f13.net

So I saw Clerks 2.

Was funny.

Kevin Smith still writes the most unbearable "romantic" dialogue in the industry.

DISCUSS.

My wife asserted (and I agreed somewhat) that he laid the pathos on a bit too heavy but overall I thought it was a pretty good flick, especially if you are a fan of the original.  Some of the self-contained dialogue bits and Jay stunts (which is what you are looking for in a Clerks movie anyways) were really funny.  Plus, Dawson has some lovely bouncing bits.

Too bad Dawson opened her mouth.

To be more explanatory, I thought this was his best "yearbook" movie. Even better than Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. This was his true love letter to the fans and it's a shame he tried to add coherent romance to it. Granted, he tried to do it with the first Clerks, but the actors back then were such shit that it didn't come across as painful as this. As an entire package though, it was easily his best movie since Chasing Amy.

Me and a couple buddies had a drunken Kevin Smith marathon this week as I had never seen any of his movies.  I enjoyed them all, but by the time Friday rolled around I was kind of dreading going to see yet another K. Smith film.

Well, I loved it.  I laughed almost the entire duration of the show.  It might have been the beer, but hey...  It was a fun flick.  Big bouncing Dawson boobs rule.

I am a horrible parent.  Even though it's rated R I'm considering going to watch it, and take the kids.   The Daughter saw Jay & Silent Bob in the theaters, and still loves Jay's Rap, though now that she's 7 and beginning to understand it, things get a bit awkward.  (At least we got her to stop doing the Mother-mother-fuck bit).

Hrm.

Your kids will grow up fine. If we're lucky, Cheddar will take his girls. DONKEY SHOWS ARE TOTALLY APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN.

If we're lucky, Cheddar won't be charged with manslaughter after his daughter starts to date.

I give this a pre-emptive Kekela.

Do you really want your 7 year old daughter talking about going ass to mouth?

I dug it.  I was apprehensive going in about the concept of having the characters "grow up", but it worked out nicely, and I think it was a lot better than if he had tried to just remake the original.

"It's okay, I'm taking it back!" might be my new favorite catchphrase.

Moreover, would you let your 7 year old daughter watch Silence of the Lambs?

EVERYTHING in Silence of the Lambs?  Think really hard.

Wow, me too.

Not to mention blowing donkeys.

Yeah that's pretty shitty parenting.  I could see if the kid was at least in 5th grade.  Seven is just fucked up.

Dude come on, why would you take your 7-year-old to see that?

You know when you go to a movie that is clearly not for kids and you see some dumbass with 3 kids there? Don't be that guy.

At least if you are going to bring your little one to an adult movie, pick a better one than Jay and Silent Bob for christ's sake. Not only is your kid going to be warped they are going to have extremely shitty taste in movies.

I liked the movie. Don't take your kids to it, 100% fucking sure of that. It would be THE most dumb thing you'll ever do outside of the internet. I'm craving a sub.

I haven't seen it but the phrase "Porch Monkeys" is now an annoying catch phrase at other places I visit.

Well now I know why it's got the R, good enough I'm not taking 'em.


From what the others have said, this is a bad analogy.  Violence is different from language.  I thought it was just a language thing, and I've got no problems with that.  Donkey parties and ass-to-mouth.. way over what I was thinking of.

  Do you know how much of an asshole it makes you look like when your 6 year old girl is repeating a mantra of "mother-mother fuck?"  Christ.

I cannot WAIT to see this movie.  Unfortunetely the SO has not seen Clerks 1; we are going to do a Kevin Smith marathon either this weekend or next.  And I would have no issues letting my daughters watch this movie.  As long as they did not bring a boy along.  RAR.

Wah. I care what you, or anyone else thinks of me, why exactly?

She was 2 or 3 at the time.  Kids hear things that are catchy and they repeat them until you tell them not to.  They're much like parrots in that they usually repeat the things you DON'T want them to.  I do find it amusing that the folks without kids are the ones outraged, however.   Oh noes, kids heard cursing!

It usually keeps Child Services from questioning whether or not you should keep your kids. Kids cursing like a Kevin Smith film and talking about deviant sex practices tends to get those type of folks snooping through your shit.

Kids cursing is part of the curriculum over here.  I'm not bothered about it.

That said, I would NOT take any child under the age of 40 to a Kevin Smith Movie.  The last thing you want is to be summoned to your school because your kid was making jokes about the back of a Volkswagen.

:)

It takes a lot more than some foul language to get DCFS up in your shit, hoss.  Seriously.  But feel free to be (I would assume) yet another non-parent offering parenting advice/FUD.  Kids learn to swear.  They then proceed to swear.  Adults sometimes laugh the first time they hear a 2-year-old saying, "shit."  This then encourages the 2-year-old.  Of course, since parenting is simple and easy, I guess that should never happen, right?

Depending on the part of the US you're in foul language of varying tolerance. Here in the bible belt  it's more likely to get a blue hair in sufficient tizzy to go tattling on you.

Some stuff is seemingly universal.  If a boy or girl in my son's class started talking bout half the stuff seen in one of these movies, I'd be a more than a bit worried.

I was referring to the combination of things, not the cursing alone, Slack.  And  I was giving a reason why some people don't let their kids do whatever they want in public, apart from the fact they would want them to act like upstanding little boys and girls. Personally,  I think you're overreacting on this. Sensitive much?

/rerail attempt

I've never really  found Kevin's work all that funny, but I've never hated it.

I am a retard. My wife kept asking me if I wanted to see a movie this weekend to escape the heat (it is fucking HOT here now, and no one has AC in their houses since it only gets hot a few days a year). I kept demurring, thinking that there wasn't anything I REALLY wanted to see coming out. ARRRGGGHHH. Now she is working tonight, so I won't get to see it until tomorrow.

Is that because of the manufacturer?

 :roll:

I watched Big Trouble in Little China with my boy when he was three.  Next day my X is making him lunch and he spills his drink, looks over at her and says "Som-Bitch must Pay".   She called up cussing me out and I could not stop laughing.

I won't watch Kevin Smith films with him till he is around 12/13 though.  I am itching to the see the flick and unlike most of the crowd really have not been dissapointed in any of his movies.  J&SBSB is probably my least fav, even over Jersey Girl, which I would have liked a lot if it would have focused on the girl and George Carlin's character, not bad at all though...

Believe me, the analogy is appropriate.  You just don't know to what I'm referring, and I don't want to give away a really good joke so I can't explain any further.

But think about everything in Silence of the Lambs, every moment that might make you think "Huh, do I want my little girl seeing this?"  You should figure it out eventually.

_u_k    _ff


Would you like to solve the puzzle?

Oh, I'm quite sure you don't care what other people think of you, after all, it takes a pretty healthy disregard for the mores of society to take a two year old to see a Jay and Silent Bob movie.  This is a movie filled with vulgarities, obscenities, and drug references.  Having said that, criticism should come as no shock to you, in what seems to be a frail attempt at rationalizing why you were too lazy to hire a babysitter.  I don't think you're the Great Satan, just an irresponsible douche. 

You're the dude that makes prank calls on a service intended for the deaf, right?

"other places" being "the southern united states"?

"Porch monkeys" has been slang for NEGROS for as long as I can remember. What are they trying to make it mean in 2006?

It's okay, we're taking it back.

You really are a douche.  We fucking parent our children (IE are involved with their lives and spend time with them).  My daughters are fully aware of cussing and why it is a bad thing.  When it comes up in a movie we discuss it.  Attempting to ignore the problem will just make it "cool" and they will be more apt to do it.  I stand by my childrens performance in school and how well mannered they are.  In my opinion THAT is how you see how a parent is doing, not wether they allow their children to see one silly movie.

In summary: eat shit and die.

Yeah, I got like three pages of grief for that too.  I thought it was understood that 90% of the calls that MY IP RELAY gets are prank calls.  At the time, I didn't even try to rationalize it, I came out admitted that I was a bad person. 

At any rate, I have no problem distinguishing between prank calls and bad parenting. 

Look, I don't go out of my way to attack people on these boards.  But if you feel cavalier enough to come out and admit that you took your 5 year old or whatever to see a movie with humor entirely based on drugs and obscenities, then expect criticism. 

I'm sure your five year old is capable of having a rational, nay, elegant conversation on the finer points of why not to use bad language.  Why can't you just admit that you're wrong?

I was exposed to a wide array of foul language as a child, and it didn't adversely affect me in any way, you dick whoring krill porker.

Hard Bodies and Scarface are a must for any child. IMO.

I do draw the line on excessive violence/scary movies.  No zombie movies for little girls. :(  Which is a shame, my oldest informed me that she is a big fan of zombies.

I find this highly amusing that I'm being flamed for taking the position that "taking a kid who isn't even in middle school to a Jay and Silent Bob movie is messed up."

Welcome to the internet?

I deserved that.  Anyway dude, no hard feelings, I don't know any of you, and one indiscretion does not a bad parent make. 


I guess I just come from the oldschool where you allow your kids to corrupt themselves through the natural course of time.

Edit:  A spoiler alert, my bad.  Not really a plot point per se, so I really didn't think of it in those terms.  Sorry.


















Do you really want a seven year old girl watching donkey fucking?

I mean, I'm trying not to be reflexively judgmental here just because your parenting style is unique, but I'd generally think that watching a man rape a donkey was not the best thing for a seven year old.

I'm not saying it'd scar them - what's worse is that it'd probably desensitize them.  That's not a bad thing - everyone who uses the internet much gets desensitized eventually - but part of the fun of being a kid is that you're not callous to the world yet, and mildly amused by bestiality.  There are still things that make you go  :-o instead of being all "Meh, seen it all before."

I wouldn't take a seven year old to Clerks 2 for the same reason I wouldn't take them to Rotten.com; it probably won't warp their mind assuming you're a good parent (And yes, I assume you're a good parent), but by treating a seven year old like a 19 year old it's almost like you're robbing them of a portion of their childhood.

Why not HAVE some kids, then try to dispense judgement or advice to the parents on the forums, eh?

Well, you're not as bad as one of my friends. Movies and entertainment aren't even the half of it with him. He doesn't even let his kids outside at all without him. Seriously....They never go outside. They're like declawed cats, who just sit around looking at the outside world from a window. His kids can't even experience a nice and nasty bike accident -- It's un-American!

Oh yeah, did I mention that he puts them on waterboy duty for World of Warcraft raids?

Yeah, same guy.

Telemediocrity,

Leave out the spoilers you cock.

Fucker must be banned. Again.

[edit]

Oh wait. Is it wrong to say that?

As someone who knows much more about the subject than you do, I can assure you that there are many types of bestiality that the animal is more than happy to go along with.

I don't need to have kids to dispense common sense.  I already made nice, fuck off.

Heh. I'd almost forgotten about that gem.


Anyways, as a parent myself I would counsel against taking taking any kid under about 15 to Clerks II. I'd put it an order of magnitude past J&SB on the raunch scale and has stuff in it that is really beyond the pale for kids.  If my memory serves, J&SB seemed to be mostly pot and fart jokes, Clerks II goes waaaay beyond that.

Everyone knows the common sense part. It doesn't need to be spoken. Lets be serious here.

I think the problem is that you went on a tirade about it. As if Merusk follows all the worst patterns of behavior for a parent.

Again, she was 2-3.  She heard obscenities. Whaaaa.   I've said worse when  I stubbed my toe or broke my hand.   Pretending that it's not out there and hiding your kids from it doesn't help them any.  Talking about it does, as does revisiting it later on.  Kids are smarter than most folks remember or realizie, which is why parents get so huffy when folks without them lead the charge with, "for teh babiez1!"

Different folks have different tolerances.  I care not about profanity, it's just words.  I don't care much about nuditiy either (omg boobiez & buttz!)  Even minor Drug references go over the kids heads like W.C. Fields in Bugs Bunny cartoons.  Those that she does ask about, we talk about.  That said I'm not going to take them to see Showgirls, Trainspotting or anything with simulated sex, because that's over the line.   Mild violence, however, troubles me about letting the kids watch it.  I don't like watching Star Wars too often with them, simply because of the way my Son reenacts fights with anything he can get his hands on; Forks, spoons, carboard tubes, his sister's Barbies.

  But hey, go ahead and judge, you've been there so often and know all this shit. Why don't we just have you raise EVERYONE's kids.

Llava: I've seen Silence all the way through exactly once. The most I remember is the violent parts at the end, as that's when I seem to catch it these days. So, no, I'm not going to recall whatever it is you're pointing at.  That said, the violence is enough that it's on the "not before 15" list.



Yeah after the first few folks posting about what was actually IN the movie, I decided against it.  J&SB was exactly that, pot and fart jokes with some lesbian subtext between the chicks.  The most outrageous thing was Jay's "I am the Clit Commander!"  Donky shows? Uhh.. yeah wayyyyy past that.

We prefer the term inter-species erotica.

MOMMY, MOMMY, WHAT IS THAT MAN DOING TO EEEYOOOOREE !!!!!?

So, Merusk doesn't like his kids to see Star Wars but has no problem taking them to a Jay and Silent Bob movie? jesus, the world is sure fucked up these days.

(Is a parent btw, and would not ever, ever let his 7 year old daughter see a Kevin Smith movie, nor would he take her at 2 or 3 to one. Not just for the effect on her, but because of the rudeness to the rest of the audience that represents.)

I guess when Geld, Telemediocrmandickrity, and Naum came back, Sir Bruce decided noncorporeal possession of Merusk was a more dramatic entrance.   :roll:

Now come on.  I can never hope to reach Bruce's level of trolldom.  Tele, maybe, but not Bruce.  Thx tho.  :-D

hay guyz wats goin on in this topic

Sorry about the spoiler - I spoiler warning'ed it now.  I really didn't think about it when I wrote it, perhaps because it's not really a plot point, per se?  But yeah, my bad.

FWIW, though, I'm glad that after learning about what was in Clerks 2, Merusk decided not to take his kid to see it.

(Old Movie Spoiler Alert) As far as Star Wars goes; maybe I was just a pussy as a kid, but I felt really sad, watching it around age 7 or so, when they blew up Alderan.  I also felt really sad watching The Flash, at around that age, when they strapped the guy to a motorcycle with a bomb on it and sent him to his doom.  Cruelty that offends one's basic sense of justice often tends to get to kids at that age.

On a happier note, though, trying to figure out how to spell 'Alderan' led me to this thread (http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?p=991308), which made me giggle as only a furious nerd argument can.

Dude, your FIRST post back was denned.  That takes skill.

I give it 8 days and 4 hours and 15 minutes.

Wow, the first (I think) person to agree with what I said?  It could just be the liqour talking, but I think this website might be super clichy.

"I agree with what you said" posts aren't very interesting.  Not everyone feels the burning need to express every single one of their opinions.

 :|

I agree with what you said.

Can we be funny and change his name to Douchematic?

Despite all of this, he really doesn't deserve it. In my opinion.

Lets go 180 and just grief Merusk SirBruce instead. For old time's sake.

I agreed.  I just wasn't a douche about it.

I decided, rather than flipping out at Merusk and questioning his parenting, that it'd be best to just try to talk him out of taking his kids to see Clerks 2.

But I am strongly against parents taking children to see movies beyond their age group.  The parents might think the kid will be fine, but it is at the very least rude to the rest of the audience until a certain age is reached when a child learns "shut the fuck up in the theatre".

Sitting watching the Two Towers and the douchebag Cunt in front of me had his younger daughter quite literally freaking out over the orcs.  Really, really, really freaking out.  And it IS disturbing and she shouldn't have been there.  But he refused to move because he'd been 'waiting to see the movie all his life'.

My wife had to restrain me from taking him outside and caning him.  My mother (who was with me at the time) actually took this little girl out to the toilet and, you know, acted like a fucking parent to her.  Which also grinds my gears because, let's face it, my mother could have been a psycho taking his daughter out to throw her in the back of her dismemberment van.  This guy still didn't get up from his viewing.

I agreed with you also Duse, but I honestly, honestly, honestly thought (and think) that Merusk was simply winding us all up.

I thought I made that obvious with the last post. 

No.

Maybe he just wants his kid to see good movies, instead of shitty CGI fluffballs of shitty shit shittiness with Hayden Christensen.

(http://www.rickymarino.com/uploaded_images/vader-nooooo-741958.jpg)


Gonna see Clerks II tonight. Can't wait!

Saw it. Started pretty slow, but the last half was awesome. Randal's rant about jerking off in the Mooby's bathroom (with the great visual of 'retard strong') had me in tears.

Wasn't a fan of the Elias character at all. He seemed like a one note joke, and one that wasn't overly amusing in such large quantities (pillow pants aside).

Jen Smith looked terrible- that girl needs to eat some more. Rosario Dawson, OTOH, looked fantastic.

Donkey show scene was too long, and QUITE disturbing. It was also mostly hilarious.


They needed more character interaction with annoying customers instead of the one off cameos they used. That was part of Clerks' charm- playing off all the weird fuckers that wander into a convenience store at all hours. I am sure fast food is not terribly different.

The thing that made his character work for me was the fact that he's more like Randall than Randall is entirely comfortable with.