Slashdot Whoring: Metroid movies to be made by John Woo

[Riggswolfe]

Actually, if you want to discuss why Chan, Woo and Fat have not made such a big splash with American movies, OR why their American movies are not as good as their Hong Kong ones, I'll give you one reason.

Stuntmen. Not that our stuntmen are worse, but see we have UNIONS here. And OSHA regulations and shit that define just how much physical danger a stuntman can be placed in on the job. In Hong Kong, those restrictions were much, much more lax. So the stunts that can be done are much less dangerous and authentic looking than the ones they do in Hong Kong. So in essence, the directors/actors/stuntmen are restricted creatively and have to rely on things like shitty CGI and bigger explosions to cover up the things they'd just have stuntmen do in Hong Kong.

Not to mention that yes, those 3 guys could pretty much have carte blanche in Hong Kong, whereas over here, they are just some Asian guy.

I agree wholeheartedly with the last reason. I mean, let's face it, what was Chow Yun Fat's most successful movie after he left Hong Kong? Crouching Tiger, not even an American movie.

The stuntman thing doesn't apply as much to Jackie Chan, though he is getting older and slowing down some. Really, if you watch the old John Woo movies, he didn't have a huge amount of stunts and such, it was mostly gun play. Very rarely did you see jumping out of windows or car chases or anything like that.

I really think it is that Hollywood heard they were big in Hong Kong but wanted them to make Hollywood movies. Oh well. My dream collaboration would be Chow Yun Fat, Jackie Chan, a few others whose names I don't know off the top of my head, but whose work impresses me, in a John Woo movie made in Hong Kong. I'll deal with subtitles for that. (Though in all honesty, Jackie Chan probably wouldn't work well in a Woo movie.)

[Riggswolfe]

I just have this odd urge to point out that MI:2 was the movie we choose to go to as a group of about 12 from my old EQ guild got together.  I am surprised we didn't get kicked out of the movie because it was cracking us up in all the wrong ways.  It was AWFUL.  I think the only reason we didn't get kicked out is that we were far from the worst offenders.  Nobody from that group even gave it a 'decent' rating.  It was more on the lines of prefering an ass fissure to seeing the film again.  It was that bad.  First MI movie also sucked.  MI2 was worse though.

You were all EQ fans, that makes you supect right there. :). We'll agree to disagree I suppose.

I don't give a shit what people in other countries think of Woo.  Why would I?  Jerry Lewis is a fucking saint in France.  Does that mean I should laugh at his stupidity?  David Hasselhoff is HUGE in many places. Does not mean I ever want to listen to the crap that comes out when he opens his mouth.

Yes. Much better to assume that because they are foreigners they are stupid and their opinion doesn't matter. Woo has a huge following in Hong Kong, as well as among those people in the States who like Hong Kong action movies better than Hollywood action movies.

And I also don't care about his classic films.  It has no bearing on the subject at hand which was the idea of him making METROID into a movie.  And I can't see that as being anything but a clusterfuck.  For whatever reason you want to take (there are a ton of them).

Actually it does. You are assuming because he has had bad luck in Hollywood that he is not a good film maker. This is like assuming that because the Tuxedo sucked that Jackie Chan isn't very good. Metroid isn't really a good concept for a movie in the first place. But that's another story.

All that said, I would still check out reviews before saying I would never see it.  I had stated I would never see another Bruckheimer flick after watching armageddon.  Then he goes and makes Pirates of the Carribean.  Based off a freaking Disney ride.... WTF?  Sure Depp made the movie great, but it wasn't the only good thing in the movie by far.  It still would have been good without depp, but not great.

Well at least your mind isn't totally closed. There is a small amount of hope for you.

[schild]

John Woo directing Takeshi Sorimachi (GTO Live Action), Beat Takeshi (Kikujiro, Takeshi's Castle, Battle Royale), Chow Yun-Fat, Uncle Benny (whoever that dude was who was in Rush Hour...I think) and Ken Watanabe (from Last Samurai).

Also, I'd want the DP to be Tak Fujimoto (DP from Silence of the Lambs).

Can I get a solid gold toilet bowl while we're at it?

[Furiously]

Just a note to everyone bashing video games made into movies..

Mortal Combat.... (Granted Mortal Combat II sucked)

Thank you...

[Riggswolfe]

MI didn't have fucking spray on faces that looked identical to real people. Or two idiots crashing into each other at 50 MPH after leaping from head on motorcycles only to get to their feet, unscratched, and have a fucking martial arts fight.  I could go on, but the point is MI2 was too stupid to live.  Don't even get me started on Face/Off.

I didn't really like the spray on faces thing. That was a script issue though, not a directorial issue. I didn't mind the motorcycle thing. It was intended to be a joust for all intents and purposes and to show the almost insane hatred those two had for each other. Worked for what it was intended for, even though I will agree it was over the top. Face/Off was ok. It was an interesting experiment though it was so far fetched it really was more scifi than action. Problem is that John Travolta did his typical way over the top bad guy routine.

The few Woo movies I have seen have made me weep with their sheer idiocy and retarded 'style'. Why should I go back and see his older stuff before he was a sellout? Any master of his craft would be improving, not getting worse. If that is the case, my head may actually explode watching his older works. I can only tolerate so much stupid, after all.

Thank god you're not prone to exageration. And no, any Master of his craft would not be getting better. Artists all have a "peak". Some of them it's more of a plateau, others it is a true peak. Most people would agree Lucas peaked with American Graffiti and Star Wars. Spielberg peaked, but other than a few bumbs has never trailed off. Some people say Tarantino peaked with Pulp Fiction. I could go on but I think you get my point. His American movies are in no way as good as his Hong Kong movies, but they are still better than action movies made by almost any other director out there today. You want a hack, watch a Michael Bay film.

Informational- I have a VERY high standard when it comes to movies, especially when I get off my ass and go see one in the theatre. It is not the money that bothers me- it is the waste of time, and having to rub shoulders with all the fucking dimwits who are grinning ear to ear while I am looking around for exit signs and trying not to vomit. If a movie sucks on cable or DVD, I can turn the goddamned thing off, or at least do something entertaining while it is on. In a theatre, my 2 hours are already wasted.

What is 2 hours? It's a drop in the bucket. There are some movies I curse and gnash teeth over the wasted time. (Highlander 2 comes to mind) but hell, even a not-so-good movie still has some entertainment value most of the time.

[Riggswolfe]

Edit: I don't know where 'woo-fu' came from, but everyone in the 'know' calls them bullet ballets.  Maybe some research would help. John Woo did some masterful works, but the majority of his movies, both in and out of Hong Kong aren't that great. It just so happens that his great works are some of the best EVER made. Beat Takeshi has a better awesome:shitty ratio in his directorial career.

Bullet Ballet is another term associated with him, I just don't use it. To me it evokes to much of the current trend that is getting somewhat old. (Wires, etc.)

I use Woo-fu in the same manner I use Kirk-jitsu. Though one I use as a joke, the other I use as a lowbrow way to describe Woo's style.

[Riggswolfe]

John Woo directing Takeshi Sorimachi (GTO Live Action), Beat Takeshi (Kikujiro, Takeshi's Castle, Battle Royale), Chow Yun-Fat, Uncle Benny (whoever that dude was who was in Rush Hour...I think) and Ken Watanabe (from Last Samurai).

Also, I'd want the DP to be Tak Fujimoto (DP from Silence of the Lambs).

Can I get a solid gold toilet bowl while we're at it?

I am not familiar with Takeshi or Beat...though I do like the other 3. I may have to find some more movies Watanabe is in, he seems to bear further watching.

[Riggswolfe]

Just a note to everyone bashing video games made into movies..

Mortal Combat.... (Granted Mortal Combat II sucked)

Thank you...

I saw that on its opening night. Don't know why, I think it was just an urge to get out. It was 3 or 4 of my friends and I. When the New Line logo came up and the Mortal Kombat theme started the theater went wild! I will say that the movie was surprisingly watchable. Mario Bros sucked, most other game to movies sucked. (Tomb Raider for example was so overdone). I found Resident Evil to be kind of fun to watch. (Of course, I like Milla Jovovich so that helps). That's about all I can think of as far as game->movie conversions that I enjoyed. RE and MK. That's all folks. Metroid is a fun game, I'm just not sure it'll translate well to the big screen regardless of who directs it. Personally I'd like to see a Blizzard property made into a movie. Starcraft or Diablo maybe. Though Diablo would need some serious fleshing out.

[Alluvian]

Riggs, what you just did is generally called "Sir Brucing".  Don't do it here.  By that I mean chopping every post into tiny pieces and responding to just the tiny parts instead of a message as a whole, AND posting 4-5 times in a row.  VERY bad etiquette.

Other than that, just one point:

Yes. Much better to assume that because they are foreigners they are stupid and their opinion doesn't matter. Woo has a huge following in Hong Kong, as well as among those people in the States who like Hong Kong action movies better than Hollywood action movies.

Don't be stupid.  You know damn well that was not my point.  I could have just as easily listed Britanny Spears and the United States.  Regional success does not mean super quality.  It just means there is some nerve struck there that may not resonate in other cultures.

In woos case I just don't think the guy can function on a big budget.  Some people need restrictions and their skills are in getting the most out of the little they have.  Give some of these people a lot and they lose all that made their earlier works good.  I lump Lucas in that group.  Woo may or may not belong there.  I have not followed him close enough to know.

[Riggswolfe]

Don't be stupid.  You know damn well that was not my point.  I could have just as easily listed Britanny Spears and the United States.  Regional success does not mean super quality.  It just means there is some nerve struck there that may not resonate in other cultures.

In woos case I just don't think the guy can function on a big budget.  Some people need restrictions and their skills are in getting the most out of the little they have.  Give some of these people a lot and they lose all that made their earlier works good.  I lump Lucas in that group.  Woo may or may not belong there.  I have not followed him close enough to know.

Actually I don't know that. That's not what you said. The examples you used were Jerry Lewis and David Hasslehoff, not exactly actors that most people enjoy, and you used them for a specific reason. You could have listed Britanny Spears, you didn't.

I don't truly think Woo's problem is the budget. I think Woo's problem is the Hollywood system. The studios don't trust their actors and directors to make a product that will sell, so they make demands.

As for the Sir Brucing, I don't know who or what he is and don't really give a shit. I post when I have time. I may post several in a row rather than one long post. Don't like it? Don't read it.

[HaemishM]

I do think budget has been a problem with some of Woo's American work, most specifically Windtalkers. That movie had about 2 lines worth of story, and the rest was equal parts shittons of explosions, Japanese being blown up, vintage planes, bad CGI and machismo bonding shit. It was awful. I think he got caught up in the choreography of being able to use that much shit blowing up and lost all sense of sanity. He had too much money and used it all on explosions instead of a scriptwriter.

Paycheck was a better movie. But he's repeating himself in a very bad way. The whole Dove thing was just so obvious. I don't think he's doing stuff like that to appease Hollywood or his fans. Most action movie fans wouldn't know or care that he's used the slow-mo dove in every goddamn film he's done since forever. Maybe he's trying to reuse it because he's lazy, I don't know. But it looks bad. Face/Off was his best American movie, IMO, and that isn't saying a lot.

[Riggswolfe]

Well i did find Windtalkers somewhat boring to be honest. I haven't analyzed it or anything but you may be right. It may have been an orgy of spending and a loss of vision.

I read in interviews that the typical Woo shit you see in Paycheck was in there because Ben Afleck insisted. Woo didn't want doves, standoffs, slo-mo, etc. He's tired of it himself. However, it seems that directors can get typecast as much as actors.

Faceoff is ok. I still prefer Mission Impossible 2.

[WayAbvPar]

I didn't mind the motorcycle thing. It was intended to be a joust for all intents and purposes and to show the almost insane hatred those two had for each other.

If you ignore basic High School Physics (in a non-scifi or fantasy flick)  for the sake of making a dubious point, I am gonna mock you for it. Those two idiots would have broken most of their ribs, their collarbones, etc in that collision. It was so over the top stupid it just jarred me totally out of the movie. Tip- try not to make your audience laugh out loud during a crucial dramatic moment.

What is 2 hours? It's a drop in the bucket. There are some movies I curse and gnash teeth over the wasted time. (Highlander 2 comes to mind) but hell, even a not-so-good movie still has some entertainment value most of the time.

Can I assume from this comment that you are young? Maybe late teens to early 20s? I remember feeling the same way (when I had more time than money). Now, I have a lot more money than I have time, and so my time is far more important to me. After working full time, spending time with my wife, doing various chores/tasks/obligations, I don't have too much free time. When I waste 3 hours of it (figure 2 hour movie, and an hour of getting there and back, standing in line, etc) seeing a shitty movie instead of reading a good book, watching something I TiVo'ed, playing a video game, or playing some poker, I am angry and bitter. It is getting to the point these days where I won't see something in the theatres unless it something major- LoTR, X-Men, etc. I just can't afford to waste my precious leisure time on bad fucking movies.


If you enjoy them, more power to you. Just don't assume that you know best, and that we are just hating to be cool or to have something to bitch about.

[Riggswolfe]

If you ignore basic High School Physics (in a non-scifi or fantasy flick)  for the sake of making a dubious point, I am gonna mock you for it. Those two idiots would have broken most of their ribs, their collarbones, etc in that collision. It was so over the top stupid it just jarred me totally out of the movie. Tip- try not to make your audience laugh out loud during a crucial dramatic moment.

I don't really mind ignoring high school physics in movies all that much. I know in the back of my mind "That is not possible" but I don't really care. If I enjoy the movie, if I get to leave real life behind for awhile, then making Newton roll in his grave is a small price to pay. You remind me of my best friend's brother, he nitpicks things in movies that don't mesh with reality. I'm not there for reality. I'm there for entertainment.

As for the rest of your post, you can assume, you'd be wrong. I'm in my early 30s and am a single father with full custody of a 5 1/2 year old daughter. Time is short for me too. I don't view most movies as a waste of time however, if it lets me relax and let go of all my responsibilities for a couple of hours it is well worth it to me.

My original post was aimed mostly at the "I want to tear my eyeballs out of my head cause he's so terrible" crowd. People going way overboard and trying to act like they're the end-all be-all of movie critics. You didn't like it? Fine. Doesn't make him a hack. Doesn't make people who like him stupid. Also doesn't make you stupid because you dislike it. I took such a hard stance in reaction to those people since I figured that was about the only thing they'd understand. I do notice alot of...currents in this group. Not a bad thing, but I am not one to go with the flow if I don't think the same as others.