Sonic (2019)

[justdave]

Trailer

Hey! Were you miserable yet today? Ho ho ho, you will be soon! Now you know that this exists and is a thing. Nice to see that Jim Carrey dropped all that 'serious roles' shit and has returned to being a wacky smacktard.  

All I can say about this is summed up by the Discord chat where it was inflicted upon me.

SOMEONE at 11:22 AM
https://youtu.be/FvvZaBf9QQI
YouTube
Paramount Pictures
Sonic The Hedgehog (2019) - Official Trailer - Paramount Pictures

i had to see this, so suffer with me


JUSTDAVE Today at 11:27 AM
Dear god
Just when erotic Sonic fan fiction had died out, they had to poke the bear.


SOMEONE at 11:28 AM
...oh no
youre right


JUSTDAVE Today at 11:28 AM
That's correct
It's even worse than you thought


SOMEONE at 11:29 AM
nooooo
oh god theres probably already fanart of sonic and that dude


SOMEONE ELSE at 1:29 PM
...
No
I thought i had almost no hard lines, you just found one


JUSTDAVE Today at 11:30 AM
I feel like Elrond watching Isildur walk out of mount doom with the one ring in his grasp
"Great, enjoy another thousand years of fuckin' darkness, assholes!"

[Bunk]

Well my reaction was similar to the face in your profile pick, but with a bit more drool.

[Draegan]

My 4 yo son watches sonic cartoons on Netflix i think? He'll probably love this, but I'm already assuming this shit is like rated R (or should be).

[HaemishM]

This trailer should be prefaced with a disclaimer that is was made for NO AUDIENCES.

Because who the fuck is this made for?

[justdave]

Money McCashgrab, esq.

[HaemishM]

I realize it's a cashgrab - my question is do they really think the Sonic character is a license to print money? I mean, it's not even a license to print video game money.

[justdave]

I'm sure it's in the same vein as the Transformers shitshow, they're probably hoping that late-reproducing gen-x and -yers with younger children will see it as a way to bond with their offspring over something from their youth and instead wind up walking out of the theater with the adult weeping  and the child asking why robots have testicles.

[Rasix]

I thought I was prepared with all of the memes on reddit. I was not. I got scared when he made that face at Officer Cyclops.

This should not exist.

Also: the military. 

[Hawkbit]

Nothing is really off limits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battleship_(film)

[SurfD]

I like to think that somewhere, there was a guy in a suit who was thinking "hey, lets attempt to dethrone Mario Bros as the worst video game to movie adaption of all time" when whoever the fuck thought this was a good idea decided to green light the project.

[Teleku]

I actually think Mario Brothers is one of the best video game adaptations of all time.  That's not really meant as praise for the movie (but it is fun to watch with a drunk group specifically for MST3K purposes, as we did in Moscow).  It's just that all the others are so bad.

I mean, just the Street Fighter movie alone...

Anyways, I'd love to hear the background on how the fuck this got green lit and actually made in the year of our lord two thousand and nineteen.

[Draegan]

I'm sure it's in the same vein as the Transformers shitshow, they're probably hoping that late-reproducing gen-x and -yers with younger children will see it as a way to bond with their offspring over something from their youth and instead wind up walking out of the theater with the adult weeping  and the child asking why robots have testicles.

Bumblebee was a good movie.

[HaemishM]

The first Mortal Kombat was a decent video game to movie adaptation.

But frankly, video game to movie adaptations shouldn't exist at all, if for no other reason than they gave Uwe Boll a career.

[NowhereMan]

Like comic book movies there isn't necessarily a reason why video game movies have to be bad. Some of the HALO movies are actually pretty fun and the Street Fighter anime I remember as being half decent. Hollywood doesn't really like video games and is determined not to give us anything decent though. Until we get a director who grew up playing them and isn't embarrassed about it, it's not likely to happen.

[Threash]

https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2014/11/14/a-ring-and-a-prayer

[HaemishM]

That's the first funny and relevant PA comic I've seen in years and by funny I mean it elicited a minor chuckle out of me.

[Threash]

Yeah, I don't even know what happened in 2014 but I think it's much more relevant today anyways.

[justdave]

The first Mortal Kombat was a decent video game to movie adaptation.

But frankly, video game to movie adaptations shouldn't exist at all, if for no other reason than they gave Uwe Boll a career.

90% of me agrees with you and 10% of me says 'Hey, at least we got to see someone beat the shit out of Lowtax...'

[Teleku]

Yeah, I don't even know what happened in 2014 but I think it's much more relevant today anyways.

You can click on the button marked "TXT" in the top left of all their comics to take you to the post where they discuss the comic.

It was after the release of Sonic Boom, which was.... not well received.

https://www.metacritic.com/game/wii-u/sonic-boom-rise-of-lyric

[Cyrrex]

The warcraft movie was much better than it had any right to be.

This.  I mean.  This.  Really?  I like how Ganster's Paradise was the soundtrack, because that makes sense for exactly zero reasons.

I like Jim Carrey, but first he started with his paintings.  And now this.

[Jeff Kelly]

The first Mortal Kombat was a decent video game to movie adaptation.

But frankly, video game to movie adaptations shouldn't exist at all, if for no other reason than they gave Uwe Boll a career.

Our fucked up German tax laws gave Uwe Boll a career. He was basically an ego-driven German pinata full of cash who could fund projects that never needed to recuperate any of the production costs. Guys like him will always be welcome in Hollywood.
To be fair though, he was a smart pinata because he knew that 'gamers' would basically watch any old dreck for the chance to catch a glimpse of some Hollywood starlet's tits.

He never had any sincere drive to actually make good movies in the first place. He absolutely knew what he was doing. He wrote a book on movie financing and financing loopholes and he holds 3 degrees (Master of Arts in Literature, Master of Business Administration and a Ph.D in Literature).

He just had a huge chip on his shoulder because he didn't have a successfull directorial career in Germany and thought that wasting tax payer money by exploiting tax code loopholes would show em.

[schild]

I like Jim Carrey, but first he started with his paintings.  And now this.

his paintings are dope though

dude gets to do whatever he want and he chose large scale paintings as one of the *things* he wanted to do

[Cyrrex]

I am on the fence about the paintings.  In the same way I was on the fence with his relationship with Jenny McCarthy.  On the one hand, she was super hot.  On the other hand, she's cuckoo for cocoa puffs.  Same with the paintings.

But hey, this is more interesting than Sonic the movie.

[Chimpy]

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2019/05/after-trailer-outcry-sonic-the-hedgehog-director-tells-fans-to-expect-changes/

I’ll be honest, the trailer didn’t look any worse than some of the shit that people around here fawn over. But I also don’t give a shit about sonic either.

It seems like an attempt to get a lot people who were young teenagers when the game was new by catering to their nostalgia for their favorite movie: Ace Ventura. Since Jim seems to be doing that style of “acting” in this movie.

[Cyrrex]

It is entirely conceivable that parts of it would be quite funny.  But then, that little blue abomination will come in and ruin it.

Though I am curious as to what that other stuff people fawn over is that you are thinking of.

[Threash]

Not sure why they would bother to throw more money at this at this point, its not going to bomb any less hard because they slightly tweak how sonic looks.

[Samwise]

I assume the entire thing is some kind of "Producers" style tax scam, so redoing the character design at the last minute at great expense makes perfect sense.

[Chimpy]

Usually, the VFX stuff is not completely done on movies like that until closer to release. They finish a few scenes for the trailers and then keep working so there might not be THAT much to fix.

[Teleku]

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2019/05/after-trailer-outcry-sonic-the-hedgehog-director-tells-fans-to-expect-changes/

I’ll be honest, the trailer didn’t look any worse than some of the shit that people around here fawn over.

Going to have to back that up with some examples.   

[Hoax]

Its gotta be Alita, maybe Predator (we did have a thread it was completely atrocious btw I saw Predator today) ummmmm i have no clue what else looks this bad. There isn't a Detective Pikachu thread. Why isn't there one? That shit seems just as strange to me.

[Cyrrex]

I was thinking the same thing, except that it kinda looks like they spend some dollars producing that one.  Trailer I saw looked nice, visually.

We're going to hit page 2 with a Sonic thread, aren't we.  That's crazypants.

[Rendakor]

Detective Pikachu looks fine for what it is. Having Ryan Reynolds voice Pikachu certainly helps sell the movie, but all of the Pokemon look pretty close to what they've looked like in the games with a dash of realism. Not like some weirdo in a fursuit.

[schild]

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2019/05/after-trailer-outcry-sonic-the-hedgehog-director-tells-fans-to-expect-changes/

I’ll be honest, the trailer didn’t look any worse than some of the shit that people around here fawn over.

Going to have to back that up with some examples.   

He can't do that, it was a fuckin stupid statement.

[eldaec]

I'm surprised noone has mentioned Howard the Duck. Though it might be because I have recently discovered you are all ridiculously young.

[Velorath]

I'm not sure why someone would bring up Howard the Duck in the context of this discussion.