Goth Skaters Attack SUV

[Krakrok]

http://www.nbc11.com/news/14974558/detail.html

[WayAbvPar]

So, they just sat still in the car and waited for them to bash their skulls in? God forbid you use that 2 ton vehicle as a self defense weapon and drive away, or over some of the little fuckers. Maybe the Goths just knew how fucking stupid they were and tried to take them out of the gene pool before they reproduced.

[stray]

Little do people know that there's a whole underground movement of skateboarders, lashing out against Tony Hawk, bagel bites, and the X-Games, seeking to place skating back into it's vandal roots. Our patron saint is Mike V (whether he likes it or not).

[Simond]

The first rule of Project Mayhem....

[Lantyssa]

... is to cause some mayhem?

[Azazel]

I was unaware that Goths were allowed to be skateboarders. That shit doesn't fly around here. Punks can be, but not goths.

[lesion]

Are you...oh god, are you suggesting they're breeding?! That's just like AvP! If you know any tough-as-nails yet skinny and attractive women now is the time to make good for the coming apocalypse. They'll be the only thing between your ass and a spiked skateboard with "eternal suffering oi oi oi" written on it in blood.

[Llava]

Story sounds made up.

Sounds more like dad got drunk and his family's enabling his abusive ass.

[stray]

I was unaware that Goths were allowed to be skateboarders. That shit doesn't fly around here. Punks can be, but not goths.

Why wouldn't it fly? It's just a piece of wood with wheels on it.


Besides, only Krakrok said they were goths. Uh, because they wear black or something.

[NiX]

That story sounds like a horrible piece of crap.

[Azazel]

I was unaware that Goths were allowed to be skateboarders. That shit doesn't fly around here. Punks can be, but not goths.

Why wouldn't it fly? It's just a piece of wood with wheels on it.

Besides, only Krakrok said they were goths. Uh, because they wear black or something.

Don't ask me, I don't make the rules around here. I just know that Goths round these parts don't ride skateboards. Punks, Emos, and obviously, Surfies and Skaters do.

[Krakrok]

I was practicing my "four words to a great internet story title".

I only posted it because I go to San Jose regularly and that's just what I need: Sitting at a stop light in the middle of the night w/ servers in the back and getting attacked by a roving pack of skate bandits.

I agree WayAbvPar though. They must have been parked or something otherwise why didn't they drive away.

[Nevermore]

Besides, only Krakrok said they were goths. Uh, because they wear black or something.

That Johnny Cash was a big ol' goth.

[angry.bob]

Anyone still driving an SUV that's not the work vehicle of some fort of rescue team should be beatend to death at stoplights.

The real victim of this story is me, who had read about a bunch of incompetents who couldn't get the job done.

[Rendakor]

Anyone still driving an SUV that's not the work vehicle of some fort of rescue team should be beatend to death at stoplights.

The real victim of this story is me, who had read about a bunch of incompetents who couldn't get the job done.

I lol'd.

[UD_Delt]

Was I the only one that first envisioned the Stygian Triplets from Dogma before remembering they were actually geared up for street hockey instead of skateboards?

[Endie]

Was I the only one that first envisioned the Stygian Triplets from Dogma before remembering they were actually geared up for street hockey instead of skateboards?

You are not alone, brother.

And re the "goths don't skate" thing, I agree.  It comes down to the effects of exercise on all that back-combed, rigidly-constructed hair.  Goths don't do effort, for fear of it collapsing messily on their face.  Plus, it clashes with their elaborate self-image of themselves as languid, consumptive decadents from the twenties.  Obviously, we're talking goths, not emo here.  If they can't picture Lestat doing it, it won't fly.

I had to put away the hairspray and crimping irons myself when I started surfing.  The effects of sunshine and salt water on black no.1 hair-dye is unpleasant.

[SnakeCharmer]

So, they just sat still in the car and waited for them to bash their skulls in? God forbid you use that 2 ton vehicle as a self defense weapon and drive away, or over some of the little fuckers. Maybe the Goths just knew how fucking stupid they were and tried to take them out of the gene pool before they reproduced.

Instances like this (however rare) are what my CCW and .40 cal under the seat are for.  Chalk up a couple more pluses for living in Alabama:
Goth SUV attacking skateboarders are rare
We can carry a pistol to shoot the fuckers if deemed necessary

[HaemishM]

So they are terrified because they stayed in one place and took a beating? I realize people make some stupid decisions when panicked, but surely the first impulse when someone lands a skateboard on your fucking car door is to DRIVE THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE TWAT WITH THE SKATEBOARD.

If the guys had started shooting, would they have just sat there and hoped the bullets didn't hit them? It's a fucking SUV, the goddamn thing could crush 3 skater douches on its grill with room for half of the 4th.

[DarkDryad]

Anyone still driving an SUV that's not the work vehicle of some fort of rescue team should be beatend to death at stoplights.

The real victim of this story is me, who had read about a bunch of incompetents who couldn't get the job done.

You sir can smootch my expedition drivin arse. Ill drive what ever i want to as long as I can afford the gas to do so. Hell the expidition gets better gass mileage than my Mustang.

[Nevermore]

Yeah, because it's not like your gas guzzling ass is driving up the price of gas for the rest of us or anything.   

[DarkDryad]

No the oil companies are doing that just fine by themselves. Dont blame me for corporate greed. If we had more refining capabilities gas would cost less as well. God forbid we increade our ability to produce fuel. You would be surprised that the difference in mileage between the SUV and my v6 pickup isnt all that great. 3 or 4 mpg at most. We dont drive the suv every day but man its nice when hauling a crowd to a ball game or going on vacation.

[Strazos]

Yeah, SUVs are mostly pointless and unnecessary. I hate seeing so many in NJ, with just 1 fucking driver...

[SnakeCharmer]

All they are is the modern day station wagon, and about as fuel efficient.

Ever tried fitting a 1 year old in a car seat, an 80 lb boxer, two adults, luggage for three, and toys into a Civic or even a midsize sedan?  Yeah.  Ain't gonna happen.  It's not like the old days where the kid is roaming free unbuckled, or sitting in one of the parents lap as they barreled down the freeway.  I STILL have to use a trailer hitch mounted carrier. 

A minivan (which I begged and pleaded for, but my wife would absolutely have nothing to do with it), whislt being more practical is about as fuel efficient as her SUV. 

But they're still practical as hell.  I used to hate them.  Now?  I love them. 

[angry.bob]

All they are is the modern day station wagon, and about as fuel efficient.

Ever tried fitting a 1 year old in a car seat, an 80 lb boxer, two adults, luggage for three, and toys into a Civic or even a midsize sedan?  Yeah.  Ain't gonna happen.  It's not like the old days where the kid is roaming free unbuckled, or sitting in one of the parents lap as they barreled down the freeway.  I STILL have to use a trailer hitch mounted carrier. 

A minivan (which I begged and pleaded for, but my wife would absolutely have nothing to do with it), whislt being more practical is about as fuel efficient as her SUV. 

But they're still practical as hell.  I used to hate them.  Now?  I love them. 

Yes to everything you listed except the dog is a Sheppard mix at 65 pounds. And the car is a Neon, so a Civic should have room to spare. Unless you're going on a month long trip, you're taking way too much shit. Absolute convenience does not equal necessity. People managed for decades without SUV's and any midsized car being made today has as much carrying capacity as a station wagon from the 80's.

[SnakeCharmer]

I'll take the comfort and safety of the SUV. 

And, I'll decide my own packing habits for a 350 mile, week long trip, thank ya very much.  Depending on the season, I'll need some or all of the following:
My luggage
My hunting gear (depending on season)
My golf clubs
Wife's luggage (there is NO such thing as a sensible woman when it comes to packing clothes)
Wife's golf clubs
Kid's luggage
Kid's toys
Dog
Dog stuff
Work laptop

And that's just travelling to my parents house.  That's not considering long weekends to the beach, hunting locally, fishing, canoeing, and pretty much anything else outdoors we need.  A Civic (or Neon or any other car save perhaps a Subaru of some sort) just isn't going to get us where we want to go and back, with all of our gear and trailer (boat or 4 wheelers). 

Sorry.  You'll never ever convince me that I can do without -or- make me feel guilty about having an SUV.  And the fact that my wife drives just about the safest vehicle (ML350) you can be in is worth more to me than anything else.

[Simond]

Merc M-Class: http://www.euroncap.com/tests/mercedes_benz_m_class_2002/145.aspx (four stars)

Merc A-Class: http://www.euroncap.com/tests/mercedes_benz_a_class_2005/223.aspx (five stars)

[HaemishM]

I'll take the comfort and safety of the SUV. 

BWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! 

[SnakeCharmer]

By all means, Haemish.  Bask me in your know all knowledge of vehicle safety.

[HaemishM]

The only knowledge I have involves the words "rollover." You can google it yourself. I'm too lazy to.

[SnakeCharmer]

You don't know much about cars do you?

[HaemishM]

I try not to. They are the things that go "VRROOMM" right?

[SnakeCharmer]

Something like that.

[Morat20]

Was I the only one that first envisioned the Stygian Triplets from Dogma before remembering they were actually geared up for street hockey instead of skateboards?

You are not alone, brother.

And re the "goths don't skate" thing, I agree.  It comes down to the effects of exercise on all that back-combed, rigidly-constructed hair.  Goths don't do effort, for fear of it collapsing messily on their face.  Plus, it clashes with their elaborate self-image of themselves as languid, consumptive decadents from the twenties.  Obviously, we're talking goths, not emo here.  If they can't picture Lestat doing it, it won't fly.

I had to put away the hairspray and crimping irons myself when I started surfing.  The effects of sunshine and salt water on black no.1 hair-dye is unpleasant.

There are different kinds of Goth. I'm sure there's sociology papers actually tracking the different Goth sects. According to a friend of mine, Goths get notoriously bitchy when the "wrong sort" of Goth is around. She's probably biased, as she was more the Lestat-type (Victorian-esque clothing, poetry, sad thoughts about death) amongst a bunch of industrial types that were barely distinquishable from punks.

Jesus, we make the world too complicated.

[Nevermore]

Just don't ever call any of them Emo.  Goths *hate* being mixed up with Emos.

All they are is the modern day station wagon, and about as fuel efficient.

Source: http://www.fueleconomy.gov/

Code:

2003 Ford Expedition 4WD                      2004 Ford Focus Station Wagon
Fuel Type  	Regular                       Fuel Type       Regular
MPG (city) 	12                            MPG (city)      23
MPG (highway)   17                            MPG (highway)   32
MPG (combined)  14                            MPG (combined)  26

Fuel to Drive 25 Miles: 1.79 gal              Fuel to Drive 25 Miles: 0.96 gal
Fuel to Drive 15,000 Miles: 1,074 gal         Fuel to Drive 15,000 Miles: 576 gal

Thank you for wasting 500 gallons of gas a year hauling around your golf clubs.