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Author
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Topic: Office Space - Horror stories. (Read 9876 times)
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Mrbloodworth
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15148
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My Current one: Getting moved to a new cubicle. Only to be sat next to someone ( there is a cube wall) that must eat some form of soggy cereal every morning AND CONSTANTLY SLURPS AND CHEWS WITH HIS FUCKING MOUTH OPEN FOR THE NEXT HOUR. I want to move back to the other side of the building. Anyone else have horror stories?
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Trippy
Administrator
Posts: 23628
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That's better than sitting near somebody who rarely baths, smokes, and eats lots of Indian curry.
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Mrbloodworth
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15148
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That's better than sitting near somebody who rarely baths, smokes, and eats lots of Indian curry.
Oh man...
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Furiously
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7199
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That would be horrid if they didn't share.
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JWIV
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2392
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That would be horrid if they didn't share.
I believe the problem is that they're sharing way too much.
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cmlancas
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2511
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I work at a grocery store, next to a guy in the deli who wears vinyl gloves that he doesn't change after going to the bathroom. He also doesn't wash his hands when he returns to work.
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f13 Street Cred of the week: I can't promise anything other than trauma and tragedy. -- schild
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Mrbloodworth
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15148
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I work at a grocery store, next to a guy in the deli who wears vinyl gloves that he doesn't change after going to the bathroom. He also doesn't wash his hands when he returns to work. Why would he, hes got the gloves on???
Pifft.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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UD_Delt
Terracotta Army
Posts: 999
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That's better than sitting near somebody who rarely baths, smokes, and eats lots of Indian curry.
Been there but in my situation it was a morbidly obese woman who did not (or could not) bathe. I had to go to HR about the issue because it was truly nauseating and even putting 4-5 air fresheners around my desk wouldn't help. After the HR discussion it improved a bit but then luckily I got moved to a different building.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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Been there but in my situation it was a morbidly obese woman who did not (or could not) bathe. Denny Crane would fix that fast.
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Wolf
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1248
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We briefly had a guy that got up at 5AM drove around with his bike for at least 20 miles and showed up at work without taking a shower Thankfully he moved into game development. True story.
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As a matter of fact I swallowed one of these about two hours ago and the explanation is that it is, in fact, my hand.
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naum
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4262
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Once, a lady I worked with in the corporate setting got a message delivered to her. She had a rep for not taking regular baths/showers and often showed up at work after a volunteer FD shift. Our mailboxes were public and sat on a window sill near managers offices. Somebody unwrapped a bar of soap and left it in her mailbox, which was publicly visible to all who walked by…
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"Should the batman kill Joker because it would save more lives?" is a fundamentally different question from "should the batman have a bunch of machineguns that go BATBATBATBATBAT because its totally cool?". ~Goumindong
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Johny Cee
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3454
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Sorta office related:
So, I went to high school with the son of one of the partners at my firm. Typical small town stuff.
At this guy's 30th birthday party, my boss and his wife gave me a ride home. His daughter decided to put the heavy moves on me in the back seat of the car, while her parents were in the front seat and her boyfriend/fiance was riding in a different car.
I made my escape at the next stop, but she managed to appropriate the scarf I was wearing. I pretend the incident never happened.
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Soukyan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1995
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Sorta office related:
So, I went to high school with the son of one of the partners at my firm. Typical small town stuff.
At this guy's 30th birthday party, my boss and his wife gave me a ride home. His daughter decided to put the heavy moves on me in the back seat of the car, while her parents were in the front seat and her boyfriend/fiance was riding in a different car.
I made my escape at the next stop, but she managed to appropriate the scarf I was wearing. I pretend the incident never happened.
Lucky. You should've stayed in the car.
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"Life is no cabaret... we're inviting you anyway." ~ Amanda Palmer"Tree, awesome, numa numa, love triangle, internal combustion engine, mountain, walk, whiskey, peace, pascagoula" ~ Lantyssa"Les vrais paradis sont les paradis qu'on a perdus." ~Marcel Proust
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Mrbloodworth
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15148
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Sorta office related:
So, I went to high school with the son of one of the partners at my firm. Typical small town stuff.
At this guy's 30th birthday party, my boss and his wife gave me a ride home. His daughter decided to put the heavy moves on me in the back seat of the car, while her parents were in the front seat and her boyfriend/fiance was riding in a different car.
I made my escape at the next stop, but she managed to appropriate the scarf I was wearing. I pretend the incident never happened.
Was she hot?
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Was she entirely made up ?
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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Was she entirely made up ?
I love you, man. /bro-hug
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MrHat
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7432
Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
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Was she entirely made up ?
Ahaha. Ironwood wins another day.
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Triforcer
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4663
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Once, a lady I worked with in the corporate setting got a message delivered to her. She had a rep for not taking regular baths/showers and often showed up at work after a volunteer FD shift. Our mailboxes were public and sat on a window sill near managers offices. Somebody unwrapped a bar of soap and left it in her mailbox, which was publicly visible to all who walked by…
Ouch. My lawyerly take on that: you might as well have left her a winning lottery ticket saying "Payable by: us in a settlement after two years of litigation."
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All life begins with Nu and ends with Nu. This is the truth! This is my belief! At least for now...
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Mrbloodworth
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15148
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Once, a lady I worked with in the corporate setting got a message delivered to her. She had a rep for not taking regular baths/showers and often showed up at work after a volunteer FD shift. Our mailboxes were public and sat on a window sill near managers offices. Somebody unwrapped a bar of soap and left it in her mailbox, which was publicly visible to all who walked by…
Ouch. My lawyerly take on that: you might as well have left her a winning lottery ticket saying "Payable by: us in a settlement after two years of litigation." Your joking? /leaves to remove coal from coworkers stockings....
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Paelos
Contributor
Posts: 27075
Error 404: Title not found.
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Once, a lady I worked with in the corporate setting got a message delivered to her. She had a rep for not taking regular baths/showers and often showed up at work after a volunteer FD shift. Our mailboxes were public and sat on a window sill near managers offices. Somebody unwrapped a bar of soap and left it in her mailbox, which was publicly visible to all who walked by…
Ouch. My lawyerly take on that: you might as well have left her a winning lottery ticket saying "Payable by: us in a settlement after two years of litigation." I don't think it would qualify as hostile work environment though. That's not discriminating or harrassing anyone based on a legally protected status like being black, handicapped, or a woman. Perhaps I'm missing what they would sue for.
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CPA, CFO, Sports Fan, Game when I have the time
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naum
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4262
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Once, a lady I worked with in the corporate setting got a message delivered to her. She had a rep for not taking regular baths/showers and often showed up at work after a volunteer FD shift. Our mailboxes were public and sat on a window sill near managers offices. Somebody unwrapped a bar of soap and left it in her mailbox, which was publicly visible to all who walked by…
Ouch. My lawyerly take on that: you might as well have left her a winning lottery ticket saying "Payable by: us in a settlement after two years of litigation." Well, in that particular department, everybody in a lead level position or higher seemed to occupy that slot only by lawsuit or threat of lawsuit… …it was so awful that the V-P in the department never came to a meeting without a HR escort… And there was another individual who got canned, a black dude who had some rather unsavory sanitary practices and unkept hair teeming with lice… …but that wasn't the reason he got dismissed — it was for general surliness and yelling at coworkers and superiors. Shortly after his termination, phones were ringing in the office from his lawyer who was building a case for racial discrimination… …to which I laughed at the guy, telling him that normally someone like me is favorable to these sorts of acts and that there are cases where this is merited, but this is not one of them, and he would be foolish for pursuing this one…
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"Should the batman kill Joker because it would save more lives?" is a fundamentally different question from "should the batman have a bunch of machineguns that go BATBATBATBATBAT because its totally cool?". ~Goumindong
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Phildo
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Sorta office related:
So, I went to high school with the son of one of the partners at my firm. Typical small town stuff.
At this guy's 30th birthday party, my boss and his wife gave me a ride home. His daughter decided to put the heavy moves on me in the back seat of the car, while her parents were in the front seat and her boyfriend/fiance was riding in a different car.
I made my escape at the next stop, but she managed to appropriate the scarf I was wearing. I pretend the incident never happened.
That's startlingly similar to how my parents met, actually. At my last job I sat near the quality assurance department, and everyday this absolute dinosaur of a woman would walk by with a good five pounds of McDonalds. You could feel her coming from across the room. Also, in college there was a guy on my floor who didn't shower for a good 4 months. It got so bad that the RA had to force him to shower. I was sandwiched between him and an indian fella who ate curry and played Everquest all day. He didn't shower much either.
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Abagadro
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12227
Possibly the only user with more posts in the Den than PC/Console Gaming.
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Once, a lady I worked with in the corporate setting got a message delivered to her. She had a rep for not taking regular baths/showers and often showed up at work after a volunteer FD shift. Our mailboxes were public and sat on a window sill near managers offices. Somebody unwrapped a bar of soap and left it in her mailbox, which was publicly visible to all who walked by…
Ouch. My lawyerly take on that: you might as well have left her a winning lottery ticket saying "Payable by: us in a settlement after two years of litigation." I don't think "smelly" qualifies as a protected class.
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"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
-H.L. Mencken
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Triforcer
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4663
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Maybe I'm just traumatized from all the sex discrimination cases I'm not able to throw out via summary judgment. Although real cases pop up from time to time, most of it is of the "this was an employee that was totally fucking insane from day 1, but since a male manager called her a crazy bitch she gets to go to trial" variety.
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All life begins with Nu and ends with Nu. This is the truth! This is my belief! At least for now...
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Yegolev
Moderator
Posts: 24440
2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST
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Horror. Hmm.
Morbidly obese woman shits herself while on shift, undetermined time. Doesn't leave early. Same woman drops her text pager in the toilet multiple times. Same woman went to sleep on the sofa in the women's room. We didn't go wake her. Unfortunately, she woke up and barged into the fishbowl with five minutes to spare, before the next shift and the manager showed up. I still hurt myself laughing at that one.
This is probably all that I can actually talk about.
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Why am I homeless? Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question. They called it The Prayer, its answer was law Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
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Raging Turtle
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1885
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This thread terrfies me.
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Merusk
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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Morbidly obese woman shits herself while on shift, undetermined time. Doesn't leave early.
One of the guys in my office had his cell in his front pocket while taking a shit. The handles on the toilets are only about 10" off the seat, so you have to lean over if you're going to use your hand to flush. (Foot ftw.) He does so and his phone falls in as he's pulling the lever. The phone plugs-up the toilet and he's now watching the flood of his shit and toilet water overflow onto the floor. I've never seen anyone as red as he was when the plumber brought the phone to him, wrapped in a plastic bag later that afternoon.
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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stu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1891
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This isn't exactly an office story- it's an army story. Anyways, we were in the field and unloading our green duffel bags from a double door container. The platoon sargeant was in charge, watching as we formed a chain and tossed the bags from man to man. One of the bags fell and the platoon sargeant noticed there was no lock on it, so he decided to open the bag. Sure enough, there was a big ass, hot pink penis cozy nestled on the top of the contents. Our platoon sargeant picked up the hot dog heater by its cord and swung it like a lasso, chasing people around with the dong delighter while yelling out the name of the guy it belonged to, whose name was on the duffel. Great way to break the boredom.
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Dear Diary, Jackpot!
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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I'm not quite sure what that means.
If I'm right, though, I'm very wyrded out.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Ookii
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 2676
is actually Trippy
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Same woman went to sleep on the sofa in the women's room.
You guys have sofas in your bathrooms? Classy place.
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Yegolev
Moderator
Posts: 24440
2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST
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Not the guys, only the women. Also, this is something present in many more places than you might suspect.
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Why am I homeless? Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question. They called it The Prayer, its answer was law Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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And bosses usually agree to the expense in the vain hope that one day they'll be on that sofa, balls deep in the wee lassie as she screams out his name in pleasure.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Polysorbate80
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2044
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Morbidly obese woman shits herself while on shift, undetermined time. Doesn't leave early.
One of the guys in my office had his cell in his front pocket while taking a shit. The handles on the toilets are only about 10" off the seat, so you have to lean over if you're going to use your hand to flush. (Foot ftw.) He does so and his phone falls in as he's pulling the lever. The phone plugs-up the toilet and he's now watching the flood of his shit and toilet water overflow onto the floor. I've never seen anyone as red as he was when the plumber brought the phone to him, wrapped in a plastic bag later that afternoon. My wife's stepfather out-grossed that one. Waaay back before he started farming, he accepted a job doing auto body work. First night before starting the new job, he got so shitfaced drunk he spent the better part of the early morning puking. Nothing too out of the ordinary for a single young adult male, right? Well, he's had dentures since high school (it's a relatively common thing around these parts for people of his generation, apparently--some bad Scandahoovian genes floating around the pool or something, I dunno). Poor bastard forgot to take his teeth out before the vomit-fest, and sho 'nuff they wound up being flushed. What would a sane person do? They'd say "fuck it" and go buy a new set of dentures. Not this guy, though. He called in sick for his first day of work to go dig up the septic tank to recover his choppers. Now, had this been my dentures, I don't care what the fuck was used to clean them, you'd never get me to put them back in my mouth. Apparently it wasn't such a big issue for him, though.
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“Why the fuck would you ... ?” is like 80% of the conversation with Poly — Chimpy
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8564
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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Working in a TV newsroom. Plunged into this environment after years in regular office-type space.
Open plan office design means I can see someone facing me, looking back at me over the monitor. And she's the hot newsreader everyone lusts after, all made up for TV, reading her email.
I am too distracted to work effectively. But my job is to meet unmissable deadlines for TV. Have you ever seen the news NOT go to air on time? No, it must always be on time, therefore deadlines are absolute and missing them is death.
I focus. And then the other two hot newsreaders everyone lusts after arrive, for a gossip session. Together the three of them lean towards the monitor, looking at some funny email attachment.
And it's two minutes to air.
Edit: Also, after reading the other posts ... urgently requiring a toilet while we are live on air with me as "the guy working in the background".
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« Last Edit: December 18, 2007, 02:33:10 PM by Tale »
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