Funny/Crazy Support Tickets

[Ookii]

On the off chance that some of you support users in some way or another, I thought it might be fun to anonymously post some of your better support requests.  I just got this one:

Hi Guys,
 
I think our issues are bigger than we thought and it looks like the reboot did not take care of the problem.   
 
Judi said she can't get into her voice mail or call into her voice mail from any other extension in the office.  Nikki called from her office phone to Roberta's extension and the call went to Terry's office but Terry did not answer the phone but Nikki could here Terry in the background as if she had answered the phone on speaker.  This has also happened to me, I called someone(not Terry) in the office and when call was answered no one said anything but I could hear Terry in the background.  I said hello but she could not hear me. 

And more come in every freaking day.

[schild]

I wish I could here people on the phone.

[Llava]

If Roberta is three quarters the age of Terry, Nikki is 97% the age of Roberta, Judi is twice as old as Terry, my age is Judi's age divided by two plus fourteen, and I am 42, what the fuck is wrong with our phones?

[Strazos]

That is confusing as fuck.

Oddly enough, I don't work in tech support, but we still get some very odd requests, but they pertain to files and collateral.

I really sucks that the other dept you do the most work with has no idea what they are doing, and refuse to believe anything you say that they don't like.

[Oban]

I really sucks that the other dept you do the most work with has no idea what they are doing, and refuse to believe anything you say that they don't like.

That is confusing as fuck.

[Lt.Dan]

Oh yeah, once I called the office manager because I thought I heard a bird in the ceiling.  We stuffed around for ten minutes before we realised it was someone's screensaver.

[Signe]

Making insane support calls used to be one of my hobbies.  I've matured since last year, though.  I've gone back to glaring at my neighbours for now reason now.  I had forgot how fun it was to watch people run past your house or cross the street before they get to it.  Sometimes I enjoy being a recluse.

[UD_Delt]

Oh yeah, once I called the office manager because I thought I heard a bird in the ceiling.  We stuffed around for ten minutes before we realised it was someone's screensaver.

Once I thought I heard a squirrel running around on top of our drop ceiling. Turns out I was right when it jumped down on the filing cabinet behind me and freaked me the fuck out.

But it's ok, it's dead now...

[Phildo]

Similarly, one time I was at a band practice in my friend's basement when a bird landed on my drum set.

[Sky]

We have three identical computers in our pc lab. Same hardware, same software, security software wipes all changes.

We have a bevy of patrons who will need to switch between them because one 'won't let them' do whatever they are doing. I laugh every time.

There's one guy who will never shut the fuck up, loves to ramble on about technical stuff he kinda sorta knows. He won't talk to me, though. The librarians are nice and just let him ramble, I tell him I don't care and walk away. Seriously, I don't give a shit if there is a setting in the BIOS I can change to get a few milliseconds shaved off seek time for your ZIP disk. I really, really don't. Also, he only has a tooth.

[Merusk]

You only need one.  For Corn.  Any more than that and you're just being extravagant.

[Yegolev]

If I talk to a user, I have failed that day.

[Nebu]

[DarkDryad]

Had one today where the DAU (dumb ass user) got an email bounceback that said the address you are sending to does not exist on this server . They called us of course and we told them they would need to contact the guy and get his correct address... The DAU tries to email him asking his correct address using the one that is bad and wondered why he got another bounceback.....<boggle>

[bhodi]

I posted this a while back. It was good enough to repost:


Another satisfied customer. As a bonus, this was transcribed (perfectly, as you see) from a customer care voicemail using our visual voicemail feature. That means some poor guy who makes minimum wage gets to type voicemails into text.

Date: Feb 20 2008 10:03:25 AM
From: 1866XXXXXXX
To : Executive Response Team (1862XXXXXXX)

"You asshole, nigger bastards think you can sit here, and route people
to the Philippines, and be left on hold for 2 hours while you refuse to
cancel an account? I will fucking run you over with a truck. You get
some of your fucking niggers on the phone. You answer it, and you
provide the fucking service we paid for, there would be hell to pay."

[Dtrain]

I did analysis on the tickets our CS department submits to the help desk I supervise: only 35% of them are worth doing.

I'm thinking about making a rule to delete 2 out of every 3 tickets.

[Murgos]

I did analysis on the tickets our CS department submits to the help desk I supervise: only 35% of them are worth doing.

I'm thinking about making a rule to delete 2 out of every 3 tickets.

Six Sigma project?

[Miasma]

To turn this on its head, once at the bank we had an email outage where no one could receive their mail.  Our network admin dutifully sent out a system wide email saying that... nobody could get their mail and he was working on the problem.  He honestly seemed surprised when I showed up at his desk asking if he knew email was down telling me "yeah I sent out an email about that".  I just gave him a blank stare until he realized the problem.

[Strazos]

I really sucks that the other dept you do the most work with has no idea what they are doing, and refuse to believe anything you say that they don't like.

That is confusing as fuck.

My dept does a lot of work for another dept. Whenever we tell them something they don't want to hear, they just close their ears and go "lalalalala we're right you're wrong!"

And our shitty managers don't back us up.

[Dtrain]

I did analysis on the tickets our CS department submits to the help desk I supervise: only 35% of them are worth doing.

I'm thinking about making a rule to delete 2 out of every 3 tickets.

Six Sigma project?

Nah, but that's one thing I need to work on. Green belt isn't THAT hard to get. Plus it sounds like you can whup someone's ass maybe.

[Sky]

We're a small library. Our network gear is on a shelf. Many years ago we bought an XServe (rack mountable). It sits on my desk. We've had a rack on our Needs List since then.

Couple years ago the maintenance guy decided to build a wall in the room our network gear is in (the future location of the rack). Now we can't fit racks in there.

I just got an email for two free powered full-size racks.

I am fighting the desire to grab a sledge. Maintenance guy is on vacation. Wall is in danger.

[bhodi]

A sledgehammer? NO!

Sawzall.

[Polysorbate80]

Sawzall.

That won't give anything like the satisfaction sledgehammer-carnage will provide.  Explosives would be even better, but they'd probably, um, violate the library's "no noise" policy or something.

[Lantyssa]

Grab a sledge.  It'll give the maintenance guy something to do when he gets back.

[Llava]

Sawzall.

That won't give anything like the satisfaction sledgehammer-carnage will provide.  Explosives would be even better, but they'd probably, um, violate the library's "no noise" policy or something.

Good thing sledgehammers have silencers these days, I remember when they used to make all kinds of racket.

[Polysorbate80]

Are *you* going to go tell the crazed looking guy smashin' up the place with a sledge to quiet down? 

Patron 1: "My God, someone should go tell the library staff about what that maniac's doing!"
Patron 2 : "Um, that *is* the staff...."

[Llava]

At least with explosives you can pretend it wasn't you.

[Ookii]

Customer Care Purchase Order numbers 1258HW and 1259HW have a message that states "PO on hold" when I try to input this into E-1 Voucher Match.  No one in customer care can see anything wrong or on hold with the Work Order 4558102 and 03

Also, Customer Care work order 4547902 is written to One Source on Evans St and the matching Purchase Order 826HW comes across as One Source Staffing which is a completely different vendor.

Thanks.

[Merusk]

I sure hope that isn't supposed to make sense, because if it is I'm more tired than I thought.

[Bunk]

That looks about typical to what our sister company sends us all the time.

Had a lady on the phone yesterday. Has software from us that has a monthly subscription price. She missed one payment, so we sent her a notice. She also forgot to update the login information in an automated part of her software, so it stopped sending out reports to her clients. Each time the report failed, we sent her an email explaining *exactly* what was wrong. We sent 11 of these emails to her over a two and half month period.

She calls us up and demands credit for the product. Her reasoning was that since she had missed a payment on her account (which she caught up a couple weeks later), that we must have shut down the report service on her, so there was nothing she could do. Except ignore our emails, and wait three months to call us, and then demand a refund...

[sigil]

If I talk to a user, I have failed that day.

That is striking in its truthiness. :)

[Ookii]

Just wanted to share this one:

I am having printing issues it will print on page on 3 pages and two will be bland with maybe a couple black lines on them. I've looked everywhere I know of and I can't see where there are settings that I can change. Do you have any ideas?

[Nonentity]

Recently,

I've been getting a lot of Sexual emails.   I would imagine they'd be SPAM.

I notice a lot of other emails that aren't sexual don't go through.

- J

-----Original Message-----
From: McCown [mailto:alif2006@]
Sent: Thursday, July 31, 2008 10:40 AM
To: x
Subject: Make sure your girl experiences climaxes every night

Burst through your pants with these organ enlargement pills
http://www.knowlate.com/

--
Using Opera's revolutionary e-mail client: http://www.opera.com/mail/

Sorry, our e-mail server only has a policy to allow sexual content through.

[fuser]

Had a call come in at a former job from one of our remote sites (12 at the time), and I'm going to make you suffer the same paraphrased work flow I did.

User: Hi *ONE* of our public catalog search computers is down  (note: Wyse 150 dumb terminal, usually 15-40 per site).
Me: Is the terminal plugged in and turned on?
User: Yep its plugged in and turned on.
Me: Are you sure the little adapter on the back is securely screwed tight and the blue cable plugged into the back? (serial -> rj45 adapter).
User: Yep everything is connected.
Me: Ok the terminal port might be locked (flow control on the serial port), press alt something (i cannot remember on Wyse terminals).
User: Nothing happened.
Me: Ok, I'm going to log into your wan serial server and reset the port.

. . . cannot connect via the isdn link . . .

Me: I cannot get in remotely, I'm going to need you to check equipment in the data closet.
User: hang on a second i gotta find a flash light.

. . . ?!?! . . .

Me: Is the light broken or something in the wiring closet?
User: No its just dark.

. . . mmkay . . .

Me: Is the equipment off in the closet?
User: Yep no lights on the equipment
Me: Is the power cable plugged firmly into the wall and to the serial server?
User: Yep, all connections look good everything is hooked up.
Me: Well i'd like you to power off and on the serial server, there's a small button on the front that you have to flip.
User: Second to find it in the dark where the power is off to our building.

. . puts the user on hold and yelled a lot . . .

[Nonentity]

Dear Helpdesk,

My CD player does not appear to work.  It could be that the wire came out.  There is a wire on the floor with other wires and I don’t know which goes where and need someone to help me with it.

Basically, I video’ed a meeting on a Disk and need to look at it.

Thanks,
J