Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (SPOILER INSIDE starting on page 3)

[Phildo]

Don't forget the sword mysteriously reappearing at the end.  Unless I missed an explanation for how they got it bacj?

[Ironwood]

You fool, it came from the Sorting Hat.

How ?

BY MAGIC.

 


(Edit :  Bear in mind that this was the same hat that Voldemort SET FIRE TO five seconds before.  Yet, it was ok.  It was merely a flesh wound.  Kill Me.)

[Riggswolfe]

You fool, it came from the Sorting Hat.

How ?

BY MAGIC.

 


(Edit :  Bear in mind that this was the same hat that Voldemort SET FIRE TO five seconds before.  Yet, it was ok.  It was merely a flesh wound.  Kill Me.)

In all fairness, it was established in book 2 that the sorting hat could do stuff like that and that the sword would come to a griffyndor who had  true need for it.

[Ironwood]

I'm aware.

What was not made clear was it's amazing powers of regeneration after it had been burnt to death.

I wanted it to sing one of it's little whimsical songs as it burnt.

"Voldemort has set me on fire,
 I placed him in Slytherin because he was a liar,
 The Stench of Nevilles Hair is strong,
 It won't burn much 'cause it's not long.
 I sorted him into Gryfinndor,
 I literally have no idea why the fuck for.
 OMG, someone please put me out
 I'm trying not to twist and scream and shout.
 ..."

[HaemishM]

Or could it be that some of us don't really give a shit one way or the other about the series, but for 2 weeks around the release of every fucking book we can't turn on a channel without being eyefucked with news story after news story about the series like it's release is fucking news.

Your television has multiple programs and an off switch. Nobody is forcing you to watch.

It's on EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL with "news." I have had multiple friends and coworkers come up to me to ask me if I got it yet. I can't escape this shit unless I lock myself in my fucking house.

As for saying "it's popular so it must suck" I've already said it didn't suck. The story of the first movie was meh. That's not suck, that just doesn't engender any positive feelings. It's mediocre to me, and thus not something I want shoved in my face every 2-3 years. I mean, it's not like I called her a no-talent hack like Piers Anthony or R.A. Salvatore or anything.

[HaemishM]

Look, I'm sure the series is quite entertaining for those what like that sort of thing. For someone like me who finds that even getting a publisher to wipe his ass with your novel is difficult, seeing J.K. whine about a spoiler free positive review in the Times days before her more secret than classified government documents manuscript is more than sufficient sandy grains in the old crotch pockets.

So you're bitter because you think she doesn't deserve to be pissed about her book release because you haven't managed to get published yet? Fuck, the series is a big deal to a lot of people, I think it's a bit beyond "those what like that sort of thing." Just because it's popular doesn't make it unworthy as literature/lowbrow, just like your difficulty getting your book published doesn't make it highbrow.

No, she's pissed off for getting FREE POSITIVE PRESS, when I and many writers can't even get publishers to look at page 1 of their book. She's getting her labia twisted about somebody recommending her book a day early when every fucking media outlet in the world is giving countdowns on the release date, while most published writers can't even get the local editors of their shittastic newspapers to toss them a mention. There's a reason the "mid-list" novel is getting tanked, it's because all the marketing dollars are being tossed around for the "next big thing" and the rest of the publishing world is sucking fumes.

[eldaec]

I have to laugh at the Harry Potter fans who say it's just ok or pretty good. Then why are there fucking release parties and a million books sold on day one, discussions on every website, etc etc. That isn't how people treat merely decent books.

There are really only two explanations. One is that they simply luuuuurve the books. The other is that they have a pathetic need to be part of some larger cultural event, regardless of the quality of the item it is centered around. If art fags complain only because it is popular, than brats like yourself defend it so vehemently for exactly the same reason.

or....

Most people just saw the adverts, pre-ordered on Amazon because it was 70% off or whatever at the time, and then spent a couple of hours on Sunday reading the book with a glass of Tempranillo. Sue us.

Guess what, just as not everyone with a console is that idiot stood queueing at midnight. Most Potter readers were perfectly happy to wait for the postman on Saturday.

That said, I can understand why the books spawn parties and endless discussion forums, at the core, they are mystery novels. They lend themselves to collective discussion and clue spotting.

It's on EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL with "news.

If you don't want to see news stories that apparently fabricate sand particles from the glass in your TV screen and propel them directly into your vagina - don't watch television news. It's shit anyway. Buy a paper, then don't read about whatever it is that's getting your panties bunched this week.

You'll live longer.

I wanted it to sing one of it's little whimsical songs as it burnt.

"Voldemort has set me on fire,

And not doing so is part of what makes books 5-7 merely 'pretty good'.

The early books laid down so much foreshadowing and clues-for-later-resolution, that by the time Rowling reached book 5, she had so many plot lines to tie up, she didn't have time for anything fun.

[HaemishM]

It's on EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL with "news.

If you don't want to see news stories that apparently fabricate sand particles from the glass in your TV screen and propel them directly into your vagina - don't watch television news. It's shit anyway. Buy a paper, then don't read about whatever it is that's getting your panties bunched this week.

You don't get it. It is on every single fucking news outlet in this country. EVERY ONE. Local papers, local TV news, then national TV news, Internet news sites, EVERYWHERE. I turn on the TV news in the morning to get the fucking weather, which is about 2 minutes worth of air time. Can't get away from it there, because the weather is sandwiched between shitty news and Potter news. It's like Paris Fucking Hilton without the wore-out vagina, it's inescapable. I don't think you understand just how much the US news media is made of whoremongering douchebags. The only way to avoid the free marketing for Harry Potter is to go media celibate for the week prior to the release and the week after the release.

I'd be ok with that if they chose one book every 2 weeks to pimp like bitches, but they don't. The rest of the news media ignores books completely, shitty or otherwise, for every day of its miserable life except when the book is Harry Potter or some shitflinging tell-all about celebrity boozers. At least the Daily Show and Colbert Report actually have authors on their program. Most "news" programs would just as soon ignore books as light them on fire.

[Margalis]

In her first tell-all interview since the release of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” J.K. Rowling told TODAY’s Meredith Vieira she "probably will" publish a Potter encyclopedia, promising many more details about her beloved characters and the fate of the wizarding world beyond the few clues provided in the seventh book’s epilogue.

Ha ha ha. Looks like I was way off on the over/under.

You people who say "she already has billions" don't get it. Greed is its own reward. People accumulate money just for the sake of it.

[Phildo]

So... shouldn't there be some super-angry mob of Goblins killing every human in site to get the sword back now?  Not like the little guy is just gonna let it "magically disappear" and not give a shit.

[eldaec]

Haemish,

If you want to know the weather, just assume it'll be more or less the same as yesterday. You'll only be 7 percentage points worse off than professional forecasters. Besides, you live in the southern United States. IT'S GOING TO BE HOT.

That aside, the beauty of newspapers, is you don't need to read Potter news, you just read the other stories.

Hell, I've been reading potter books on release day since number 4, and I don't seem to know half as much pointless shit about the author or about Potter-hype as the beret brigades in this thread.

Probably because I have better things to do with my time than read shitty stories that are obvious Potter PR filler.


Margalis,

Who gives a shit? Good luck to her, and anyway, what else is she going to do all day? Drive a minicab?

The books were fun.

[Rasix]

So... shouldn't there be some super-angry mob of Goblins killing every human in site to get the sword back now?  Not like the little guy is just gonna let it "magically disappear" and not give a shit.

Maybe they gave it a cookie. And a back rub.  Perhaps a pedicure.  Maybe in a chapter that was cut they had Remus and Tonks secure a loan for the sword with the promise of giving the goblins a nice set of goblin forged armor.  Maybe the hat when ignited shits swords.

Who cares? It's easy to poke holes in just about any book if you try.

[Margalis]

I like how "beret brigades" is a Republican-styled derogatory term for people who actually know stuff.

[Rasix]

huh?

[Selby]

All this over a children's\young adult's series of books.  I love how strong the hate has gotten in this thread.  Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy again.

I read it, enjoyed it.  It ended exactly how I predicted (and hoped) it would and without too many twists and turns that weren't foreshadowed somewhat.  I'm just glad I never have to read it again if I don't want to, because it is over as far as the 7 original books were set to go.  Anything that does or does not come afterward is meh to me.

[Xilren's Twin]

Maybe they gave it a cookie. And a back rub.  Perhaps a pedicure.  Maybe in a chapter that was cut they had Remus and Tonks secure a loan for the sword with the promise of giving the goblins a nice set of goblin forged armor.  Maybe the hat when ignited shits swords.

Who cares? It's easy to poke holes in just about any book if you try.

Like Mrs Weasley channeling Ripley from Aliens before she punks Bellatrix? 

On a more serious note, there is no possible way this book could have been good.  Far too much buildup in the minds of the readers plus tons of plot lines that cannot be adequetely resolved.  Course, i think this applies to ending of almost any long running entertainment vehicle, and most surely will apply to the end of the Wheel of Time series  (hell, i think anyone who's read 3 of those book could probably write their own final story and have it be just as good).  Off the top of my head i can't think of a long running series with an intact story arc that actually ended in a satisfying way (be it book, tv series or movie series).  That's just par for the course.

I've never understand why adults get so worked up both pro and con about entertainment fads.  That stuff is for kids, and viewed from that mindeset I think the lines and parties and overwhelming amounts of coverage is fine.  Hell I managed to drag my parents to see the original star wars 8 times when it first came out, plus had the mountain of toys and stuff associated with it; this is no different.  The book hype will be over in a month or less until the next idiot fad comes along, like say the Bratz movie... and of course there will continue to be sequels, prequels, side lines, more movies, theme parks (I know a Hogwarts theme park is under construction in Florida) and shameless merchandising, but the crest of the wave has now officially passed.  I more interested in how the Avatar series works out the redemption of Zuko myself...

/rerail  And I was wrong about some of my guesses.  I had fully expected Harry and probably Herminone and Ron to become professors at Hogwarts in whatever epilogue there happened to be.  I also expect a phoenix like rebirth of D, but since he still got to show up an explain that was close.  BTW, what's with the flayed baby in the afterlife?  Was that supposed to represent V in some way?

[Triforcer]

The book was like getting ass cancer in a car fire while being repeatedly stung by acid-covered bees.

Seriously, EVERYTHING about the Hallows could have been dumped and absolutely nothing substantive would have changed.  It was all tacked on.  And obviously, the series is about magic, but all the craziest shit just suddenly sprang out of the woodwork with absolutely no warning.  Grindelward?  Death handing out superweapons?  I aced the fucking SAT Verbal, the ACT Reading, and the LSAT Reading Comp. and I STILL couldn't understand Dumbledore's explanation for why Harry didn't die even after reading it four or five times.  The entire Dumbledore subplot would have been the dumbest subplot, if it wasn't for all that Grindelwald/Ollivander/Gregorovitch shit.

And why did they spend half the book camping in fucking forests, and then like three Horcruxes fall out of the sky?  I'm sure there is erotic gay Harry Potter fanfiction that does better romantic situations than the Ron/Hermione debacle.  All I'm saying is, in JK Rowling's head, Hermione better damn be infinitely more ugly than Emma Watson and Ron infinitely more attractive than Rupert Grint.  The Charity Burbage stuff?  When did this turn into a fucking snuff film?

HATE.

[Margalis]

and I STILL couldn't understand Dumbledore's explanation for why Harry didn't die even after reading it four or five times

My understanding (not having actually read it) is that Voldemort used Harry's blood to bring himself back to corporeal form, and in so doing inadvertantly made himself into a Horcrux for Harry. Apparently it's really fucking easy to create accidental Horcruxes.

I maintain that most people like Harry Potter for the alternate reality take, the lighter humor and the goings-on at Hogwarts - the mundane made extraordinay. So history will judge the more plot-heavy books as the worst of the lot. And I'm never wrong about these things. I even called critics turning on American Beauty.

[Venkman]

...will apply to the end of the Wheel of Time serie

Please. Like that series is ever going to end. I've given up on reading any new volume until that last fucking* book is published.

* This thread has, on average, one "fuck" per post. That's pretty fucking good.

[Merusk]

and I STILL couldn't understand Dumbledore's explanation for why Harry didn't die even after reading it four or five times

My understanding (not having actually read it) is that Voldemort used Harry's blood to bring himself back to corporeal form, and in so doing inadvertantly made himself into a Horcrux for Harry. Apparently it's really fucking easy to create accidental Horcruxes.

Dumbledore mentioned that it was easier after the first time you do it, and I suppose since Vol'd done it 6 times previously, that 7th was like picking-up Bruce at an ASPCA meeting.

BTW, what's with the flayed baby in the afterlife?  Was that supposed to represent V in some way?

Yeah, it was the bit of V's soul that was inside Harry busily dying.  The whole conversation seems to to take place inside Harry's mind/ soul which opens up the question of WTF Dumbledore was doing there along with Harry's soul and V's mangled bit. 

<insert conspiracy theory that will spring-up about Dumbledore using Harry for some 'good guy' horcrux as well.>

[CmdrSlack]

I like how "beret brigades" is a Republican-styled derogatory term for people who actually know stuff.

LOLZ.

Seriously. LOLZ.

In the terms of lit/film/games/music beret brigade is so totally the people who hate anything popular. I remember, in high school, when I was part of the brigade and claimed that Nirvana were a bunch of sellouts for going commercial after Bleach. Apparently, according to lots of people who appreciate music, I was wrong.

And I was music director at my college radio station...in the mid 90s. We ended up "breaking" a fuckton of bands that got popular in the 1998-2001 years.

[eldaec]

I maintain that most people like Harry Potter for the alternate reality take, the lighter humor and the goings-on at Hogwarts - the mundane made extraordinay. So history will judge the more plot-heavy books as the worst of the lot.

Err, not just history.

That's what everyone thinks right now. It's what everyone has said all along.

Do try to keep up.

Seriously, EVERYTHING about the Hallows could have been dumped and absolutely nothing substantive would have changed.  It was all tacked on.

Not so much, the dumbledore reveal (which I agree wasn't that well handled) was supposed to explain the 'book 7 mystery' which is Dumbledore's background.

Harry's arc for book 7 was supposed to be to turn away from the hallows and follow the more selfless path. Thus showing that he has qualities that even Dumbledore (previously a perfect Obi-wan figure) didn't have.

If this had happened in a book like 1-3 that would have been the bulk of the story, but since the 7-book-arc got snow ploughed up into the last 3.2 books, and particularly into the last book, the arcs of each individual novel got lost.

So I agree that the hallows didn't really fly, but the problem was insufficient hallows, not too much hallows.

Voldemort used Harry's blood to bring himself back to corporeal form, and in so doing inadvertantly made himself into a Horcrux for Harry. Apparently it's really fucking easy to create accidental Horcruxes.

Not exactly.

Voldemort made Harry a horcrux at Godric's Hollow.

In book 4, Voldemort used Harry's blood to come back to life. This took Lily's protection spell inside of Voldemort so Voldemort would also have that protection, and so Voldemort could now touch Harry.

When Voldemort zapped Harry in 7, the Horcrux died, but Lily's enchantment, which most thought had gone, protected Harry because Voldemort had kept it alive beyond Harry's 17th.

[schild]

Guys. It's a book about Magic. Magic is the ultimate "I can do write whatever I want because fans will rationalize it" ingredient. It's for lazy writers. Like time travel and "This character is really Jesus."

[Ironwood]

If only someone had already made that point.  Right at the top of the page.

It still fucking sucks.


Magic, time travel and, yes, even Jesus can be done properly if you try.  Hell, I'd say Babylon 5 took a shot at all 3 at the same time and did fine.

[eldaec]

Guys. It's a book about Magic. Magic is the ultimate "I can do write whatever I want because fans will rationalize it" ingredient. It's for lazy writers. Like time travel and "This character is really Jesus."

You're right of course - but Rowling always made the effort to tell the reader outright what the magic was going to do ahead of time, and then distract you enough to forget that she'd laid down the rules ahead of time. That's a big part of why the books are fun.

If you read them twice, you get the whole 'Usual Suspects' effect.

This is not Lost or 24.

[schild]

No, see, Usual Suspects did everything in a subtle manner, so that you WOULDN'T notice. These are books. Rowling sets her rules in advance so she can call them up when most convenient.

You're right, it's not Lost or 24, they just make shit up as they go along. Rowling spends a few hundred pages making sure that when she makes things up she has some bullshit precedent that makes it OK.

[Chimpy]

In the terms of lit/film/games/music beret brigade is so totally the people who hate anything popular. I remember, in high school, when I was part of the brigade and claimed that Nirvana were a bunch of sellouts for going commercial after Bleach. Apparently, according to lots of people who appreciate music, I was wrong.

Regardless of if they were sellouts or not, they were not the second coming of the robo-raptor-zombie Jesus that MTV, Rolling Stone, and the sheeple seemed to think they were.

[murdoc]

Why you gotta hate on Nirvana in a Harry Potter thread :(

[eldaec]

Why you gotta hate on Nirvana in a Harry Potter thread :(

This is no longer a Harry Potter thread, it long since became primarily a 'my beret is more authentic than thou' thread. Nirvana hate'll fit right in.

[eldaec]

I like how "beret brigades" is a Republican-styled derogatory term for people who actually know stuff.

If this were a thread about some obscure art book, and we were all storming in calling you the beret brigade for liking it, you'd have some kind of point. But as it happens...

[HaemishM]

Please reread my posts so we can check the status of my beret.

I don't hate Harry Potter the books, I hate the phenomenon and all the shitheels that are grubbing up the wodges of cash floating in the air around the Harry Potter fad. I hate the fact that the writer gets pissy about free press that most writers would give their testicles to get. Do you know how many books sales a :15 second mention on Good Morning America can provide? How many book sales a positive review in the New York Times can generate? And she's bitching about it?

That beret-brigade thing is pretty funny, but it totally is insulting the wrong thing. I don't hate the Harry Potter books, I really could give two shits about them. I hate the fad. I hate the fad that turned Nirvana from a decent garage band into the OMFGSAVIOURSOFMUSIC, a swarm of hype that I frankly think contributed to Cobain's untimely demise. I hate the fad that garnered a shitty romance novel like The Bridges of Madison County enough sales to make developing a movie a no-brainer. I hate that no-talent shitweasels like John Grisham get movie deals for regurgitating the same storyline in every book. I hate that a mention in Oprah's book club guarantees best-seller status to people who write "memoirs" of their lives that aren't even true.

[Miasma]

Guardian digested read.

[Daeven]

most surely will apply to the end of the Wheel of Time series  (hell, i think anyone who's read 3 of those book could probably write their own final story and have it be just as good). 

Ooh! This sounds fun. Ok…

First 8000 pages: the various females characters wander around, act catty, and rearrange the draperies while complaining about the men.

Next 1000 pages: the men whine about responsibility.

Final 50 pages: Rand realizes everything is his fault, he is causing the ‘Breaking’ and he is the Evil Dude all in one. So he stabs himself in the face with a rusty spoon and explodes thereby resealing the prison thingy.

Epilogue: 10,000 years later: Start with the corny blowing wind routine, end on a Shepard. Shepard hears the voice of Rand. Shepard freaks out, runs to the village claiming to be the ‘spoon master reborn.’ Shepard is promptly burned at the stake for being a twit.

The end.

On topic: Yes, fads are annoying. But they end. Witness: the end of Disco and lime green stretch pants. Two fads infinitely more horrific than Harry Potter. Really . Stop kvetching.

[Train Wreck]

I liked the book just fine, I don't see what all the angst is about.

[Margalis]

Err, not just history.

That's what everyone thinks right now. It's what everyone has said all along.

Do try to keep up.

A lot of people are calling it the best book in the series.

Do try to keep up.

Edit: I embrace the "beret brigade" label. It's an epithet used by mouth-breathing anti-intellectuals. LOL JOHN KERRY LOOKS FRENCH!!!

If not being dumb means I wear a beret then so be it.