Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (SPOILER INSIDE starting on page 3)

[Ironwood]

That would really depend on the knees.  It's close...

[Furiously]

Aside from the Harry Potter books, The Divinci Code is the only book I can think of that caused a "stir" in the past few years. Personally, I'm just happy to see people reading a book and not glued to their TV like normal.

And I'll take one lump in mine Signe, if you would please.

[HaemishM]

Too bad her writing level should only be entertaining those between 8 and 13. Seriously, I don't know how adults put up with her brand of filthy dialogue. It just sucks.

Adults read John Grisham and The Bridges of Madison County and think its literature. Adults are fucking tools.

[Samwise]

Personally, I'm just happy to see people reading a book and not glued to their TV like normal.

I agree, but I don't think we'll have real progress until people start branching out to books they didn't hear about on TV in the first place.

[Signe]

Yeah, I'll give you some lumps alright.

[Furiously]

Why would you want to hurt poor innocent me? It's not like I started this whole zombie thing.

[Horik]

I heard that Harry constructs his own lightsabre, thus completeing a right of passage, and is able to defeat the evil Dark Lord, Lord Helmet.  He then flies at ludicris speed to Arakis, that desert planet, and saves his sidekick Barf from the evil Pizza the Hutt (the spice must flow after all).  United, they are able to save Yavin 4, killing Voldemort by playing Slim Whitman records, and only get a medal from the princess.  No poonany for him afterwards too.  The princess is such an uptight wench!

[bhodi]

Finished reading it; it was pretty decent. The final showdown and the great reveal was well done. That epilogue, on the other hand, felt tacked on and extremely lame, seemingly put there as a hack-writer approach to tell people that the story is really over, please go home now, they lived happily ever after.

[Margalis]

I've never read any of the books, but I understand the basics of the plot. Spoilers please?

[Ironwood]

If we do that, can we change the thread title to something Explicit?

[Tale]

Yes, I don't want to read any spoilers.

("I want to know which thread they're in so I can keep my distance," he said, in a thread called Harry dies in Book 7.)

[Calantus]

Epilogues suck on general principle though. I don't want to hear about people growing old, getting married, having kids, getting crowned, and whatever else they did after the actual story ended. I second the call for spoilers. I'll get around to the book eventually but right now I'm way to busy and just want to know roughly how it went.

[bhodi]

If you realllllly want them, here you go. I may be a little off since this is from memory.

The final showdown takes place at Hogwarts where it's the staff and students (minus slitheryn) versus the big bad evil Voldemort (hereto after referred to as V) and his army of cronies (including giants). Harry goes looking for the second to last horcrux (think Voldemort a phylactery, a soul storage) with the last being V's pet snake. V finds out, and you have a split screen where V finds out H has been killing all his phylacteries (the last few books) while H is hunting through the castle. V finally finds out and the siege begins. They evac the children, the siege begins, lots of people die. Harry finally hunts down the item, guarded by Crabbe Goyle and Malfoy his arch rivals in the school. Crabbe goes crazy and torches the place trying to kill H, ignoring Malfoy's orders that he is to be delivered alive. He gets himself killed by his own flames and H rescues an unconscious Goyle and Malfoy. The second to last horcrux is destroyed in the fire. V gets fed up with the carnage and tells H to give himself up, he has one hour to meet him in the forest.

V got his hands on one of a triangle of 3 extremely powerful magic items known as the Deathy Hollows, the Elder wand which was in dumbledore's possession and buried with him. The other two are H's invisibility cloak and a stone which was hidden in a ring that came up earlier in the story. He's kind of peeved since the wand isn't doing it's thing properly and figures out that it's already chosen it's owner, he who killed the last owner of the wand, Snape. He summons him and kills him with his giant snake while Harry watches invisible. Voldemort then goes off to the forest to wait for H. Snape dies but not before the great reveal in the form of some of that silver pensive fluid, liquid memories. Harry runs off to Dumbledore's study and learns what the hell has been going on.

Snape, it turns out, loved Lily, H's mother. He went to Dumbledore at the height of the last battle in order to warn that V knew about the prophecy and they were going after H and his parents and agreed to work for him as long as lily was safe/spared. Lilly dies of course but ultimately Snape agrees to watch over H. Dumbledore in the last book had tried to use the ring that was a hoarcrux and also the stone, one of the 3 artifacts because, you find out, D's great weakness is his lust for power, which is why he never took the head ministry of magic position and limited himself to being the headmaster at Hogwarts. He barely survives the attempt and his hand is charred, and find the curse will consume him within the year so he orders Snape to kill him when the time is right, a mercy killing and a final way to convince the dark lord he's no traitor. Snape does, in the last book.

You also find that when the killing curse rebounded on V and created H'd scar, a piece of V was blasted off and took refuge in H, which is why he can speak to snakes and has a mind link with him. H was an unintentional hoarcrux, and so he must die as well with one catch -- V must be the one that killed him.

Harry goes martyr in the forest and gets himself killed and meets Dumbledore in a pseudo afterlife. It turns out V actually created an unintended  hoarcrux for H by using some of his blood to create his phyiscal body this time around, so harry has done his job, the killing curse killed the little bit of V's soul that was in H. You also learn that is why wands act so strangely when they duel, that the wand senses that it's attacking its owner so acts all weird and actually rebells. H returns to life, runs off and confronts V in front of every one at Hogwarts, a duel to the death. H psyches out V by explaining that he isn't the true owner of the elder wand he's holding, that Draco Malfoy gained ownership when he pulled it from Dumbledore, since D and Snape planned his death it didn't count, and H disarmed Malfoy, so H is the true owner of the elder wand and the wand will refuse to harm it's owner. V doesn't believe him and it's the killing curse versus H's disarming curse -- the killing curse rebounds since it did indeed refuse to harm H, and H is left holding both wands. The body count of the final battle is 50 plus Fred, Lupin, Tonks, Collin on the "good" side. Harry now has possession of all 3 artifacts, the wand the stone and the cloak, but gives up the wand so he won't be tempted it's power and the grizzly endings of all it's previous owners. He hopes that if he dies of natural causes the wand's power will be broken.

Fast forward to 19 years later, at the station where all their kids are now going to Hogwarts Ginny and Harry marry, have 5 kids, Ron and Hermione marry, have .. you know what I don't even fucking care because this chapter should have been left out of the book. It ends with his scar hasn't hurt in 19 years.

Edit: Size is more friendly than color, since some people view it on white, use the quote button to read it fools ;)

[Signe]

I have such little control. 

[Trippy]

Edit: Size is more friendly than color, since some people view it on white, use the quote button to read it fools ;)

Unless you are using a browser that allows you to set a minimum font size.

[Margalis]

Interesting. Pretty close to what I predicted, and very close to another prediction I'd seen. Someone is patting themselves on the back right now. (Besides me I mean)

[Calantus]

Thanks. That sounds pretty damn lame to me, killing people off at an alarming rate is pretty hack for the last book in a series where only 2 good guys have died before IIRC. Color me disappointed.

[Merusk]

Finished reading it; it was pretty decent. The final showdown and the great reveal was well done. That epilogue, on the other hand, felt tacked on and extremely lame, seemingly put there as a hack-writer approach to tell people that the story is really over, please go home now, they lived happily ever after.

Good lord you're fast.  What'd you do stay up all night?  I just finished myself about 10 mins ago.

As to the Epilogue, well yeah, what Cal said.  As you mention they're there for folks to get the loose-ends they might have had wrapped-up.   I liked the names, myself. 

Still, the amount of death surprised me, even though I was ready to see some folks die it was far more than I expected.

That sounds pretty damn lame to me, killing people off at an alarming rate is pretty hack for the last book in a series where only 2 good guys have died before IIRC. Color me disappointed.

It all works out, though.  Almost none of them really feel 'forced' but flow well with the action.  Collin Creevy's death was the only one that struck me as "Oh, uh why toss that in there?"

[Rasix]

Done.  Yay, I get the internet back.  Only finished this fast due the inevitability of some dickhead ruining it for me and because my wife wants to have a go at it tomorrow. *deleted non spoiler shit that a decently intelligent person could deduce a spoiler from.*

It was damn good. Yes, the last chapter was completely tacked on, but amusing.

Jk's dialogue's fine. I think schild's read about as much Harry Potter as can be accomplished during a single shit.  Bleh, I don't care.  Haters be damned, I had a lot of fun with this series.

[Johny Cee]

I enjoyed it.  Was originally not going to get it,  but broke down and bought it last night around 9pm,  finished it a few hours ago.  Definitely an easy read.

I could see,  as a taste thing, why people don't like Rawlings narrative voice.  It's meant to be whimsical, light, and invoke the feeling of a fable.  She doesn't use it as well as Gaiman or Pratchet,  but...   they're fucking Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet.

As a counterpoint,  I think Mieville writes some brillant stuff but I haven't been able to finish one of his books because of the post-modern, whining, tortured genius dialogue and character interactions.

[angry.bob]

Bah, the last chapter was the character set-up for the next series of books, written by a different author/authors. The Machine will not let HP just stop - not when it's making everyone sooooooo much money.

[Yoshimaru]

Bah, the last chapter was the character set-up for the next series of books, written by a different author/authors. The Machine will not let HP just stop - not when it's making everyone sooooooo much money.

I remember Rowling saying that she had written this last chapter when she wrote the first book...

[Margalis]

That probably explains why it feels like a tacked-on piece of crap.

Writing an ending first and then trying to get there is really difficult. Usually either the ending simply doesn't match up with the rest of the book or the author has to make significant changes for the worse throughout the book(s) to get there. It sounds like she did the former here, just left it in place even though it didn't fit very well.

[ahoythematey]

Fuck the haters with their noses stuck in the air, the book was good.  Severus Snape joins Atticus Finch, Jubal Harshaw, and Chief Beatty as one of my favorite literary figures.

[schild]

Fuck the haters with their noses stuck in the air, the book was good.  Severus Snape joins Atticus Finch, Jubal Harshaw, and Chief Beatty as one of my favorite literary figures.

Now that's just downright depressing.

[WindupAtheist]

You know what's awesome?  Telling people fake spoilers.  Just to fuck with them.

[Margalis]

For the past two day whenever a friend of mine is on the phone I lean over and yell "Harry Dies!!!"

Edit: What's the over/under on the first Harry Potter spinoff, either his further adventures or the adventures of his kids? (Perhaps by another author) I'd say 2.5 years.

[Ironwood]

Finished it.

What a pile of shit.  From start to finish.

[schild]

Finished it.

What a pile of shit.  From start to finish.

Yea, it seems like it was a lot easier to just read book 1 and the epilogue of the last book.

[Reg]

The characters eyes just weren't big enough.

[Righ]

Edit: What's the over/under on the first Harry Potter spinoff, either his further adventures or the adventures of his kids? (Perhaps by another author) I'd say 2.5 years.

Dunno. Rowling has a billion dollars already. This book and the next few films will probably see her close to two billion. Assuming she buys hundred million dollar castles at a rate of one a year, its still going to take a few years to make a big dent. She'll probably buy castles in a half dozen counties, collect useless but expensive tat and develop a startling cocaine habit. Then her ego will swallow her whole and she'll decide to save the world, pump huge amounts of money into some despicable extremist political party or religion and hit rock bottom. Probably around 2015 we'll see the Harold Potter, Metamagical Detective books.

[Rasix]

Finished it.

What a pile of shit.  From start to finish.

 :-D I was waiting for Ironwood's "This is shite!" post. Surprised I didn't see one for the 5th movie also, that kid playing Hermoine didn't get any better.

You haven't liked one since 3, have you? Just curious. 

The composition of the detractors here isn't very surprising at all.

[Tebonas]

Finished it. The Epilogue sucked completely, the rest was ok without any real surprises. Well ok, Dumbledore already dying maybe. I live in constant fear of Harry Potter: The Next Generation now.

[Jayce]

Done.  Yay, I get the internet back.  Only finished this fast due the inevitability of some dickhead ruining it for me and because my wife wants to have a go at it tomorrow. *deleted non spoiler shit that a decently intelligent person could deduce a spoiler from.*

It was damn good. Yes, the last chapter was completely tacked on, but amusing.

Jk's dialogue's fine. I think schild's read about as much Harry Potter as can be accomplished during a single shit.  Bleh, I don't care.  Haters be damned, I had a lot of fun with this series.

I'd like to make a post but Rasix already made it for me. ^

[Riggswolfe]

I'm trying to decide if the reactions in this thread are art fag fears your beret will be revoked or jaded sandy vaginas. Probably a little of both.

I enjoyed the book.