f13.net

www.conanthebarbarianin3d.com

Going by the trailer, looks like the original is superior.

The bad CG really took me out of it.

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/85916/away.png)

I didn't see Conan in that trailer, does he come in later?

My hopes dropped as soon as I heard the "hardcore" guitar and drums. But yeah come on, the dude is stepping into one of Arnold's signature roles. They should have been putting roids in this guy's Wheaties every morning. He looks less like Conan of Cimmeria and more like the Hawaiian version of Kevin Sorbo's Hercules.

I love the hell out of the original, but I just don't have a good feeling here. Part of the appeal of the original was that it embraced lurid barbarian movie stuff like gore and decapitations and gratuitous slavegirl tits and cannibalism. The other part was that, despite all this, the movie refused to take itself with anything but complete and utter seriousness.

This? This is going to be a PG-13 movie in spirit if not in fact. Maybe if they're going for R they throw a little extra violence and a couple of boob shots in, but nothing there makes me think this movie is going to dig deep into it's pulpy exploitative tits-and-snakes roots and dare the audience to follow, the way the first one did. It's never going to have enough confidence in itself to deliver a "Cwom, I have nevuh pwayed to you befowah!" moment with stonefaced chorus-swelling sincerity.

Give me an HBO series (or a Starz one done by the Spartacus people) based on REH's stories.  Not shit like this.

Except Conan was not muscle-bound like Arnie.  Conan was lean and sinewy like a panther. 

What a barbarian and a panther may look like.

(http://content9.flixster.com/photo/51/99/11/5199111_gal.jpg)

Oh yeah, the Beastmaster, goddamn right I went there!

Dude, cameo appearances by Codo and Podo crawling around in Tanya Roberts' leather brassiere could not make me interested in this version of Conan. (to keep with the Beastmaster line of thought)

Why do they have to keep "rebooting" movies that were fine the way they were?

Honestly I'm fine with more Conan, as long as it's about Conan, and not weird shit like this.

Man, honestly, the Conan trailer bores me. They somehow made Conan boring. OMGAH!

I wonder if he'll have to button-mash to get his combos in right as he drives his enemies forward and listens to the lamentations of their women.

Its looked more like Prince of Persia than Conan.  :oh_i_see:

When he said "I will follow you to hell" I really believed him, I mean the acting was so superb.  :oh_i_see:


Did anyone else notice that in some shots he looked ripped and mean, and in other shots he looked skinny and pretty boy like the prince of persia?
CGI muscles?

Might be ok, you can't really tell shit from trailers.

No Arnold, half the 300 cast look more like Conan than this guy. Really? You knew this role was coming and they didn't give you ample time to pack on 30 pounds or so for this? I guess next we'll have hollywood dumping the cgi on the hulk and casting this guy with green paint.

The actor playing Conan is not a toothpick.

First reaction from me is that Conan should never look like the cover of a romance novel. Secondly, I'm not sure Conan should have an English accent.

Meh, I liked the trailer.

He sounds surfer Californian to me (in the few words he says). Which is only an appropriate accent for Conan's sidekick.  :awesome_for_real:

Didn't finish the trailer.  Holy mother of god that is one of the most annoying websites I have been too in a long time, and trying to focus on the tiny trailer area while the clouds kept moving made my head hurt.

Don't know why not - most Conan stories read like the cover of fantasy romance novels as if they're written for boys. As already mentioned, he's regularly described as being lean and strong and so good looking that women would throw themselves at his feet, like Bêlit, Queen of the Black Coast.

Also, REH described Conan as being the double in body to another of his characters, Cormac Fitzgeoffrey; and he described him in "Hawks of Outremer" as being a little over 6 foot and 200 pounds of muscle. Jason Momoa is 6'4" and 210 lbs (according to http://www.e-hawaii.com/stars/jason-momoa (http://www.e-hawaii.com/stars/jason-momoa))

Why do I care? I don't - and I hate the fact that I've just looked up this blokes height and weight. :tantrum:

Anyway, I'll watch this. It looks suitably pulp (appropriate given the source material) and while I really like the first Arnie film, I'd be lying if I didn't also think it was as cheesy as hell.

The issue is that the production values aren't going to compare to the original I suspect. Say what you will about the plot and acting, but basically almost everything else about the original movie is crafted wonderfully - music, cinematography, etc. Even the giant rubber snake is going to feel more realistic than the CGI ones will end up feeling, I expect. If you haven't seen the widescreen special edition that came out a few years ago it is well worth it, for many years you could only get the pan and scan version and that really obscured some great shots.

there will never be a greater opening theme to a film than this: http://youtu.be/sHDmXtW9Yx0

maybe James Bond but whatever

It's not an issue for me.

Then again, this was one of the funnest things I've seen recently: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6mCUoRYN3Y

I was hoping that was going to be the Conan the Barbarian musical, and was sadly disappointed.

Out of all of Arnie's roles, I think of him as Conan.  But I have no problem with a new version, the trailer looked somewhat decent.  New dude has big, big shoes to fill though as I think Arnie is the icon (despite the bulk).

Looks like magic will be more obvious in this one.  In the last two it was fairly subtle. Or will it be too much?

I may be the only one who liked Conan the Destroyer.  It was a pretty good DND adventure with a smooooking hot princess.  Could have probably done without Grace Slick(?) the amazon.  It was kind of a cheese fest, but at least it wasn't an origin.

So yeah, I'll go see this, looks like they may not be in the desert all the time which might be interesting.  Is Conan in Tortuga?  We'll see.

Grace Jones. Also, the only really good bit in Destroyer was her and the princess.

Princess: Zula, how do you get a man to like you?
Zula: Grrrrab him! And rape him!
Princess: Uh...

Grace Slick as an amazon warrior would be pretty hilarious, though.

I got my Grace's mixed up!  :ye_gods:  I did like her in "A View To A Kill" though.  Zorin is one of my favorite Bond villains.  Hmm maybe I should make sure that's his name by the power of Google.  Nah, I'm sure that thats it.  Holy shit I'm typing my thoughts!  Stop!  Stop! Piss, fuck, shit, ham sandwich!
I had a bad day at work

Her brains have been so fried for decades that she might be able to actually follow the plot of Conan the Destroyer.

The biggest fail this movie will have is having been made too "slick" to adequately portray the genre.  The film should be grainy (why filmakers dont go back toreal film is beyond me), not high-res.  The magic should be complex, insidious, and deadly to the user.  Everything should be gritty, dank, and darkly sexual with a hint of homoeroticism.
Conan himself, although a "beautiful man," still has to exude grit and barbarism regardless.  Tough to cast to say the least.  The same pretty much goes for most everything "beautiful" in Howard's world save a few virgin priestesses here and there.

I got none of that vibe from the trailer obviously, even though I liked the trailer regardless.  So once again, we have yet to see Howard's work adequately portrayed - even by the original (which will have done a better job methinks).

It was shot on 35mm.

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_pECDY6aB_w0/SdyuuBj5QsI/AAAAAAAAFl4/LU1xvPeD7aw/s400/Obama+Barbarian.jpg)

Maybe they need a different camera and/or film type then.

eye bleach (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw&feature=BFa&list=PL989B7D9970D86041&index=3)

You guys don't like Khal Drogo moonlighting as Conan?  I mean, he did do a good job hunting space vampires in another galaxy.

I grew up on the comics, and read the original Howard stories before I ever watched the two Arnold-as-Conan movies, so to me the whole "But Arnold IS Conan!" thing doesn't really hold as strong a position as for some others in here, and I actually think Jason Momoa is a better fit for the character than Arnold was. *shrug*

Arnold was fine as Conan, but what really made the first movie was everything else.  The music, how it's shot, the stylized yet brutal combat.  The soundtrack alone is pretty much perfect.  The origin story, with virtually no dialogue besides the narration by Mako, sets up Conan as a huge badass and gives him a massively believable motive for going after Thulsa Doom.

The way the movie was made, it didn't matter that Jerry Lopez was a surfboarder and Arnold was a bodybuilder...  they only had to emote a bit and grunt out a line or two and you bought it.

I just don't see how this movie could be anything but a disappointment.

If you expect a movie to dissapoint and it does, is it still dissapointing ?  :why_so_serious:

Conan came out in 1982.  I think 30 years is a decent enough time to pass so as not to sully the original.

You know, same with Hulk, oh wait.  Well maybe the X-Mean, oh wait, I mean Spiderman, oh wait...

I was hoping for something a little more larger than life.

They cast too much of a pretty boy as Conan.  Still, might be a decent 90 min departure from reality. 

Am I the only one that kinda liked Conan the Destroyer? yeah it wasn't as good as Conan the Barbarian (duh, what has been since?), but taken on its own it was a pretty decent swords and sorcery chopemup and I quite enjoyed it.

Red Sonia on the other hand was so bad people forget it even existed  :awesome_for_real:

Yes.



 :grin:

Nope. I also liked Red sonja.

The Solomon Cane film was good. Shame it hasn't been released in the US.

I will have to remember that next time you recommend something.  :-P

You have to like Destroyer a *teensy* bit if only because it has Wilt the Stilt being the bodyguard for the little blond girl you KNOW Wilt was probably banging between takes.

Probably only once, he had to keep switching people to meet that 20k quota.

She played Amanda Rogers on TNG's True Q.

(http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20050613193710/memoryalpha/en/images/6/6d/Amanda_rogers.jpg)

I just like to pull that little bit of triva out.

She's also the voice of Luminara in The Clone Wars and Tak from Invader Zim among other recognizable voices & roles

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001882/

Older sister on the Wonder Years is the thing that comes to mind.

I have been lambasted for less :)

They've been showing these on AMC tonight. The part in Barbarian with Conan knocking out the camel is still one of my favorite scenes of all time. There's kind of a similar moment in Destroyer with Grace Jones being scared of a rat that is pretty funny too.

I'll always love the old school texture of 80's fantasy flicks.

I really, really hope they use the 'lamentation of the women' line.  And if we're talking favorite scenes, I love it when Conan's face drops into his gruel.  And when dude looks at his maul after bringing the columns down.

Conan was supposed to be a mean, surly asshole by default, only cheering up when he had money, booze, women, or any combination of the above.  The sort of guy you would definitely not want hanging around outside your house.  Smart, strong, and capable, but not very lovable.  The Dark Horse comic version of him was pretty close to spot-on, in my opinion.  It helped that they based several of their stories on original Howard stories, and that their artist was phenomenal.

The Dark Horse comics have been marvelous--extending from the stories where needed, using Howard as inspiration but not limited to him, and with a great understanding of the milieu of Conan.

A man of great melancholy and great mirth?

Is that Dark Horse series still going? I stopped reading them at #50 (where I thought they stopped).

I liked the Dark Horse stuff, but I still think the stuff Roy Thomas did at Marvel was better.  Dark Horse has actually collected most of those into TPB's in recent years. The cool thing about the TPB's is that in the back of each one (or at least the ones I've read) Roy Thomas goes into detail about what was adapted from the REH Conan stories, the logic behind the stuff he made up to fit between the REH stuff, how he adapted some of REH's other stories into Conan stories, his attempts at getting permission to adapt Carter and de Camp's Conan stories, etc...  The guy obviously has a lot of love for the source material.  On the minus side, he did help write Conan the Destroyer.

Well since it's Hollywood I wouldn't be surprised if some suit ripped his script apart to make sure it could be a PG movie or something.

New trailer - shows around 2.5 minutes of a scene from the beginning of the movie... so, spoiler alert, I guess: :P
http://whenbloodisspilled.com/ (http://whenbloodisspilled.com/)

Ok I was willing to be charitable but that looked terrible.

It went from semi-plausible to "getting silly now" with kiddie Conan killing all those hardened warriors/raiders to flat out unbelievable with spit the egg out unbroken at the end.  Still, the best part was that complete stereotypical announcer's voice that you can hear in almost every trailer made.  Who is that voice-over guy?

Ron Perlman's speech was also terrible and didn't sound anything like what a real person would say - clearly exposition for the audience.

You people are sometimes entirely too hard to please. I liked it just fine.

I kind of lost it (in a bad way) when Conan did a jumping roundhouse kick to some guy.

I liked it.  Conan's supposed to be larger than life.

Liked it. Popcorn required!

Have you ever read any of the Robert E. Howard stuff?

Even setting the Howard stories aside, this doesn't look like it is going to come anywhere near the first Arnold movie to me.

Yes. Every single Conan story. They're all pulp and so is this. What's your point?

To call this pulp is giving it way too much credit.  Not even getting into the poor line delivery (Jason Momoa speaks every line like Christian Bale's Batman), this shit just looks like the product of a director who is mostly known for music videos and pointless Horror movie remakes like the Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre remakes.  Most Conan stories have a slow build-up and an air of mystery around them.  I realize these are just trailers and it's hard to judge pacing, but from what I've seen they seem to lack any sense of subtlety or anything other than generic action.

And people gave me shit for complaining about Game of Thrones.

Conan ffs.

Yeah the tone here is completely wrong. I'm not a stickler for staying exactly true to the source material, to me it's more important to capture the spirit - which this does not do at all. The original Arnold movie was actually very good in that regard. This is just some kid being a bad-ass and doing kung-fu and shit. It just needs a nu-metal soundtrack. (Or did it have one? I forget) It's also kind of cute overall and that is one thing Conan definitely should not be.

Nothing about this said Conan to me. If you took out some of the proper names I don't think I could ever guess this is a Conan movie.

You're telling me - you were a moment ago complaining that nobody speaks like that in real life. Yes - this is a Conan film. They speak like they do in Howard's stories. Hell - some of the dialogue in the second trailer is lifted straight from "Frost Giant's Daughter".

As for the spirit or being cute? What do you mean? Because they showed a young Conan slaughtering all comers? How is that in anyway not in keeping with Howard's stuff - he regularly made reference to Conan's childhood.

"Did you deem yourself strong, because you were able to twist the heads off civilized folk, poor weaklings with muscles like rotten string? Hell! Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong. I did that, before I was a full-grown man...!"

"I was one of the horde that swarmed over the hills. I hadn't yet seen fifteen snows, but already my name was repeated about the council fires."

Fuck - the way you guys are talking it's as if Howard was the 20th century equivalent of Shakespeare or something, not the guy who wrote

Nope. Still liked it.

"With an egg in my mouth!"

There is a difference between tone and content.

What I mean by "cute" is that you see little runty Conan show up late to the party, it looks like he isn't going to go with the other older kids and is grateful for the opportunity, and 2 minutes later he's spitting the egg carrying some heads and proving he's a badass. It's like a full character arc packed down to a half-minute cliche. (Local boy does good!) The construction is cute. You can see the exact second the look on his face goes from normal kid to super badass.

I was actually going to write earlier that even if the dialogue and scenes came directly from a Conan story it could still be wrong tonally. If you are going to go with Conan being a badass from birth ok, but I don't need him to go from runt of the litter to badass complete with the physical equivalent of a parting one-liner in the span of a couple minutes.

I don't see what Howard's quality of writing has to do with anything. If you are going to make a Conan movie make a Conan movie, not Ong Bak 4. This is true whether Howard was a great or terrible writer.

If you replace "Conan" and "Cimmeria" what about this says Conan?

Watching more trailers it looks basically like Hercules, Xena, Sinbad or any of those serialized pulp shows that were popular for a while.

"the barbarian"? :why_so_serious:

Just watched the trailer and I didn't get the same vibe.  He seems instantly bad ass.  He doesn't hesitate when he saw the enemies.  With your take on it I was expecting a cute little boy to start a blood lust after his village is destroyed.  To me it was more : shy and disorganized but fearless and talented.  Like Naruto?

The impression I get from all the commercials? He talks too much.

Sooo yeah.  Conan.  Yeah.  Fucking TERRIBLE movie.  And I say this as someone who is capable of watching just about anything on the big screen and finding some redeeming quality to it.  Hell, even a fair shake of gratuitous tits in the middle of the movie couldnt even begin to scratch the surface of attempting to redeem it.  Terrible acting, terrible editing, boring plot.  Even the tiny bit of sorcery we get (pretty much an extended version of the pale dudes scene from the trailer) was weak.

Sadly, the kid they get to play 10 or 12 year old Conan did a better job of looking like a badass in his one limited fight scene then the guy playing conan did for the entire rest of the movie.  And a little something in me died during the fight with the giant snake / tentacle monster thing when Conan didnt even kill the fuckin thing at the end, but just ran off to chase after the entirely uninteresting evil villian character.

My opinion: Go see fucking spykids.  Even if it sucks, it is probably better then Conan.

And oh yeah, the 3d is completely fucking forgettable.  There were large chunks of the movie where I could have taken my 3d glasses off and not even noticed.

Pity, seen this?

Terry Pratchett's Troll Bridge (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/snowgumfilms/terry-pratchetts-troll-bridge)

Was the next line "Uh, ok. So, I pay the guy at the door then?"  :awesome_for_real:

Just go to youtube and watch the khal drogo scenes from game of thrones instead of watching this piece of shit movie.

Yeah, I had to wonder about that.  The guy who plays Conan also plays Drogo, and supposedly his scenes in GoT were pretty good.  Maybe he shot Conan before the acting lessons payed off.

terrible movie

"What's it like when your movie flops? (http://www.deadline.com/2011/08/conan-the-barbarian-screenwriter-answers-whats-it-like-to-flop-at-the-box-office/)" One of the credited writers of Conan talks about it's failure at the box office.

or... "This'll be the one they remember me for!"

This guy's lame. I like how he tries to tactfully throw the other writers under the bus half-way through.

Douchey Writer: "I'm just a script doctor! Weren't my fault!"

The directing was bad, the script was bad, the acting was bad, the special effects were bad, the plot was bad, the fighting was bad, the art backgrounds were bad. Kevin Sorbo was better in Kull.

:ye_gods:  wow worse than Kull :ye_gods:

That's pretty sad.

Kull was awesome.

Thread makes me sad, I liked it. It was 122 minutes of utter nonsense and violence while a soundtrack screamed in my ear.

Except for the really bad-looking demon Tia turns into at the end, I agree.

I just wached the BluRay version of this movie and thought it was perfectly fine. The only part I didn't like was Rose McGowan, they needed a much hotter, gothier spooky witch daughter. Like Dakota Fanning with black hair or something. This guy was a way closer match to the comic book Conan of my childhood than Arnold was. Also, nothing like the TV shows except that the main bad guy played King Whatever in the terrible beastmaster TV show.

Anyway, you people are fucking ridiculous. Almost all of you will excuse the most banal, insipid, shit as a good "popcorn movie" regardless of its subject and tone, but you get all fucking picky about a Conan movie? If you've ever used the words "popcorn movie" or "turned my brain off" in a thread here you need to take a long, hard suck on the unwashed cock of reality.

I finally saw this and I thought it was decent.  I mean it wasn't any worse or better than the original, but it was still worth the time to watch.

Guess I will have to watch it then.

umm, of course this was worse. The original Conan film was all kinds of special, this one isn't

If they had the balls to make it R-rated, you'd think they'd make sure it was an awesome Conan movie. Instead, it's passable, but not enough to get a buzz going on the walk out. The thing with the nose that happened near the beginning made me squeal and Ron Perlman went out like a champ. The movie was way more violent than I expected, so that's cool.

There were a few landscape shots in the movie that were straight-up gorgeous.

There was too much going on for the sub-2 hr. run time. A few setting shifts were abrupt and I forgot what was going on. The supporting characters were too flat.

There was more T&A than I could have hoped for.

Watched it tonight on PPV.
 :ye_gods:  Dear God what a horrible movie. I almost turned it off in the first five minutes when Ron cut Conan out of his mother's belly with a dagger.
The acting, it was bad.

I still maintain that pretty much the best scene in the whole movie is the Fight scene at the beginning with Young Conan vs the guys in the woods.  If the rest of the movie had been that good, it would have been fine.

After that, Conan started talking.  Coincidence?

--Dave

Good sword&sorcery is such a subtle thing, especially done with Conan flare;  there was almost zero chance this movie would get it right.  They didnt get it right, but it was still a decent movie I thought.  They nailed a few scenes, but failed in the transitions...  something that Arnold's Conan excelled at to the point you actually looked forward to the filler.

Also, my original comment about the filming medium after watching the trailer still applies after watching the movie.  It was just simply too clean to pick up all the imperfections necessary to make Hyboria pop, which is impossible w/o a ridiculous budget.  This is why many people compare it to Xena, Kull, or some such Syfy crap.  You cant hide behind high-def/3D as it makes all the imperfections too perfect.

If they'd filtered it (sticking to digital) similar to 300, Immortals, Watchmen, etc. I think the reviews would be a bit more appealing, even with the shitty Howard dialog.  And further, if they'd used a more old-school analog medium I think it would've been better.  Occasionally you see directors going this route to pull off a particular effect...  they'll search forever looking for the camera they need.

This Conan just looks too much like someone made it with a WalMart high-def Sony.

Just saw this on a movie channel.  Not good.  Badly directed and terribly written.  The acting is shit too, but I don't know as I can blame them.  Lots of tits and gore though.

I watched this about a week or two ago. HD version for free. I thought it was fine as forgettable popcorn fare. I didn't need to take a boredom break halfway through. It wasn't a classic like the Arnold version, and I have no need to purchase the Blu-Ray/etc, but I don't regret having seen it.

I loaded this up on netflix last night. I didn't even make it to Mamoa Coanan. They were in the smithy, and kid Conan had attacked the guys looking for the piece of the mask. My brother asked me to turn it down because he was going to bed, so I just turned it off and haven't had the desire to start it up again.

A movie about Conan can be many things, but one thing it really shouldn't be is boring.

Sadly, Kid Conan did a better job of kicking ass and looking like a badass in his single fight scene at the beginning of the movei then Adult Conan did for the entire rest of the film.

Yeah, what he said.  But it wasn't too bad.  It's near impossible to equal Arnie's iconic version.