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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  Gaming  |  The f13 Radicalthon  |  Topic: I still believe in god, but god no longer believes in me... 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: I still believe in god, but god no longer believes in me...  (Read 1088 times)
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10559

eat a bag of dicks

on: April 22, 2013, 09:50:01 PM

Bonus points if you can name the band without googling the lyric.

Here we go again...

Standing on a beach with a gun in my hand, staring at the sky, staring at the sand. Staring down the barrel at the bullshit I've gotten into. At least it's not zombies this time too.

I'm on an island called Stratis, apparently. I've got a Walther P99 and a shitload of tac gear. Definitely better than a pack of advil and a fucking bandage. I get my bearings and head in from the beach and within minutes find an ATV. Bonus. In the storage compartment of the ATV is a compact assault rifle, some ammo and a pair of binoculars. Double bonus. I like this place better than the 'Churn already.

I check my map and decide to head for the nearest airport. Considering how airports have worked in Chernarus, this'll either go swimmingly or I'll die horribly within seconds of getting near the tarmac. Halfway to the airport, I find what basically looks like a Humvee and a pickup had a semi-bulletproof child. Does it have gas? You bet your ass it has gas. Not sure why they're calling this "Wasteland", so far, I'm finding lots of shit. In the back of the truck (called a Ranger), I find a SAW, more ammo a fuckload of medpacks and an assortment of optics. I grab a combo holographic sight/sniper sight, fit it on the assault rifle and climb into the ranger to continue my journey to the airfield. In the distance, I can see a column of smoke. Something went down on the airfield recently.

I drive up to the smoke and see it's a downed chopper. Unlike my previous arma run-ins with choppers, this one isn't surrounded by zombies or rare gear. Just a charred wreck, probably the result of some douchebag's attempt to fly a helicopter in this ultra-realistic sim. My suspicion is confirmed by the laundry bag looking thing next to the wreckage. Wasteland's version of a corpse pile. I loot it for the 100 bucks he was carrying and move on looking for other shit on the tarmac, my Day Z reflexes still keeping me moving furtively and keeping close to the ranger in case there's some asshole out of view trying to get the drop on me.

A little blue square shows up on my display, indicating a friendly player is close. I hop into the Ranger and drive up to him and come to a stop.

"Get in", I say, "there's a SAW in the back if you need something other than your starter pistol."

New guy tarries a bit too long outside when I start to hear bullets pinging off the side panel of the Ranger. New guy goes down under the hail of pistol fire. That was quick. I see the shooter running toward the ranger and spin it out and drive straight at him. I hit him square against the grill, drive over him and keep going. I get around the back of a wall and take stock before heading back to the scene of the crime. As I head back, bad guy is still alive and currently rifling through new guy's pockets for whatever gear he had.

So I run over him again.

I turn the ranger so that the passenger side door is facing the bad guy and the whole vehicle is between him and me. Just in case. I make my way around the front of the vehicle and he's crawling toward the ranger.

"I'm still alive", he says.

"Not anymore", I reply as I empty half a mag into his head.

I get an alert, apparently a helicopter has gone down under enemy fire and I should go investigate. Seems easy enough. I place the ranger next to me and the now two corpses, grab all of newbie and bad guy's gear and throw it into the ranger and head toward the marker on my map. I pick up another newbie on the way and we drive on to the marker in silence. I see the chopper wreckage and then make out the enemies that shot it down. There's a four-man fireteam sitting on the gear that the chopper was carrying. I gun the ranger and swing it around and through the squad, killing three of them outright. New guy hops out of the shotgun seat and makes short work of the straggler. Easy peasy.

We got off with barely a scratch. The ranger, however, wasn't so lucky. It took a few too many rounds to the engine block and is now a very large piece of cover. New guy's a mechanic, however, so should we find some tool kits in these crates of gear, we just might be in luck. We are indeed in luck. In addition to multiple rocket launchers, pistols, assault rifles and machine guns, are multiple pairs of night vision goggles, med kits and toolboxes. We're golden.

Or at least I thought we were. As new guy is getting to work on the ranger, over voice coms, I hear someone bitching about a hacker.

"I'm not a hacker!", says the accused, in spanish-accented English.

"Yeah, you are, I unloaded an entire clip into you and you didn't die", shouts the accuser

"Maybe you suck", retorts spanish guy.

"Not that much, I know I hit you."

Probably realizing the jig is up, spanish guy and his partner then teleport everyone else on the map, including me and newbie to their position and then pretty much execute us.

"Told you guys they were hacking", says the original accuser, "Fuck this shit, I'm outta here."

Fuck this shit indeed.

Tuned in, immediately get to watch cringey Ubisoft talking head offering her deepest sympathies to the families impacted by the Orlando shooting while flanked by a man in a giraffe suit and some sort of "horrifically garish neon costumes through the ages" exhibit or something.  We need to stop this fucking planet right now and sort some shit out. -Kail
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