f13.net

Yes. Smurfs.

I don't know WHY I thought MAYBE something could be fun about this.

This has erased any hope and left my inner child crying, asking mommy why the bad people won't stop hitting him.

Witness the horror: http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/06/16/the-smurfs-teaser-trailer/

There was nothing about that trailer that wasn't horribly wrong.

Horible.

I heard about this, saw pics of Hank Shearer as Gargamel, and thought hm, this sounds fun. As long as they don't do EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAW IN THAT FUCKING TRAILER!

I hate you for showing me this.

Wild thing! Uhn!

No.

Why, NPH?  Why?  :cry:

So it is clear that Hollywood can't even garner up the creativity to re-hash old story lines with some new names/characters and setting anymore.

This worked as a kid's cartoon/TV show/ATARI game 30 years ago, lets make it into a big budget movie!

I can't remember who it was, but some actor was asked about why he was in some shitball project that was clearly beneath him and he replied "Have you ever held a check for 6 million dollars?"

If it was just a feature-length CGI version of Smurfs I'd be ambivalent. Makes as good a kids movie as anything else, I guess. But as soon as I saw real-world landmarks I got a bad feeling. When that old Tone Loc song kicked in, telling me this movie was going to have "attitude" in an exhausted creatively-dead sort of way, I wanted to run screaming.

John Oliver is Vanity Smurf and Paul Reubens is Jokey Smurf. Those two could be funny in a movie that wasn't self-evidently a giant pile of horrible shit.

NOOOO FUCK YOU

Insert Avatar II comment HERE.

 :grin:

They were filming this in my neighborhood a few weeks ago. I wanted to stab people.

What I hate, is that even though the Smurfs is going to be horrible, it's not going to be as bad as the "edgy" remake of Fraggle Rock that the Weinstein brothers are trying to make.

I hated the fucking Smurfs as a kid. This... this is a goddamn crime against humanity.

 :ye_gods:

This is possibly the worst movie I've ever seen and you know what my co-worker said that is absolutely correct? It's going to make a ton of money.

G-Force+Chipmunks  kids are going to eat it up.

My god.

...

My god.

Also in the news links on that site, Atlas Shrugged is entering production. New generation of teenaged lolbertarians incoming!

The creativity's there, nobody wants to fund it.  There's far, far, FAR too much money on the line to risk it.  When every picture is a blockbuster in budget, it must make a shitload.. which means it can't be risky.  So old movies are rehashed because they made money the first time, so they have a proven audience who is likely to see a rehash. Rob Zombie talked about this at length a few places when asked why he was doing Halloween instead of continuing his own series.

What this also means is you should expect a Titanic remake in 10-12 years.

Audiences want something new, but not too new. Producers just find it easier to generate word of mouth by exploring new territory on a pre-existing frame than to make great movies that stand on their own merits every single time.

That's surprisingly similar to another medium we discuss on these forums. 

Politics?

wow that was awful, even with NPH.  So predictable, like an even worse Chipmunks movie.

They already made that, it was called The Incredibles.

I think Spider-Man has already proven this moreso than Titanic, but superhero movies seem to avoid most of the negativity associated with remakes.

I'll admit, after writing it I also noted the similarity.

The Incredibles.  The movie where the self-made industrialist genius is evil and the heroes are busy performing selfless deeds all over the place.  Is Atlas Shrugged?  I'm reeeeeally not seeing the connection there.

That was the most insane stretch ever.

Its a genre where retcons and invalidating years of story and character development at the drop of a hat are the name of the game.

There is an Objectivist reading in seeing these incredible people shackled to the mediocrity of the parasites, which they then throw off to reveal their true greatness. However, it's a weak reading that misses the point (especially since Syndrome is the most Objectivist of them all, and he's the bad guy).

EDIT: Saw the trailer and read the blurb. It's "Alvin and the Chimpmunks" in blue make-up.

That was fucking terrible.  Smurfs belong in their forest and in their mushroom houses.  Fuck you all.  Fuck you.

I can see a Smurfs in the modern world story being good. Not from Hollywood though.

Smurfs set in a Bukowski novel made into a movie sounds pretty awesome.

Now I'm thinking of that "peace terrorist" they executed at the end of Starship Troopers 3, which I know nobody else saw. Except instead of screaming "Fuck the Federation, you can't take away our power! Fuck you all! Fuck you!" as they put the noose around his neck, now he's like "Fuck Hollywood! Smurfs belong in their mushroom houses! Fuck you!" (0:30 onward.) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDmcgL9XLaM)

They already did that. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061715/)