Cautiously optimistic about AVP2.

[Megrim]

GET TO DA CHOPPA!!

Ahem...













So anyway, I've come back from a midday screening of AvP2. How to put this. Imagine Ben Hur, or perhaps Charade but with neither the grace or the intensity. And none of the interesting parts. Or none of the Charade or Ben Hur really. Or to put it another way, if one were to transpose Arnold's Predator to the modern screen, employing modern 'cinematographic' techniques, this movie is not what you'd get. You'd get Schindler's List.

Seriously though, here is the rough outline of the film, some spoilers blah blah blah:

As seen in the previous film, a Predator with a chestburster in it is brough on-board the Predator ship. It busts out, gestates into a fully-grown Predation in like 2 minutes and then proceeds to kill a Predator. Another Predator tries to shoot it and misses which blows up and/or crashes the ship. I DON'T KNOW HOW.

Ship lands, facehuggers bust out, start taking out the townsfolk. This is done with some of the worst slasher-flick mediocrity I've ever seen. Freddy Krueger movies had more suspense. A whole bunch of people get killed (though thankfully no-one in any particularly stupid fashion), some survive, a whole goatload of cgi is spewed onto the screen whenever Aliens or the Predator (yes there is only one) are on the screen.

There is no plot. Have i mentioned this yet? Um, ok, more people get killed, it starts raining. Oh wait, i missed a part; there is about 3 seconds of 'character development' sometime in the beginning revolving around improbably good-looking university kids, and a dark brooding stranger. Eventually the military nukes the site from the lower atmosphere (lightweights).

If after reading this you feel as though I'm reaching, this is because nothing in this film makes much sense. The Alien gestation cycle is thrown out the window, the Predator has magic dissolving acid, the black guy dies first, etc...

Good parts: the homages to Aliens and Predator respectively ("get to the choppa!" and "hold on!"), the survivors hearing the national guard getting ripped apart over the radio ala the space marines in Aliens. Thaaaaaaaat's about it. Oh, there is some easy joke about the government not lying to people, and terrorist attacks.

Do not go to see this movie now. Wait for it to come out on DVD. Then wait for it to go into the $2 bin at your local Wal-Mart. Then shoplift it. It will provide you with a valuable life experience.

Final verdict: failbad.

[schild]

So it was awesome?

[Megrim]

Yes. In opposite world.

 * Edit:

No, seriously, it's not even B-movie bad, bad. It's just bad. I mean, at least the first one was somewhat redeemed by the black chick and the Predator kicking arse at the end. This one is just bleargh. 

[Velorath]

I mean, at least the first one was somewhat redeemed by the black chick and the Predator kicking arse at the end.

That was pretty much the worst part of the first movie to me.  And seriously, as soon as you started talking about the lack of plot and character development, it became obvious that you kinda missed the point of why anyone would go see this movie.

[Zetleft]

I mean, at least the first one was somewhat redeemed by the black chick and the Predator kicking arse at the end.

That was pretty much the worst part of the first movie to me.  And seriously, as soon as you started talking about the lack of plot and character development, it became obvious that you kinda missed the point of why anyone would go see this movie.

They hate themselves?

[Velorath]

I mean, at least the first one was somewhat redeemed by the black chick and the Predator kicking arse at the end.

That was pretty much the worst part of the first movie to me.  And seriously, as soon as you started talking about the lack of plot and character development, it became obvious that you kinda missed the point of why anyone would go see this movie.

They hate themselves?

Just the people that called up my theater on Christmas Eve and asked if we were having a midnight premire that night.

[Kitsune]

I entered with dirt-low expectations and left fairly entertained.  I knew beforehand that there would be no plot and that the entire movie was nothing but a vehicle for showing aliens killing lots of people and predators killing lots of people and aliens.  I also have to give the movie credit for not shying away from offing children and pregnant women.  There was oodles of stupidity of course, but I was already expecting it.

[climbjtree]

The only redeeming thing in the entire movie was the sausage lover joke, and that's in the first 15 minutes.

[Jain Zar]

I enjoyed it.  Its nothing special, but its Aliens and Predators and people dying horribly.

Yeah, the Alien lifecycle is borked, but its just following the previous movie that also did it.  I just chalk it up to whatever strain of Xenomorph the Predators use in their hunts.

Its still better than Alien 3 and Resurrection.

[Azazel]

Saw it today. It was stupid. Kinda fun, but really stupid. Lots of continuity WTFs, lots of plot holes. I avoided the trailers (and this thread), so it was all a surprise to me. Well, except for the multiple very predictable bits.


Spoilers:

But hey, at least Ripley, Newt, Hicks and Hicks' retarded kid brother made it out..

impaled recently? it's a movie impalement, so just a scratch! Interesting take on alien gestation via the maternity ward..

Little nod to the company at the end. I thought was kinda cute in concept but badly-executed.

[sidereal]

Horrifying movie, and not in the good way.  The script was terrible.  I think the most eloquent lines were "People are dying.  We need guns"  The super special hybrid was a joke, and the fact that the climactic battle was rendered pointless 10 seconds after it started was really inspiring.  It's like they had a huge checklist of 'moments' that AvP fans would want to see. . Predators using their wristmounted nukes, Xenos emerging from stomachs, Predator camo rush impaling, blah, blah. . and they just lined them up one by one and checked them off without bothering with the whole narrative thing.  Plus there was some irritating gel on the cinematography, like they borrowed the cameras from Pitch Black and forgot to fucking wipe them off.  Love interest was smoking hot, though.  That was a high point.  Of course, casting a 27 year old as a high schooler is an always welcome Hollywood cop out.

[Azazel]

Yeah, I felt that the initial chestburster scenes were done with those characters simply because, well, we need some chestburster-'in, and they were thinking "how can we make this many-times-seen bit seem horrifying or disturbing again?" I know.. let's do it to a kid!.

[WindupAtheist]

The chestburster scene was weak.  It was over too fast, looked too fake, and wasn't disturbing enough.  A proper chestburster scene should pucker your asshole with discomfort as you watch.  See the original Alien for the best example.  John Hurt fucking COMITTED to that scene.

[Merusk]

The chestburster scene was weak.  It was over too fast, looked too fake, and wasn't disturbing enough.  A proper chestburster scene should pucker your asshole with discomfort as you watch.  See the original Alien for the best example.  John Hurt fucking COMITTED to that scene.

It also helped that he was the only actor who knew exactly what was going on.  They'd been told something was going to happen, but not the details about the chest bursting. Their reactions to the bursting (and Veronica Cartwright's reaction to getting guts on her face) were 'real'.

[Jain Zar]

If nothing else, the AvP movies allow me to have these:



And as usual, the Dark Horse comics were better.  The original AvP comic kicked ass!
(Even if they fucked up the coloring in the Omnibus edition..)

[Samprimary]

I saw it in a nearly empty theatre. Basically, all you have to do is only watch when there's a predator on the screen.

I mean, because predators are fucking awesome and all.

Then if it's only aliens or humans, just tune out. The rest of the movie's all bullshit anyway, right?

[Margalis]

It also helped that he was the only actor who knew exactly what was going on.  They'd been told something was going to happen, but not the details about the chest bursting. Their reactions to the bursting (and Veronica Cartwright's reaction to getting guts on her face) were 'real'.

Her reaction is so awesome, she really is about to throw up, the sound is unmistakable.

[Ironwood]

What the fuck are those toys and why are they attacking your multifunction device ?

[Mortriden]

Are those fucking Hero-clicks with Aliens??!!  Holy shit, that seriously might get me to spend cash on a collectable game again.  Jesus tits that looks like sweet, sweet, nectar of fun.

[Jain Zar]

They are from a semi compatible game called Horrorclix, which apparently isn't doing all that hot.

Its basically Heroclix but better and you get to kill hapless innocent bystanders as opposed to just trying to beat some asshat's super combination team.
There are plot twist cards that do things like boost your monsters or make trap doors and shit.

The 2 Aliens sets (Aliens and then the Queen) aren't collectible.  They are sold as a set.  There is also a Predator set, and while not AvP, a Hellboy set which is also fully compatible with Heroclix.
(There are some "chase" Marvel Zombie figures that work in both games too, but they go for BIG money.)

And there is also this fellow:
http://www.wizkidsgames.com/wk_article.asp?cid=40709

Which means you can have Aliens vs Predator vs Zombies vs Hellboy vs Cthulhu.

The problem is most of the figures are generic horror instead of all the shit people want like Freddy and Jason and Michael Myers and such.

[DraconianOne]

The problem is most of the figures are generic horror instead of all the shit people want like Freddy and Jason and Michael Myers and such.

Are you saying that these two phrases are incompatible?

[Jain Zar]

One is iconic.  The other not.

Its like generic vampire in a cape and Bela Lugosi Dracula.

Werewolf or Lon Cheney Jr Wolf Man.

ICONS OF HORROR MAN.

The Ghostbusters as opposed to the "Ghost Finders" which are pretty much busters in slightly different outfits and goofy looking ghost hunting gear that won't be mistaken for Proton Packs.

LAMENESS.

And who wouldn't want to fight the fuckin Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

[DraconianOne]

Ah.  I see. 

[WindupAtheist]

Yeah, so anyway, this movie sucked ass.  It had violence and people said fuck, but if anything the acting and writing were even worse than the first one.  Mindless gore, zero tension.

[murdoc]

This thread has confirmed two things: 1. AvP:R is best viewed for free 2. Jain Zar is King of the Nerds.

[Azazel]

Ah fuck. They're making that Cthulhu figure one of those limited chase bullshit ones. I don't play Heroclix or any of it's variations, but I'd have liked the Great Old One for my bookshelf.

[AngryGumball]

rgr that thx, is Thursday figured i better go see it now before it left the theatres up here.gonna pass, andjust go see Cloverfield friday then...

Was sorta into it but knowing full well it was going to suck, reading the descrips here truly tells me not worth trouble or worth the movie fee to pay.

[Riggswolfe]

Ah fuck. They're making that Cthulhu figure one of those limited chase bullshit ones. I don't play Heroclix or any of it's variations, but I'd have liked the Great Old One for my bookshelf.

You can buy the Cthulhu at local gaming shops or one the internet. It goes for around $80.

[DraconianOne]

I confess: I enjoyed AvP-R

Not that it was good - far from it.  All the criticisms of it (appalling script, diabolical acting, terrible direction, so many plotholes it was transparent not to mention pure rape of everything that had gone before it) are well founded and totally deserved.  So I adjusted my expectations, had a few beers, switched my brain off and went to be entertained by teens getting their faces burnt off by acid and impaled to walls by a hard-as-nails predator. 

It was total and utter crap but just like that questionable donor kebab from the hygenically challenged take-away on the high street, goes well with a couple of beers.

[sidereal]

Ah.  f13:  Productively lowering your expectations since 1863.

[stray]

I confess: I enjoyed AvP-R

Not that it was good - far from it.  All the criticisms of it (appalling script, diabolical acting, terrible direction, so many plotholes it was transparent not to mention pure rape of everything that had gone before it) are well founded and totally deserved.  So I adjusted my expectations, had a few beers, switched my brain off and went to be entertained by teens getting their faces burnt off by acid and impaled to walls by a hard-as-nails predator. 

It was total and utter crap but just like that questionable donor kebab from the hygenically challenged take-away on the high street, goes well with a couple of beers.

Sounds like my type of movie then.