Started a new playthrough as Isle of Man.
First thing first, I'm indie, and I know EA will swallow me up. So I thought , maybe I should go England...or Scotland?
I went for the latter for some challenge.
Oh well. What a piece of shit. Braveheart was a lie - Mel Gibson couldn't save Scotland. We're all getting our asses kicked left and right, and my shit of a son lost his county - USURPED and turned into a Court Chaplain - Fucking hell. Still, being a nice guy, I just kept plugging at it and passed away. Two three generations later , after so many stupid ass fuck cock sucking highlanders ramming cocks at each other over princes the universe title I decided to unleash hell on their ass.
Enter Captain Art and the Irish Band. I saved 300 gold - that's my life savings, those separatist scum DARED to attack the ISLE OF MAN with a 2k STACK? I'LL FUCKING SHOW THEM.
THREE THOUSAND IRISHMEN DROPS FROM THE SKY AND PUSH THEM OFF. BUT THAT'S NOT ENUFF.
We march to Galloway by parting the ocean with our jesus bathed dicks. And raped every. Single. Stack.
Captain Art reminds me every month will cost us quite a sum , but I told him if his army size shrinks , I'm paying less right? He nods so off we go sieging every single separatist keep for gold. When that ran out, I decided I've had enough of watching Scotland being raped from inside out. I want to rape her myself. Before the new Princess of Scotland can say 'OH MY SWEET HERO OF MAN' after I took out the last separatist stack , I told her to suck my dick cause I'm going anal on the whole kingdom and want to go back to the good ol' times of being indie.
R U SRS? - she asked? YA RLY. I sieged every single pathetic holding she had - garrisoned by 100-600 scared, scottish lads, waiting to be raped by Captain's Irish Band of Dicks.
To prove my point, I killed every singe noble I captured. I ransomed a few rich ones to pay off Captain Art and it lasted almost a decade of 100% Independence War I've won SINGLEHANDEDLY WITH NO OUTSIDE FACTION but I still raped Scotland over and over till her vagina overflows with Art's sperm.
When all was said and done, Captain Art's men shrunk to 1000 but they've raped so many scottish women and men - they're happy with the longest contract they've ever taken. A single Earl from the Isle of Man is able to bring Scotland to her knees, and she wants MOAR manly cock, but NO MOAR> EVER.
I decided enough is enough. It's time to leave this shit GTA studio and go back to indie - and send a proposal to EA to buy out my awesome island.
EA being impressed by the ISLE OF MAN pwning their mortal enemies in the north takes us in, and that's how the Isle of Man became English. on Aug 23, 1123.
ALSO:
THIS IS MY SON
I NAMED HIM AFTER CAPTAIN ART.
And this is my best friend.
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