Religious In-Laws Advice please.

[Pennilenko]

Some of the advice here really helped me help her deal with the situation. She put her foot down with them, and told them that they are not going to be able to influence her life like they desire to do. They have completely cut off ties with her. After a long walk she came home and was vastly more unbothered than i assumed her to be. I should not have underestimated her strength. Lesson learned. Thank you for the advice though, some of it i think is lasting and should prove usefull in the future.

[Venkman]

Great update!

The current detente isn't likely to persist through her folks' deaths though. Both of my folks have gotten more religious as they've aged, but also more forgiving about the antics of their son, though not without that rough patch mentioned earlier. Of course, it's the sort of condescending forgiveness based on my seeing the light eventually, but who am I to begrudge of their notion. And hopefully having another sixty years alive, who's to say I won't

Major life-changing events help people take a longer/wider view. You and she having kids, one of the parents passing away suddenly or after a long illness, a life changer for a sibling, you and she moving to another country for a few years (absence and fond hearts and all that).

Life is nothing if it's not accidental change.

[Lantyssa]

Some of the advice here really helped me help her deal with the situation. She put her foot down with them, and told them that they are not going to be able to influence her life like they desire to do. They have completely cut off ties with her. After a long walk she came home and was vastly more unbothered than i assumed her to be. I should not have underestimated her strength. Lesson learned. Thank you for the advice though, some of it i think is lasting and should prove usefull in the future.

Glad she's feeling better and put her foot down.

Just remember it's not over.  Something like this hurts for quite some time, even when you know it's the right thing to do.  Be there for her when it surfaces, and remember counselling is always an option.

[Triforcer]

Good luck, man.  Rough situation, any way you cut it.  Like others here are saying, just be there for her however you can. 

[Engels]

what Lantyssa said.

[Paelos]

Some of the advice here really helped me help her deal with the situation. She put her foot down with them, and told them that they are not going to be able to influence her life like they desire to do. They have completely cut off ties with her. After a long walk she came home and was vastly more unbothered than i assumed her to be. I should not have underestimated her strength. Lesson learned. Thank you for the advice though, some of it i think is lasting and should prove usefull in the future.

Glad she's feeling better and put her foot down.

Just remember it's not over.  Something like this hurts for quite some time, even when you know it's the right thing to do.  Be there for her when it surfaces, and remember counselling is always an option.

I agree, and I hope you both make it out ok. The lesson here is hers to learn in the long run.

Lantyssa makes a good point. I think counselling is in order as well.

[CharlieMopps]

Some of the advice here really helped me help her deal with the situation. She put her foot down with them, and told them that they are not going to be able to influence her life like they desire to do. They have completely cut off ties with her. After a long walk she came home and was vastly more unbothered than i assumed her to be. I should not have underestimated her strength. Lesson learned. Thank you for the advice though, some of it i think is lasting and should prove usefull in the future.

Yea, its amazing what righteous anger can do 

[Ironwood]

If you really want to sort things out (and possibly give you leverage) get her knocked up asap.

Grandparents cutting themselves off from grandkids ?

Not a chance in hell.

[Trippy]

If you really want to sort things out (and possibly give you leverage) get her knocked up asap.

Grandparents cutting themselves off from grandkids ?

Not a chance in hell.

These are Catholics -- if the baby isn't baptized things are going to get even uglier (hard for me to imagine how it could but I'm sure his in-laws will figure something out).

[Oban]

Yes, children solve all problems in marriage.

[Tale]

Yes, children solve all problems in marriage.

In Australia, babies solve all problems. $5000 Baby Bonus as a lump sum from government for every baby you produce. Sure took us off the ageing population index. It has become known as the Plasma TV Bonus.

[Oban]

So wrong...



In Canada there is the infamous baby bonus as well but if you earn more than the average Canadian you are not eligible to collect. 

Hell, I get more of a tax deduction on my US tax return for spawning than I would from the Canadian baby bonus.

[Morat20]

Was there a recent death in the family?

I had a seemingly rational branch of the family go suddenly uber-religious because one of their siblings died. Understandably, they took comfort in their religious beliefs. However, for reasons I've never bothered to learn, they went from casual Christians to raving nutcases. Perhaps they had a new pastor. *shrug*.

In any case, my father was suddenly taking a lot of shit from them over the fact that he hasn't been to Mass since HIS dad died, and technically belongs to a Lutheran church he never bothers attending. I know if flowed over onto my mom too and to one of my dad's sisters.

Luckily, my Dad, my Mom, and the sister in question really disliked that branch of the family anyways.

Point being -- if one of them underwent a religious crises, or an emotional crises that sparked a renewed religious interest, it's possibly that's what caused the sudden interest in the state of you and your wife's souls.

[Ironwood]

If you really want to sort things out (and possibly give you leverage) get her knocked up asap.

Grandparents cutting themselves off from grandkids ?

Not a chance in hell.

These are Catholics -- if the baby isn't baptized things are going to get even uglier (hard for me to imagine how it could but I'm sure his in-laws will figure something out).

I'm aware.  Just buried the last one in my family that disaproved of Elena not getting baptised.  Won't mean they won't stop questing for that young immortal soul. 

Also, it's uber funny to say 'You don't get to see your Grandkid.  Ever.  You Old Fucking Hag.'

Trust me.

[HaemishM]

This was a complete non issue between my wife and myself. Now there is a building pressure from her family, and espcially since she has a close good relationship with most of them it is causing her stress and undue emotional pain. Several of her family members are refusing to speak to her untill she rejoins the fold and renounces her relationship with me. This particular bomb was dropped on us just minutes ago.

My Internet asshole opinion? Those people can go fuck themselves gently with a sharpened silver spoon. That's not the way family is supposed to act.

[schild]

Fuck that. Fuck internet asshole opinion. You pick up the phone and tell them to take their bibles and shove them up her ass. Fucking Christians not understanding the core fundamentals of Christianity. Tell them to die in a pope hat fire. That's bullshit, sorry.

[Cyrrex]

Amen ( ) to that.  It's funny (in a very unfunny way) how people fuck up the basic tenets of family and religion.  This is the opposite of what a family is supposed to do, and if there is a God, the opposite of how he wants his followers to behave.

[Ironwood]

It's not even a case of 'If there's a God'.

If you take that bloke Jesus at his word, this is NOT how they should be behaving.

However, you're only hearing half the story.  It could be that Penn is a crackhead and his wife a whore. 

 

[schild]

Maybe Penn is a crackhead. Maybe his wife is a whore.

Does that matter? The in-laws are still being assholes.

[Ironwood]

I deliberately witheld saying owt till he'd sorted the situation out.  If I was going to dispense actual advice, it would probably have been just North of Signe's.  There's no arguing with people who would cut off their daughter for the invisible sky man.  None.  As a father, I find their actions inexcusable to the highest degree.

Now I'm just having my fun.

Bear in mind it's the internet. 

[Cyrrex]

Maybe Penn is a crackhead. Maybe his wife is a whore.

Does that matter? The in-laws are still being assholes.

To be fair, if Penn is an actual crackhead and it then leads to his with becoming a whore....no, you're right, they're still assholes.  But outside of cutting her out of the family, that would be a little more understandable.

[Lantyssa]

If you take that bloke Jesus at his word, this is NOT how they should be behaving.

However, you're only hearing half the story.  It could be that Penn is a crackhead and his wife a whore. 

Jesus at his word would still have the family treating them better.  It's Jesus' whole schtick...

[Triforcer]

If you take that bloke Jesus at his word, this is NOT how they should be behaving.

However, you're only hearing half the story.  It could be that Penn is a crackhead and his wife a whore. 

Jesus at his word would still have the family treating them better.  It's Jesus' whole schtick...

I agree, but there is that verse in the New Testament about brothers leaving brothers, sons leaving fathers, etc. if such is necessary to follow Jesus.  Jesus wasn't who the evangelicals would like him to be, but its not completely accurate to say that he was a raging hippy in perfect 100% agreement with the Democratic Party 2008 either.   Both sides just pick bible verses out of context to support the theory that Jesus would be a card-carrying Democrat/Republican.   

[Jeff Kelly]

That's exactly the kind of behaviour that turned me away from organized religion. Many people there haven't even bothered to read the Bible let alone understood any of the things contained therein but they want to tell me how to live a good life. Thanks but no thanks.

Also the amount of old testament bullshit these people still cite is outrageous. Hint: If you believe that Jesus is more than just a prophet (say for example that he actually is god's son) then the new testament is the place you should look. Theologists would now say something about the change from comdemning god to compassionate god and the fact that Jesus died for our sins and the concept of original sin died with him. That it also was a change to a more laicistic view of religion and so forth.

Basically people acting like your in-laws haven't even grasped the most basic tenets of christianity namely that of compassion and forgiveness and should shut the fuck up.

Every time somebody says a stupid thing and argues that it's "in the bible" I die a little inside. If the proponents of ID for example had actually bothered to read it they would have recognized that the evolution as proposed by Darwin doesn't contradict the Bible at all. That not even the catholic church has anything against Darwin's teachings and considers it 'compatible' with the faith should have at least clued them in.

I hate it that such an awful lot of people try to justify their own petty and misanthropic world view with the teachings of a historic figure that was the epitome of compassion and forgiveness and a "live and let live attitude". They should just be ashamed of themselves.

[Lantyssa]

You're right, Tri.  He was a raging hippy well left of today's Democratic party.

[Triforcer]

You're right, Tri.  He was a raging hippy well left of today's Democratic party.

In many ways, yes.  But there are a few quotes from the New Testament that haven't exactly aged well (the "sons, leave your fathers" stuff, calling a Gentile woman a dog and saying his message wasn't for her, etc). 

The only point I'm making is that caricaturing Jesus as an "I'm ok, you're ok" guy who never espoused any definitive views or had any judgmental opinions on anything beyond "be nice, cosmically, man" is just as inaccurate as caricaturing him as a southern evangelical.  As I said, everyone just projects their own worldview onto him.

[Engels]

You have a point, Tri, but I doubt that emotionally blackmailing your family was on the list of Jesus' approved (tm) conversion techniques :P

[Ironwood]

If you take that bloke Jesus at his word, this is NOT how they should be behaving.

However, you're only hearing half the story.  It could be that Penn is a crackhead and his wife a whore. 

Jesus at his word would still have the family treating them better.  It's Jesus' whole schtick...

Why, yes, your honour, that was my point.

[Merusk]

If you really want to sort things out (and possibly give you leverage) get her knocked up asap.

Grandparents cutting themselves off from grandkids ?

Not a chance in hell.

These are Catholics -- if the baby isn't baptized things are going to get even uglier (hard for me to imagine how it could but I'm sure his in-laws will figure something out).

How about agreeing to "watch" the kid and then taking it for a covert baptisim at the Church.  I seem to recall hearing about that little gem once before.

[Samwise]

How about agreeing to "watch" the kid and then taking it for a covert baptisim at the Church.  I seem to recall hearing about that little gem once before.

I have yet to see a church with a drive-thru baptism window.  I suppose you could do it if you made visits beforehand establishing yourself as the child's legal guardians, but you'd think that a stoutly Catholic family would have at least some qualms about lying to a priest in order to get a holy sacrament administered.

[Yegolev]

Also, it's uber funny to say 'You don't get to see your Grandkid.  Ever.  You Old Fucking Hag.'

Trust me.

I'm clutching this phrase close to my heart and awaiting the day that my wife says "OK, let her have it!"

[slog]

There is no winning arguements with Fundies.  The difference between the Catholic church and David Koresh's band of merry followers?   The number of followers.

[Merusk]

How about agreeing to "watch" the kid and then taking it for a covert baptisim at the Church.  I seem to recall hearing about that little gem once before.

I have yet to see a church with a drive-thru baptism window.  I suppose you could do it if you made visits beforehand establishing yourself as the child's legal guardians, but you'd think that a stoutly Catholic family would have at least some qualms about lying to a priest in order to get a holy sacrament administered.

True, the stories I'd heard were about Baptists, not Catholics.

[Reg]

How about agreeing to "watch" the kid and then taking it for a covert baptisim at the Church.  I seem to recall hearing about that little gem once before.

A famous family story is that my mom's two brothers got horribly drunk and baptized me themselves. Apparently, they'd heard that in an emergency  two Catholics in good standing could do that.  They even remembered to bless the beer before dousing me with it.

[Trippy]

Moved Paelos' latest religion discussion over to there:

http://forums.f13.net/index.php?topic=14235.0