Don't cross your wires.

[Shockeye]

Every once in awhile Slate has something mildly... not annoying.

Dear Prudie,
I am engaged to a wonderful, loving man with whom I share many interests. One of our shared interests is a massive multimedia online role-playing game. Recently while playing one of my characters, I met a man. (We'll call him Sam.) We have been speaking, both in-game and out, for several weeks now, and we have even swapped real-life pictures of one another. One of the things I know about him is that he lives in England. Just last night, as Sam and I were chatting in character, he brought up the subject of marriage. He has not proposed to my character yet, but he is going to. Now to my question: Should I tell him I am engaged in real life? I have done a lot of theatre and played many role-playing games (online, live-action, and tabletop), and I've learned to separate the feelings of my characters from my own. But I don't know about Sam. I have told my fiance about Sam, and he doesn't mind the relationship; he feels that the best policy in this matter is, "Don't ask; don't tell." So, I turn to you, Prudie: Should I tell him or not?

—Pixilated Paramour

Dear Pix,
Prudie is guessing your game is along the lines of Dungeons and Dragons—that is, something that's all about pretending. Because your fiance recommends not revealing real-life information and because it's a game, perhaps you should just stay in character. Just assume that Sam can hold his own … and remember that he is, after all, in England. As for sending your picture and speaking "out of game," that seems a little like crossing wires, if you get Prudie's drift.

—Prudie, theatrically

Seeing as how my wife really doesn't play games and has no interest in what I do online this sort of situation has never really come up for me. I'm wondering if anyone else has had a situation like this come up and what they did about it.

[SirBruce]

I can say from my MUD experience that most "virtual" relationships eventually culminate in the desire by one or both parties to meet in RL.  Although they may never engage in actual sex, either they will become friends or the virtual relationship will end.

Within the furry community, most likely your RL companion will be a furry too, so they will completely understand that you're having VR sex with another furry whom both of you probably know and sometimes go to the movies with on Friday nights.  This situation is a lot harder for "mundane" folks to accept, however.

To me this is entirely an issue between the woman and her husband as to how they want to handle virtual relationships and any RL friendships that could result from them.

Bruce

[HaemishM]

I'm not going to comment on the furry stuff except to say that I'm not going to comment on it.

I can say from my MUD experience that most "virtual" relationships eventually culminate in the desire by one or both parties to meet in RL.

I can say that this is mostly true, however. Even in cases where one person has specifically stated at the beginning of the virtual relationship that this is only supposed to IN CHARACTER, it usually ends up with at least one of the parties wanting to turn it into something else.

I have no problem with my wife being in in-character marriages with other players on MMOG's or MUD's. I trust her to be able to tell the difference. The guys she's ended up marrying often do not or will not accept that she really doesn't want to sleep with them in anyway. Friendships are usually lost because of this.

[Nebu]

Sorry for the length, but this movie bit says it all.

Harry
You realise of course that we can never be friends.

Sally
Why not?

Harry
What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or
form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets
in the way.

Sally
That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there's is no sex
involved.

Harry
No you don't.

Sally
Yes I do.

Harry
No you don't.

Sally
Yes I do.

Harry
You only think you do.

Sally
You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry
No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally
They do not.

Harry
Do too.

Sally
They do not.

Harry
Do too.

Sally
How do you know?

Harry
Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he
always wants to have sex with her.

Sally
So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds
unattractive.

Harry
Nuh, you pretty much wanna nail'em too.

Sally
What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry
Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the
friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally
Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry
Guess not.

[Shannow]

What Nebu said. Any attempt at an online relationship is really a conscious or sub conscious longing for a real relationship, most likely from the male side.

That being said all the girls in ww2ol scare me, they're much tougher than me.:)

[Signe]

I would have a HUGE problem if Righ married someone in a game.  I won't even marry him in a game!  I met my husband on Discworld Mud almost 13 years ago.  I also met his ex-girlfriend there.

[SirBruce]

I would have a HUGE problem if Righ married someone in a game.  I won't even marry him in a game!

Why not?

Bruce

[Ardent]

I have female characters in every MMORPG I've ever played, and never ONCE has anyone proposed to me.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

(A slightly interesting tangent: In a D&D campaign a few years back, I played a female drow cleric who ended up murdering her husband and turning him into an undead drider. Heehee.)

[Signe]

I would have a HUGE problem if Righ married someone in a game.  I won't even marry him in a game!

Why not?

Bruce

I'm not sure if you're asking why I wouldn't marry him or why I'd have a problem if he married someone in a game, so I'll answer both the best I can.

1.  I'm insecure, paranoid, have panic attacks over nearly everything about nothing, mildly OCD and prone to very vivid dreams about things I make up in my head.

2. Although we've never argued about important things in our real lives, we have, from time to time, disagreed over games.  I'm afraid that if we were married in a game, we'd disagree about things in our real lives.

It makes perfect sense to me.

[doubleplus]

I can't say I'd marry someone in game, but I'm not much of a roleplayer. The concept of marrying in game I'm already married to just seems redundant, but people renew their vows all the time, so who am I?

Also, don't cross the streams:

[Signe]

so who am I?

I don't know... who are you?

[Shockeye]

2. Although we've never argued about important things in our real lives, we have, from time to time, disagreed over games.  I'm afraid that if we were married in a game, we'd disagree about things in our real lives.

That makes perfect sense to me.

[doubleplus]

I don't know... who are you?

Me? No one of consequence.



And I may have a fetish for posting egregious images. Other than that, I stumbled in here after anyuzer stopped updating. Who are you?

[Nebu]

Who are you?

My name is Inugo Montoya. You killed my father.  Prepare to die.

[Signe]

Who are you?

Are you coming on to me?

[Paelos]

Ah the Princess Bride reference made me chuckle.


-HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE!
-You keep using that word. I do not think you know what it means.

[El Gallo]

I am not left-handed either.

[Rasix]

Urge to correct quotes... rising.... ugggg........

(My favorite movie.)

[Roac]

You know, that is one of the worst movies made.  It's also my favorite.

Anyway, when talking about ingame, in-character relationships, there's only one stance you can take.  Mah-wige is all about wuhve... twue wuhve.

[ahoythematey]

What about an MLT?  Where does that stand?

[Paelos]

Is that a sandwich?

[toma levine]

Multi-Level Traveling salesmen. John Candy meets up with Steve Martin while travelling, except instead of shower curtain rings, he sells Amway.
Also, he stays with Steve Martin's family not because he has no family of his own, but because he wants to recruit them all as his new "downline".

I figure this thread has long since passed the line of silly.
And yes, I know I'm not going along with TPB references.