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Author
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Topic: Sonic (2019) (Read 10140 times)
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justdave
Terracotta Army
Posts: 462
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TrailerHey! Were you miserable yet today? Ho ho ho, you will be soon! Now you know that this exists and is a thing. Nice to see that Jim Carrey dropped all that 'serious roles' shit and has returned to being a wacky smacktard. All I can say about this is summed up by the Discord chat where it was inflicted upon me. SOMEONE at 11:22 AM https://youtu.be/FvvZaBf9QQIYouTube Paramount Pictures Sonic The Hedgehog (2019) - Official Trailer - Paramount Pictures i had to see this, so suffer with me JUSTDAVE Today at 11:27 AM Dear god Just when erotic Sonic fan fiction had died out, they had to poke the bear. SOMEONE at 11:28 AM ...oh no youre right JUSTDAVE Today at 11:28 AM That's correct It's even worse than you thought SOMEONE at 11:29 AM nooooo oh god theres probably already fanart of sonic and that dude SOMEONE ELSE at 1:29 PM ... No I thought i had almost no hard lines, you just found one JUSTDAVE Today at 11:30 AM I feel like Elrond watching Isildur walk out of mount doom with the one ring in his grasp "Great, enjoy another thousand years of fuckin' darkness, assholes!"
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« Last Edit: April 30, 2019, 12:13:32 PM by justdave »
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"They started to resist with a crust that was welded with human brain and willpower."
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Bunk
Contributor
Posts: 5828
Operating Thetan One
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Well my reaction was similar to the face in your profile pick, but with a bit more drool.
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"Welcome to the internet, pussy." - VDL "I have retard strength." - Schild
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Draegan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10043
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My 4 yo son watches sonic cartoons on Netflix i think? He'll probably love this, but I'm already assuming this shit is like rated R (or should be).
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42628
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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This trailer should be prefaced with a disclaimer that is was made for NO AUDIENCES.
Because who the fuck is this made for?
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justdave
Terracotta Army
Posts: 462
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Money McCashgrab, esq.
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"They started to resist with a crust that was welded with human brain and willpower."
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42628
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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I realize it's a cashgrab - my question is do they really think the Sonic character is a license to print money? I mean, it's not even a license to print video game money.
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justdave
Terracotta Army
Posts: 462
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I'm sure it's in the same vein as the Transformers shitshow, they're probably hoping that late-reproducing gen-x and -yers with younger children will see it as a way to bond with their offspring over something from their youth and instead wind up walking out of the theater with the adult weeping and the child asking why robots have testicles.
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"They started to resist with a crust that was welded with human brain and willpower."
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Rasix
Moderator
Posts: 15024
I am the harbinger of your doom!
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I thought I was prepared with all of the memes on reddit. I was not. I got scared when he made that face at Officer Cyclops. This should not exist. Also: the military.
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-Rasix
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Hawkbit
Terracotta Army
Posts: 5531
Like a Klansman in the ghetto.
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SurfD
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4035
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I like to think that somewhere, there was a guy in a suit who was thinking "hey, lets attempt to dethrone Mario Bros as the worst video game to movie adaption of all time" when whoever the fuck thought this was a good idea decided to green light the project.
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Darwinism is the Gateway Science.
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Teleku
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10510
https://i.imgur.com/mcj5kz7.png
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I actually think Mario Brothers is one of the best video game adaptations of all time. That's not really meant as praise for the movie (but it is fun to watch with a drunk group specifically for MST3K purposes, as we did in Moscow). It's just that all the others are so bad.
I mean, just the Street Fighter movie alone...
Anyways, I'd love to hear the background on how the fuck this got green lit and actually made in the year of our lord two thousand and nineteen.
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« Last Edit: May 01, 2019, 07:40:31 AM by Teleku »
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"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor." -Stephen Colbert
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Draegan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10043
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I'm sure it's in the same vein as the Transformers shitshow, they're probably hoping that late-reproducing gen-x and -yers with younger children will see it as a way to bond with their offspring over something from their youth and instead wind up walking out of the theater with the adult weeping and the child asking why robots have testicles.
Bumblebee was a good movie.
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42628
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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The first Mortal Kombat was a decent video game to movie adaptation.
But frankly, video game to movie adaptations shouldn't exist at all, if for no other reason than they gave Uwe Boll a career.
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NowhereMan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7353
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Like comic book movies there isn't necessarily a reason why video game movies have to be bad. Some of the HALO movies are actually pretty fun and the Street Fighter anime I remember as being half decent. Hollywood doesn't really like video games and is determined not to give us anything decent though. Until we get a director who grew up playing them and isn't embarrassed about it, it's not likely to happen.
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"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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Threash
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9165
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I am the .00000001428%
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42628
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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That's the first funny and relevant PA comic I've seen in years and by funny I mean it elicited a minor chuckle out of me.
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Threash
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9165
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Yeah, I don't even know what happened in 2014 but I think it's much more relevant today anyways.
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I am the .00000001428%
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justdave
Terracotta Army
Posts: 462
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The first Mortal Kombat was a decent video game to movie adaptation.
But frankly, video game to movie adaptations shouldn't exist at all, if for no other reason than they gave Uwe Boll a career.
90% of me agrees with you and 10% of me says 'Hey, at least we got to see someone beat the shit out of Lowtax...'
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"They started to resist with a crust that was welded with human brain and willpower."
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Teleku
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10510
https://i.imgur.com/mcj5kz7.png
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Yeah, I don't even know what happened in 2014 but I think it's much more relevant today anyways.
You can click on the button marked "TXT" in the top left of all their comics to take you to the post where they discuss the comic. It was after the release of Sonic Boom, which was.... not well received. https://www.metacritic.com/game/wii-u/sonic-boom-rise-of-lyric
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"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor." -Stephen Colbert
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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The warcraft movie was much better than it had any right to be.
This. I mean. This. Really? I like how Ganster's Paradise was the soundtrack, because that makes sense for exactly zero reasons.
I like Jim Carrey, but first he started with his paintings. And now this.
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Jeff Kelly
Terracotta Army
Posts: 6921
I'm an apathetic, hedonistic, utilitarian, nihilistic existentialist.
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The first Mortal Kombat was a decent video game to movie adaptation.
But frankly, video game to movie adaptations shouldn't exist at all, if for no other reason than they gave Uwe Boll a career.
Our fucked up German tax laws gave Uwe Boll a career. He was basically an ego-driven German pinata full of cash who could fund projects that never needed to recuperate any of the production costs. Guys like him will always be welcome in Hollywood. To be fair though, he was a smart pinata because he knew that 'gamers' would basically watch any old dreck for the chance to catch a glimpse of some Hollywood starlet's tits. He never had any sincere drive to actually make good movies in the first place. He absolutely knew what he was doing. He wrote a book on movie financing and financing loopholes and he holds 3 degrees (Master of Arts in Literature, Master of Business Administration and a Ph.D in Literature). He just had a huge chip on his shoulder because he didn't have a successfull directorial career in Germany and thought that wasting tax payer money by exploiting tax code loopholes would show em.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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I like Jim Carrey, but first he started with his paintings. And now this.
his paintings are dope though dude gets to do whatever he want and he chose large scale paintings as one of the *things* he wanted to do
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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I am on the fence about the paintings. In the same way I was on the fence with his relationship with Jenny McCarthy. On the one hand, she was super hot. On the other hand, she's cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Same with the paintings.
But hey, this is more interesting than Sonic the movie.
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Chimpy
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10618
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'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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It is entirely conceivable that parts of it would be quite funny. But then, that little blue abomination will come in and ruin it.
Though I am curious as to what that other stuff people fawn over is that you are thinking of.
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Threash
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9165
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Not sure why they would bother to throw more money at this at this point, its not going to bomb any less hard because they slightly tweak how sonic looks.
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I am the .00000001428%
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19212
sentient yeast infection
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I assume the entire thing is some kind of "Producers" style tax scam, so redoing the character design at the last minute at great expense makes perfect sense.
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"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
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Chimpy
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10618
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Usually, the VFX stuff is not completely done on movies like that until closer to release. They finish a few scenes for the trailers and then keep working so there might not be THAT much to fix.
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'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
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Teleku
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10510
https://i.imgur.com/mcj5kz7.png
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Going to have to back that up with some examples.
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"My great-grandfather did not travel across four thousand miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this nation overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland. That's the rumor." -Stephen Colbert
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Hoax
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8110
l33t kiddie
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Its gotta be Alita, maybe Predator (we did have a thread it was completely atrocious btw I saw Predator today) ummmmm i have no clue what else looks this bad. There isn't a Detective Pikachu thread. Why isn't there one? That shit seems just as strange to me.
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A nation consists of its laws. A nation does not consist of its situation at a given time. If an individual's morals are situational, then that individual is without morals. If a nation's laws are situational, that nation has no laws, and soon isn't a nation. -William Gibson
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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I was thinking the same thing, except that it kinda looks like they spend some dollars producing that one. Trailer I saw looked nice, visually.
We're going to hit page 2 with a Sonic thread, aren't we. That's crazypants.
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Rendakor
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10131
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Detective Pikachu looks fine for what it is. Having Ryan Reynolds voice Pikachu certainly helps sell the movie, but all of the Pokemon look pretty close to what they've looked like in the games with a dash of realism. Not like some weirdo in a fursuit.
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"i can't be a star citizen. they won't even give me a star green card"
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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Going to have to back that up with some examples. He can't do that, it was a fuckin stupid statement.
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eldaec
Terracotta Army
Posts: 11839
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I'm surprised noone has mentioned Howard the Duck. Though it might be because I have recently discovered you are all ridiculously young.
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"People will not assume that what they read on the internet is trustworthy or that it carries any particular assurance or accuracy" - Lord Leveson "Hyperbole is a cancer" - Lakov Sanite
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Velorath
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I'm not sure why someone would bring up Howard the Duck in the context of this discussion.
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