f13.net

Word of advice for the guys out there:  Avoid hair salons.

My usual barber was closed for some reason unbeknownst to me today, so I figured, "what the hell, I'll go to the fruity salon near my house".  I go in, and the first thing the lady wants to do is wash my hair.  I tell her thanks, but no thanks, I just washed my hair 20 minutes ago in anticipation of getting a haircut.  This seems to throw her for a loop, but we get past it.  I then tell her that I want a high & tight with a zero guard on the sides, and the neck blocked.  This isn't brain surgery, in fact, it's one of the simplest goddamned hair cuts there is.  I wind up with some MC Hammer-like fade thing on the side.  I tell her, "No, you need to just bring that up and get rid of this ledge thing you've got going on".

She repeatedly fails at this, and in frustration I tell her, "TAKE IT ALL OFF".  She then starts to shave off the top to match the sides, and STILL LEAVES A GODDAMN LEDGE BETWEEN THE TOP AND THE SIDES.  I get pissed off, ask her who taught her how to cut hair, and just tell her to fucking stop.  She wants to know if I'd like my hair washed now (when I have no hair).  I tell her, "No, I just want to pay and get out of here".

I drive home pissed off, break out my clippers and run them over my own head, this time with zero guard to get rid of that goddamned ledge.  So here I am, completely bald, out $24, and irate.  Never again will I forsake my barber.

Why would you pay for that?

Because I'm a soft touch, and she really did seem upset that that she couldn't get it right.  I know, I'm a pussy.

I'm sure you look just beautiful.  Like a big beefy bald goddess. 

Was she cute?

Don't sunburn the top of your head, that fucking HURTS

That too.

Does anybody (besides Big Gulp) understand what that means?

NO

I think it means he wants it square in the back and not terraced on the sides.  But if I were the one doing the cutting, I'd ask for clarification before I started hacking hair off.

Hahaha. Man that is all too funny. Neck blocked. "BLOCKED I SAID! BLOCKED!!!"

High and tight means longer up top and short on the sides (of the head).  Zero guard, I'm assuming, is lowest attachment for a hair trimmer.  Lowest meaning the shortest you can get before you get a full buzz cut.

I think Noel Divine ran for a touchdown the last time West Virginia called that play.

Dammit, Nevermore!  I spit my snack all over my keyboard.  :-P

Well played, Sir.

Yes.  But then I also know the names of lingerie that women look at me like "why the fuck do YOU know that" as well, so my trivial knowledge isn't representative of most people.

High & Tight is a Military cut.  Blocked means square-cut the neck and don't taper it to a point.  Yes, "Zero Guard" is the attachment you put on the clippers to determine how long the hair will be.  The best is, I bet she also asked him if he wanted to keep his sideburns.  :oh_i_see:

Youtube HowTo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3sEq3FvtT0

Gulp, just do it yourself next time.  Salons are for people with long hair that do frosted shit and other garbage.  Was this a REAL salon, or a SuperCuts, where your hairdresser has just gotten her license and can't get a job at a 'real' salon. (Or worse, sucks so bad she can't find a job at one.)

I would, but I just can't do the back.  Even with the dual mirror setup I can't get the coordination necessary to do it the right way.  I also get a mean case of monkey neck that regularly needs to be taken care of.

What's funny to me is that this is a haircut that back when I was still in the service would be knocked out in 3 minutes flat by some uncommunicative Korean woman.  Yet some high-falutin' "stylist" can't pull off this braindead procedure.  And honestly, if she didn't know what a high & tight was, shouldn't she have said so?

I'm sure your inability to communicate the "simplest goddamned hair cut there is" played no part in this whole scenario.

What part of "high & tight with zero guard on the sides and the neck blocked" isn't explicit?  Are you a barber (hair stylist, whatever) or aren't you?  Don't you have to go to some type of school to do this?

ETA:  Oh, and one other thing I miss about my barber...  He has a hot shaving cream dispenser, and he slaps some on your neck and shaves it with a straight razor.  I can tell you that there is no more satisfying barber shop experience than this.  Lonny, why didn't I wait for you for another day?!?

I get my hair cut at a nice foo-foo hair salon.  It takes and hour, costs more than it should, and clippers never touch my hair except to clean up.

Worth every penny and will go as long as I have hair worth cutting. 

Is it lost on everyone but myself that the member who's drawn the most ire for racist/bigoted posts has declared himself a skinhead?

Okay, not the most ire, but still.

You're not the only perceptive person on this board.  Please, write that on your arm somewhere.

I'd just rather not have to deal with the whole 2 pages worth of attack/rationalization that results from bringing that up.

^ See no evil. Hear no evil.

Really, I have no clue about that. Gulp is cool.


I had my hair screwed by a "salon" last year too. Ended up just shaving my head like you did. That still pisses me off, because my hair was long then. Still growing it back.

Please show me my "racist" posts.  Until then, kindly shut your fucking mouth.

I usually go to the foreign guys here in Norway, cheap as hell and cuts my hair in 15 minutes just like I want it. Although I went to a fancy salon two years ago to get my regular (http://www.heroes-tv.com/modules/xcgal/albums/userpics/10001/normal_milo-haircut.jpg something like this) and explained that I want short on the sides, a bit length on the neck and keep the volume on top and ended up with an army haircut that wasn't even on the sides. Once she used the blade on the side and did something like this : http://acheaven.buwahaha.com/Images/BadHaircut.jpg - it was over. Yay for cheap foreign salons.

I get the same cut - if she didn't know what it was then it's obvious she's never cut men's hair before. And the instructions *are* explicit.. there's no room for play there.

Thankfully, I have a Floyd (http://www.floydsbarbershop.com/)'s near where I work, so even if my regular stylist (not all of them are barbers) isn't available, someone who is familiar with cutting men's hair is!

I feel for you Gulp, but if your hair is anything like mine you'll need a new haircut in 3 weeks!

Here are the simplest instructions I've yet to get anyone to do correctly:

"Cut it all one length."


Y'know, literally one length. Where the hair in the back is the same length as my bangs.

Instead, they always manage to interpret that as some excuse to give me some Robert Smith shit. I've given up on asking. Maybe the only way in the universe to get one length is to grow it all out at the same time.

Just buy a damn flowbie. That'll get it all one length!

So Gulp, DID she ask if you wanted to keep your sideburns?  I get mine buzzed on the sides with a #3 and they always ask.  I'd reply sarcastically that yes, I love the Mutton Chop look but I'm afraid they'd accommodate me.

Yep, she asked.  I just told her to clip them how she liked.  With no guard it's so short that it's easy enough to just shave away in the morning.

I was trying to explain this to one of my buds last weekend.  It really is a wonderful experience.

http://forums.f13.net/index.php?topic=11844.msg458304#msg458304

Most 'stylists' don't know how to give a good man's haircut. They apparently don't teach that back in fashion school.

When I grew up each of the local towns had at least one barber shop that was for men. You could walk in and say "High and tapered" and you would get it. That language, of traditional male haircuts, seems to have fallen out of use with the Supercuts and above crowds.

First thing I do when I move to a town is find the man's barber shop. I have lived in cities where that does not exist. Where getting a high and tight (my choice too) is impossible.

When I moved to San Diego I didn't have many fears because we have two Marine bases nearby. So there are plenty of people needing military cuts. I found a spot right across the street from my apartment where the owner is 70 years old, and he can cut some damn hair. His team is so damn good that when they open their doors they have ten customers waiting, and the line does not stop until they close. I've sat for 90 minutes to get a nine minute hair cut and it was worth the wait.

The irony is that these cuts are hard to find (done right) and worth their weight in gold... and most are cheap. My barber only charges eight bucks. I've never given him single digits. It's an insult. The dude gets the job done fast, but that's a testament to his skill, not a measurement of value.

I also have him take care of my facial hair from time to time to keep the lines straight.

I'm going to relocate soon, twenty minutes or more away (house 4tw), and I may just drive the distance for this cut.

I got a haircut a few years ago, told the woman to chop it all off down to about 2" long. She fucked it up, ended up cutting to 2" on top, the back to about 1/4".

I haven't gotten one since.

So your definition of "racist" is anyone who calls Trinity United a black nationalist church, when by their own mission statement that's pretty much what they are?

You really are a self-righteous twat.

Fear of a Black Planet much?

Also, your tattoos are of poor quality.

S'okay.  I'm not a fat chick.   ;D

Nice try, but I'm not taking that bait. You know you were asking for it with the post title, so quit feigning shock.

Note to self:  stop baiting with celery.  Use Krispy Kremes in future.

 :roll:

Well duh.

I think it's a bit naive to go to get your hair cut at a new place and just assume that whoever does it will be decent/know everything. The number of people who straight away posted "what does Big Gulp mean?" might clue you in to the fact that your assumptions were a little of base. You'll be surprised to learn, but you don't have to study for 10 years to become a hairdresser.

btw, I agree with Rasix.

Next time you go get your hair cut (if you are a guy) ask your stylist if they know what a high and tight is. If they say no, then go find someone else to cut your hair. No one is asking YOU to know what it means, but it's like asking a baker what pastry flour is and they have a confused expression on their face.

Why should I go find a new hairdresser just because they've never heard of a high and tight when I am more than happy with their ability to cut my hair? Huh? Is this some kind of game: hairdresser trivia?

Last time I had a haircut they fucked it up and gave me a military cut.  I was furious.  It's been almost 3 years since I got a haircut just because of it.  I don't plan on one for a good long while, if ever.

It's hard to find someone who knows how to cut hair, they always end up cutting off too much or giving me some goofy style that I hate (ala John Connor from T2).

Don't be so confrontational! Obviously if you enjoy the haircut from your existing stylist then continue to enjoy it. I meant if you were randomly picking someone new because you were out of town, had to find a new one, etc. then it would behoove you to find someone who knows men's hair and not just perms and coloring.

Edit: unless of course, you get perms and coloring done.

Huh okay. That's a little like how I cut my own hair, which I've been doing since I got out of college, except I have a flat top (well more like a slant top since the top of my head is sloped like Patrick Stewart's) and I don't bother with that fade stuff. I hate having long hair since my hair when long is absolutely straight and it takes bottles of hair spray/mousse to get it to budge and even then I have to constantly comb it.

Seriously buy a flowby. Or get a friend to clipper you.

I have not paid for a haircut in 15 years. Course, I have like no hair.

I've been shaving my head regularly for a few months now.  It's so much easier to deal with.

Used to go to a pricey hair salon when I was younger because my mother made me.  The mens cuts were like $20-30 less than womens and the women complained.  So they raised the price of mens haircuts!  Mine took less than 20 minutes start to finish, WITH shampoo.

Last night there were skinheads on my lawn.

We ran off the skinheads in Atlanta. You best be wearing a ballcap with a wifebeater and a shotgun if you're gonna be racist round these parts.

Sorry, the only thing i could think of while reading the initial post was

Mr. Smithers: I told you to get rid of those SIDEBURNS!

Did that 3 years ago. Oh, and my last "professional" haircut was in the 90s, I think.

I usually do do that.. But then somewhere along the way, I get something different... Then later, I might want to resort back to one length. For whatever reason though, stylists interpret "one length" as meaning "bangs and back of your head at the same level". Maybe because a lot of women get their hair cut that way.

That's the complete opposite of one length though. One length is the borderline mullet Jim Morrison look. :-P

I went to the barber a couple days ago and managed to walk out something close to the high and tight haircut, but with some length in the front. That's the last time I watch TV while I'm getting my hair cut. Everyone at work calls me G.I. John now :awesome_for_real:

QFMT...

I've been bald, as in shave with a razor twice a week bald, for about 6-7 years now. Getting a sunburn on the top of your head is possibly the WORST experience I have ever had. You just cannot cool down at all and pretty much just constantly sweat, then you walk into a nicely AC'd room and you get the chills because you;'re still sweating...

Horrible experience.

I've been shaving my head for a few years now.  Wear a hat nub.

(http://www.allhiphop.com/promo/illseed/frohat.jpg)

My hair is over two feet long right now. I like it under a foot long, nice shoulder length. But I like it to have natural layers, something that's almost impossible to find. The best long haircut is started from a bald head and never cut, mine hasn't been chopped since I was bald a few years ago. Don't want it all one length, don't want some seventies layering, don't want the front longer than the back, don't want a damned mullet. I'm amazed salons stay in business. I stopped going to barber shops and salons because nobody could ever cut my hair right, I've been to almost every one in town, taken pictures, etc. So I use the clippers and keep it short or let it go for years.

I need a haircut so goddamned bad, too.

Since nobody can cut hair worth a damn in my crappy town, my main consideration is a good set of tits. I enjoy a stylist who understands the draping her titties all over me for an hour earns a healthy tip. Bonus for a low cut top and hanging them in my face. There's probably a business opportunity there...

Geez, men are so goofy about their foo foo hairdos.  I bet you gossip about each other while you sit under the dryer.  This thread stinks of Orange County Housewives.

Mother Nature and I had a show down back in '96. She thought she could make me look like my father. I denied her that satisfaction, brought out the cilppers, and have done so ever since. I'm happy with it and couldn't imagine having a full head of hair again. Hell, I can't even stand it when I get lazy and go two weeks without bringing out the clippers. Hair is annoying!

The nice thing about going bald is there's only one haircut that looks good: short all over. I get out my clippers on the shortest guard, trim everything down to the same length, then ask the wife to come in and clean up any places I missed plus shave the neck.

I don't use a guard. I use the lowest setting on the clippers (unless that's what you mean) and go right down to the skull. Do it all myself with a couple mirrors. Gotten pretty good at it, actually. Only takes a couple minutes.

See, James Brown was wrong. This is a woman's world. A man can't even find a decent barber these days, and now we're in a panic.

I bet prison would give it to you high and tight with zero guards while you were getting bald.

Try prison. 

The military might be a better choice, at least you might get to shoot some guns or something.

I find the best barbers are the ones who barely speak English. I don't know why this is, but it is. The Thicker the accent and the fewer words spoken, the better the skill.


Bonus points if the TV in the shop plays nothing but Soccer highlights all day.

On behalf of balding men everywhere, the whole lot of you can go fuck yourselves....

In highschool, my bangs came down to my chin, and the rest went half way down my back. After growing up with a dad with a three foot comb-over, when it started vanishing in my twenties I just sucked it up and chopped it off.

I still miss it.

Oh, and I admit that I pay $25 bucks for a haircut of what's left mainly because I like having some else wash my hair and massage my scalp.

There was a hairdressing chain in Sydney in the 80s called Stallions - and that pretty much was their business model.  Get pretty hairdressers with big tits, get em to rub their tits around your head while giving you a shitty haircut. Did great business for a few years, then shut down.  Not sure why - maybe they got hit with a sexual harassment suit or something.

Maybe their clients learned a strip club is less expensive and people don't make fun of them for several months afterwards while their crappy haircuts grew out?

The main reason my hair is halfway down my back is for lack of a decent barber/salon around here... My college ID picture is fucking laughable, I look like Moe.

I need to shave my head with the clippers again this weekend. Well, I do most of it then get my wife to do the rest. I've been growing my beard out for 15 weeks now, so I'm getting a nice facebush going, with an extended goatee that's several weeks longer. When I clip all my hair off, I'll look like a muslim. Best not to get any planes to the US for the next month, then.

Haircut drama?

Next tell us about the botched pedicure and the latte with too much foam.

You're in the bald club then, I presume?  :wink:

Superfluous latte foam killed my parents.

I have exceedingly difficult hair to cut...cowlicks both front and back, lot of volume, very thick follicles, low hairline. I finally found a guy at a salon who does it right every time, so I just go there.

Unfortunately, it's a "salon," so the base price is $20 (with discount!) for a men's cut, plus tip. I end up paying like $32 when it's all said and done. I sorta wish I could go more often because my hair grows so quickly...but damn, that would be expensive.

 :cthulu: on your head?

I feel sorry for you guys without a decent men's barber. Who takes care of your crazy eyebrows and nosehairs?

(http://www.doorfromhell.com/thelair/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/teen-wolf.jpg)

Odd, I always just go to salons (granted, those are by far easier to find).  I don't think I've ever let a man touch my hair.

My girlfriend actually starts cosmetology school on Tuesday, so I'm set. No more barbers/salons for me.

Uh, you do realize that she's going to be using your hair to practice on right?

Heh, yea that thought did cross my mind. Not much she can practice with though. I tend to keep it pretty short, unless she wants to do some coloring :ye_gods:

I'm guessing that you are in the 'entire bathroom counter devoted to "products" club'. ;)

Nope! I'm a Dapper Dan man.  8-)

I just use water and a very tiny dot of pomade, just to take out the frizz. Works like a charm.

This thread is making me glad that I shave my head.  It's been a while since I remember coming home from a salon only to be terrified by the reflection in the mirror. 

The saving lots of $$$ on hair products is also a plus. 

She is going to cheat on you.  Guaranteed.  Hair stylists fall right below strippers and web cam whores.

 :ye_gods:

Sounds like somebody has had some unpleasant previous experiences  :awesome_for_real:.

I got a bald-headed sunburn today.  It hurts like a bitch.

First mistake: leaving the house during the daytime.

Naw, its a proven scientific fact.  Refer to my penis. 

The upcoming emo thread in 1 year should be good. 

Second mistake: going to a Pirates baseball game (which was pretty bad) and sitting for three hours in the sun without sunscreen.  I thought Pittsburgh was supposed to be cloudy all the time.

(http://www.blogography.com/photos22/DaveNewHat.jpg)

(not me)

It is, except on days when it's not.


And now, to make my post relevant to the thread at large: I got a bad haircut from a shitty salon in San Diego last August and decided I was done with haircuts for awhile.  It's going on a year now and things are starting to get out of hand: my bangs obscure my eyes unless I continuously knock them to the side and the frizz factor is ludicrous.

If you think you got a raw deal on a haircut, consider the Skullet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mullet_(haircut)#Skullet).

(http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:pf6K3MgzKZIJ::upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cf/Skullet.jpg)

Yup its a military thang... you wouldnt understand.

The fuck? That haircut is a +10 to Receiving Ass-Whoopings.

Yeah, the shaving-the-back-of-the-neck feeling is lovely.  Especially with a straight razor.

Speaking of, I bought a straight razor, strop, badger brush etc. in January, and I've been shaving with that setup instead of the normal Gillette.  It's taken a while to get the hang of, but my GOD is it satisfying.  I'll never need to replace one of those bullshit Mach 3 cartridges again, and I couldn't be happier.

I am afraid I would behead myself trying to shave like that.

I would totally love to do that, but I would kill myself just like WAP. However! I can have my barber give me a shave for $10 .. I have yet to do that, but I bet it's awesome. Next time I take my beard off I'm so doing that.

I could take my kneecap off and get a handicap permit!  Unfortunately I'm too lazy to try, and grabbing free razors from promotions on campus keeps me stocked.

I ask for Sid Vicious and get Ryan Seacrest instead...

I swear, one of these days you're gonna read about some hair stylist getting killed by a boot up her ass.

Is any stylist going to know who Sid Vicious even is?  Take a picture with you, dude.

Sid Vicious didn't have particularly interesting hair except in the Banksy version.

Heh. No, I didn't say that. Just a joke. I just like my hair a mess a bit, kind of spiky, but long-ish (just not long enough to lay down).

This is what I said. But she then proceeds to talk about bringing out the clippers and shit. I'm like wtf? Then she's like OK, I'll just use a 4 on the sides.

OK, fine...

Things seem alright, but then she brings out the scissors for the top -- and I see like an inch of my hair fall down. At that point, I had already been having some wholesome conversation about her family, etc.. I didn't have the heart to kick her at that point.  :oh_i_see:

By Seacrest, I mean I have of those shorter spikes that are all the rage with metrosexuals. Fuckin hate it.

Silly people who cut their hair...  Avoid the disappointment!

Man, I'd grow it out like you... Used to have it long, and I've been wanting that back again. I just can't seem to transition out of that bad midway stage. You know what I mean..

Therefore the Sid thing is the best compromise. Only haircut inbetween shaved and long that doesn't make you look like a square or a weenie.

Oh yes.  It was a very sucky stage.  But in reality for me it lasted about 4-5 months before it was long enough to pull back.

I need to get a hair but soon, tbh I just go to a nice cheap barber and get a short back and sides. Haven't had that messed up yet (though I know one or two people who have, including one guy who found them cutting his hair before he'd even finished saying what he wanted. I avoid that place). I intend to one day go to one of the traditional barbers in London and get a full treatment but since I'm not living there at the moment and couldn't afford to do it more than once I'll settle for cheap and quick.

I've also abandoned the Mach 3 and got a safety razor instead since I don't trust myself with a straight edge. The badger brush however beats the pants off oil or foam (and also works out cheaper long term, win-win).

I'm afraid to google "badger brush".

Just make sure to add "shaving" to that  :awesome_for_real:

It gets to be such a pain once it passes the shoulder blades.  And when it's long enough to sit on all the time it really sucks.  I don't know why I'm letting mine grow out again.

Multiple rubber bands and braids are your friend.  But yes, it is annoying to sit on if you aren't careful.  Especially in bed in the middle of the night when it gets rolled on and wakes you up.

I like my hair loose unless I'm working inside a computer or such.  Also, after having put rubber bands in my hair, I never will again.  Ow, ow, ow!  Thicker hair bands or scrunchies only.  I don't mind braids, but they're more fun when friends do them.

I agree.  Rubber bands are NOT your friend!

I meant rubber band in the generic sense of the word, those rubber hair bands are awful.  I prefer to use the ouchless version or whatever brand they are (they tie it back, aren't really rubber, etc).  Last longer than those crappy rubber bands as well (less chance of hitting someone in the face when tying it back).

Oh right.  Sorry.  I thought you meant rubber bands as in real rubber bands like the sort that around asparagus.  When I was small, rubber bands were used on my hair sometimes and it was dreadful.  In a hurty way.  I used to quite enjoy shooting them at people though.

I recently bought a car from my barber. Well stole it really great deal. He is a man and cuts men's hair. What do I say? Just long enough that I can brush it , Tapered in the back and ratchet the burns up. He charges $12 I give him $20 and hes glad to see me the 3 or 4 times a year I come in. I turn 56 in a few weeks and he knows all about the weirdness of nose hair, eyebrows, and the hair growing out of my ears. A good male barber is worth tipping.

I am not 100% understanding what you mean.  You either stole a car from the barber or bought a car from one.

Common Ched $2,000 For a 4 by 4 with 90,000 miles? I get to put antique plates in 4 years on a SUV? $ l 5 seed manual with a full transfer case and good tires? It's a 92 Geo tracker 4X4 with 90,000 miles. I still haven't busted the 91,000 cherry. It doesn't leak or smoke. Flys through Echech. I haven't had a car for 12 years and I am happy as a clam.

I owned 2 Trackers and was very  :awesome_for_real: with both.

Still not 100% understanding what you mean, but good for you!  <this is not a drunk post, I am honestly confused>

He's saying he got such a good deal that he practically stole it from the guy. It's a turn of phrase. Not that complicated.

I really need to learn how to braid my own hair. Here's me ravaging my kitten after a day of painting:

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3127/2646419068_c2cf84ffc1.jpg)

I really need a fucking haircut. Use hair-ties that don't have metal clamps. Painting in 90F+ weather is shit for hair.

Kitteh!

Good call on the bands with metal clamps.  I forgot about those.  Ouch, again.

You seem to have painted something hot purpley pink, haven't you?  I think you must still do acid!

Ah, the front room. We found the can of paint they used, it was still in the garage. There was a mark-down sticker on it that said $5. Then that was crossed off and it was marked $3.

Yeah. That room is slated to be painted dark green and become the library with lots of woodwork and shelves and books and stuff.

Put in a shiny dark brown leather club chair and ottoman and buy a pipe.  I'll start calling you Old Bean.

Exactly. Hopefully in a few years we can build out a bit and expand the library. Then I'm going to commission a series of portraits from the local art college students. The big life-sized kind. Me in a smoking jacket, me in a safari outfit, me in a red hunting jacket, her in a southern belle outfit, her in a victorian gown, etc. Then when I retire I'll just wear smoking jackets and smoke pipes and tell everyone what a jolly good chap they are and to keep a stiff upper lip.

I might not be joking.

I think it's a very cool idea, Old Bean.  Only the men retire to rooms like that for a brandy.  The women sit in the garden and ogle the stable boys. 

You've been really hiding that toffee nose well, Sky!  I had no idea!   :awesome_for_real:

I think my fiancee might be more apt to ogle the unstable boys.

Also, XO ftw. VS is only good for cooking.

My sister's father-in-law bought a house that had several of those huge portraits of the family patriarch up.  I told him he should ask to have those thrown in to the transaction to spice up the deal.  He could even make up stories about who the guy was and what relation he was to the family and when told with a straight face, no one would be the wiser...  For some reason he didn't think that was very funny (lighten up you bastard!).

and itches like fuck when it peels

Yep, it is fucking miserable. I have been known to purchase a hat from the pro shop if I ever hit the golf course and realize I forgot my hat. Not as bad now that I have grown my hair out again, but I ain't takin' any chances.