Pregnancy and Babies!

[slog]

Here is my piece:

When something goes wrong do the following

1) Stop
2) Ask yourself "Is this really that important"

(It almost never is)

[SnakeCharmer]

Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine chedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine.   Get a schedule.  Keep a schedule.  Do not veer from it.  They adapt to it and expect it far faster than you ever will.  Trust me.  Feed at 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12am, etc. 

Pets and such are great around babies.  Helps their immune system early on.  In a nation of sterilization freaks, we let our kids get dirty.  We let the dog give them a kiss.  Our kids are extraordinarilly healthy despite going to MDOs and PreK3 programs.  Is it good genes or the fact that our house isn't an operating room and letting them get dirty is a good thing.  Don't soak them in antibacterial spray every 5 minutes.  Swipe the pacifier across your pants leg or run it under some water and plug it back their mouth.  It won't hurt them - they are MUCH tougher than you think.

Loose the binky early.  Both of our kids never missed it passed 6 or 8 months, but it is useful early on for building the suck reflex.

Breast feed as long as possible and avoid mixing a bottle in.  Causes nipple confusion and ultimately makes them want the bottle only since it's instant gratification and they don't have to work for it.  HOWEVER, if the kid isn't getting enough food (you'll know) and is wanting to eat every hour on the hour, you might think about going the bottle route.  If it's a problem with the wife's nips not producing enough or producing fast enough or whatever else, she'll likely feel like its her fault.  Cue this with rampant hormones and she'll overreact to it.  My wife had this issue, and she turned into a zombie right quick trying to keep up with our son's feeding habits.  Finally, I pushed the bottle and overnight our kid turned into a different kid.  Eating every 3 hours, etc.  It was glorious.

If you keep to the above schedule for feeding after 3 months, drop the 3am feeding.  If they scream to high heaven, ignore them as best as you can.  Reason being is that you condition them to expect a bottle at that time if you come running every time they cry.  My son cried for about 10 seconds, then feel back asleep.  Getting 6 straight hours of sleep was then oh so glorious.  Eventually you can drop the midnight feeding.  My kids both slept from about midnight to 6 am, then 9pm to 6am very early on.

DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP IN YOUR ROOM.  DO NOT USE A BASSONETTE.  Neither one of our kids has ever slept in our room overnight with us.  Ever.  Not when they're sick, not when the weather gets bad, etc.  Ever.  Their room is their room.  Our room is ours.  Boundries.  Set them early.  Do not start habits of letting them sleep in between you. 

Do not overspend for kids furniture they will outgrow in a hurry.  Yard sales, hand me downs.  Clean it, slap a coat of paint on it.  Done.

Bouncy chairs are indeed completely awesome.

Socialize them early and socialize them often.  Take them to restaurants.  Teach them proper behaviour early.

If they fall, don't make a big deal about it.  They'll fall and immediately look at you.  If you overreact, they will too.

Music, all the time.  Doesn't matter what kind, although I'd discourage the speedmetal.  Something kinda slow, melodic - blues,  reggae, etc.

Limit TV.  Make TV a privilege.

[ghost]

We should rename this thread "The Wall of Text Extravaganza".   

[Paelos]

Seriously, why WHY would you ask from baby advice from a bunch of nerds on a gaming forum?

WHY GOD WHY!

[Merusk]

Because we've had sex and kids and are nerds and geeks like him.  We understand your confusion, chaste monkey-man. 

[Numtini]

This is better and more sensible advice than you would find on 99% of mom's blogs and forums.

[Salamok]

Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine chedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine

This backfires sometimes, Children love rituals (almost to the point of OCD) and it is easy to keep adding little bits to a ritual just for the cuteness factor.  At it's worst I think our put baby to bed ritual was well over 45 minutes (which is cool once in awhile but 7 days a week it is a bit much).  We finally managed to prune it down to around 10 minutes but that didn't happen without some serious protest. 

Finding a short get your child up, dressed and happy w/o a fit ritual is essential, but you wont really need that one until they start having an opinion on what they wear.

I'd also recommend starting plagueday care as soon as you can (I think that is 6 weeks).  Great for socializing and building up your kids immune system plus they teach your kids all the pre-k stuff and generally have fairly strict schedules (more rituals!).

[Prospero]

Here is my piece:

When something goes wrong do the following

1) Stop
2) Ask yourself "Is this really that important"

(It almost never is)

This. Most rules you will come up with are pointless.

[Rasix]

The "no kicking daddy in the balls" rule is grounded in solid logic.

[Prospero]

Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.

[luckton]

My 2 cents:

What works for some people's kids may or may not work for yours, but don't deny help.  Take every bit of advice that everyone feeds you and throw it into a pile.  When the time comes that you need to deal with something, start taking things from the pile and throw it at the mom/kid until you get resolution.

That said, my wife and I had our kid sleeping 5-6 hours through the night by the time he was 3 months old.  The key is a strict feeding/nap schedule that ensures he gets enough nourishment during the day that trains his body to be able to handle going through the night without fussing.  PM me if you want the details.

Also, invest in a white noise machine and play it when you're trying to get them to sleep.  It simulates what your kid's heard in the womb for 9 months and gives them a sense of calm, plus blankets out other noise that might disrupt them.

[Khaldun]

All I can say is that making too many rules or decisions in advance of actually having your particular kid is a big mistake and leads to much unhappiness in the end. The most fascinating and humbling thing about a baby is that they express very distinctive personalities at a very early date, well before they can speak, in fact. Would you make a lot of precise rules about how a person you might someday have a date with and get married to will have to act before you've ever met them? If you do, you're going to have a hard time finding people to date and marry. Children change the culture of your house and family because of who they are. Deciding right now that you WILL sleep in the nude or they WILL NEVER watch TV or anything else of the sort is a big mistake.

Kids, by the way, are also brilliant little intuitive anthropologists. Do not think you can hide any obvious or repeated habits or personality quirks from them. If you say, "TV is bad for you" but watch a lot of TV, it may be a while before they actually say anything about that but they're going to notice it at an extremely early age.

My daughter still hasn't read my work on children's television wherein I argue that bad TV is basically ok for most kids, but I figured I had better own my arguments and accept my own advice rather than get caught out later on on a decade's worth of hypocrisy.

[Slayerik]

Well, after four kids here's what I got...


Get them in the crib.



My first slept with us until she was about four. It caused some serious issues.

My 2nd (two years later), was in his crib as soon as we were able.


Fast forward seven years, and my girlfriend is nursing one year old twins. They sleep in bed with her. It's what she wants, and is easiest for her. I have a mattress next to the bed that allows for mommy/daddy time and for me to sleep happily all night. I honestly think that if it would have been one kid, we would have had it in the crib no problem. Twins ain't no joke, and nursing them......not sure how she has done it!

Get a good rocker.
Learn the bouncy knee technique while you are rocking. Bounce and butt pat while standing.


If your baby has colic, buy www.coliccalm.com  - it saved our sanity with the twins.


That's about it. Tell your wife/GF how beautiful she is a lot. Don't push for sex/affection too hard...especially if she is nursing (a lot of physical contact and messed up hormones).

[Viin]

DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP IN YOUR ROOM.  DO NOT USE A BASSONETTE.  Neither one of our kids has ever slept in our room overnight with us.  Ever.  Not when they're sick, not when the weather gets bad, etc.  Ever.  Their room is their room.  Our room is ours.  Boundries.  Set them early.  Do not start habits of letting them sleep in between you. 

I agree with this 100%. We let the kid sleep in our room for maybe a week before moving her into her crib. Of course we went in and checked on her every 2 hrs for a couple of months, but boy did it help our sleep and relaxation.

But Khaldun is right, you can't plan too far in advance - have the kid, see how it goes, re-read this thread after having the kid home for a week and then make adjustments based on this advice if you want.

[Salamok]

Some of the lifestyle impacts of the formula vs breastfeeding debate:

1 - Formula sticks to the ribs a bit longer so they will sleep longer periods between feedings.
2 - Formula based poo is mucho stinky compared to breast feeding based poo.
3 - No drinking during the breast feeding period, if there is a night out with some drinking I think she is supposed to toss the milk for the next 24 hours or some such.
4 - My wife breast feeding our child for the 1st 6 months pretty much got me out of the night time feedings, this is entirely dependent on milk production so ymmv.
5 - Rent a high end breast pump, the affordable home model ones are all crap.

Personally I left the decision to breast feed entirely up to my wife and think she is a total saint for putting up with it for 6 months.

[ghost]

Formula is also completely nasty, barely nutritional shite that I wouldn't feed to my dog.  It's only purpose is to feed babies that cannot breast feed, for whatever reason.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.

LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

Also, invest in a white noise machine and play it when you're trying to get them to sleep.  It simulates what your kid's heard in the womb for 9 months and gives them a sense of calm, plus blankets out other noise that might disrupt them.

One thing some friends did was to not be extra quiet while the kids were sleeping/trying to sleep in order to get them used to a certain level of noise.  That way they wouldn't have to tiptoe around the house while the kid was in bed and didn't worry every little noise was going to wake the kid up.  It certainly made things easier for us when he hosted D&D nights and we didn't have to talk in whispers. 

[Rasix]

My son wasn't collicky, but we had him listening to the soothing sounds of a hair dryer on repeat for quite a while.  We were eventually able to ween him off it without too much trouble.  Worked wonders however when we were desperate to get him to sleep and that seemed to be the only thing that helped.  

Added bonus is that he sleeps through the monsoons now without a problem. He isn't as sensitive to noise when sleeping as I am, but I'm pretty sure being trained to wake instantly when he cried attributed to my current condition.

Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.

LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

If you've got a boy that likes to wrestle/rough-house, you have to be constantly alert.  Son did a backwards dive on the bed straight into my eye socket.   It's hilarious hearing a 2 year old yell "WRESTLE!" and then attempt to tackle you.

[CmdrSlack]

Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.

LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

Yes. This becomes habit. My main risk is when Molly tries to jump onto me when I'm on the couch, but one soon develops a sixth sense for junk protection.

[RhyssaFireheart]

Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.

LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

If you've got a boy that likes to wrestle/rough-house, you have to be constantly alert.  Son did a backwards dive on the bed straight into my eye socket.   It's hilarious hearing a 2 year old yell "WRESTLE!" and then attempt to tackle you.

It does help to show that kids are much more resilient than many people think and if you let your kid get hurt every once in a while (little stuff like skinning a knee or bumping their head) then they won't get worked up over every tiny injury.  Watching my nephew wrestle with Cayman, who outweighs the kid by at least half again, was just hilarious.  Kid got knocked down a few times just to Cayman could lick his face but he never got upset or cried about it.

Also, don't be afraid to say no when necessary, and then stick with it.  If they aren't used to getting everything they want, kids will usually grow up to not be entitled little shits that scream and whine at the drop of a hat.

[Yegolev]

Things I learned as a dad include:
1. Reflexively covering my nuts when I see movement.
2. Tolerate the smell and other sensations of shit.
3. Proper method of holding a small person at arm's length while they flail wildly.
4. Suspect every noise is some form of trouble.
5. Do not show anyone anything that might conceivably become a pet.
6. You have to do the voices, and it's also fun so don't be a jerk.
7. Everyone has the same problems as you, with subtle differences.
8. Nod sympathetically as the wife complains about her breast size.
9. Turn sideways when a kid runs at you.  No clotheslining.
10. Children are unable to reach the same logical conclusions as I am, so be ready for anything.
11. Miniature version of yourself and/or your wife, so get ready for that shit if you can.
12. Another child would cause me to explode in a wet pulp.
13. Keep your balls tucked.

[ghost]

Things I learned as a dad include:
1. Reflexively covering my nuts when I see movement.
9. Turn sideways when a kid runs at you.  No clotheslining.
13. Keep your balls tucked.

This is all you really need to know as a dude. 

[Khaldun]

Seriously I had no idea how often fathers get punched, kicked or stepped on in the junk by babies and toddlers of either gender until I had a kid. Also eye and ear gouging is pretty common, but it's the junk-smashing that gets pretty old pretty fast.

Of course now my freaking basset hound has decided that her mission in life is to wait until I'm not looking and dickpunch me, so this chapter of my life has continued past the point of my kid becoming rationally aware that it's a bad idea to step on daddy's lap when he's sitting down.

[Selby]

As much as everyone is touting breast milk being best, realize that not everyone lactates enough and that you may require formula out of necessity.  People assuming and commenting on how you're a shithead parent because you aren't breast feeding is a pretty self esteem damaging thing.  Be as supportive of her as you can during this time if you happen to run into this situation.

[Viin]

Some of the lifestyle impacts of the formula vs breastfeeding debate:

...

Also, it'll help her shed the pounds much much quicker than not. But, as Selby says, it can be hard for a mom and it makes them feel terrible if they can't produce enough milk so you have to be super supportive of anything they do. There are things she can try to get her milk production up, so she shouldn't give up right away but it can make them feel like terrible mothers.

[Sand]

Seriously, why WHY would you ask from baby advice from a bunch of nerds on a gaming forum?

WHY GOD WHY!

Because I find the average IQ on here vastly ahead of that of the general public I might encounter on a random daddy website.
We havent told the family or any local friends yet until we hear a heartbeat (Aug 12th appt) and make sure the pregnancy is viable. I havent even celebrated yet personally. It will lessen the pain should we need to go another route.
But deep down inside Im excited and wanted to talk about it and share it with someone, and maybe learn something in the process.



So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

[Yegolev]

I think the musical efforts are mostly to counter Yo Gabba Gabba and other incredibly infectious and inane tunes.

Although I always liked Yo Gabba Gabba more than anyone else around here.

[Salamok]

The wiggles and backyardigans are about the only kiddie show music I can stand repeated exposure to. 

[ghost]

random daddy website.

Wait.  What?

[ghost]

Seriously I had no idea how often fathers get punched, kicked or stepped on in the junk by babies and toddlers of either gender until I had a kid. Also eye and ear gouging is pretty common, but it's the junk-smashing that gets pretty old pretty fast.

I have set nasal fractures of at least a dozen women who weren't paying attention and got head butted by their kid.  Yes, the nuts aren't fun to get hit in, but the nose is a big problem too.

[CmdrSlack]

So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

Sharing your music with your kid is awesome. When we are in the car and Molly asks for Bad Religion or The Ramones, it makes me smile. Every night, singing Thunder Road to her puts her to sleep. Sometimes I have to double down and sing London Calling or Radio, Radio.

My hope is that this builds lasting memories of the time we spend together.

We also play the D&D boardgames. She likes Ashardlon more than Ravenloft because she likes the bigass red dragon model.

Having a tiny person with whom you can share the shit you love is absolutely epic.

[ghost]

So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

Sharing your music with your kid is awesome. When we are in the car and Molly asks for Bad Religion or The Ramones, it makes me smile. Every night, singing Thunder Road to her puts her to sleep. Sometimes I have to double down and sing London Calling or Radio, Radio.

My hope is that this builds lasting memories of the time we spend together.

We also play the D&D boardgames. She likes Ashardlon more than Ravenloft because she likes the bigass red dragon model.

Having a tiny person with whom you can share the shit you love is absolutely epic.

I want your kid.  I hope mine turns out that cool.  So far the only thing that he does that I like is ask for the Star Wars Cantina Song in the car.  Unfortunately that is all he will listen to.....

[Fordel]

5 - Rent a high end breast pump, the affordable home model ones are all crap.

This is the only bit of advice my sister told me to impart to anyone who asks about these sort of things.

Get a good breast pump, rent it, buy it, whatever, make sure its a good one. My sister thought she could make do with a hand pump version... that idea apparently lasted a entire 3 minutes before she sent her husband to get a real one.




-edit- The only other thing I would add, is don't be too proud to ask for help. If you have willing and able parents, grand parents, uncles, aunts etc... let them help you. Don't abuse their help, but don't be afraid to take it.

[CmdrSlack]

I want your kid.  I hope mine turns out that cool.  So far the only thing that he does that I like is ask for the Star Wars Cantina Song in the car.  Unfortunately that is all he will listen to.....

My daughter is an odd duck. She's 5 and already doing basic math, can spell 3 letter words.....and some 4 letter words I wish weren't so phonetic ("Daddy, shit is spelled S H I T...Shhhh....It!")

She is a pro at bagging and boarding comics, yet insists that hers remain un-bagged and boarded.

Our LCD set is broken right now, so she suggested that she watch a movie on the laptop. She is also more proficient at the use of an iPad than my wife.

We let her listen to 90% of the music we own. Lots of rap/hip hop we try to avoid as we don't want to explain the N-word to her. One uncle is black, the other is Mexican, so she has some "street cred," yet having the kiddo drop the N bomb is a bad plan. I haven't yet exposed her to Big Black either because she likes to know album titles and "Songs About Fucking" is kinda not so much. NIN, Ministry and KMFDM are also on the "do not play" list so far.

She also likes Laurie Berkener and the Ziggy Marley kid's album. We bought her the Johnny Cash children's album and she likes that as well.

We took her to see TMBG at the Lincoln Park Zoo when she was 6 months old. That sealed the deal on her love of music, I like to think.

I try to only limit her based on "holy shit it is late and the kid needs to sleep" or "ZOMG that is even inappropriate based on my lax standards." She's getting quite good at Garageband, and seems to prefer the drum kit sets over the 808 and other drum machines.

That said, she's a tiny me and has a highly developed rage response and is a bit of a drama queen/emo kid at times. But then again, she is 5.

[Rasix]

Seriously, why WHY would you ask from baby advice from a bunch of nerds on a gaming forum?

WHY GOD WHY!

Because I find the average IQ on here vastly ahead of that of the general public I might encounter on a random daddy website.
We havent told the family or any local friends yet until we hear a heartbeat (Aug 12th appt) and make sure the pregnancy is viable. I havent even celebrated yet personally. It will lessen the pain should we need to go another route.
But deep down inside Im excited and wanted to talk about it and share it with someone, and maybe learn something in the process.



So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

Listening to people here is a good idea, because I'd like to think we're not going to sugar coat the whole experience.  Honestly is valuable. Plus, we're a helpful/knowledgeable lot.

Even if  you're not that into music, which I am not, start memorizing something you can sing softly.  While my voice died with puberty, apparently I was good enough for my son.  Singing helps calm them down.  So does just hearing your voice.  I have a few nursery rhymes and songs that helped keep my son calm and soothe him to sleep.  It's never too earlier to read to them either. 

My son likes the Wiggles, Yo Gabba Gabba and Gigglebellies (found them on youtube).  It's nice now, though, that he doesn't request music in the car.  I got sick of listening to the same CD for hours a week.  I think it'll be a little while before he really starts developing any sort of music taste, although for now he gets to listen to my alternative stations.

The iPad is great thing to have with a young kid. My son already has a game he can play at 2.  He rocks Fruit Ninja pretty hard. Nothing like seeing him slide his hand across the screen, slice some fruit, and yell "KIWI!" really loud.   It's also invaluable for long trips when they're having trouble sleeping on the plane.