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Author
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Topic: I am now a skinhead (Read 47001 times)
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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Word of advice for the guys out there: Avoid hair salons.
My usual barber was closed for some reason unbeknownst to me today, so I figured, "what the hell, I'll go to the fruity salon near my house". I go in, and the first thing the lady wants to do is wash my hair. I tell her thanks, but no thanks, I just washed my hair 20 minutes ago in anticipation of getting a haircut. This seems to throw her for a loop, but we get past it. I then tell her that I want a high & tight with a zero guard on the sides, and the neck blocked. This isn't brain surgery, in fact, it's one of the simplest goddamned hair cuts there is. I wind up with some MC Hammer-like fade thing on the side. I tell her, "No, you need to just bring that up and get rid of this ledge thing you've got going on".
She repeatedly fails at this, and in frustration I tell her, "TAKE IT ALL OFF". She then starts to shave off the top to match the sides, and STILL LEAVES A GODDAMN LEDGE BETWEEN THE TOP AND THE SIDES. I get pissed off, ask her who taught her how to cut hair, and just tell her to fucking stop. She wants to know if I'd like my hair washed now (when I have no hair). I tell her, "No, I just want to pay and get out of here".
I drive home pissed off, break out my clippers and run them over my own head, this time with zero guard to get rid of that goddamned ledge. So here I am, completely bald, out $24, and irate. Never again will I forsake my barber.
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Draegan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10043
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Why would you pay for that?
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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Why would you pay for that?
Because I'm a soft touch, and she really did seem upset that that she couldn't get it right. I know, I'm a pussy.
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Signe
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18942
Muse.
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I'm sure you look just beautiful. Like a big beefy bald goddess.
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My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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Draegan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10043
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Why would you pay for that?
Because I'm a soft touch, and she really did seem upset that that she couldn't get it right. I know, I'm a pussy. Was she cute?
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murdoc
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3037
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Don't sunburn the top of your head, that fucking HURTS
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Have you tried the internet? It's made out of millions of people missing the point of everything and then getting angry about it
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Trippy
Administrator
Posts: 23657
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high & tight with a zero guard on the sides, and the neck blocked
Does anybody (besides Big Gulp) understand what that means?
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Sir T
Terracotta Army
Posts: 14223
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NO
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Hic sunt dracones.
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19324
sentient yeast infection
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I think it means he wants it square in the back and not terraced on the sides. But if I were the one doing the cutting, I'd ask for clarification before I started hacking hair off.
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HAMMER FRENZY
Contributor
Posts: 723
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Hahaha. Man that is all too funny. Neck blocked. "BLOCKED I SAID! BLOCKED!!!"
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My Genesis games... LET ME SHOW YOU THEM!
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Draegan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10043
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High and tight means longer up top and short on the sides (of the head). Zero guard, I'm assuming, is lowest attachment for a hair trimmer. Lowest meaning the shortest you can get before you get a full buzz cut.
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Nevermore
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4740
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high & tight with a zero guard on the sides, and the neck blocked
Does anybody (besides Big Gulp) understand what that means? I think Noel Divine ran for a touchdown the last time West Virginia called that play.
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Over and out.
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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Dammit, Nevermore! I spit my snack all over my keyboard. 
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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murdoc
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3037
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high & tight with a zero guard on the sides, and the neck blocked
Does anybody (besides Big Gulp) understand what that means? I think Noel Divine ran for a touchdown the last time West Virginia called that play. Well played, Sir.
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Have you tried the internet? It's made out of millions of people missing the point of everything and then getting angry about it
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Merusk
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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high & tight with a zero guard on the sides, and the neck blocked
Does anybody (besides Big Gulp) understand what that means? Yes. But then I also know the names of lingerie that women look at me like "why the fuck do YOU know that" as well, so my trivial knowledge isn't representative of most people. High & Tight is a Military cut. Blocked means square-cut the neck and don't taper it to a point. Yes, "Zero Guard" is the attachment you put on the clippers to determine how long the hair will be. The best is, I bet she also asked him if he wanted to keep his sideburns.  Youtube HowTo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3sEq3FvtT0Gulp, just do it yourself next time. Salons are for people with long hair that do frosted shit and other garbage. Was this a REAL salon, or a SuperCuts, where your hairdresser has just gotten her license and can't get a job at a 'real' salon. (Or worse, sucks so bad she can't find a job at one.)
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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Gulp, just do it yourself next time. I would, but I just can't do the back. Even with the dual mirror setup I can't get the coordination necessary to do it the right way. I also get a mean case of monkey neck that regularly needs to be taken care of. What's funny to me is that this is a haircut that back when I was still in the service would be knocked out in 3 minutes flat by some uncommunicative Korean woman. Yet some high-falutin' "stylist" can't pull off this braindead procedure. And honestly, if she didn't know what a high & tight was, shouldn't she have said so?
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lamaros
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8021
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I'm sure your inability to communicate the "simplest goddamned hair cut there is" played no part in this whole scenario.
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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I'm sure your inability to communicate the "simplest goddamned hair cut there is" played no part in this whole scenario.
What part of "high & tight with zero guard on the sides and the neck blocked" isn't explicit? Are you a barber (hair stylist, whatever) or aren't you? Don't you have to go to some type of school to do this? ETA: Oh, and one other thing I miss about my barber... He has a hot shaving cream dispenser, and he slaps some on your neck and shaves it with a straight razor. I can tell you that there is no more satisfying barber shop experience than this. Lonny, why didn't I wait for you for another day?!?
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« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 03:21:22 PM by Big Gulp »
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Rasix
Moderator
Posts: 15024
I am the harbinger of your doom!
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I get my hair cut at a nice foo-foo hair salon. It takes and hour, costs more than it should, and clippers never touch my hair except to clean up.
Worth every penny and will go as long as I have hair worth cutting.
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-Rasix
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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Is it lost on everyone but myself that the member who's drawn the most ire for racist/bigoted posts has declared himself a skinhead?
Okay, not the most ire, but still.
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Rasix
Moderator
Posts: 15024
I am the harbinger of your doom!
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Is it lost on everyone but myself that the member who's drawn the most ire for racist/bigoted posts has declared himself a skinhead?
You're not the only perceptive person on this board. Please, write that on your arm somewhere. I'd just rather not have to deal with the whole 2 pages worth of attack/rationalization that results from bringing that up.
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-Rasix
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stray
Terracotta Army
Posts: 16818
has an iMac.
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^ See no evil. Hear no evil.
Really, I have no clue about that. Gulp is cool.
I had my hair screwed by a "salon" last year too. Ended up just shaving my head like you did. That still pisses me off, because my hair was long then. Still growing it back.
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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Is it lost on everyone but myself that the member who's drawn the most ire for racist/bigoted posts has declared himself a skinhead?
Please show me my "racist" posts. Until then, kindly shut your fucking mouth.
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photek
Terracotta Army
Posts: 618
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"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away"
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Viin
Terracotta Army
Posts: 6159
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I get the same cut - if she didn't know what it was then it's obvious she's never cut men's hair before. And the instructions *are* explicit.. there's no room for play there. Thankfully, I have a Floyd's near where I work, so even if my regular stylist (not all of them are barbers) isn't available, someone who is familiar with cutting men's hair is! I feel for you Gulp, but if your hair is anything like mine you'll need a new haircut in 3 weeks!
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- Viin
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stray
Terracotta Army
Posts: 16818
has an iMac.
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Here are the simplest instructions I've yet to get anyone to do correctly:
"Cut it all one length."
Y'know, literally one length. Where the hair in the back is the same length as my bangs.
Instead, they always manage to interpret that as some excuse to give me some Robert Smith shit. I've given up on asking. Maybe the only way in the universe to get one length is to grow it all out at the same time.
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Merusk
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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Just buy a damn flowbie. That'll get it all one length!
So Gulp, DID she ask if you wanted to keep your sideburns? I get mine buzzed on the sides with a #3 and they always ask. I'd reply sarcastically that yes, I love the Mutton Chop look but I'm afraid they'd accommodate me.
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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So Gulp, DID she ask if you wanted to keep your sideburns? I get mine buzzed on the sides with a #3 and they always ask. I'd reply sarcastically that yes, I love the Mutton Chop look but I'm afraid they'd accommodate me.
Yep, she asked. I just told her to clip them how she liked. With no guard it's so short that it's easy enough to just shave away in the morning.
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MrHat
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7432
Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
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ETA: Oh, and one other thing I miss about my barber... He has a hot shaving cream dispenser, and he slaps some on your neck and shaves it with a straight razor. I can tell you that there is no more satisfying barber shop experience than this. Lonny, why didn't I wait for you for another day?!?
I was trying to explain this to one of my buds last weekend. It really is a wonderful experience.
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 05:03:50 PM by voodoolily »
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Grimwell
Developers
Posts: 752
[Redacted]
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Most 'stylists' don't know how to give a good man's haircut. They apparently don't teach that back in fashion school.
When I grew up each of the local towns had at least one barber shop that was for men. You could walk in and say "High and tapered" and you would get it. That language, of traditional male haircuts, seems to have fallen out of use with the Supercuts and above crowds.
First thing I do when I move to a town is find the man's barber shop. I have lived in cities where that does not exist. Where getting a high and tight (my choice too) is impossible.
When I moved to San Diego I didn't have many fears because we have two Marine bases nearby. So there are plenty of people needing military cuts. I found a spot right across the street from my apartment where the owner is 70 years old, and he can cut some damn hair. His team is so damn good that when they open their doors they have ten customers waiting, and the line does not stop until they close. I've sat for 90 minutes to get a nine minute hair cut and it was worth the wait.
The irony is that these cuts are hard to find (done right) and worth their weight in gold... and most are cheap. My barber only charges eight bucks. I've never given him single digits. It's an insult. The dude gets the job done fast, but that's a testament to his skill, not a measurement of value.
I also have him take care of my facial hair from time to time to keep the lines straight.
I'm going to relocate soon, twenty minutes or more away (house 4tw), and I may just drive the distance for this cut.
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Grimwell
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rattran
Moderator
Posts: 4258
Unreasonable
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I got a haircut a few years ago, told the woman to chop it all off down to about 2" long. She fucked it up, ended up cutting to 2" on top, the back to about 1/4".
I haven't gotten one since.
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Big Gulp
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3275
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So your definition of "racist" is anyone who calls Trinity United a black nationalist church, when by their own mission statement that's pretty much what they are? You really are a self-righteous twat.
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« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 05:13:37 PM by Big Gulp »
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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Fear of a Black Planet much?
Also, your tattoos are of poor quality.
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