Viewers Choices for the 100 things (more or less) learned from CBS’ Under the Dome
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/page/298993_Viewers_Choices_for_the_100_th1. When making an “Emergency Alert Broadcast”, don’t mention the gigantic invisible sheet of glass across the road, just tell people to stop their cars immediately for no reason. That’ll work
2. Just focus on car drivers in your “Emergency Alert”, because no harm could possibly come to others: ATV, motorcycle, or off-roading, horse riders, cyclists, farm trucks. And don’t advise anyone to walk around and check on neighbors or put up warning signs.
3. After trying to talk through the barrier fails, making gestures and touching hands together is the only form of communication possible through a transparent wall, even though it was proven that people on the other side can, in fact, read a note that you show them.
4. After failing to communicate verbally fails, make no further attempt to communicate with the people on the other side. In fact, ignore them completely.
5. Cows are composed of homogeneous red meat with barely discernible bones or internal organs
6. Do not attempt to investigate the barrier, by digging, hitting, shooting, blowing up or whatever. That kind of thing cannot be done on the first day of a disaster.
7. Sheriff’s deputies always look like Jo Lupo from “Eureka”
11. Cars spinning their wheels in the woods make ashphalt-squealing sounds
12. Cars slowing gently to a stop make panic-stop screaching sounds
13. Don’t let a day full of disaster & unanswered questions interfere with your usual firelight-teen-gathering-and-hanging-out on the bridge
15. All external and INTERNAL doors of a shelter must be boltable from the outside. Make sure there is no possible way of escaping from the inside of a shelter.
16. Having a logo on the screen saying “You are watching: Under The Dome”, while you are watching “Under The Dome”, is necessary to avoid that awful feeling that you may have accidentally started watching “Dancing With The Stars”
23. That by the end of the third episode(max), I will have lost all interest in the town’s “dirty little secrets” and “who-is-sleeping-with-who,” and started wondering how long its going to take the writers to start dealing with the main issue. Do they really think they will keep our interest week after week with the afore-mentioned “human drama?”
24. That by the end of the second episode, I can probably get a preview of “coming attractions” by reading the Cliffs Notes version of “Lord of the Flies.”
25. The military doesn’t want to talk to anyone. The dome causes shyness.
32. One little cut on a stranger’s head is suspicious at a plane crash site when some supernatural dome has just trapped you.
35. you don’t cry when you hear that 12 people from your neighbourhood died, you just “oooooooooooooh”
39. That half a small town is a douche bag. (Sheriff is hiding something, car dealership guy makes threats, eye witnesses that don’t want to get involved, kids that want to party when friends and parents have died, husbands that do dirty dealings, contract killers, stalker boyfriends, etc..I could go on)
42. The dome does not act like a magnifying glass and cause fires or alters/distort light filtering through even though it has weird curving angles. Magic
50. Never take flying lessons in a small town in Maine.
51. College is a pyramid scheme.
52. You take all of your fire engines out of town for a parade and leave your town helpless to fires.
60. Out of town folks can find the Sheriff, even though they don’t live there.
61.Never try to manipulate your psycho boyfriend by play acting. Crazy people are far too shrewd.
62.Butterfly knifes and leather coats are all the rage with the kids these days. Each set comes with complementary bomb shelter. That locks from the outside.
63. The most prudent course of action is always to touch the invisible cow killing wall with your hand.
65. For some reason 99% of anything made into a movie or TV show based on a Stephen King novel is terrible.
69. They are having a parade outside of town while everybody is still in town.
70. Cows move so fast they can appear all over the road, seconds after being nowhere in sight.
72. After a plane crashes, it is perfectly safe and sensible to stand in the burning wreckage.
76. The best way to flirt with a strange man is to tell a terrifyingly freaky story about cannibal goldfish in your bedroom voice.
78. Sex in Chester’s Mill lasts less than 20 seconds. (no wonder its a small town)
80. There is only 1 black man in Chester’s Mill.
83. By getting a shock when you touch the dome and yelling in pain you feel the need to touch it again.
87. Intelligent questions will be asked - “If this thing just appeared out of thin air, do you think maybe it’ll disappear too?” Which will be answered equally intelligently - “Yeah maybe.”
92. Domes and pacemakers are incompatible.
98. When you set papers on fire and put them in a trashcan it’s completely normal to be surprised when the curtains catch on fire after you kick the can over to them.
99. It’s understandable to be surprised as to how fast everything in the house catches on fire after kicking a fiery can over to curtains. Obviously the house is coated in gasoline.
101. The dome is a sieve.
103. Never try to set something on fire while saying the magic words “God works in mysterious ways.”
104. DJs who look like Lenny Kravitz are allowed to ask stupid questions like “Well who did then?”, to people who clearly do not know the answer and they will not be told to *beep* off.
106. The room you first set fire to in a house is not necessarily the first room to burn down.
107. Make sure you yell “STOP” 10 times to the digger driver who has already stopped. You just never know what they might do. Those crazy digger drivers.
112. No one gets injured by shrapnel when a propane tank explodes.
113. When finding important documents in someone else’s house, make sure you burn the house down. Don’t take the papers with you and destroy them safely.
117. Watching “Under the Dome” for any period longer than five minutes is a sure sign that the batteries in your remote have died.
119. After telling your sister, “We’re on our own,” you don’t worry when she disappears.
120. Adding “the hell” after every single one of your who/what/when/where/why questions makes you sound tough and no-nonsense.
133. Priests are natural pickpockets
134. Walls burn like they’re soaked in gasoline
135. When stocking up so you can profiteer later, three packs of smokes are enough.
136. While trying to put out a fire that threatens the whole town, drive across town, get the end-loader you don’t have keys for, then instead of digging a fire break around the house, tear it down
Author
. - schild
