f13.net forums - Movie Review: Secret Window

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April 19, 2024, 11:03:37 PM

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Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp) is a writer struggling for the past six months with writer’s block. He spends the majority of his time sleeping on his couch, begging his dog for literary suggestions. He never combs his hair. He’s me, minus 70 pounds. But apparently, even in Stephen King’s broken mind, a guy sitting around yakking at his dog doesn’t make a good story. We’re graced by John Shooter’s (John Turturro) visage, knocking insistently upon Rainey’s door, accusing Rainey of plagiarizing a manuscript he wrote in 1997. Rainey staunchly rebuts the charge, and Shooter, like every other Stephen King villain, goes completely over the top to terrorize Rainey, replete with a rather unique method of euthanizing a Blue Heeler. Things get a bit squirrelly as Rainey tries to divine Shooter’s real motive for terrorizing him. He makes startling connections to his soon-to-be ex-wife’s new boyfriend. Shooter has obviously gone beyond scare tactics of a pushy new lover, and has seemingly embraced true dementia in addition to being a hired thug. Can Rainey decipher the riddle of threats and implications before it’s too late to save his life, or his sanity?

It doesn’t fucking matter, because the ending uses one of the worst literary copouts in existence. Granted, it didn’t end with, “And it was all just a dream!” It also didn’t try to pull off some lame deus ex machina tripe, but it was really horrible. If one were to follow the current trend in both Hollywood and literary thrillers, one could easily predict the ending as soon as things started escalating.

Honestly, should you decide to watch the movie, do the honorable thing and commit seppuku about one hour and fifteen minutes into the film. If you don’t, you’ll wish you had, or at least call to some long-forgotten deity and beg for Stephen King’s sphincter to lose its ability to hold a pencil or touch-type.

The thriller (it’s not horror, no matter how much director David Koepp wants it to be) does, in fact, thrill, even if it’s predictably so. Depp and Turturro struggle through rigid lines (what humane person would actually make Johnny Depp scream, “I’ll get you for this!” repeatedly?), but their supreme ability carries the film enough to make it incredibly enjoyable up to the 1:15:00 mark. Even through the ending, atrocious as it may be, they do a fine job of presenting what’s becoming a cliché. The supporting cast does a convincing job, especially Timothy Hutton as Depp’s spousal replacement.

It’s really hard to place the blame on anyone but Koepp for writing the screenplay and Stephen King for being a horrible piece of shit who needs to fuck his fucking head with his fucking ass. The only thing saving the man from certain damnation is The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, with a possible nod to Stand by Me and It (not the movie), although the Dark Tower series pretty much cancels them out, sadly.

I usually judge movies like these, ones with great acting and marginal dialogue/plot, by mentally replacing the main characters with other actors. Assuming this were a Kevin Smith vehicle, Ben Affleck would be playing Mort Rainey, and Jason Mewes would be Shooter. Upon this assumption, my head exploded in what could only be described as a “fantastic fireball likened only to Creation’s explosion (Durham Herald-Sun).” My eyes literally vomited their aqueous humor.

To be fair, I nearly lost my will to see after the conclusion as it was, but at least the acting was good, especially given alternatives.

Score (discounting the ending): 8/11 – Seriously, watch this thing, no matter how annoyed you’ll be driving home.

Score (ending included, at no additional cost): 5.5/11 – I hope the DVD has alternate endings, one where Turturro tears off his fucking face and reveals his true form or something. Make him turn into Pennywise. I wouldn't have expected that.

Heh, that review reminded me of another Johnny Depp movie, Ninth Gate. The movie was actually watchable until the ending, which blew so badly I just felt violated after the end credits hit.

I don't get all of the King hate. I am beyond saving for liking his work?

Wow, you don't like the Dark Tower? Did I mention you fucking suck? Ah well, to each their own. ;-p

heh, the consensus in this crowd is to hate his main body of work, but liking Dark Tower.

I like most of it, allthough there's a few books I'd only read once, with Rita Heyworth and the Shawshamk Redemption being my favourite allthough The Stand, It and some of his older stuff is also great.
The Talisman also has the added genius of Peter Straub.

This one i don't remember at all. But I'm sure it sucks - most of the adaptations do - maybe even as much as this review.

Quote from: Hanzii

This one i don't remember at all. But I'm sure it sucks - most of the adaptations do - maybe even as much as this review.

Never thought I'd find us agreeing, Hanzii.

I read this novella, and vaguely remember it. It was in Four Past Midnight.

I've actually read the entire corpus of Stephen King. Some was good, some wasn't, but I generally enjoyed most of it.

And, as you've already said, the same can't generally be said for this review.

However, I would like to add a King quote, while I'm here.

When asked: Why do you write such gory horror novels, he replied:

"I have the heart of a small boy.....on my desk in a jar."

All the stories in four past midnight rocked.

Quote from: Galt

However, I would like to add a King quote, while I'm here.

When asked: Why do you write such gory horror novels, he replied:

"I have the heart of a small boy.....on my desk in a jar."

I'm quite sure this is either a paraphrase or a direct quote from Robert Bloch (Psycho)... but I also remember it in connection with King. Either from an introduction or from Danse Macabre (one of the better books about horror literature imo, but professors of English Lit. look very very strange when you cite it as a reference in literaturee papers)

Quote from: n00tch

Wow, you don't like the Dark Tower? Did I mention you fucking suck? Ah well, to each their own. ;-p

Have you read the latest Dark Tower work?

It has now become typical King tripe.

What sucks is the fact that he (stephen King) is probably Flagg.

Besides the Dark Tower stuff, I haven't liked anything King has done since It. He has started repeating himself. Hell, when I saw the previews for Secret Window, I thought for sure it was Stephen King, having never read this story. I also thought it was entirely too much like The Dark Half, another of his mediocre post-It novels. Four Past Midnight had some decent stories in it, but if this was one of them, I sure don't remember it.

It wasn't, The Body, Apt Pupil, Shawshank Redemption (called something else), and Breathing Lessions were the four stories.

Breathing Lessions is very underrated, IMO.

You're thinking of Different Seasons. I think Four Past Midnight had The Langoliers, Library Police and two others whose names I forget.

Color me extra stupid.

I mostly agree with Haemish.
It been going downhill for King, and I don't rush out to buy his stuff anymore. He still does some very good short stories, though. Black House was good - allthough even more Straub than King in style this time, but very much connected to the Dark Tower. I haven't read DT 5 yet, which is a bad sign, considering its been on my shelf for months now...
I remember secret window now. One of the many "I had an idea and feels like using it twice" King stories - this time it's the Dark Half... done better as I recall. At least it was shorter.

All I have to say is that any man who has written as much as he has and then survives being hit by a van, only to continue his career, earns nothing but respect in my book. Well that and a deep seated suspicion that he is not human.

Oh, and on topic, King's style has slowly deteriorated. Compare "The Stand" with "The Dreamcatcher" and you'll see what people are talking about. There was one point in reading Dreamcatcher where I simply set the book down and groaned. King was attempting to lay the grounds for one of his many Christ figures but had pretty much abandoned all forms of subtlety. It was as though he had uprooted a cross, Savior in tow, and proceeded to beat the reader into submission.

Still, a fine writer as far as language goes to be sure.

What does being hit by a van have to do with anything? Its not like he is an athlete and needs to make some comeback. The man could write even if he was paralyzed from the tongue down.

He is prolific, that is sure. But I would rather have quality over quantity when it comes to writing anyday. King seems to favor quantity. It pays more. I don't blame him. If I got a big name writing horror books you can bet your ass I would write as many as I could.

Quote from: Hanzii

Wolves of The Calla was great. If you liked the first four, the fifth is sure to please. There is a feeling of urgency in this chapter of the story... I'd go into details but I'd rather not spoil it for you.

Quote from: n00tch

I'll try not to spoil it either, and I loved the first 5/6th of the book. Hell, it was all good up until the last 10 pages where King tries to segway into the next book. IMHO, it almost feels like he let down the whole Dark Tower series with that crap he pulls with the story. It sucks and I am no longer looking forward to the cumulation of the series like I was 3-4 years ago.

Care to elaborate? I'm curious because I didn't finish the book with an indifference to the rest series. If anything I was pretty pumped about it because now I know that there are only two more to go and that he may not die before he finishes them all.

The Mist (circa 1979)
A script written by Dennis Etchinson but never made. Frank Darabont might do a movie verion of The Mist sometime in the future.

Is what I am waiting on.

Quote from: n00tch

I don't want to spoil anything for those that haven't read the books (or the series) yet nor do I want to get too off topic from the original movie review.

Re-read the last 5-6 pages of the book, the end of Part Five of the Epilogue "The Doorway Cave". Ahh shit I can't say anything without giving it away.

Never read a single Steven King book. Tried to read pet semetary about 3 times but it just bored and annoyed me. Just not my kind of writing. I didn't like the style at all. It is just me considering how well he sells. Good for him.

I liked Secret Window. It surprised me. I saw it because my wife was out of town and I was desperate for something to do. The story was 'okay', but that is as far as I would go. I enjoyed the movie purely for the joy of watching Depp and Turturro (cant spell). I love watching both of those actors. And their back and forth in this one didn't let me down. For that reason, I will probably go see it again with my wife on the cheap screen because she also loves both those actors.