Oh god, woe is me.

[WindupAtheist]

I'm stuck troubleshooting one of my parents two computers.  It's a million year old piece of shit running WindowsME.

Apparently OLEAUT32.DLL is corrupt, and among other things this is keeping it from being able to access the internet.  Whatever, it's a 900k file, I'll use the other computer to grab a new one, toss it on a floppy, and put it where it belongs.  Except the god damned thing is refusing to display icons anywhere but the desktop.  Go to "My Computer" and you're left looking at an empty window, type A:\ into the bar and you're still looking at an empty window.  So yeah, not gonna be that simple.

Anyone have a clue?  Please tell me this is either really simple, or so complex it requires professional attention that the old shitbox doesn't merit at this point.

[schild]

Buy them a new computer. Jesus.

[Trippy]

Use the DOS command window.

[Yegolev]

Two WinME computers?  Surely there is a CDROM somewhere, in that case.

An alternative to icon might be command-line.

I'd take schild's advice, though.  Spend $199 and buy them something with WinXP on it.

[Trippy]

It's probably got tons of malware/spyware/rootkits installed on it which may be why you can't see anything. Best to just nuke it from orbit -- it's the only way to be sure -- and then get them a new computer like the others have suggested.

[Murgos]

It's a million year old piece of shit running WindowsME.

Not to be a dick but I think I've found your problem.

If you don't want to follow the excellent advice above (get a new one) then boot to safe-mode run an anti-virus boot back to normal mode run ad-aware and then proceed to cleaning out the ms-config and registry and then go to http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com and install ALL the updates.  Probably take a day per machine.

Personally, I think you are better off dropping $450 on a cheap dell laptop with WinXP and turning the old ones into landfill.

[Trippy]

Microsoft stopped support for ME a year ago so reinstalling and patching it up is not going to fix any of the exploits found in the last year.

[Murgos]

Microsoft stopped support for ME a year ago so reinstalling and patching it up is not going to fix any of the exploits found in the last year.

There ya go then.  Add buy WinXP ugrade for 99 bucks per machine to the list IF those old machines can run it.

[Yegolev]

You can probably get XP cheaper if you buy a used and/or student CD from somewhere.

[Bstaz]

Forget WinXp, you can upgrade them cheaper.   Get a book of stamps, a local , national newspaper and phone book.  They won't even notice you replaced their computers.  Probably faster too.

[Engels]

In the mean time, unplug their hard drive and burn them a Live CD of some friendly *nix OS, like Fedora or Ubuntu. That'll get 'em on the internets and get 'em access to their hotmail, etc.

[schild]

friendly *nix OS

oh god oh god that's a good one

shit

man

have you ever met an old person?

[Yegolev]

The only friendly UNIXish OS I am aware of is MacOS.

[Engels]

Oh, come now, Live CDs are dead easy. It takes only a moment's instruction to get someone up on a browser, which is the only thing I'm proposing.

[Ookii]

Take that to any computer repair shop and they're going to either do a repair install or fresh install of Me back on that POS.

What you really have to ask yourself is how much is your time worth?  You could spend an hour reinstalling, another installing all the drivers and getting it back up and running, and you still have a 8 or 9 year old computer.  I'm glad you chose to buy a new one, not worth repairing an old one when you can just buy a new one that is phenomenally faster out of the box.

Best of all you can take the old computer and turn it into a sweet firewall!

Oh and don't bother with Linux, I use Ubuntu everyday, it's still not ready for people who aren't 'adventurous'.

[Yegolev]

Oh, come now, Live CDs are dead easy. It takes only a moment's instruction to get someone up on a browser, which is the only thing I'm proposing.

It is just that my own mother-in-law, who happens to run a corporation, has no concept of the right-click.  None at all, even after repeated demonstrations.  Old people are not good with computers in general, and switching to Ubuntu might be moving their chair too far away.  But hey, who knows?

Besides, WUA's parents probably play UO together.

[Merusk]

Oh, come now, Live CDs are dead easy. It takes only a moment's instruction to get someone up on a browser, which is the only thing I'm proposing.

You're right fucking hilarious, man.

As for Schild's "old person,"  I can find you plenty of 35 year olds I wouldn't trust to do half the shit already described in this thread without fucking it up completely.

The majority of people over the age of ~18 are still functionally retarded when it comes to computers.

[Baldrake]

my own mother-in-law, who happens to run a corporation, has no concept of the right-click.

In a related vein --

Exercise to the reader: provide a clear and simple rule describing when to use single vs double-click.

It's actually surprisingly hard.

[Murgos]

Use single click to select and double click to activate unless using a program with it's own UI and then you use it's default (i.e. web browsers use single-click navigation).

Unless you are a retard and have XP in it's single-click activate mode, what did they call that?  Hot-click?  Something stupid like that.  Worthless feature.

[Baldrake]

So if I want to activate an "Ok" button, I should double-click it?

[Murgos]

Dude, whatever.  If 'click OK to continue' is something you are having trouble describing to people then you have more serious issues than mouse functionality.

[Ookii]

my own mother-in-law, who happens to run a corporation, has no concept of the right-click.

In a related vein --

Exercise to the reader: provide a clear and simple rule describing when to use single vs double-click.

It's actually surprisingly hard.

Double click something when a single click would rename it 

Right click if you're feeling paticularly feisty.

[Merusk]

Dude, whatever.  If 'click OK to continue' is something you are having trouble describing to people then you have more serious issues than mouse functionality.

So you're saying you've never actually watched a computer illiterate person try to use a machine then?

I've seen folks do exactly what Baldrake is describing, because they think the default for anything is double click.  In the same vein they try to double-click web links.

[Grand Design]

I think the general idea is to single-click targets that have only one action and double-click targets that have multiple possible actions.  Right-click to ride the snake to the lake.

As in, a desktop icon or an explorer file can be moved with a single click, and so it is activated with a double click.  An href link has only one action, so it can be single clicked.

To us, this is instinctive.  Try to explain it to gramma, though.

On the original post, Murgos is right; ME may not be The Problem, but it is A Problem.

[Lt.Dan]

Dude, whatever.  If 'click OK to continue' is something you are having trouble describing to people then you have more serious issues than mouse functionality.

So you're saying you've never actually watched a computer illiterate person try to use a machine then?

I've seen folks do exactly what Baldrake is describing, because they think the default for anything is double click.  In the same vein they try to double-click web links.

But really, who cares if they double-click web links.  Sure it's the IT equivalent of someone walking on your grave but if it works and they don't have to keep asking you questions then I'd just leave it be.

[Azazel]

I'd also go with Schild's advice.

My 68-year-old mum was using my brother's old computer which just started packing it in left and right. We just took a couple of weeks and bought a new super-basic thing for AU$350 (remember, that's like US$200 in terms of what you can actually buy on your side of the pacific). Put a used copy of XP on it, same with Nortons, and away she goes. The bargain-basement box she now had does ninja-flips over the old maching, and while sure, it doesn't have a video card, who cares? She's not playing UT2k4 anytime soon.

[pants]

But really, who cares if they double-click web links.  Sure it's the IT equivalent of someone walking on your grave but if it works and they don't have to keep asking you questions then I'd just leave it be.

Its scary - I work for a company that writes and consults software for big businesses.  90% of our software is web-based (the whole thin client thing is one of our selling points).  I do a lot of work with one of our senior sales guys, and he ALWAYS double clicks all our web links.  Always - despite constant reprimands from us tech bods that you dont need to do it.  Sooner or later I'm going to ask one of our devs to put in some fancy ajaxy stuff that screws up on double clicks, just to teach him what to do...

We just took a couple of weeks and bought a new super-basic thing for AU$350 (remember, that's like US$200 in terms of what you can actually buy on your side of the pacific).

Whered you grab this from Az?  I have a few family members in a similar situation, and I dunno whether to point em towards Dell, or Harvey Norman, or try to put a PC together myself (which eats up a big chunk of my time).

[WindupAtheist]

People telling me to push the old shitbox off a cliff and replace it with a bargain-basement machine that still infinitely spanks it is about what I expected.  Figured I'd ask though.

[Trippy]

friendly *nix OS

oh god oh god that's a good one

shit

man

have you ever met an old person?

If they can handle Windows they can handle a simple KDE or Gnome desktop just as easily.

[Yegolev]

Initially, perhaps.  After that, when issues arise I can either fix a Windows machine or fix a Linux machine, so there's that to consider.  Besides, my point is that lots of people really can't handle Windows but rather bumble through it until their mistakes accrete into a critical mass of computer-stoppage.  I'd rather KISS and leave Linux out of the equation.

Also when these people read instructions on saving shit to their C: drive or don't know why Reader Rabbit won't install, it is even more of a hassle.  The conversation would be like "I can't install this", "That's a Windows program, you have a Linux machine", "Can you get me a Windows computer?".  I'll stick with the ubiquitous OS, for great justice.

[Sky]

The only friendly UNIXish OS I am aware of is MacOS.

Good suggestion. Mac mini ftw.

Besides, my point is that lots of people really can't handle Windows but rather bumble through it until their mistakes accrete into a critical mass of computer-stoppage.

So true. I've yet to meet anyone outside of a couple gamers I know that this quote doesn't hold true for. Or they have macs and no serious problems.

[schild]

Or they have macs and no serious problems.

F13 is cracking me up today.

[Yegolev]

Or they have macs and no serious discernable problems.

I like this better.  Still, I think dingdongs should use Macs if for no other reason than I can tell them I have no idea how to help them without lying.  It seems that half the people I know are below average intelligence.

[Reg]

Besides, WUA's parents probably play UO together.

It's a well-kept secret that WUA's mom is Peaches from Stratics.

[Merusk]

Very subtle, Yeg.

But really, who cares if they double-click web links.  Sure it's the IT equivalent of someone walking on your grave but if it works and they don't have to keep asking you questions then I'd just leave it be.

It certainly doesn't bother me. It was meant to illustrate a lack of knowledge on their part, nothing more.