f13.net

So - which will be the better vampire movie: Bloodrayne or Underworld: Evolution??

I'm so tempted to go see both for some reason though...

Underworld.

I like cheesy vampire movies and I liked Underworld 1.
Skipping Bloodrayne.  Lifetime produces movies with better production values then what I have seen in the trailers for Bloodrayne.

I hear it's Uwe Boll's best film to date....

That's like saying one form of cancer is better than another. Sure it might be curable or not as much of a hassle, but it's still cancer and it still sucks.

Man, this thread title could inspire a thousand posts. I carefully avoid seeing most movies I KNOW will suck, but some still get through my filters. On occasion I will purposely subject myself to a bad flick just to see how bad it is- the past 2 have had markedly different reactions.

Van Helsing- I turned it off before the 10 minute mark. SO FUCKING STUPID. I was horrified by just how bad it was. If I had seen this in a theatre I would have AT THE VERY LEAST gotten a refund. They would be lucky if I didn't burn the theatre down.

The Day After Tomorrow- Also known as the movie that science forgot. Watched the whole thing, mostly because I was half asleep on my couch and couldn't find the remote. Anyone who ever graduated the 3rd grade could poke giant holes in the plot. This might be a good MST3K candidate.


As for the original post- one has Beckinsale. In tight black leather. That is easily a decisive factor.

So did Van Helsing.

This is not a healthy thread for me.

I've seen your movie collection. You have a healthy number of movies that fall under the "suck" category.

Agreed.

I can't imagine that this thread was started for any other reason than to see Haemish type nasty words in a giant, red font.

I didn't get that far. Frankenstein and his monster did me in with nary a hottie to be seen.

It's ok - she was wearing a merrywidow-thingie with a floral print and I swear for 3/4 of the movies I was thinking... "It that a nipple? Did I just see a nipple? No - that was her shirt annoying me again. Making me think it was a nipple. Damn nipple patterns on a floral print shirt. A white shirt would have been so much better."

Of course by that time - 5 minutes had passed and I missed everything that had happened. So there were other characters then her shirt and frankenstein?

I remember getting dragged to The Day After Tomorrow by a friend of mine. I can't remember what it was, but we originally went to see what ended up being a MUCH better movie, but my friend wanted to see The Day After Tomorrow so we ended up watching that.

God, CG wolves and people running from cold air down a hallway.

WE DIDN'T LISTEN!

Really though if you saw the SouthPark about global warming AND the Day after Tomarrow then the movie was worth it.  Because that episode was 30 minutes of comedic bliss.

The episode was comedic bliss on its own.  I didn't see anything of the movie beyond the trailer and I didn't feel like I was missing anything.

"The Island" - saw this one on DVD. Interesting characters, neat story, but I got a feeling about halfway through that it was written in chunks by different people. Stuff they introduce at the beginning that you would think were setup for later plot points are ignored later on. When you get to the end, it still leaves you with a question that the movie never answered although those dropped points could have - what caused the event that caused all this to happen again?

I saw the first Underworld. It was OK. Acting was subpar, story wasn't very good either. Effects were decent. Then the VAMPIRE gets stabbed in the arm and passes out from blood loss and I went WTF???? Ain't no blood going to her undead brain. A lack of it should not cause her to pass out. And if you say the loss of blood equates to loss of power so she shuts down, then how does she wake up without getting a blood refill? The gaping inconsistency was my vote against adding it to my movie collection.

That reminds me of League of Extraordinary Gentleman. In the end, an immortal guy fights a vampire. He has known her for a very long time. Yet, he stabs her with a metal sword, then walks away like she is dead. She gets up and owns him. WTF??? You know she is a vampire and you have known for a very long time that she ain't gonna be killed by a sword. You gotta stake her or burn her. Sean Connery rocked in that movie, but the silly plot stuff like that just pissed me off.

AWESOME MOVIES that I have recently rented: Hero, House of Flying Daggers, Serenity. I would highly recommend all three of them. Kung-Fu Hustle was pretty good too, but the story was essentially the same as Shaolin Soccer.

The Van Helsing anime cartoon short (http://www.netflix.com/MovieDisplay?movieid=60036757&trkid=189530&strkid=31897207_1_0) is good. While you are renting that, rent Chronicals of Riddick: Dark Fury (http://www.netflix.com/MovieDisplay?movieid=60037825&trkid=189530&strkid=16871459_0_0).

Actual sucky movies (looking at my netflix ratings):
 
American Movie
Lost Highway
Abandon

Umm why do I have things on my 'returned' list that I've never seen? Weird.

I pretty much stay away from movie theatres (now) unless I know for sure it's a move I want to see or my fiancee makes me go. Thank god she went to see Brokeback Mountain with some of her girlfriends.

Movies I've seen recently (in theatres):

- The Ringer: **
- Syriana: ***1/2 to ****
- Narnia: ****
- Walk the Line: ****
- Jarhead: ****1/2
- Memoirs of a Geisha: ***1/2
- Aeon Flux: ***1/2

I recommend all of them except The Ringer. Why oh why did I let them drag me to that awful movie?

So Chinese propaganda is good plot?

Did we watch the same movie?

The story was excellent. How it related to real life events in China, I have no idea. I assumed it was a myth.

If you are meaning that the "Birth of a Nation" aspects of the story are propaganda, I see it as harmless. No more harmful than 4th of July Colonial history stuff like "The Patriot".

The Patriot was plenty harmful, thanks.  *Shudder*

I fully admit to having a huge collection of movies that suck. While I like good movies, I also enjoy movies that are fun, exciting, and have quality T&A. Movies like Underworld and Resident Evil qualified under that, the first Tomb Raider as well. Van Helsing did not.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen tried, but fell short. Same thing with Brothers Grimm.

I am actually a big fan if Underworld. Personally I didn't really care about Scott Speedman's character, but I loved pretty much everything else about it. There are only two movies I have bought the basic dvd first, and then a directors cut later: Underworld, and some movie about Hobbits.

For anyone who didn't hate Underworld, I do recommend seeing the Director's cut. It adds 15 minutes or so in to the movie, and it's almost all character building and fleshing out the backstory. I thought it really made the movie feel more complete.

Hell, I've had a thing for Beckinsale since Much ado About Nothing, so yea, I'll be there opening night.

While on the topic of movies that are supposed to suck, but actually don't; I'll throw out a favorite from my collection for discussion:

Josie and the Pussycats.

First off - no slamming it unless you actually saw the movie. I found it to be entertaining satire right through, mixed with harmless comedy and cute girls. The villains ham it up to the extreme, but that can work when you have a couple of great performers like Alan Cumming and Parker Posey (why, oh why did she do Blade 3?).

I knew I'd love the movie right from the start once we were introduced to a Boy Band called "du Jour". It's a movie that if you take it for what it's meant to be, can really be quite entertaining.

Perhaps I'll subject my self to more ridicule in the future with some more bad movie suggestions.

Well recently a friend of mine who's a diver rented Into the Blue and brought it over for some big screen goodness. What a vapid film. Absolutely no redeeming qualities save the fact that the director was wise enough to capture as much footage of Jessica Alba's ass as possible. This made it bearable. Just.

The only enjoyment I got out of "Day after Tomorrow" was the thought that during the flight one of the engines would fall down from the plane, making it a total Donnie Darko moment.

They didn't, but I still enjoyed the movie pretending the boy was Donnie Darko after all. He played him the same way, so it was easy.

The worst movie I ever saw in the cinema was "House of Flying Daggers". Expecting some treat similar to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" or "Hero" (Propaganda, Schmopaganda, you wouldn't know it from the movie if you didn't know it was supposed to give a propaganda message), it had neither a compelling story nor interesting fight scenes. I swear this was the first and last movie I really regretted paying money for, because I couldn't even mock it over a burger afterwards.

Wow. If you hated House of Flying Daggers that much, I'm not even going to talk to you about "bad" movies.

Just, wow. Personally, I liked it better than Hero.

Well usually I don't go into the cinema to watch movies that I think could be bad. Not that I work hard for my money as can be experienced right now, but I don't throw away my money on principle. House of Flying Daggers was one of about three surprise in thirtyone years in that regard. And Hero was good, it had if nothing else a superb usage of coloring the scenes. If I would have to think about one thing I like about House of Flying Daggers I would draw a blank. But there is no account for taste they say.

House of Flying Daggers was awesome.

If you think it had no story, you weren't watching.


Sorry, I promised to stay out of this thread.  I PROMISED, MR FRODO!

I said compelling story, didn't I?

Then I take it back, since compelling is subjective.  I found it compelling.  But then I think the same thing about my wife and I wouldn't want you to get fascinated about her.

:)

Blind Date with Bruce Willis.  Worst movie ever.

I liked League of Extraordinary Gentlemen simply because it had Sean Connery doing Alan Quartermain.  Pretty much everything else in the movie I can gloss over.

I said it way back when the movie originally came out....

I hated Hero, I really really did.

And is it just me, or does Jet Li seem to play the same kind of character in everything he does? The slighted hero out for vengeance. Who doesn't do a lot of talking.

No, thats what pissed me off the most, I wasn't expecting it. It was okay little film about a man taking the evil empire that had more style than substance.  Then, suddenly boom, the whole "be a good little communist and die for the state" kicks in.  Puke.

The Thin Red Line....................................

Pearl Harbor.............................

Some directors and producers should stay away from real life events.

I have the Underworld director's cut. Decent enough flick, the commentary was interesting, too.

Suckiest movie I've seen lately: Nick Fury starring The Hasslehoff. Holy shit is that bad. Only caught the end of it, but couldn't turn it off, it was grossly fascinating.

(http://digilander.libero.it/davidhasselhoff/foto/charact/fury.jpg)

See - I could watch Pearl Harbor again and again and again. But that could just be Kate Beckinsale. And yea - the commentary on Underworld was good.

I'll agree with Josie and the Pussycats.  Mostly for Du Jour. Backdoor Lover made me laugh.

Flying Daggers abused the hell out of CGI and wirework.  All the slow motion, physics defying knife scenes had me gnashing my teeth.  The story wasn't that great either.

Underworld was just about putting pretty people in tight leather, and having them pose in slow mo.  At least the action scenes were competently done.

The Bloodrayne trailers foretell something evil.  The line Michael Madsen has in it is one of the most poorly delivered sentences I've ever heard, and that's what they picked to try to sell the movie.  Everyone put $5 dollars in an envelope and send it to Ben Kingsly.  He's obviously is in dire straights, financially.

"No matter who wins... we lose."

I didn't think AvP was that bad.

And my wife loved it because it had penguins in it.

Really.

I like how it answered a few questions I had about the original Aliens films.

Such as, "How do you make a film worse than Aliens 3 and 4?"

Giggle.

I've been trying to think of a movie/series in the past 5 years that struck me in any sort of way. Here are a few:  

Lost in Translation
The Piano
Band of Brothers
Something the Lord Made (acting wasn't great, but I enjoyed the story).
Big Fish

I think it's far harder to come up with movies that don't suck than ones that do.

No. Aliens > Predator > Alien >> AvP > Aliens 4 >>> Predator 2 > Aliens 3.
The last 2, I consider unwatchable.

"How did the Corporation know about the Aliens before?"
"Why is the Bishop Model important to the Corporation?"

At least Dutton made Alien 3 bearable.

I thought it was leaps and bounds above 4.

I just watched Creep.  I was VERY disappointed.   :-( 

I never even heard of a Josie and the Pussycat movie.  Sometimes I get sad reading this board.

The Horror!

(http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:7zQRtlAk1MJ5ZM:images.contactmusic.com/images/reviews/josie.jpg)

No, that would be Color of Night...you know, the one where his penis floats up into view in the swimming pool scene.  People were leaving the theatre at about the 30 min mark.

Only movie I've seen recently was Munich, which was a totally over-rated piece of junk.  If you understand even the most basic things about the Middle East (1. cycle of violence, 2. contesting same piece of holy land) it's no new news.  Compound that with a predictable, linear plot and some spotty acting (Eric Bana was possibly worse than his performance in Troy) and you have a born loser.

You do realize that it is a true story about events that really happened right?

You do realize that Spielberg made a bunch of stuff up as well, right?

Yeah, it has a lot of 'could have happened' and not nearly enough 'actually did happen' to it. I was frustrated watching it, having read a couple of books about the Munich incident and its aftermath. The assassin chick was HAWT though.

Josie and the Pussycats was le brilliant!  I can't imagine anyone not finding that movie absolutely hilarious at the time it came out (before we all accepted that MTV can just create a star whenever they feel like it, hell Fox can make musicians all of a sudden) it also helped that Rachel Leigh Cook is fucking hawt.  In that "look how goofy I am" kind of way.  Hell I actually sat through She's all that on TV once because of her hawtness.

Hrm probably I should delete that last part.


Pearl Harbor (the newer one) was the most terrible piece of fucking trash, it is one of the 3-4 movies that contributed to the fact I will go to 3 movies MAX each year in theaters these days.

I enjoyed the Spice Girls movie.

The only way I could enjoy the Spice Girls movie would be 10 minutes at a time.

Bitching about the plot being predictable in a story that actually happened seems kind of like, well, stupid.  I mean, hell, I knew how Return of The King was going to end 15 years before principle photography wrapped up on The Fellowship of the Ring.

Edit: Let me restate this.  I know the entire plot to Munich even though I haven't seen the movie and no one has ever told me what it was about.  I, in fact, knew the vast majority of the plot by the time I was 15.

In Titanic, the boat sank.

Wtf.

OMG, King Kong and the building and the planes and stuff. /sadf

Ah, but who could ever forget Halle Berry in X-Men.

"Do you know what happens to a Toad when it's hit by lightning? <<pregnant, overdramatic pause>> The same thing that happens to anything else hit by lightning."

That is my worst line in a movie ever quote.

Halle Berry is one of the finest actresses of her generation.

I typed that with a straight face. No, really.

I've yet to see her act.

I've seen all the films she was in, btw.

Monster's Ball....?

Yes, I've seen it.  I thought she (and pretty much everyone) was dreadful and it merited nothing but contempt.

Sorry.

Now, that, was an overrated piece of dogshit.

Keanu Reeves is a better actor than Halle Berry.

Kevin Bacon is a better actor than Halle Berry. Judge Reinhold is a better actor than Halle Berry. My ass is a better actor than Halle Berry.

Overrated maybe, but not a piece of dogshit, imho.

Best movie I saw lately was "Good night, and Good luck.", by George Clooney.
The guy(David Strathairn) playing Ed Murrow is very good.

I would say it was completely forgettable, except that I'll never forget the b00bs.

Just saw this recently. The first half of the movie was awesome. Then the clones escape and it was like Attack of the Bruckheimer/Bay cliches, only with asstons of badly disguised corporate sponsorships. The last half of the movie was just terrible, especially the "I, Robot" ending and the big climactic fight scene between McGregor and Bean. WHY WOULD THE DOCTOR ATTACK THE CLONE PERSONALLY? He had a bazillion security guys who apparently get to watch him play Boromir. What the fuck? Scarlett Johannsen was teh hawtness in this, though.

As for bad movies, if you haven't subjected yourself to "House of the Dead" you have no idea. NO IDEA, I TELL YOU! This is a movie that makes venereal disease attractive. Alone in the Dark and House of Wax aren't too far behind. Van Helsing was just shit. Total shit. I couldn't even finish it. Same with Starsky and Hutch.

Underworld was underwhelming to say the least. I have no desire to see the sequel.

EDIT: Monster's Ball was decent. Maybe you had to be Southern to not hate it.

Hero was a boring, overrated, overfilmed piece of junk. It was a 10 minute story stretched to the longest hour and a half I've ever experienced. It was beautiful looking, but a totally crappy, forgettable movie. I couldn't even tell you the story now, that's how bad it was. All the color changes and such would have been brilliant, if the story they served had actually had any meat to it whatsoever.

Hero was a beautiful demo of having wonderfully saturated colors in a movie.

How about Sexy Beast?  I forgot to add that to the list.  For some reason, I really liked that movie.  Ben Kingsley as a bad guy was great.

I condemn you all... you're the same guys who didn't like Gladiator.

Bah.

We are but shadows in dust, jpark.  Shadows in dust.

I thought Predator 2 was hilarious because Danny Glover beats a killing machine of an alien in a hand-to-hand fight with the alien's own weapon.

What was there to like in Gladiator that wasn't done better in Braveheart?

I liked Gladiator, despite its complete lack of any actual historical accuracy whatsoever.

I liked gladiator and if I want history I'll read a history book.

It was very historical to me. The truthiness of that movie was beyond what any book might say.

Probably because Gladiator sucked ass.


What do you call a Roman Senator with a pube in his teeth? Gladiator!  :rimshot:

You are a bad human being for liking that movie.

Whoa.  I am no historian - but the I thought the depiction of Rome in its final conflict with the Teutonic tribes in the opening scene in Europe was quite impressive.

Gladiator qualified for me in the entertaining movie category. Braveheart was a movie with a few good sequences, but was basically overrated tripe.

Gladiator has 100% less crazy-as-fuck Mel Gibson in it. 

Looking forward to the sequal to Underworld. 

I realize films are subjective - but if you're a man - Kate Beckinsdale is not  :-o

In other words - there is every reason to see the film   :mob:

Kate Beckinsale photos from "Underworld: Evolution" premiere. (http://www.blognyc.net/news/2006/01/kate_beckinsale.html)

I vote Gladiator too.  The whole "Narnia as allegory for the life of Christ" thing got me thinking about Braveheart.  Mel Gibson playing "the martyr for the true people of a certain land against the oppressive regime" really sticks in my craw.  Bring back Haemish's Melvatar.

Thank YOU.

To everyone who doesn't like Yimou Zhang films (Hero, Hidden Daggers, etc.): you're ignorant, you're an asshole, and you're wrong. You don't get Wu Xia and that's your fault, not his. Don't knock a centuries-old genre of storytelling (and filmmaking, for the last 85 years) just because your lazy western ass doesn't understand that these stories are ancient Chinese fairy tales.

Cinéma chinoise is a thing of beauty, and if you don't agree it's because you're wrong. Or just stupid.

Hey Voodoolily - Hero was a piece of shit.

The guy has a good batting record, but no one can make Jet Li worth watching. House of Flying Daggers was masterful though.

Edit: And just for fun, I could smoke your ass on the topic of chinese cinema. People know my <3s for Asia.

This isn't a competition, schildy. Blow it out yer ass.

/me blows daggers out of his ass at your copy of Hero.

I don't get those movies.  I didn't get that Flying Tiger, Hidden Driveway one, either.  They don't make a spit of sense to me.  They're fun to watch, however...  because they are so silly looking.

Any red-blooded girl (and 10% of boys) knows there are "other reasons" for watching Jet Li films, silly.

Oh, admit it. You've got the fever.

Is VDL having some kind of withdraw or something? The hate is strong...

Jet Li is hawt. In that tiny Asian man sort of way.

Unleashed was the bomb.

DRAMA!

Fairy tales can be told in 10 minutes, are told to children to get them to act right, and generally have a fucking point. Hero was 10 minutes of story wrapped inside an hour and a half of directorial masturbation, photographic lushness and the belief that looking pretty is more important than keeping the fucking audience awake.

Also, the opening battle sequence in Gladiator was good, and mildly historical. But frankly, the first episode of Rome got the historical tactics of the Roman legions "righter." After that opening battle sequence, Gladiator took a hard left turn into silly, inaccurate melodrama. It was entertaining, and I liked it, but I had to turn off my brain to do so.

I haven't watched Braveheart since I saw The Passion. Mel Gibson's brain needs a goddamn enema. But Braveheart is still a better movie than Gladiator, and just as historically inaccurate. If you ask me why, just on a whim I might say something like "the battle of Stirling involved a bridge."

(http://library.thinkquest.org/TQ0313033/designfiles/sbridge.jpg)


Although not the same bridge it is in the same area (like within a few feet.)  Seriously, it would have been cool to have the battle on the bridge.

That always got me...

The Scots won the damn battle SOLELY because of their use of the bridge as a chokepoint against the English. You take the bridge out, and it's not even the same battle.

That's like staging the Battle of Salamis (480 BC) in the open ocean. It's stupid.

Propaganda at the end aside...  there were some pretty beautiful and impressive moments in Hero.  The leaf fight and library fight or exhibition, were very cool IMO.

I don't want to pick sides between Schild and Lily here, but my opinion here falls more to Scild's side. Hero was an absolutely beautiful movie, and yes I do understand Wu Xia, it just felt really shallow. I think it was part Jet li, and part just the fact that it was essentially the same short story told three times in a row. Daggers had some pacing issues and such, but it was a totally engrossing movie for me.

Crouching Tiger on the other hand... Signe you baffle me here, as Crouching Tiger had to be one of the most accessable Wu Xia films made. It's a story about romance and resposibilty - pretty standard stuff with a little wire-fu mixed in. It's still high on my list of all time favorite movies.

As for Braveheart - I laughed at the ending. I'm talking bust a gut out loud howling at "FREEEEDOOOOMMMMM>>GLTRCH!". Most of the people around me at the time were probably a little offended. Oh well.

Damn do I hate working on Saturday.

At least we can all agree on that.

Hero seemed like a pretty forgettable movie the first time I watched it, the second time I saw it I thought it was the most brilliant and well shot movie ever.  I was very very stoned at the time so I think that may have something to do with it.

Schild's class of choice is the Paladin.  His taste in character classes is only matched by his taste in films  8-)

I quite liked Hero.  It was interesting from a cultural point of view - to get a sense of the propganda/spin the Chinese put on their own history and what some of their concerns are regarding national unity.

Jet Li not watchable?  If you want great acting see Anthony Hopkins/ Pacino / Hepbrun et al.  That is not Jet's value proposition:  he is genuinely athletic.

Since the innovative but widely copied matrix flim sequences for combat - these days Woody Allen could be a super action star.

Jet is one of the few action stars today that can live up to the billing (my up and comer in this category is that guy that Starred in the Transporter movies).

Again, Hero WAS shot brilliantly. It was absolutely gorgeous, with only Crouching Tiger matching it for sheer lushness. Hero actually looked a little better.

But that's not enough for a movie. Crouching Tiger's story was MUCH denser, with characters you got to care about. Hero's characters weren't even solid enough to be called one-dimensional. They were one line descriptions of characters, whose motivations weren't even expressed by their actors. To me, even the fight scenes were boring, whereas the fights in Tiger were incredible.

And I had tears in my eyes when I saw the "FREEDOM!" yell at the end of Braveheart, in the theater. Yes, it was a manipulative as fuck cinematic moment, but it worked for me. It was about 100 times squared more effective than any moment in The Passion.

I don't know... I just don't understand them.  My sister, however, loves them all... the weirder, the better.  I'm not saying I haven't enjoyed watching some of them... I have.  I just don't know what the hell is going on most of the time.  I enjoy the weirdness and wire-fu without having to understand much of the story.  I am very, very easily entertained.  It's mostly Asian film that muddles my mind, such as the ones mentioned in this thread.  I'm ok with other sorts of artsy fartsy indie type films and I'm very attracted to them.  I'm especially big on the German and Italian ones.

I'm much better with books.  My book comprehension-fu is very good.  I'm also good with other art forms, such as fine art and sculpture, especially conceptual.  That's why I never say mean things about Yoko Ono.

I hate reading when I go to the movies.

You hate reading when you read a book too, so I'm not sure you're saying a whole lot.

I hate Reading too. The traffic is hell, and the festival was an overpriced rained out mud bath.

That's the bridge leading towards the Uni.  I went to that Uni.  I had sex on that bridge.  I also puked my guts over it into the murky river so many times you wouldn't believe it.

Ahhh, when I was young.

You've the got the makings of a good screenplay already.  Go forth young man.

I turn my brain off when watching movies.  I consider it a plus.  Consequently, while I know Van Helsing was a bad movie by any sort of measurement, I enjoyed it.  I especially enjoyed the high-speed carriage scene, and even moreso the part where it flies off a cliff and explodes.  Hi-larious.  The acting was bad but I found the movie to be funny.  I liked it more than League of ... because I never once got the impression that anyone working on Van Helsing took the movie seriously.

I think I, Robot was useless, unless you like Will Smith's naked torso.

Gladiator was pretty and exciting.  I liked it.  I don't even like whatshisname, the main guy.  I'm not looking it up.

Hero could have been better.  It was pretty, at least.  House of Flying Daggers is aging on the TiVo, along with Island of Doctor Moreau.

Troy was no good.  Kinda made me want to play God of War, though.

I saw the sex scene, or maybe just some of it, in Monster's Ball and now I don't find Halle sexy anymore.  Hmmm... did I in the first place?

Titanic was no good.

Starsky & Hutch, I found OK but I am Stillered-out right now.

I really, really enjoyed the Scooby-Doo movie.

You know what's a really good movie?  It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.  And Bullit.

I liked how it catches on fire for no discernable reason.  I think it was supposed to be sparks from the werewolf's claws scraping the metal.  Yeah, that'll set a whole carriage ablaze.

Which made it useful for my wife and, by a simple cause and effect, me.

I'll go ahead and add Family Stone to the list since I saw it (I'm married) this past weekend.

However, it did confirm two things:

1) Sarah Jessica Parker Bueller Broderick is just as ugly as she was yesterday.

2) Rachel McAdams is especially hot as a brunette.

Saw Underworld Evolution. Enjoyed it on a Blamo! Splat! Glorch! OOH SIDE BOOBIES!! Shred! Splug! level.

I thought the first one had more style, but this was a perfectly fun action movie.

Kingdom of Heaven. Worst. Fucking. Movie. EVAR!

Ridley Scott hasn't made a good movie since the late 80's.  It's like the act of making Thelma and Louise sucked all the talent out of him.  I blame Brad Pitt.

I liked Matchstick Men, Gladiator, and to a degree, even Hannibal. Here certainly doesn't make the most cerebral flicks though.

I haven't seen Matchstick Men but for me Gladiator and Hannibal were one shot movies.  They were ok but they weren't watchable over and over again.

Alien?  Blade Runner?  Black Rain, to me, is one of the best Cop Noir movies ever made.  Whatever it was he had in the 80's he doesn't have it now, probably hunger.

Matchstick Men was strangely watchable.  It is normally the sort of movie that annoys me.

Why has nobody mentioned 'Deep Blue Sea' as a movie that sucked.

Well, I personally found it awesome, but then again I truly love movies that suck as evidenced by the fact that I have watched ALL of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon!

Because when you say "Deep Blue Sea" it reminds me of "Into the Blue", Which in turn reminds me of Jessica Alba. Swiming. Like a fucking female elf. Damn. Oh, Jessica, please make me your slave...

Bunk - Isn't your avatar from a movie that sucked. Bad. Damn it sucked.

I liked Deep Blue Sea.

It was a film about Intelligent Killer Sharks.  Anyone expecting high drama, acting, or plot deserved to be dissappointed.

There were also gratuitous panty shots.

There. I'm thinking about Into the Blue again.

Maybe I ought to watch that one as well.  I tend to think of Betty Blue instead.

Deep Blue Sea was a fun popcorn flick.

I couldn't make it through Matchstick Men. Themla and Louise, now THERE was a movie that was a crime against nature. Ridley Scott's made some decent post-80's flicks. Blackhawk Down, Gladiator and Kingdom of Heaven were all decent if not spectacular flicks. I think Gladiator was certainly overrated, but Crowe really should have won an Oscar for his performance in L.A. Confidential, before he got too big to do supporting stuff.

Yes, yes it is. And yes, i do own the movie and have in fact watched it all the way through more than once.

The avatar is actually a result of me admitting to having read the book that movie is based on, and actually quite enjoying it.

Oh behave.

The Book was Atrocious.

Napoleon Dynamite was a crime against the world. It will violate you in ways you didn't know you could be violated.

Movie cut a little close to home, huh?

My mom didn't like the movie, she found it too uncomfortable.  She attributes this to being somewhat of a giant nerd in high school.

I didn't like Napolean Dynamite. And it hit nowhere close to home with me. Koboshi described it best, "It's like being beat up by nerds."

How can you not dispise this movie? About 45 minutes of screan time where close ups of Orlando's face, as he tried to do looks other than constipated? Not the mention the last seen in the movie... *SPOILER* of his lovingly stroking a flower as the wind blew through his hair. This movie sucked in so many ways I cant even describe. God did it suck.

Seconded, but I would have said it was bunk.

What? I love that book. It's like the first post appocalyptic sci-fi I ever read. Heck, it's the first sci-fi I ever read. I was six. And I'm Re-reading it right now (for the third or fourth time), and I still love it.

How can anyone watch the movie twice is beyond me :)

I also have the accomplishment of successfully reading all ten volumes of Mission Earth.

That's not an accomplishment, that was a requirement of joining Scientology.

No no, buying the leather bound set with each page printed on baby seal skin and written in the blood of christian infants is the requirement for joining. Reading it for pleasure is a feat few have undertaken. Less than those who have attempted to climb Mt. Everest for sure.

´

Now, there's a movie that sucked but you had to pretend to like if you wanted to get laid in the 80s.
(at least in my part of the world where we don't run screaming at the sight of subtitles)

That was Dirty Dancing for me. Godfuckingdamn I hated that movie. I still want Patrick Swayze to die a thousand horrifying deaths for inflicting it on an unsuspecting public.

Yeah, but he more than made up for Dirty Dancing by being in Road House.

If you want a great movie track down the movie that contains the quote 'Raise the flags of all nations, that'll slow us down!'.

Heh I read them all, too. Can't say it's the longest thing I've read, as WoT is at #11 now...

Don't Diss The Big Bus.

I watched it all the way through once and didn't mind it horribly.  But previous viewings (around 100 of them or so) had always been restricted to the first five ten minutes.

Ah, but I read all ten in highschool (mostly during classes) in about 3 months. Jordan didn't beat Hubbard for me, because I gave up on WoT after book 9 was nothing but a recap of two days that happened in book 8.

I got 6 books into WoT, but read all the Hubbard series, and Battlefield Earth. Liked both.

Wanna know what doesn't suck?

Ong-Bak.  Good times.

I wasn't dissing it. I was calling it a great movie. That movie is so damn funny and I usually have a bias against older movies.

Yah pretty good movie. Half the time you are cringing - ow! ow! ow! that had to hurt! Good martial arts flick. :)

That sounds eerily like something SirBruce would have posted.

No, it really doesn't.

Unless I posted a made-up chart in there as well, or possibly details of the times I fucked a dog while wearing a fursuit and the dog was drugged up.


While giving blood.

I don't know about Ong-Bak, but the next movie from the same guy (Tom Yum Goong) was featured on lame movie night. It was awesome.
Basically the story goes like this: Evil Japanese people steal the main dude's (MD) Elephants (one big and one little one). So MD kicks some ass, understands they're in Sydney, goes to Sydney, around 100 skaters attack him in an abandoned warehouse, he kicks their asses, I zoned out at this point, he fights a Brazilian capoeira-dude and than a professional wrestler (as in WWF Wrestler...), zoned out again, he starts cutting people with broken bones, movie ends. There was also an Asian anchorwoman that tried to speak with "Aussie" accent, it was very funny. She was cute. It was an awesome movie all around. I highly recommend it for some lame fun.

edit: I forgot, at one point there was a fat guy that ate a Scorpion, because apparently it's an endangered species and a delicacy. No Christana Loken topless sex in this movie :(

I watched the new Dukes of Hazzard movie last night. Not exactly a great movie by any means, but it had some nice eye candy, some cute references to the TV series, and a few pretty funny moments. Probably would have been better if Sean William Scott was actually playing Bo Duke rather than the guy from Dude, where's my car?

I actually bring this up, because the movie was directed by Jay Chandrekelelsssarr... of Broken Lizard fame. Dukes actually includes an unexpected reference to Super Troopers that had me howling. It has inspired me to offer another entry in to the list of Bad movies that really aren't bad:

Club Dread.

To date, I have found two people how enjoyed this movie, myself being one of them. Sometimes I just don't understand people's taste. This movie is a perfect parody of every teen slasher movie made. Scream tried to be a "serious parody" of slashers, and Scary Movie was essentially a parody of a parody - Club Dread on the other hand is plain over the top making fun of slasher movies.

Interestingly, the roles played by the actors are pretty much reversed here from Super Troopers, with Jay Chandrasekhar playing the annoying boob, and Kevin Heffernan playing the hero.

It takes the slasher movie standards and embraces them. And then it gropes them a little. The rules followed in this movie are pretty simple; if you do any of the following during the movie - walk alone, have sex with a girl, discover a clue, seem guilty, think you killed the slasher, or pretty much just happen to not be one of the two main characters... the slasher gets you.

What I liked is that around all of the over the top slasher parody, you still have a pretty funny little movie. Watching Bill Paxton as Coconut Pete freaking out on a fan for asking him to play Margaritaville (rather than Pina Coladaburgh, which he wrote 7 years before that hack wrote Margaritaville) was classic. Yes, the movie moves away from the story for the last half hour, which devolves in to a nonstop run from the slasher sequence (as all such movies do), but that's ok. Some people have complained to me that this sequence is never ending, but personally I think that was the point.

There is plenty of requisite t&a content here, though Brittany Daniel's rack really should have been set free at some point. It also manages to keep the horror content on the cheesy funny level rather than getting in to the pee your pants scary level, which is appropriate with the feel of the movie.

Really, it's a movie for fans of Broken Lizard - I just don't get why they don't have more fans.

Ok so you enjoyed Battlefield Earth and that flick.... I'm thinking you are the one with the odd movie tastes.  Hell I love stupid movies and even I could not stand to watch more then a minute of either of those abominations. 

Personally I get a kick out of Underworld though the first time I saw that I was very disappointed.  What's the consensus on the sequel?

Underworld Evolution - in a nutshell, it was a fun action movie, but it lacked the style the first one had.

Poorly written and acted, as well as somehow predictable and confusing at the same time, but entertaining in a gratuitously bloody sort of way.

And y'know, Kate, tight leather, all that stuff :)

This thread doesn't deliver. I need to know more movies that suck so I can avoid spending my hard-earned money on rentals.  I just don't go to theaters anymore.  Paying to see "Batman & Robin" was what did me in.  After that, I've avoided them except when 1) given free tickets 2) there was a movie I knew I absolutely HAD to see on a bigscreen.   My theater viewings are down to something like 2-3 times a year now.

I enjoyed Cool Runnings.    :-)

My most guilty pleasure is Dead Heat.

Dude, Club Dread kicks much ass. I love that movie, and it's what got me to see Super Troopers. I still need to watch Dukes, if only because the Broken Lizard guys are involved. Bill Paxton was magic in Club Dread. It was a better teen slasher flick than most of the teen slasher flicks have been in the last 5-10 years, and more entertaining. And I don't just mean because of the boobage.

Watched Into the Blue (Jessica Alba and Jessica Alba's ass in a bikini and that annoying dude from Fast and Furious). Acting is atrocious, but it did crank up the tension enough at the end to save itself.

Club Dread was awesome.  Live-action PAC-MAN?  Yeah, I cracked up.  Paxton was hilarious.  It was ridiculous on purpose, which is much different than being ridiculous accidentally.

Brit didn't have to let the girls out in order to accomplish her goal, assuming her goal was to be hot.

House of Flying Daggers: Saw it Saturday.  Meh.  I have seen worse, I guess, but I have certainly seen better.  Nice scenery, though.

Dukes actually sucked - but its worth seeing for one particular scene that Chandrasekhar put in as sort of an homage to Super Troopers. Had me howling.

Also just saw Puddle Cruisers. Terrible movie that basically got released to video because it was made by Broken lizard before Super Troopers. See it if your a BL fan, just for fan sake, otherwise stay away.

It is now on my Netflix queue.

I found Closer to be bad, but relationship movies are not my thing.  The dialog was bothersome.  Owen was good but not worth enduring Roberts or Law.  I have not seen Jude Law in anything else but he didn't impress me in Closer.  Of course, Owen probably just made everything else look more shitty by being so good.  Amidala in the strip club was OK, though.

Just saw Underworld Evolution 2 nights ago. The movie was largely pointless, and pretty gratuitous.

Like, it's great that Kate Beckinsale did a nearly-nude sex scene, which was then followed by some brief nudity by some hookers....but wtf was the point? It made no sense.

"Whew, we survived the big scary mutated vampire guy (for now), and I didn't die when I was exposed to a few seconds of sunlight - lets bang in this cargo container in an abandoned Siberian warehouse!"

Inferior to the original. Though, Kate did look damn good in the movie. Flat tummy and tight leather for the win.

I sort of enjoyed Puddle Chasers, it had some moments and was so low budget most everything else could be forgiven.  It had that super indy "realness" feeling to it.

Club Dread was damn funny though, anyone who says otherwise is crazy, live action pacman almost killed me.