Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa."

[Shockeye]

Keanu Reeves film banned in Brunei
Last Updated Wed, 16 Feb 2005 12:13:33 EST

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA - Constantine, the supernatural thriller starring Keanu Reeves, has been banned in Brunei.

The government's Censor Board deemed the film unsuitable for public viewing, an official with the board, Ahmad Kadir, told the Associated Press on Wednesday.

However, Kadir did not give a reason for why the film will not be shown in the Islamic sultanate.

Based on the comic book Hellblazer, the movie stars Reeves as a world-weary exorcist who battles evil as atonement for a mortal sin he committed in his past.

He teams up with a police officer played by Rachel Weisz to investigate the mysterious death of her twin sister, and in the process the two travel through the world of demons and angels that exists below Los Angeles.

At one point in the film, the Canadian performer calls God "a kid with an ant farm." The climax pits him against a white-clad Satan in an effort to prevent the forces of evil from taking over Earth.

Brunei is known for having what may be the strictest censorship regulations in Southeast Asia

The country's censors are especially vigilant when it comes to movies and songs thought to be offensive to Islam.

Constantine opens in North America on Friday. It debuted last week in Malaysia, Brunei's closest neighbour.

The censors in Malaysia, which is also mostly Muslim, removed several swear words and attached a warning regarding "non-excessive violent and horrifying scenes," but did not object to the religious content.

Reeves, who was raised partly in Toronto and maintains Canadian citizenship, has appeared in films like Speed, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and River's Edge.

Egypt banned the first two Matrix films, which also starred Reeves. However, they were allowed into theatres after appeals.

[Llava]

Who the fuck is Keanu Reeves?

Reeves, who was raised partly in Toronto and maintains Canadian citizenship, has appeared in films like Speed, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and River's Edge.

Oh, ok.

[schild]

did you seriously just ask who Keanu Reeves is? You see, that's the sort of thing that makes baby jesus cry until he bleeds.

[Llava]

That's pretty much why I asked. I thought that the portion of the article giving some backstory on Reeves seemed a little unnecessary, so I thought I'd act out the kind of situation that would occur if that paragraph was really needed.

It is pretty hard to imagine someone going "Who the hell is Keanu Reeves?"

Maybe if you live in Malaysia.

[Kenrick]

did you seriously just ask who Keanu Reeves is? You see, that's the sort of thing that makes baby jesus cry until he bleeds.

Wake up and smell the witty sarcasm.

 

[Signe]

Who is baby jesus?

[schild]

Who is baby jesus?

Gary Coleman, of course.

[HaemishM]

I really hope they didn't ban it because it sucked copious amounts of monkey cock. Despite the addition of the WHOA man as the lead, the changes in the story made for no good goddamn reason, and the blessed shotgun of WHOANESS, I'm hoping it transcends all the negatives to at least be a good movie that is totally detached from the character it is based on.

[Signe]

So... if Gary Coleman is baby Jesus, who is David Hasslehoff?

[HaemishM]

The Holy Goat.

[Rasix]

The Holy Goat.

That's Stevie Nicks.

[SirBruce]

The Holy Goat.

That's Stevie Nicks.

What happens when Stevie Wonder shaves himself?

Bruce

[WayAbvPar]

I am mentally trying to give you a tumor as we speak. Let me know how that works out.

[Miasma]

That's pretty much why I asked. I thought that the portion of the article giving some backstory on Reeves seemed a little unnecessary, so I thought I'd act out the kind of situation that would occur if that paragraph was really needed.

It is pretty hard to imagine someone going "Who the hell is Keanu Reeves?"

Maybe if you live in Malaysia.

The backstory was totally unnecessary but the story is from the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation),  our government funded channel.  They feel the need to point out the citizenship of every celebrity we have inflicted on the world.

[HaemishM]

You gave us Rush. You are forgiven.

[Shockeye]

You gave us Rush. You are forgiven.

Didn't Bryan Adams destroy all that good-will?

[HaemishM]

CUTS LIKE A KNIFE!!!! BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!!!

Hockey trumps Bryan Adams.

[SirBruce]

I am mentally trying to give you a tumor as we speak. Let me know how that works out.

Something is definitely growing, but it's naht a tumah...

Bruce

[schild]

I'm about 6 seconds from deleting the above post.

[WayAbvPar]

CUTS LIKE A KNIFE!!!! BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!!!

Hockey trumps Bryan Adams.

I'll see your Bryan Adams and raise you the H-Bomb of celebrity exports: Celine Dion. Some things just can't be forgiven.


Bruce, I will mail you what is left of my lunch once the vomiting stops.

[Miasma]

We have to use people like Jim Carrey to offset the damage done by the likes of Celine Dion and Alannis Morissette.

I was looking up how to spell Alanis's last name and found out this happened today, so now you're stuck with her!

Edit: Typo and removal of a smiley I didn't like.

[HaemishM]

GODDAMNIT COCKWHORESHITFUCKASS CUNTRAG


RAGE!

[WayAbvPar]

We have to use people like Jim Carrey to offset the damage done by the likes of Celine Dion and Alannis Morissette.

See, to me, you are just digging your grave further. I hate Jim Carrey with the fire of a thousand suns. I wish Carrot Top, Gallagher, Sinbad, and Jim Carrey would all catch a flight togther Buddy Holly style.

Alanis is whiney and annoying, so she should fit right in as an American broad.

[Llava]

I like Jim Carrey, I just have a hard time figuring out why.

Though Eternal Sunshine was good.

I think it's his public appearances that do it for me.  Him having a conversation with Stephen Hawking on a cell phone while he was on Conan O'Brien was just classic.

"I just finished watching Dumb and Dumber.  You really are a genius."
"No, you're the genius."
"No, you are."
"No, you."
"No, you are."
"No, you."
"No, you are to infinity."

[pants]

IMDB says

According to the director at the 2004 Wizard World Convention in Chicago, the decision to make John Constantine American was made because Keanu Reeves was cast in the part and it was felt he couldn't play a convincing Brit.

Here's a case of stating the bleeding obvious.  My brain still hurts after seeing him in Dracula.

And I so want Constantine to be good, but I know it will suck.  Liverpudlian angst in damp London was part of the fun of the comic.  Along with drinking lots of beer and smoking Silk Cut.

[Signe]

It's probably a good decision, though it doesn't matter to me.  He has yet to convince me of anything. 

[MrHat]

It's probably a good decision, though it doesn't matter to me.  He has yet to convince me of anything. 

Whatever, I'm convinced he can travel in time  and space.

[stray]

So anyways, I just got back from seeing it....

Read Hellblazer instead 

Though I guess it's worth mentioning that the friend I went with said she enjoyed it. I'm not sure why, as I can't see how the movie version would make sense to anyone not familiar with either the comic or religious backstory. It was definitely a cool looking movie, but I thought script went nowhere, with just a little payoff towards the end.

Surprisingly though, Keanu was actually good in it (no really, I mean it). Not exactly who I think of as John Constanine, but he was alright.

Oh, and Tilda Swinton is hot. Even when she plays a guy.

EDIT: Hmm...I'm not sure if "hot" is the right word for her...I'm not sure what it is. Something good though.

EDIT: If this film makes money, you know which Vertigo title is coming next, right?

/sigh

Just like Hellblazer, it'll be too much to condense, I'm afraid. If they get Depp to play Jesse, Jared Harris as Cassidy, and Robert Rodriguez to direct, maybe that'll be enough to win me over.

[schild]

There are a handful of directors that could do Sandman.

There's only one direct that can do Transmet.




Terry Gilliam plz now.

[stray]

Oh...Forgot the usual:

Theater or Rental?

Constantine was the effort of a first time director, and I suspect much was cut against his will. If the DVD is a director's cut, I'd say wait for that. There's good performances all around, even from Keanu, but especially Swinton and Peter Stormare (Fargo). It's just that a lot of the story (and backstory) was glossed over. The film definitely has potential, so if there's more left to it, wait for them to put it back in.

[stray]

There's only one direct that can do Transmet.




Terry Gilliam plz now.

Or Alex Cox could do the Hunter film he was never allowed to finish.

Either/Or. I think both would be great.

[Llava]

If they made a Transmet movie, I would die.  It would be a good death.

[schild]

When I wrote "direct" up there, I meant "directOR" but you already knew that, right? 

[Viin]

Actually a pretty good flick, if you are into that sort of thing. Lots of hell, angles, demons, satan, catholic jokes folklore, voodoo guys, exorcisms with large mirrors, etc.

Make sure you watch the previews carefully, you'll see Keanu in another movie acting just like Neo! Again!

[stray]

Make sure you watch the previews carefully, you'll see Keanu in another movie acting just like Neo! Again!

Hmm, I thought he played a good cynic/asshole, and was actually funny at times (and I'm saying this despite me not liking the movie). Nothing like Neo. Keanu made up for a lot of sins with Constantine imo (well, as far as Keanu is capable of doing that. Don't expect an Oscar worthy performance or anything). Not one "Whoa" throughout the entirety of the film either.