This will end up in Politics.

#2 It's fucking golf. 

#3 It's. LADIES. FUCKING. golf. SRSLY?

[Paelos]

It's the only thing ESPN could talk about that wasn't the same rehashed bullshit NFL previews. 

[schild]

I don't see a problem.

[Nerf]

I think they're just trying to do something about 70% of the scoreboard having the last name "Kim"

The LPGA is a fucking joke anyways, the best female player in the world couldn't even make the cut in the pga events she played in.  THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

That being said, since the golf channel is on at work all day, I'd prefer LPGA golf over the same 4 fucking infomercials all day long.

AND WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ROLL GROOVE TECHNOLOGY PUTTER INFOMERCIAL ASSHOLES, I FUCKING WANTED ONE OF THOSE!

[Rasix]

The LPGA is a fucking joke anyways, the best female player in the world couldn't even make the cut in the pga events she played in.  THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

If you're talking about Michelle Wie, she's nowhere close to the best the LPGA has to offer.  She's just a poorly managed recognizable name that keeps getting thrown to the wolves.  This girl has lost tournaments on the LPGA tour because she keeps forgetting to sign her scorecard.

This is just the LPGA, like the WNBA and other faltering female professional sports leagues, trying desperately to stay relevent and probably even solvent.

[Nerf]

No, it's not Wie, it was a white broad, I can't be bothered to remember who, but it's still the whole thing that women aren't actually barred from the PGA, they can get on tour if they qualify just like anyone else, they just have to play from the big boy tees.

They want the LPGA to get better ratings? Make them all wear bikinis, nobody watches it because they're good at golf, they watch it because a) there isn't anyone playing real golf on TV or b) they want to see cute chicks playing golf.
Play up on the one thing that people watch it for, hot chicks playing golf.  No fat chicks, tiny bikinis for everyone mandatory, in the event of a tie, theres no longer a playoff but mud and/or jello wrestling for the title.

I just increased your ratings 10 fold, you're welcome, LPGA.

[DraconianOne]

#1 This will end up in Politics.

#2 It's fucking golf. 

#3 It's. LADIES. FUCKING. golf. SRSLY?

QFFE

[Lantyssa]

No, it's not Wie, it was a white broad, I can't be bothered to remember who, but it's still the whole thing that women aren't actually barred from the PGA, they can get on tour if they qualify just like anyone else, they just have to play from the big boy tees.

Annika Sorenson, I believe.

[Rasix]

Has she entered any PGA tour events since the 2003 Colonial?

[Bzalthek]

I mildly detest golf to begin with.  Ladies golf strikes me as even more nauseating.  That being said, I completely agree with nerf.  I'd watch that shit.  I'd even Tivo it.  I'd go out and buy a Tivo in order to Tivo it. 

[lamaros]

Can we just rename this sub-forum the 'Sexist Whatevers' thread and be done with it?

[SnakeCharmer]

It's a fairly stupid idea, though I can see why they're doing it (sponsors, although it would be interesting to see how many of the sponsors are companies located out of the US and in non English speaking countries). 

The LPGA is still struggling to get any sort of following behind, and I can't see where this will help.  I'll admit to watching it on occasion, but generally only to watched a few specific golfers (Sorenstam, Laura Davies, Julie Inkster, and a couple others) whose swings I really admired.  Now that they're out/retired, even as an avid golfer with a 4 handicap and an appreciation for the sport beyond 10 dollar nassaus, wolf, and the occasional business excursion, I just can't bring myself to watch it.  Hell, I can't watch the PGA anymore it's gotten so robotic and sanitized.  Even the commentators generally sound like they're about to fall asleep.

It (like the PGA) has zilch for personality, and that's what it desperately needs.

[Evildrider]

The PGA has Tiger Woods. 

[SnakeCharmer]

The PGA has Tiger Woods.

Which, without him for the better half of the year, has struggled in ratings.  If his knee doesn't rehab to allow him to perform at his best, or if says "Screw it, I've made enough money, I've got a beautiful wife and daughter, I'm done" (however unlikely to happen), the PGA would be screwed.  Woods is the PGA Tour.

[Azaroth]

Edit: Nevermind. I'm not a pot stirrer.

[Nerf]

Edit: Nevermind. I'm not a pot stirrer.

Wtf?  This is the internet, and I'm bored, STIR MOTHERFUCKER!

[Margalis]

The whole point of sports competition is to get the best people together to duke it out. If they ban people for not speaking English then it's no longer a best of the best thing, just a bunch of scrubs.

[Trippy]

The LPGA is a US tour which means a (mostly) US audience and US-targeted sponsors -- i.e. English speakers. It makes sense that the competitors at least have a basic grasp of English.

[lamaros]

Because you watch golf for the interviews?

[MahrinSkel]

The whole point of sports competition is to get the best people together to duke it out. If they ban people for not speaking English then it's no longer a best of the best thing, just a bunch of scrubs.

In high school, maybe.  Once the words "Professional" appear, it's about selling gear and dreams to all those that aspire to the fame generated by the blind adulation of others like them, in a grand snake-eating-its-own-ass circle jerk of commercialism run amok.

And it's fucking *golf*.  Stupidest damned "sport" on the face of the planet.  Ultimate Frisbee has more of a claim to being a "sports competition".  Golf is neither a sport nor a game, it's a recognition signal for the "right" kind of superficial asswipes to identify their own kind by.  I look forward to the not-too-distant day when Carlin gets his revenge and the homeless take over the abandoned courses.

--Dave (not that I have a grudge against it, or anything)

[Azaroth]

Because you watch golf for the interviews?

Do you watch anything for the interviews?

Athletes often have so much to say.

"So then I wake up. I eat breakfast. I put on my suit, and I have lunch. I go back and I have a nap. :D

Then, I get up and I go fight."

- Georges "Rush" St. Pierre

[Trippy]

Because you watch golf for the interviews?

If she's a hottie I do and the LPGA has a quite a few.

Actually I don't watch golf unless Tiger is about to win another major.

[schild]

And to think, just 10 years ago it was a butch lesbo sport. Or lesport if you want to be funny.

[Lantyssa]

Because you watch golf for the interviews?

If she's a hottie I do and the LPGA has a quite a few.

Then do you care if she speaks English or not?

[Trippy]

Well yeah kind of, at least I think I would like to know what she was saying. Or maybe not.

[Yegolev]

If I can't understand what a woman is saying, she instantly becomes twice as hot.

[Cyrrex]

If I can't understand what a woman is saying, she instantly becomes twice as hot.

Shoot, it's even better when they don't talk at all, amirite amirite? 

[Yegolev]

/fistbump

[Azaroth]

If I can't understand what a woman is saying, she instantly becomes twice as hot.

Shoot, it's even better when they don't talk at all, amirite amirite? 

Nah. Stupid women turn me off. If a woman doesn't talk at all, I assume she's as dumb as a post.

If a women talks and I can't understand her, at least I can PRETEND she's not talking about the stupid shit that she invariably is. Being a woman and all.

[Paelos]

It's all about the sponsors, and the sponsors want English-speaking women. They also want hot women. Both can sell clubs, or sports drinks, or swimsuits. The funny part is that the swimsuit idea from this thread was written in a CBS Sportsline article yesterday: http://www.sportsline.com/columns/story/10949644

It is easy to misunderstand the LPGA's new learn-English-damn-it directive to its players. After all, several Koreans thought that if they didn't pass the proficiency test, they would lose their tour cards.

In fact, what it means is this: Within three years, all players will wear swimsuits while playing, the tinier the better. Because in these dire economic times, nothing says success with the sponsors quite like a well-crafted wedgie.

You see, this isn't the LPGA's xenophobia at work here, despite the obvious link. This is about jollying up the sponsors, and the ams in all those lucrative pro-ams, and we know this because the players interviewed in Beth Ann Baldry's story in Golfweek said so. Apparently the high volume of Koreans is causing the golf economy to implode, so the LPGA turned suggestion into mandate. Indeed, the organization's Five Points Of Celebrity are listed in order as "appearance, relevance, approachability, joy/passion and performance."

   
Just watch (and we know you will): LPGA players will make like Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. (Getty Images)   
Relevance in this context is too vague a term to explain. Approachability is clear enough, though, and presumably the new speaka-da-Eenglish order falls under that subhead. Joy/passion means "don't be a jerk, creep, brute, lout or slug." Performance is self-explanatory, although the fact that it is last on the list makes you wonder a bit, especially when you recall the first.

Appearance.

Well, now it's fully out. Look hot, be hot is the LPGA's official mantra now, which leads us, shamefully, to where all this image remaking must go.

Swimsuits.

Reflect, if you don't believe us, on the recent Olympics. What were the two biggest women's stories as presented by the networks and news outlets? Gymnastics and beach volleyball. Outfits? Tight and skimpy. Men, apparently, don't need to be as aerodynamic in these very same pursuits, for reasons no coach, expert, pundit or kinesiologist has ever been able to adequately explain without coming off as some kind of white-coated pervert.

Then consider the plethora of Internet photos from the Olympics. Predictably, they were very often of women's behinds. Hey, gotta give the kids what they want, right?

And then, think of what prominent women's sport didn't get much run time, either on NBC or in the hearts and minds of the viewing public? Basketball, in which the American women did not wear form-fitting duds and still crushed the opposition. So apparently it isn't just about winning after all.

So why, if you can't force players who didn't have the good sense to be born to English-speaking parents to learn the language, can't you force them to find the same way to wealth and fame that Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh found? I mean, if sponsors want English, they probably want skin, too, if we know what makes most male sponsors tick, and we think we do.

See, somewhere along the line, and we're not quite sure when, it became acceptable again to ask women athletes to tart themselves up for the quick dollar. Many are fine with that, which tells us mostly that pride goeth before a check.

And the LPGA, which apparently is having trouble finding sponsors to keep the goose sufficiently gold, has particularly few qualms along these lines. Natalie Gulbis, Anna Rawson and Sophie Sandolo have already gone the clothing-damned-near-optional route without a word of caution from the mothership.

Thus, it is hard to imagine that someone in the home office hasn't already had the idea, and is just waiting for the right staff meeting in which to spring it.

Our guess? If the sponsors aren't sufficiently mollified by the new English-first Tour, that's when the topic will be broached. And depending upon the organization's level of economic desperation, it may well be ratified, that spinning sound from Babe Didrikson Zaharias' grave site notwithstanding.

It does no good to complain about it, or invoke those women who made the LPGA Tour a lucrative bit of fun without going starkers. Our national sense of propriety was sold for scrap long ago.

Thus, it will only take a couple of high-rollers at a pro-am to lean into their professional playing partner and say, "You know what would make your sport more visible? More visibility. I know I'd kick in more money."

And once he drops the M-bomb, the players' eyes get big, and then you know how the rest of the dominoes fall, starting with this one:

"Hey, whatever happened to the English thing we were pushing a couple of years ago?"

"Shut up, Churchill. I can't see, hear or fantasize about the players as they walk down the fairway."

Ray Ratto is a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.

[Nerf]

The difference is that jackass thinks that it will be the death of the LPGA, while it's really the only thing that can keep it alive.

[Oban]

All lesbians should be able to speak English with a foreign accent.

[Trippy]

It's already starting to happen (well not the playing in swimsuits part):

http://articles.latimes.com/2008/jun/25/sports/sp-open25

and the obligatory pics:

http://golf-babes.blogspot.com/search/label/Wilhelmina%207

[Lantyssa]

If the LPGA is so worried about the number of Koreans due to advertising, why don't they just sell in Korea.  I would think a whole new market is better than forcing a handful of people to speak English.

All lesbians should be able to speak English with a foreign accent.

Oh gods yes, please!  Er, that might be dangerous...