Ditching.

[TheWalrus]

 Whats the funniest/dumbest way you've ever intentionally or accidentally gotten rid of a (in)significant other?

 I was reminded of this today when a certain song played on the radio today. I had taken the girl out roller skatin, and after bout an hour of absolutely bubby fun, she fell directly on her ass. Painfully so apparently, as she asked to be taken home, and was moving very gingerly. Kudos to me for not laughing. We get in the car, all buckled in, and shes still sobbin a bit. I turn left onto the main street right as REM gets goin on "Everybody Hurts". I couldn't stop laughing for the whole ride home...and that was that.

 So...next?

[schild]

One of my ex-girlfriends dumped me on the 2nd weekend of college. 27 or so days later we got back together. After about a year of dating (well, the 3rd year of dating), I took her out to a very nice dinner. Dropped her off at home. Then got online and dumped her over AIM.

It's not funny.

But she was a cruel bitch. She dumped me over the phone. I dump her over AIM.

Yes, I was 5 when this happened.

[stray]

I never beat around the bush and always initiate a breakup (well, except once, which was with my first girlfriend -- I cried my heart out, but since then I've been a very cruel man). Not really any "funny" stories I can think of atm...

[Llava]

In high school, I heard a particular girl who I didn't know very well but thought was acceptably hot was very interested in me.  I asked her out.

Then came a month of awkward "kinda dating" crap.  Where we were supposedly dating, but never spent time alone, couldn't hold a conversation, and found that we had absolutely ZERO chemistry.

I gave her a call one night, as I sometimes did.

"How was your day?"
"Okay.  You?"
"It was alright."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"So you know why I called, right?"
"Yeah."
"So we're done here?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, see you tomorrow!"
*click*

I then later heard that I used her for her body.  Interesting, considering we kissed once and went no further than that.

[Paelos]

Let's see, I have some premium expertise in this area on both ends of the spectrum.

I've been dumped by a girl, not over the phone, but in a message left on my cell phone.
I've drunkenly accused a woman I took out of sleeping with a fraternity brother of mine, which she actually did not. Then she did.
I've gone to a date night with a chick who ended up telling me to my face she was leaving with another guy. Of course, she was a bitch anyway and I was done with the evening.

I've dumped a girl actually using the phrase: "we looked good on paper"
I recently convinced someone that I couldn't date them because I was a gigolo.
I've dumped a chick in an email.
I received a letter from a girl who cheated on me saying she was sorry. I corrected it for grammar, and then I sent it back to her with a D-.

That's all I can remember for now. I'd have to dig back into high/middle school brain for the rest.

[Jayce]

I guess this isn't funny as much as pathetic (both on her part and mine I suppose).

A girl I was dating called to tell me that she didn't feel well.  So I decided to buy her a Taco Bell dinner for a surprise (since we were both in college and Taco Bell was 4TW).  I got there and knocked on the door.  No answer.  I looked in through the window (right by the door, no big stretch, not like I climbed the lattice or anything) and saw her sleeping on the couch.  I knocked louder and was let in.  She was all cold shoulder all night.

Later I found out I was "a stalker".  (don't forget, at this time as far as I knew we were still dating) WTF? 

I currently am often called on to read my wife's mind, but that's the only time I was expected to read a girlfriend's mind to find out we were broken up.

[Paelos]

Well I would say that when someone isn't feeling well, Taco Bell doesn't jump into my mind as the food of champions. Unless you need some "spring cleaning."

[kaid]

I got dumped once an hour before the start of my finals. Needless to say that it did not put me in a good test taking frame of mind.

kaid

[Sky]

I'm usually good about break-ups, mature and all that (not cheating helps, heh).

But there was one kinda unintentional funny situation. We were at Ozzfest at Giants Stadium (the first Black Sabbath reunion tour, with Pantera, Manson (pre-suck), great show. We had shitty seats, but I haven't yet met the security I can't circumvent (front and center at the Tool/Korn(presuck) Lolla ftw, it was totally locked down hehe).

Anyway, parenthetical asides, err, aside (ok maybe one more), when the main stage was gearing up for Sabbath, we made our way (at my urging) to the railing, maybe 12' off the ground (if you've ever watched a football game there, you know the walls I mean). There was a ring of security about 30' in watching the walls. I waited until a number of kids jumped the opposite wall, all the guards on our side turned to bolster the line over there...and I went over the wall.

I'm an agile person (known often as monkey boy, heh) so I just turned so my back was to the wall, dropped my legs over, dangled from the railing, and dropped to the ground, no problem. She tries to mimic what I did, and at that moment I remembered she's a total klutz. She let go of the railing before dropping her legs, fell straight down on her back. I helped her to the medical area, she was hurting.

Then Sabbath went on.

For the first time in decades.

Since there was nothing for me to do but wait, I went and watched the show. That was that. Hey man, it was friggin' Sabbath! A guy should get some slack for that.

[Toast]

My roommate had a girlfriend who cheated on him once. We were in New Orleans on a spur of the moment spring break trip. She was supposedly on a "girls" trip to Padre Island. Something told him to go into this one restaurant off Bourbon Street, and there she was with her ex boyfriend.

He broke up with her and wouldn't talk to her. Back in Dallas, she called and emailed for weeks wanting him back. He finally relented and they went out a nice romantic dinner to fix things up. They went back to her place, and did what people do after a make-up. He gets up, gets dressed, and as he is leaving says "Thanks for the evening. I think we should stay broken up."

[voodoolily]

Awhile back, this guy I'd been with for three years tried to dump me on MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. I convinced him he was being an asshole and making a huge mistake, so he stayed and then dumped me for real almost a year later, two days after I got into a car accident. It was one week after Valentine's Day, and one week before our would-be four-year anniversary. We had been engaged and living together, so to get even I claimed him as a dependent on my taxes (he was a student at the time and I was working full-time). Instead of owing $300, I got a $900 return, and he was ineligible for financial aid that year for being claimed as someone's dependent.

[schild]

Awhile back, this guy I'd been with for three years tried to dump me on MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.

One of my ex's dumped me on her birthday.

There's no word for the whole situation except surreal. But then, she's my "girl who got away" so I've no hard feelings for her, and since you people don't deserve nice things, you don't get the story either.

This post is just to inflict Fat Affleck on all of you again.

[voodoolily]

This post is just to inflict Fat Affleck on all of you again.

Hey, hey, HEEEY!

[Llava]

Later I found out I was "a stalker".  (don't forget, at this time as far as I knew we were still dating) WTF? 

If she liked you, it would've been a sweet gesture.  She didn't.

I was dating a girl that I really didn't like very much, but who was really into me.  It was a bad call on my part, I should've just been honest, but I was feeling shitty from a previous relationship and the ego boost was nice.  Regardless, I didn't like her all that much so as time went on I found myself trying to avoid her.  She tried to get me to come out with her one day and I didn't have a valid excuse aside from "I just don't want to" so I told her I was feeling sick.  So she shows up with orange juice when I was trying to avoid her.  Basically, the same situation as yours in reverse.

She didn't like you, but felt bad about it.  She was looking for ways to tell you, and that just happened to present itself.  There's
nothing wrong with what you did.  Except maybe having bought Taco Bell for a person feeling sick.

EDIT

I don't know why the quote fucked up originally, but it did.

[MaceVanHoffen]

This post is just to inflict Fat Affleck on all of you again.

[Strazos]

OOoo boy, do I have a few stories when I get back....

From playing Jade Empire! 

[NiX]

I'd say something about my most recent ex, but I'm sure Schild or Joe would chime in with something about taiwanese men. I'll save myself the humiliation.

Though there was this one ex I dumped on valentines day. I didn't realize what day it was due to my horrible memory. I've never heard someone cry so much while swearing so profusely.

[schild]

Though there was this one ex I dumped on valentines day. I didn't realize what day it was due to my horrible memory. I've never heard someone cry so much while swearing so profusely.

And you wonder about the Taiwanese Men. You sad, sad bastard.

[NiX]

Though there was this one ex I dumped on valentines day. I didn't realize what day it was due to my horrible memory. I've never heard someone cry so much while swearing so profusely.

And you wonder about the Taiwanese Men. You sad, sad bastard.

It was a honest mistake! May not have been a good one. At least she talks to me still, even if it is to call me an asshole.

[Strazos]

Lesee...here's the run down I guess...

7th grade (lol)....Kinda liked this chick all year long. Her friend coerces me, against my better judgement, to ask her out...via a messge in her damn yearbook...Yeah. She initally says yes and we set a date....a few days later she turns aroung and shoots me down because "we're too different". I do believe I cried. In a back room at school. Not because I was sad, oh no, I never cry out of sadness (ok, almost never). I was just frustrated. I do believe I've been scarred for life.

At some point in my freshman year of college. Supposedly, this chick likes me, as I am told, and someone gets her number for me, because my gut tells me, once again, that this is probably not a teriffic idea. Anyway, I bring the chick out for dinner. It was...quiet. Then we go to a movie. I let her choose. She doesn't care, so what does my dumb ass pick? ....Blade 2...yeah motherfucker, I brought a meek little girl to see Blade 2. Blade was kind of decent, 2 was Garbage. I drive her straight home afterwards, and inadvertantly become very distant and detatched. Takes me almost a month to finally find my balls and tell her that we have no chemistry, even though we both already knew this. Strike 2 for Strazmeister.

The rest is just silly drama that I guess wouldn't really count as "breaking up" as much as it would count as me "fucking up".

Oh yeah, being the eternal nice guy and wearing a proverbial "friends' zone" sign on my forehead doesn't help I suppose.

Fuck you NJ....right in your stupid ass.

[Triforcer]

Oh yeah, being the eternal nice guy and wearing a proverbial "friends' zone" sign on my forehead doesn't help I suppose.

Ditto.  How does one get that sign off his head, pray tell?  I just realized that almost all of my close friends at law school are girls, and asian.  Maybe I need to start treating women like crap...

[Strazos]

Ditto. How does one get that sign off his head, pray tell?

Wish I could tell you. I think it's too late for me. My single-parent mother beat the nice into me from a very young age.

[TheWalrus]

  Apparently the sure way to get the girl is get extra fat, put 75w90 in your hair, (which must be at least shoulder length) get obnoxious tattoos that are visible even when fully clothed, be jobless and steal from her, and kick her ass on occasion.

 I wouldn't know as I haven't tried the above recipe. But it seems to work for a number of guys in my area.

[schild]

Having a fat affleck avatar works for me.

Really though, it's just a matter of honing in on the "sure things" and "not QUITE sure things" and ya know, not talking to them like a pissant moron. You'd be surprised how far talking to a girl on an equal level will take you.

Treating girls like shit only works on stupid girls and girls who are slumming. You don't want either.

There's also that first impression problem. Most men turn into bumbling retards when they talk to a girl for the first time. Going into it thinking you aren't getting any no matter what won't help. Nor will thinking "I'd hit that shit." Rather, you should try, ya know, making a vain/bold/ridiculous assumption and just riding with it. If you're looking to pick up strangers, that's really the only way to do it. Come up with something only someone on deep background would know about the girl, if you're wrong, meh, there's others. If you want a keeper, you have to tough out the friend stage and slowly work your way back. Most men quit when they think they're "friends." That doesn't work, you just have to be willing to drop her like a bad habit if the relationship doesn't work out. Sometimes eye candy is better than candy in the long run. Your judgement call.

As far as I go (since someone will no doubt say something about my authoritativeness on the subject - which, I'll say, is dubious at best), my current situation is total ass. It's a fucking mind game. But I'm going to go for it. It's what we in the industry like to call a "doozy."





Ok, so I'm not a man-whore. But seriously, these next few weeks are going to be mentally devastating.

[Strazos]

Since when is the line at the unemployment office an "industry"?

Smooth.

But anyway, it's amazing how many times I've been, for lack of a better term, KS'ed by a lesser guy because rather than be aggressive, I like to do things in an odd manner: Namely, get to know the person a bit before I try anything, and not throw "game" at chicks. Apparently, "game" is a big thing where I come from, and unfortunately my UT2k4 game does not apply.

[schild]

Since when is the line at the unemployment office an "industry"?

Rimshot.

[Strazos]

You probably still bring home more than I do, with my $100 paychecks, whee.

[Llava]

I got lucky.  First semester of my first year of college, Philosophy 101, I saw a girl I recognized from high school.  She was a friend of an ex-girlfriend, and she was exactly my type.  Since I was with the aforementioned ex when I originally met her, I couldn't make a move.  I could now, and I uncharacteristically did.  Walked up to her right after class and started a conversation.  I was cute, not overbearing.  I said, "Hey, I know you."  We went from there.  The chemistry was immediate.  Sat next to her the next day, and I knew I wanted to ask her out.  So I did.

And she shot my down.

So I kept hanging around, stayed a really close friend, and kept asking.  And asking.  And asking.  And I noticed that the "No"s became "Not Yet"s.  Then early in October we went to a haunted house together, then to a park at night.  And she finally said yes.

We've been together 4 and a half years since then, and I've screwed up a fair amount of times.  But she loves me, and forgives me when I say something stupid.  And she thinks my geekiness is adorable.

And really, I knew we would be that perfect.  I knew it within the first month of being her friend.  I don't believe in any religion or fate or any of that crap, but I do believe that you'll know it when you meet the right person for you.  Keep your eyes open, that's my advice.  That and, if you look at your relationship and think it's caused more stress than it's alleviated, you're not in the right kind of relationship.

[Ironwood]

My Goodness, that's heart-warming.


Can you also come back and tell us the story of exactly how she ends up dumping you ?

Cheers.

[Margalis]

Mild flirting can work wonders to stay out of the friend zone. You have to keep the sexual tension level above zero.

[Fargull]

Oh yeah, being the eternal nice guy and wearing a proverbial "friends' zone" sign on my forehead doesn't help I suppose.

Ditto.  How does one get that sign off his head, pray tell?  I just realized that almost all of my close friends at law school are girls, and asian.  Maybe I need to start treating women like crap...

I had this through most of highschool if not all of it.  I finally got a clue in college, the best way to get past the friend zone on the forehead is to ask them out first.  Don't walk up and chat, walk up and ask them to dinner, movie, coffee, bar, sex.  Don't walk up and chat about the weather.  As Schild mentioned, if the first does not want to go out, then move on to the next.  I find myself going out with a lot of girls till I find one I am compatable with and then we really date.  I don't go out the first time pressing for home plate though, maybe first with an option for second.  If I don't enjoy a conversation with them, I am not hopping in the sack with them.

[CmdrSlack]

Oh yeah, being the eternal nice guy and wearing a proverbial "friends' zone" sign on my forehead doesn't help I suppose.

Ditto.  How does one get that sign off his head, pray tell?  I just realized that almost all of my close friends at law school are girls, and asian.  Maybe I need to start treating women like crap...

Don't date chicks from your law school.  Just don't.  I can tell you, from my own experience, that it's a BAD idea.  Very bad.  Extremely bad.

[Paelos]

I agree, don't date law school chicks. Even if you aren't in law school.

[HaemishM]

Ditto. How does one get that sign off his head, pray tell?

Wish I could tell you. I think it's too late for me. My single-parent mother beat the nice into me from a very young age.

I think the only thing that gets this stigma off of your head is self-confidence. Or maybe becoming a complete prick. I had this sign hung on me for years, which is why I don't have any good ditching stories. Until I met my wife, most of my romantic stories were pretty sad, pathetic exercises in me liking someone that didn't return the affection.

I believe women can sense self-confidence instinctually, and think that if you don't have it, there must be a good reason for it. Of course, as life with my beautiful wife has taught me, I know jack and shit about what women think, so take what I say with a value-sized grain of salt.

[Strazos]

so take what I say with a value-sized grain of salt.

Shame I already have a Haemish sig quote, or I'd add this, KEKE!

But yeah, you're probably right about the whole self-confidence schtick. My confidence is very...situational.

Confidence in my gaming? Check

Confidence in my Academic...stuff? Check

Confidence when it comes to "being more than a friend with a woman"? .....roflcopter

I tend to look for the "sure thing", and even then I have only happened across it about....once. And it would have been for a one-night relationship...and I was drunk....and I still turned it down.

Stupid Integrity.