Pregnancy and Babies!

[Merusk]

Your last line reinforces a good point that most people miss.  Particularly anyone educated, as educated people tend to take advice as writ and law.

It's ONLY advice. You have to do what works for your family and your child.  Your kid is a little person.  It's going to have its own personality, character and habits. Yes, even straight out of the womb.  Kids are not the blank slates some like to think of them as.

[Paelos]

Get this onesey.

[Sheepherder]

Although I confess Im confused by mothers/people who use ONLY formula and refuse to breast feed their kids.

It's so that when they grow up and people ask them why they're such an asshole that they can truthfully claim they were never breast fed.

Also, apparently Baby Einstein makes your kid retarded.  I loled.

[Ingmar]

My advice is, take every single piece of advice you get with extreme suspicion that it might be full of shit.

[Arthur_Parker]

That's true but I think teaching a 4 year old girl to talk like a pirate is always worth the time investment.

[Sand]

At least she finally broke it.   I had a co-worker who had continued to let his 7-year-old twins enter the room to sleep with he and his wife every night.

Oh fuck that. That will NEVER happen in my house.
I like my sleep.
I like sex.
I sleep in the nude.



Merusk, what was that bit about doctors trying to pressure you into c-sections or inducing? How do you know when its pressure because they want to move on to the next patient and your fifteen minutes with them are over, or its "holy shit we need to induce now!" ?

On spending a lot on furniture. My coworker was pregnant the same time my partner was and she and her husband went insane decorating the nursery. They painted the entire room lavender and pink, had a flowery runner around the top, had matching linens and even repainted furniture to match the pink motif and even hand painted their daughter's name on everything. Unfortunately their OB missed something on the ultrasound, namely their son's penis. God help them repainting with a newborn.

We talked while I was dying in the hospital. We both decided we want it to be a surprise. So our baby is getting something gender neutral like leaf green.

Is it okay to go more expensive on cribs if they are the convertible kind that they can use as beds as toddlers? Like this one which comes in sour apple green and converts to a bed.
http://www.rosenberryrooms.com/345-mix-two-tone-built-to-grow-crib.html
http://www.rosenberryrooms.com/143-blu-panel-crib-in-wheat.html

Looking at sustainable and environmentally friendly options, Im genuinely surprised no one in the US is doing more with cardboard nursery furniture.


These are awesome if you wanted to do a LOTR motif nursery. Only $5k per piece.  
http://lrstudiofurniture.com/Pages/collectionpage.html

[Sand]

Another area where you'll get shitloads of conflicting advice is sleep training past eight months or so. All I can say is that we tried a rigorous Ferberization and it didn't take, plus we hated the whole thing. Even Ferber thinks people overdid it following his advice now, apparently.

Is that what you do with puppies? They cry at night. You take them out to pee/poop. They cry more when you put them back in the kennel but you just gut it out until they fall asleep?
Cause that sucked. But at least Im prepared.

That's true but I think teaching a 4 year old girl to talk like a pirate is always worth the time investment.

I have that accomplishment checked off. Had pirate day while babysitting a friend's four year old daughter. They said their kid spoke that way for the following week or so afterwards.
Teaching her that women are referred to as "wenches" by pirates, got me crossed off the baby sitting list when she used that one on her mom. 

[Rasix]

Your last line reinforces a good point that most people miss.  Particularly anyone educated, as educated people tend to take advice as writ and law.

It's ONLY advice. You have to do what works for your family and your child.  Your kid is a little person.  It's going to have its own personality, character and habits. Yes, even straight out of the womb.  Kids are not the blank slates some like to think of them as.

Yep.  My wife tended to put too much faith in the books/advice. A lot of what's written in these books won't apply to your kid at all, in good ways and in bad.

Sleep was an issue that was tricky for us.  It's always been hard to put my son to bed.  Kid sleeps like a rock though, and has moved back to doing 11-12 hours a night uninterupted.  So, I guess whatever we do works. 

[Salamok]

Merusk, what was that bit about doctors trying to pressure you into c-sections or inducing? How do you know when its pressure because they want to move on to the next patient and your fifteen minutes with them are over, or its "holy shit we need to induce now!" ?

You can tell they are pressuring you into a c-section when then schedule you for one before she even goes into labor (some friends of ours had this happen to accommodate the doctors vacation schedule).  Most of the time our doctor wasn't even there so I can't imagine her schedule mattered one bit.  At one point about 3 hours into labor they told us the baby's heart rate was getting a bit erratic/kid was getting worn out and appeared to be stuck and they recommended a c-section.  My wife went ahead and opted for the c-section at this point figuring she had been pushing to no avail for 2-3 hours, in retrospect she wishes she had been able to just get a c-section from the get go.  I was a bit surprised by how much they had me assist during the natural labor portion, tbh I was doing things I'd rather not have and spent most of the time wishing I was at the head of the bed instead of the foot.

edit - o yeah once you start the kid on formula it can be tough to get them back on breast milk, bouncing back and forth between the two isn't always as easy as you would think.

[ghost]

Here's a couple of things that we've done that I like.

1.  Baby led weaning-  It rocks.  Not only are you feeding your baby something besides the shit they put in baby food, but they are working on their dexterity and (here's the shocker) you can actually eat at restaurants because the kid is busy eating too.  

2. No TV until age 2 (at a minimum)-  the child mind isn't really ready for the fast pace of television at any level.  

3.  Baby wearing-  get yourself a carrier.  They're great.

4.  Co-sleeping-  decreases the chances of SIDS and also helps with not having to get up at all hours of the night.  It's really only dangerous if you or the wife tend to drink till you pass out.  

5.  Breast feeding-  I do't personally do this (edit:  my wife does   ), but there is a ton of evidence that this is a great thing for the kiddos.  Of course not everyone can do it, but the immune factors alone make it worth doing, not to mention the orthodontic benefits.  

[Sand]

Merusk, what was that bit about doctors trying to pressure you into c-sections or inducing? How do you know when its pressure because they want to move on to the next patient and your fifteen minutes with them are over, or its "holy shit we need to induce now!" ?

You can tell they are pressuring you into a c-section when then schedule you for one before she even goes into labor (some friends of ours had this happen to accommodate the doctors vacation schedule).  Most of the time our doctor wasn't even there so I can't imagine her schedule mattered one bit.  At one point about 3 hours into labor they told us the baby's heart rate was getting a bit erratic/kid was getting worn out and appeared to be stuck and they recommended a c-section.  My wife went ahead and opted for the c-section at this point figuring she had been pushing to no avail for 2-3 hours, in retrospect she wishes she had been able to just get a c-section from the get go.  I was a bit surprised by how much they had me assist during the natural labor portion, tbh I was doing things I'd rather not have and spent most of the time wishing I was at the head of the bed instead of the foot.

edit - o yeah once you start the kid on formula it can be tough to get them back on breast milk, bouncing back and forth between the two isn't always as easy as you would think.

See thats good advice on the milk/formula thing because I wouldnt have known its hard to bounce back and forth and would have fallen into the trap. So get the breast machine and stick with milk.

Anyone got any other horror stories on docs or hospitals? Again just things to watch out for?

[Numtini]

We drifted into cosleeping when we fell asleep before putting her back in the bassinet. It really works for us. Being an "other mother" it also made me feel a lot closer to her, I imagine it's the same for dads.

Spendy on a crib? If you want to spend that much on a crib, that's up to you. But you can get almost the same thing from Ikea for like $200. Contemplate how much the kid is going to care and how many people are going to visit the room its in.

And people get all competitive and they lie lie lie about their kids' milestones. There was a study that showed like 50% of kids were sleeping through the night at x months and 80% of parents claimed their kids slept through the night at that age. This kind of petty stuff comes up for me a lot with people popping into my cubicle for 2 minutes to chitter chat. Ignore them.

[Rasix]

And people get all competitive and they lie lie lie about their kids' milestones. There was a study that showed like 50% of kids were sleeping through the night at x months and 80% of parents claimed their kids slept through the night at that age. This kind of petty stuff comes up for me a lot with people popping into my cubicle for 2 minutes to chitter chat. Ignore them.

Oddly enough, I haven't really encountered that with work.  Most people here are brutally honestly about their children.  Faults and all.

A coworker and I disabused one of our other coworker's ideas about fatherhood over lunch today.  Guy is probably scheduling a vasectomy at the moment.

[Paelos]

Don't listen to anyone about your children. Raise them in a felt box.

[Yegolev]

The single, more important thing I wish I had known ahead of time was:
Chill the fuck out.

[Viin]

2. No TV until age 2 (at a minimum)-  the child mind isn't really ready for the fast pace of television at any level.  

I agree with this, but it's harder than you think.

The only thing I let my kid watch is the sign language video that went with her sign language class (which is great, totally do it - she can sign a ton of things now). I *tried* to get her interested in Curious George during a plane trip to Oregon last week, but she really wasn't interested.

[Rasix]

The single, more important thing I wish I had known ahead of time was:
Chill the fuck out.

Yah, I was a bit too high strung for a too long during the first year and a half.  More relaxed now, but it's always something I have to work on.

My son likes a few shows (Super Why, Max and Ruby, and Yo Gabba Gabba is hit and miss) , but doesn't really watch much TV.  Mostly it's impossible for him to sit still, which negates the opportunity to watch anything.  Loves YouTube, and we watch something for about 20 minutes every night, which helps him calm down before bed.   Yep, bad parent  but he likes it and most of is somewhat educational. 

[ghost]

I don't think short stretches of videos are a big deal once they hit two years.  The quick paced changes and repetitive lighting, particularly with commercials, is what I think is bad for the under two crowd.  Also (as Viin noted) my kid seems much less interested in TV now.  If we have it on for something (like the Tour de France) he could generally care less.  We do let him watch some Thomas videos, which seem pretty harmless.

[Yegolev]

Thomas does seem harmless, doesn't it?

We opted for "funny cat videos" and it's been downhill since.

[Prospero]

We've definitely watched our fair share of YouTube videos. it started out with just animal videos (the Cincinnati Zoo has an awesome channel) but we've branched out to people on trampolines, homemade Thomas videos, and Top Gear. 

[angry.bob]

Having just had our second kid 6 months ago as well as just finishing up my OB clinical rotaions here's my advice:

1) When her water breaks there's no need at all to freak out. labor might still be days away. Her water might break and she won't realize it. It's not at all like it's portrayed. When the water breaks you should still go to the hospital as the baby'as no longer in a sterile environment.

2) Get an epidural. Seriously. Unless she's had a fully inflated football shoved up her she can't fathom the pain she in for. And even if she has it's not the full picture since the football has pointy ends.

3) They'll make you leave the room while they're putting the epidural catheter in. Don't freak out or argue. Just leave the room, but stay close. My latest kid was literally born in the time it took me to go to the hospital lobby for Starbucks and to read the cartoons and letters in Time. or Life. Whatever.

4) As has been said before. Support your wife and try to do whatever she wants/needs. Happy moms with reduced stress make happy fetuses and babies.

Afterwards:

1) Her and the baby are going to sleep more than you think is possible for about a week. Enjoy it, it's the most peace and free time you're going to have untile they leave the house as adults.

Much more to say, esp. about gear and furniture but I have to go...

[Polysorbate80]

We drifted into cosleeping when we fell asleep before putting her back in the bassinet. It really works for us. Being an "other mother" it also made me feel a lot closer to her, I imagine it's the same for dads.

I hated it at first with our first child, and couldn't wait to get her moved out into a crib.

That crib wound up never being used, and went into storage somewhere.  We never even hauled it out for the second child, who at 2 1/2 is still sleeping with us.  Passing out/waking up with the little tot snuggled in next to you is a pretty darn good feeling, tbh.

(A king-sized bed definitely helps, though.)

[Rasix]

Brave man.  Kid hasn't slept with us a single day.  Dude wiggles around like he's got ants in his pants. Earlier you could put him in one corner of the crib for the night and the next morning he'd be in the opposite corner facing the other direction.  He's slept in positions I'd call "faceplant".

Just wouldn't work with us.  Plus, I'm unwilling to change that much.  My gaming time comes when everyone is knocked out and I'd rather not wake him up. 

I think the progression went:  sleeping on dad, in car seat, in swing for about 6 weeks -->  bassinet until he was too big --> crib  --> no plan for bed yet.  I'd rather not give him the option right now.  He's too strong willed/stubborn and would never sleep if that were an option. 

[Sand]

Is putting baby to sleep face down on your chest while watching a movie less dangerous than putting the baby to sleep face down in crib is?
Cause Im looking forward to that as a dad.

[Rasix]

Is putting baby to sleep face down on your chest while watching a movie less dangerous than putting the baby to sleep face down in crib is?
Cause Im looking forward to that as a dad.

Well, I could watch/feel him breathe, so he was doing good.  I miss it a little.   It's more like their face is sideways resting on your chest.  It's pretty awesome.

I watched an entire season of Entourage with my son sleeping on me.

[Prospero]

I can't remember which of the multitude of things I read that said having the baby sleep face down on a parent's chest doesn't increase the chance of SIDS the way sleeping in a crib does because your breathing encourages the baby to breathe as well. It's pretty much of the best things ever for an hour or so. Less so after five hours. 

[Merusk]

Plus you're not typically fully horizontal when the kid's on you, so they're not having to fight the full weight of their body to breathe.

It's not as fun when they weigh 70 pounds and still lean on you to sleep on the sofa.. but you still get a kick out of it.

They didn't make me leave when they gave my wife the epi.  Quite the opposite, in fact, as I was the one given the job of "make sure she doesn't sit up or she'll paralyze herself."

I enjoyed torturing my wife when she was in labor.. but we have that kind of relationship.  The meter would spike and she'd say "Oh!" and I'd say "oh, c'mon that one wasn't nearly as high on the meter as the one you just grunted at."    I also waved a Dr. Pepper (her favorite drink) in her face with the first as she was grumbling about sipping only water.

The universe, however, got me back when I heard the epistiotomy.  I can still hear it in my nightmares.  No, really. *shudder*

Sand:  We had one of those cribs. (Well the ones they can't sell now that the side folded down.)  It was great.  We used it for both kids until the age of 5, so we got 10 years of use out of it.  We'd still be using it if we'd had more kids.  Much prefer it to the whole bassinet/ crib/ toddler bed/ twin bed path.

[Yegolev]

Is putting baby to sleep face down on your chest while watching a movie less dangerous than putting the baby to sleep face down in crib is?
Cause Im looking forward to that as a dad.

This is why you get one of those strap-on baby carriers.  For movies and games, a forward-oriented baby is best.  I played video games with my son strapped to me and, well, he's looking to be at least as big a game dork as I am.

[Yegolev]

Since I don't have a PC anymore, my wife wandered by and saw this.  She wanted to elaborate on my terse suggestion.

Making rules like "no sugar" and "no TV" are a trap.  Just be moderate and play it by ear.  Parents who set up these rules are inevitably faced with a situation in which they have to either be a jerk or rescind the decree.  Either one of those is bad, so be cool about everything.  Sometimes soda is OK, sometimes TV is fine, sometimes a four hour marathon of Kirby's Epic Yarn is also fine.  Make rules that matter about things that matter.  Tailored to your little person, also.

My wife has a friend that made a "no PG movie" rule and now the poor girl can't watch any of the later Harry Potter movies.  She refuses to rescind the rule, regardless of the content of the movie.  A better tactic would have been -- wait for it! -- be cool and play it by ear.  As gamers/movie enthusiasts, we all know ratings are for idiots so my best advice is from my GamerDad days: watch or play everything yourself.

[Soln]

re. swaddling and breast feeding, see the links in my post. 

Also, do go to some night classes.  Yes they are teh ghey but they will teach you and you can PRACTICE important stuff like holding, feeding, baby and SWADDLING.

I never ever got the hang of swaddling, even with the miracle blankets etc.  And our kid could kick out of anything.  But according to my brother and thousands of other lucky people who get their kid to sleep, swaddling works.

[CmdrSlack]

My experiences:

If you can get your old baby furniture from mom & dad, do it. Molly's dresser was mine when I was small, and was my mom's when she was born. She's the oldest of 4 and is 65, so the thing has some age. Before el kiddo was born, I sanded it, tried to restore the Owl & The Pussycat mural on the door (Imagine 4 drawers on the left, a tiny "closet" on the right), realized I was out of my element and primed and painted it. I left the body white, did the drawers 2 green, 2 yellow, did the cabinet door green, did the hardware in the opposite color. Molly loves it because it has history. She now sleeps in my old bed, and has a table & chair that were my mom's, then mine, now hers. It's a great way to instill family history.

The birthing process can get fucked up. We were on state of IL-provided health care. Molly was a week overdue, so they forced us to induce. That did not go well. My wife was all "no drugs for me" until about hour 33 of induction. Our doc was a German woman. At one point, the kid's heart rate dropped, they had to puncture the sac, etc. The doctor was crying. I took her out in the hall, cussed her out in German and sent her back in there to save my kid. Molly ended up as a c-section and my only regret is that I was the first to hold her. It should have been her mom. To this day, she is largely imprinted on me, and I figure that was part of it. The upshot was that she didn't have a goofy-looking head.

Learn to fold the baby burrito. It is the love.

Sleeping kid on the chest is le awesome. They smell like rainbows and unicorns and new baby.

Even if you do the "no kid in the bed" thing, just wait. We were fine until about age 4, when we moved into a 2 story townhouse. She's on the first floor, we are on the second. Our bedroom is now a novelty and she wants to sleep in the loft.

You will get less sex. Deal.

Breast feed as much as possible, we had a hard time and ultimately had to swap to formula. At very least, she got the early ubar milk, which is the shit the kid really needs.

Diaper genie > all.

Chill the fuck out. At least one of you needs to be mellow.

I worked from home and ran a law practice for the first 18 months. Bouncy chair/swing is awesome. I was also lucky that the World Cup was on, letting her watch that was a good bonding time, even if it was perhaps a bit early for TV. She mostly drooled and giggled when I got excited.

Music, music, music. Any kind. My daughter loves Bad Religion, Ziggy Marley, The Clash, They Might Be Giants, Springsteen, The Velvet Underground, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, &c.

TV will be inevitable. If you are good at voices, you will be expected to do them. Avoid Internet memes. Right now, she is fascinated with Annoying Orange and Charlie the Unicorn.

Don't be afraid to let your kid fuck up and hurt him/herself. So many parents (my wife included) freak the fuck out about every little risk. So long as the behavior isn't life/limb-threatening, let it slide. You will be freaked out. It is ok.

Beyond that, I have nothing. Molly starts kindergarten in less than a month and I'm off my rocker because she'll be on THE BUS. THE FUCKING BUS. I don't know why that tweaks me out, but it does. I am sure it will be fine, but man does it tweak me out.

If you speak a second language, use it at home. Molly knows some basic German, which is cool. She also knows some Spanish. Primarily though, it's "Fingern Raus!" and "Mach Schnell!"

Most importantly, have fun. I sing her to sleep every night with Thunder Road and Radio, Radio (Elvis Costello). Sometimes we throw in London Calling or Train In Vain for variety. If you like comics, Marvel has some kiddie comics that are based on the main IPs that are lots of fun.

Your kid will be whomever he or she wants to be. You can only guide and whatnot. Forcing the kid into a mold is a bad fucking idea.

In closing, I wish I wrote this.

[Talpidae]

Oh fuck that. That will NEVER happen in my house.
I like my sleep.
I like sex.
I sleep in the nude.

All 3 of these will stop.

[Teleku]

I'm a total bachelor, and am not stupid enough to get married and have children (thank you Al Bundie).  However, several family members have moved on to having children, and I have an adorable if aggressive 3 year old nephew. 

From all that I have known, living close at hand at points:

Oh fuck that. That will NEVER happen in my house.
I like my sleep.
I like sex.
I sleep in the nude.

All 3 of these will in fact stop, as Talpadae said.  Give it up.  Stop hoping now.  I lived on the edge of people with new born children for a time, and lost all of this just in that short time.  There is no hope for you as the actual parent.  I'd re-link the Zombie picture I posted in the funny pictures thread, but that would be "arrogant".  From what I can tell Children are an awesome life change in their own right, but its a totally new life change that you have to dive into head long.  Your old life and habits are fucking destroyed after the first child, especially if your a parent who is actually worth half a shit.  The complete shitball parents are the ones who try to pretend their still at the height of college drunk fuckfest after having a child.  Its not true.

[Merusk]

They'll stop only if you let it.  None of the above stopped at my place, only paused for the hectic first few months.  Hell, the sex didn't stop even that long, just enough to let her heal up.

Children are a life change but they don't run your life.  Not unless you want co-dependent little brats, that is.  You're the parent, make the rules, enforce them and remember that at all times.

[Setanta]

TV will happen (about 2 for my youngest).

If so, choose shows that you will enjoy (repeatedly) so that you spend time with them rather than leave them to their own devices. Explain the shows to them and get their impressions, you'll be amazed at how savvy kids actually are.

I rate "Shaun the Sheep" right at the top of the list but you might have to settle for the "Timmy" spin-off".