Crusader Kings II

[Ruvaldt]

I've never broken a betrothal so I have absolutely no idea regarding the mechanic for it.

Even if you lose the war with the moors you may not lose everything.  They may just be aiming for one or two provinces.  Sometimes it is better to cut your losses if they're reasonable.

[Seraphim]

Never had to break a betrothal either but worst case scenario her pops won't like you as much after and if he's knee-deep in Moors it won't be a long-term issue any way.
That sounds like a plan though, also how's your papal relations? Might be worthwhile calling a crusade down on the local Caliph and keep your own troops at home to pick off some weakened neighbours in the aftermath, or if you have 50g simply try and assassinate whomever attacked you to force a white peace if you're loosing badly.

[Ingmar]

My son's wife was plotting to kill him, so I tried to arrest her, but she got away, back to her dad in Germany. Fine, whatever, presumably she can't do so much damage from there. So I then assign a county to my son, check back in a few months and he apparently invited her back! And she's still trying to kill him! So I tried to arrest her again, and she got away AGAIN. 

[Seraphim]

The obvious solution being killing her off before she gets your son and pray the father never finds out if he's got a decent enough income to hire his own assassins...

[Ingmar]

The father is the Holy Roman Emperor. 

[tgr]

What could possibly go wrong?

[proudft]

I've never broken a betrothal so I have absolutely no idea regarding the mechanic for it.

Turned out to be -30 reputation, not a concern at this point.

I managed to squeak my way through this war.  Broke the betrothal of second son to count useless's daughter, promised him to someone useful.  No ally help pops up... ohnoes, betrothals don't count apparently.

Tragedy is averted when the Moors decide to spend months and months sacking cities, during which some children previously-promised to marriage with with the noble families of Navarra, Galacia, and some random place in Hungary conveniently age up and bam, allies are on the way (well, not the Hungarians).   My Spanish cousins show up with 400 and 500 soldiers and manage to get themselves killed BUT I now have enough money to hire a (small) mercenary company and they take out one of the giant stacks o' Moors.  Then another kid grows up and this one has been engaged to the King of Leon (man, Leon got big when I wasn't noticing), and BAM, 2000 Leon soldiers come charging over the border.  Between them and the mercenaries, Barcelona is freed and the people rejoice.  

Except the heir, who suddenly pops up a warning about a 15 % chance to revolt.  Ungrateful cur.  If he gets uppity, we know what to do.

Man, I'm glad I had those kids set up like that.  Entirely unintended but it saved my ass.

[Sjofn]

Alright, game. We are going to throw down. It took me three days to figure out Guild II's way of placing farmland, but I eventually figured it out. So surely I can figure YOU out. Right?



Right?

[Sjofn]

I still have no idea what I'm doing but I am ruling Scotland and waiting for current dude to die so his son (who is currently ruling Ireland because his mother, the Queen of Ireland, died) can take over what might wind up being a giant clusterfuck.    The People love the shit out of King Neil I, though, I tell you what. He's even known as "the Kind." He's even in love with his rebound wife. Everyone fucking loves the dude. Rep scores of 100 all the way down, baby. Even his loser fourth son loves the shit out of him, even though he'll get nowhere near the throne.

Oh God, everyone is going to freak out when his son rolls in and is all HI EVERYONE I'M BACK FROM IRELAND, aren't they.

[tgr]

I usually end up with everyone hating my heir compared to how they like me, so I always end up having to drag my royal nuts across everyone's faces until they get back in line, until next time.

[cironian]

It's very likely that your heir will start out worse than your current ruler. You exchange your long rule bonus for a short rule penalty and lose every single bonus for titles granted, vassals transferred, gifts given and whatnot.

[Sjofn]

Oh, I figured they will dislike him more than they dislike his dad (seriously, everyone loves the shit out of him), but all my changes of king thus far have been pretty smooth. One dude will revolt, I put an army up his ass, he goes "sowwy" and everything's cool. This time around, though, I just have this feeling everyone's going to get all pissy.

[tgr]

Try having a retard for an heir.

Seriously, the next retard heir I get, is getting killed. With a vengeance.

[Sjofn]

Yeah all my heirs have been pretty decent, really. This current king has two hunchback daughters, but who gives a shit about daughters, rite?

Actually, that reminds me. This game makes me blame the patriarchy a lot. It seems like I ALWAYS have ladies hanging about with awesome stewardship scores that I can't do anything with because they don't have penises.    I seem to have a habit of finding wives for my king with gigantic intrigue scores, though, so at least I can have THEM be useful. I need to bring feminism to Europe.



Actually I would totally use a mod like that, even though it would probably make the game way easier. 

[Yoru]

You can institute Absolute Cognatic succession if you're of the Basque culture, which makes women inherit on the same basis as men, so you can at least do that for rulers.

Thing is, getting Basque culture and then getting rid of it again (to avoid the "wrong culture" penalties) is a bit of a bitch.

[Sjofn]

Oh, the inheriting shit isn't an issue for me, it's the "goddammit that woman would be AWESOME as my steward LET ME PICK HER DAMN YOU" part. 

[cironian]

Just use her to educate the next generation to be awesome stewards. Not your own kids though, you should always raise those yourself so you can pick their traits.

[Sjofn]

Things that seemed like an OK idea at the time but of course turned out terribly: Giving my son & heir Scotland to dick around in while I fucked around in Ireland, because a) I wanted to see what would happen, b) I was annoyed I magically switched everything to "Ireland" once my Scottish king died and his heir (who had taken over Ireland because his Irish Queen mom died) took over and I wanted to magically switch back to everything being "Scotland," and c) I had no land to personally dick around with over there anyway, having handed it all out to my sons and brothers because I'm nice like that.

AT FIRST it actually went fine, my son thought I was the best dad ever and none of his little territories seemed to give a fuck. But then the stupid dipshit decided HEY I FEEL LIKE FIGHTING WITH ENGLAND. And he lost (I had family on BOTH SIDES, omg). So OK, he lost one little territory as penance, no big. Then the dork (who at this point I'm wondering was just jealous that his dad was now known as IRONSIDE) decides "woo, crusades!" And dies! So his son takes over, and ALL OF SCOTLAND goes "HEY FUCK THAT GUY" and breaks into like. Five pieces. Scotland isn't that big, guys!

Meanwhile MY king is in his 70's and probably wondering what on earth possessed him to hand over Scotland like that. Sorry, dude, you're being controlled by an idiot. :(


EDIT: Also, in my game, Denmark has eaten all of France while I wasn't looking somehow and is about the same size of the HRE. For some reason this amuses me greatly.

[proudft]

I'm still playing my Barcelona game at a nice leisurely pace.  My third (I think) ruler got enough territories to call himself King of Aragon, and crowned himself King Pere.  He lived a nice long life and had a son with his second wife that ascended to the throne about age 8 or so.  King Pere II took until about age 16 to stabilize things and then, after some practice repelling various Moor assaults, began the process of uniting all of Spain.

He declared the first war on Leon when Leon was severely weakened by some Moor attacks and Leon was basically on the ropes when three of Aragon's dukes rebelled in rapid succession.  As Pere II was only about 24, he made a truce with Leon and returned the troops home to deal with that situation.

A few years pass and Pere II gets his sister married to the son of the King of France.  France immediately asks for help invading Navarra.  Navarra is only two counties, so what the hell.  The Aragon troops march over there and are soon met by the 18,000 French troops to totally overkill Navarra.  Staring at the 18,000 troops RIGHT THERE, and since the old king of Leon just died, and Castille has currently revolted from the kingdom of Leon, Pere II declares war again on Leon, and crosses his fingers that France will come along for the ride.

They do, and Leon is completely murdered in about two years.  Getting the formerly-Leon dukes in line takes a REALLY long time, about a decade, and France helps with some of them, though by the end the Giant French Armies (tm) head off to deal with problems at home.

Finally, though, Pere II achieves stability.  Everyone is happy enough, the money is rolling in, peace is across the nation, and even the Moors are quiet.  He settles in for a nice long reign of prosperity.

And then, at the age of 38, Pere II, king of Aragon, Leon, and Castille drops dead, leaving his 6-year old son Pere III as his heir.  I remember how Pere II came to the throne as a young lad and the first thing I look at is the popup for who is going to be likely to revolt.  And wow... this is going to get interesting:


Spain is awesome, though.  So much fighting.   

[Ruvaldt]

That's a fine looking Iberian peninsula.  Any trouble from Mauritania?  They usually end up being real dicks unless France marches back and forth all over Algeria/Morocco.  I spent a good thirty years fighting them in my Leon game.

[proudft]

Off and on, but the holy knight orders have been good at the standard HEY CUT IT OUT defense.  Basically once a decade or so they'd invade, then I'd bring up 14k of rent-a-popes for 300 piety or whatever and then go sack a few of their cities until they saw reason.  And then I get 400 gold or so in the peace settlement, so it was quite the moneymaker!

Africa was a more frequent attacker, I frankly lost count of the number of wars from them.  Mauretania and Kabliya and another of those SW Moor nations (Seville maybe?) were actually fighting each other quite a bit, which I am sure was helpful for me.  Aragon currently has all of Kabliya off the bottom of the screen there, though I doubt that will last with the current... situation.

[Sjofn]

Irish kings apparently LIVE FOREVER. Every single one of these assholes have made it into their 80's and wind up having a great grandchild taking over.

[Lightstalker]

Pro-tip:  Starting on an island you need boats to leave makes for a really challenging game.  If you build up for 200 years you'll be able to support enough navies to ferry a big enough army to the neighbor's place to establish a toe-hold.  Good luck holding it.  I'm looking at you Count Botstain of Gotland.

Ireland was really easy comparatively, even getting excommunicated twice.  I ran out of time before I could spread all the way across England, but I could probably play more aggressively in the future (and not screw around attempting to capture the holy land... from Tyrconnel.

I'd like more tactical impact to city building or combat, but it has been a very good game in the 60 hours I've given it so far. 

[satael]

Irish kings apparently LIVE FOREVER.

My last game starting with an irish count ended at year 1316 when the game difficulty fell to 0% (pointless) much of it thanks to a couple of long-lived rulers (I think one ruled over 60 years).

[Sjofn]

Yeah one of my kings got on the throne at around 20 (he was the grandson of the previous king) and proceeded to live to be 82 or so. People lost their shit once he died, I guess they were sad about it. 

[Ruvaldt]

My kings and heirs usually end up dead with an assassin's knife in their back well before they reach an advanced age, or at least walk with a limp for the rest of their lives due to a failed assassination attempt.  I don't know what kind of boring kingdoms you all are running, but you can keep them; I'll maintain my internecine hellscapes of treachery and bastardy, thank you.

[Sjofn]

The meanest thing I've personally done, which really isn't so mean, was pointedly ignore all the plot warnings I'd been getting about people wanting to kill my uppity brother (he was a duke, who also stole the duchy I had given my heir ... and also my marshal) until they finally murdered his ass and solved the problem for me. His heir rebelled against me, I put a boot up his ass, and banished him. 

No one cared much, I guess that's the benefit of GENERALLY being nice, you can afford the giant rep hit you take when you banish someone who really fucking deserves it.

[satael]

My kings and heirs usually end up dead with an assassin's knife in their back well before they reach an advanced age, or at least walk with a limp for the rest of their lives due to a failed assassination attempt.  I don't know what kind of boring kingdoms you all are running, but you can keep them; I'll maintain my internecine hellscapes of treachery and bastardy, thank you.

I usually have a nice family tree trimming every decade or two in the game once I can spare the money (and the spymaster) for it. It keeps the line of succession nice and simple most of the time. Even if you fail a few attempts and get caught it just gets the most unhappy of your subjects to rebel so you can rightfully imprison them (and strip them of a title or two if the crown authority is high enough). Just be sure to assassinate enough people or your king will be the one who needs to worry about getting stabbed in the back...

[Sjofn]

So my king's asshole uncle got him excommunicated. My king put his foot right up his uncle's ass for rebelling, but while he was doing that, the HRE went "DO I SMELL A HEATHEN?!" and declared war on me. I immediately surrendered, apparently the terms were "your king ain't king anymore, so your sister is queen now." Against my better judgement, I ransom my asshole uncle instead of banishing his punk ass (I needed the money due to HALF THE COUNTRY REBELLING ON ME).

So I'm almost done putting out the fires of half of Scotland and half of Ireland pitching bitchfits, and my motherfucking uncle gets my queen excomminicated I knew I should've banished your stupid ass arghghghghgh. So naturally half the world declares war on me, because I have like no money and not enough troops to fend off EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, so I finally go "fuck it" and give up.

Assholes!

[Ruvaldt]

Fernando, my two year old dwarf bastard son just inherited half of Spain after a few well-placed assassinations from my younger brother.  This won't end well.  I really need to stop legitimizing bastards; it's nothing but trouble.

[Sjofn]

I usually legitimitize the girl ones, and merely acknowledge the boy ones. I did make one legit because I had like 6 daughters and NO SONS STILL. Then my wife promptly popped out three sons in a row, so I felt a little bad (my kings all have a gazillion kids).

[brellium]

Marrying into the HRE is bad.

Succession wars with the HRE are brutal.

Background information: I am the King of England (and Scotland, and Bynthiam, and Leon, and Castille).  The Duke of Savoy gets upitty and has me excommunicated resulting in some nasty little revolts with half my empire. I put those down (for the most part, looks at Spain) get the excommunication lifted and then immediately the Emperor of the HRE declares war and starts fucking my shit up in Spain with TWO THIRTEEN THOUSAND man armies.  Fortunately my empire is large enough that I can ignore those two armies laying siege in Spain and proceed to add some beat down sauce to the remaining vassals at war and then drop that army down, wait a few months as the HRE armies move on then run back in quickly retake the provinces fight a few battles against smaller armies and then drop the army again.  In the process I capture the heir to the HRE.  At the same time I'm holding on to about one thousand gold for the thought of hiring pretty much every single army I can, and then I get mad.

I realize after five years this war is going no where fast, and execute the heir. I follow that up with sending assassins after everyone in the family and a couple weeks later the war is over.  So I kill off the only family with more points than me and probably earned quite a few "don't fuck with England" points, in the process.  Pope isn't happy though, I think the Duke of Savoy is next.

[Threash]

So apparently the cure for teh gay is a really fucking horny wife.  Who knew, my gay horndog of a ruler made it to 72 and had his numerous wives pop out a total of seven sons.  It wasn't until i started banging my grandsons 22yo wife that i finally fulfilled my life long ambition of having a daughter.  I died a year later knowing all my titles were safe, specially the "worst homo ever" trophy.

[Lucas]

So apparently the cure for teh gay is a really fucking horny wife.  Who knew, my gay horndog of a ruler made it to 72 and had his numerous wives pop out a total of seven sons.  It wasn't until i started banging my grandsons 22yo wife that i finally fulfilled my life long ambition of having a daughter.  I died a year later knowing all my titles were safe, specially the "worst homo ever" trophy.

You know, if you are like me and thought about reading a "general discussion" topic, and instead clicked on this one while your mind was wandering and tried to figure out why stuff like this happens in the real world and only then realize the author is talking about a game, you would find the above post hilarious 

[Lightstalker]

Has anyone gotten a game to last more than a few years starting in Southern Italy?  Capua, Cagliari, Napoli, etc. as an independant?  The degree of difficulty rating is misleading given the first thing that happens is an invasion of southern europe by the infidel.  Many 'equivalent'  starting points (for an independant Count) seem much easier by comparison.

May you be sewn up alive in the belly of a dead camel.