Festivus 2009: TO FUCKED HEALTH CARE REFORM AND BEYOND

[Bzalthek]

Wait, people were upset with the fapping daffy?

Ok, yeah, fuck them and everyone else who actively look for shit to be offended by in order to get attention.

[Abagadro]

Politicians for being preening asshats that value the opinion of one crank who called their office over the professional opinions of their staff.

The public for being either quiescent drones or uninformed douchebags that talk out of their asses.

Attorneys that think that being bellicose somehow convinces me that their client's shitty position suddenly got better.

Ideologues that overlook pragmatic solutions to problems in favor of bitching and moaning.

[Triforcer]

I hate nothing and am filled with pure love for you all!

Except for my former Japanese boss, who decided to fire my fiance yesterday because we told him we are engaged.  I'm glad your firm is steadily falling apart and your top partners/associates keep deserting you.  Enjoy the feeling when your remaining lawyers are finally swallowed by your former number 2's (who you treated like an errand boy) firm.   

[schild]

Wait, people were upset with the fapping daffy?

Ok, yeah, fuck them and everyone else who actively look for shit to be offended by in order to get attention.

Actually, it was Sky desperately attempting to be funny and turning every opportunity to make a wank joke into one.

In other words, they weren't offended by Daffy. No one here was. No one here would even be offended by dead baby Jesus (except Sir T, but he'd just post incoherently about it). They were offended by bad, stupid, not-even-funny-to-old-people jokes.

On that note:

Sky. He's my big complaint for the year. He up and went retard.

Oh, and Q4 gaming.

There ARE people that don't play Modern Warfare 2, think of the children, o industry of mine.

[stray]

People Person who needs way too many reasons to see the merit of Valkyria Chronicles, yet has made a dozen posts to inform us he's enjoying Wolverine.

My beater guitar for never staying in tune. Damnit, you can suck in every other way. Just not that.

Lack of games with distinctive art styles. Too many try too hard at realistic graphics/faces. Just stylize things assholes. We are not ready for realism. Only a handful of realistic looking games might age well, and that's still because of a distinctive art style.

That jeweler who was upset that the economy knocked him down from 160k to half of that.

Me for not knocking on him his ass right there.

[Tannhauser]

Fuck you to Dave Grohl for joining Them Dirty Vultures.  Worst album of the year!

Got a gripe with Turbine for totally forgetting what MIRKwood should look like.  I can see for miles!

My yearly gripe at Mythic for fucking up WAR

A new target!  Fuck you Cryptic for becoming the company that specializes in MMO shovelware.

Fuck you to the SEC officials and their terrible play calling. 

Fuck you to Tim Tebow for running up the score on clearly outmatched teams and then crying like a cunt when you get beat.

Fuck you to my body for making me go to the ER and then later having to have outpatient surgery.  Exercise is for losers!

Fuck you to the Republicians, the party of NO. 

Fuck you to Ben Nelson for screwing the Democratic Party just to take care of your shitty, unimportant state.

[Hawkbit]

This year I have issue with Fox News and all the fucktards in this world than hang on their every word.  That includes you too, mother-in-law. 

The State of Ohio can suck a dick for cutting budget to libraries so I was forced to quit and fuck Ohio again for proposing more cuts to libraries before the year is out. 

Fuck you, other guy, for almost breaking up my marriage.  If I see you in person I'm going to knock your fucking teeth out. 

Also with Schild, screw Q4 for being sparse and shitty and screw 2010 Q1 for being too abundant for my wallet. 

Lastly, Jesus.  Keep your followers in check, please.  You've got some crazies out there. 

[Venkman]

People who can't like anything and don't understand how anyone else can.

Everyone who complains about the postings in Politics. It's a good aggregation service of parroting from around the net.

Screw anyone who thinks "things were better" before masses/group A/company X showed up. Insular exclusive geek dens do not a trend make.

Anyone who bitches about an MMO to the point of frothing rage but buys it anyway. Fanbois don't annoy me. It's fine to be excited about something, and most around here balance excitement with acceptance of the warts.

People who hate an MMO, didn't buy it, but post in threads about it anyway.

Everyone who didn't actually make a good alternative to WoW.

Everyone who bitches about being "done" with "crappy/stupid" WoW after having invested nigh on 15-20% of their whole life in a single game. Wildly stupid expectations for the duration of fun.

IW.

Anyone who resorts to mother jokes/godwinning/one-liner crap because they're too scared to actually say what's on their mind. In a fucking anonymous non-accountable forum. Wimps. Have an opinion and state it or gtfo.

The public, for thinking Obama was coming in on a white horse wielding a flaming sword that was going to wipe away the other two branches of guvmint so he could be coronated into single-handedly undoing decades of fuckups. Starfuckers.

Anyone who starts arguments in the Airing of Greivances thread. I dare you!  

[NiX]

Cut it out you two.

Trippy, for being so serious.

[Ironwood]

Fuck you, other guy, for almost breaking up my marriage.  If I see you in person I'm going to knock your fucking teeth out. 

I love a good story...


Darniaq, what's IW ?  I'm getting hurt feelings over here.

[Sir T]

In other words, they weren't offended by Daffy. No one here was. No one here would even be offended by dead baby Jesus (except Sir T, but he'd just post incoherently about it).

Shild, for thinking I'd be offended at Dead Baby Jesus  

[Venkman]

Darniaq, what's IW ?  I'm getting hurt feelings over here.

Heh. Sorry man. Infinity Ward.

[NiX]

Didn't we do an alternate thread last year for things we were grateful for? Cause I really have nothing bad to say this year.

[stray]

Canadians. For having nothing bad to say.

[IainC]

Deutsche Bank for taking three weeks to send me a new bank card and I'm still waiting for the PIN that will render it usable.
Deutsche Bank again for being closed this morning even though their website said they'd be open so I couldn't withdraw cash over the counter.
IKEA for not including fittings in their hardware.
The weapons-balancing guy at work for giving me the death-lurgi over Christmas.

[Rendakor]

WoW for releasing an awesome patch and dragging me back after I had finally managed to unsub for a month.

The game industry for not giving us a single good next gen JRPG this year.

Quick Time Events.

PC gamers who don't realize that they are no longer a core demographic. No one care how many Xbox noobs you would pwn.

FPS Games that only using matchmaking instead of letting you host your own custom games.

[stray]

The game industry for not giving us a single good next gen JRPG this year.

Do you not own any portables?

Other than that.. Demon's Souls, although it's kind got a western vibe. Still a good game anyhow.

[edit] Err,wait. Portable doesn't exactly qualify as next gen. My bad.

Well, more will be here next year (soon) 

[Rendakor]

That was my point, really: that if I want to play a good JRPG I have to do it on a tiny screen or an ancient console. I love both my DS and my PSP, don't get me wrong; I just miss the veritable flood of JRPGs the PS2 was blessed with, while neither the PS3 nor Xbox360 recieves more than a trickle. Hell, the last traditional JRPG released was what, Persona 4? A year ago, and on PS2 no less.

And yes, Demon's Souls is good.


Edit: Fuck online gamers who are racist homophobic assholes, especially to their own teammates. No one is going to improve by being called a gay nigger.

[Quinton]

The US patent system, and software patents in particular for being completely fucked.

Silicon vendors who can't be bothered to tell me about errata until after we burn weeks hunting an inexplicable bug ("oh that's a known issue with the <peripheral>" "thanks for waiting until NOW to tell us").

Whoever decided you need to remap PSX/PS2/PS3 controls when localizing for the US.  Dammit, leave X as cancel and O as confirm like God (or at least the Japanese) intended.

The goddamm US real estate industry.  What moron decided some kind of blind auction where the buyer has no visibility into the bidding process is good?

All US Senators and Representatives.  You guys all suck.  Thanks for making sure nothing useful ever happens in government, no matter which stupid party is in power.

People who say "the pinch gesture is intuitive", or hell that *any* modern UI is "intuitive".

Whoever moved the LOTR Nerdfight out of the Star Trek thread.  Come on it, it was hilarious there.

[Samwise]

Didn't we do an alternate thread last year for things we were grateful for? Cause I really have nothing bad to say this year.

I'm not feeling jolly enough yet to kick that thread off.

[Rasix]

Anyone that can't put aside whatever odd issue drives their own particular brand of insanity.  If I know what sort of reaction you're going to have the second someone posts something, perhaps you should just type out your typical response and then DON'T hit post. 

People that are only here to annoy the board or annoy a single poster.  This also goes for the "HEY IT'S F13" crowd.  Yes, we can be mean to idiots, that doesn't mean you get to be an asshole for no reason.

Stop making the same damn joke. It was funny the first time. It wasn't funny the second time or any other time after that.

Anyone that thinks airing out their particular brand of hate here is acceptable.  No, you're not a special or enlightened snowflake because you hate gays and Mexicans. It doesn't make your traditional or conservative, it just makes you an asshole.  Stop worshipping morons while you're at it.

Stop buying crappy games.  Stop buying the same game every year. They just stuck a new number on it, it's the same fucking game, moron.  You're killing your father, Larry.  This can also be extended to people that won't play great games or try great games for stupid reasons.  Yes, art style is a stupid reason. 

Use the search function.  If I see one more person ask for advice on what PS3 games to buy... 

Day 1 DLC.  Fuck you, soulless game company.  I paid for the whole game; give me the whole game.  Polish should be on the game, not your revenue stream.

Modern Warfare franchise.  Killing gaming.  5 hour tunnel shooter.  Anyone that thinks this sort of gaming release is good for the industry can do me a favor and swallow a cutlery set.

Jay Cutler.  Fantasy Football poison. 

AT&T wireless coverage.  Dead zones everywhere.

[WayAbvPar]

You're killing your father, Larry.

 

[NowhereMan]

I want to second Rasix with the whole jokes that have just been made 4 times in the thread probably aren't going to continue being funny.

[RhyssaFireheart]

My former employer.  Thanks for the layoff there guys, even though I was fully utilized and assisting on a profitable project.  It's not my fault you bought up another company who's PMs were overpaid, didn't work as hard as yours did and are experiencing corporate culture shock.  Oh yeah, thanks for not counting those 4 years I was a contract employee when considering my seniority, even though in every other way I was considered a full time employee.  At least you were nice enough to set a minimum for severance that exceeded the three years you did count.

My former manager, for being a dickwad in general.  Fucking micromanager BS who couldn't give me the time of day usually but got upset that I wasn't communicating with him enough.  And for picking me to get the axe over someone else simply because I didn't have my PMP certification.  Oh, we have too many PMs not fully utilized?  Well then, let's pick a PM that is putting in 100% billable time and cut her instead!

Me - for being stupid and not using my own personal time (because doing it on work time was frowned on, gotta keep that billing utilization up!) to take advantage of the free training my former company offered and working to get that PMP certification that would have helped me keep my job.  Now I'm sitting around hoping I can get WIA funds instead and get the training that way.  Way to go, idiot.

People who take hatred or dislike for something to extremes and get overly vehement about it.  Not liking kids doesn't mean that encountering one in public is an end-of-the-world-defcon-9000-WTF-were-the-parents-thinking!!! situation.  And I refuse to believe seeing a pregnant woman is that traumatizing, no matter how much you don't like the idea of being pregnant.

My mother-in-law for having the gall to tell my husband that she's sorry the check they sent for Christmas this year (same as they send every year) wasn't more than usual despite the fact that I'm unemployed and not having any luck finding a new job yet.  Oh, but she has no problems sending the same amount to the bro-in-law and his wife, plus whatever she spends on the precious grand-daughters.  Fuck you, my dog does too count as my kid.  At least my mom considers him her grand-dog and doesn't treat us any differently for not having spawned.  Oh, and she's willing to help us out financially even though she can't afford it like you can.

My neighbors.  The ones that don't keep the outside of their house straightened up (what's the use of having a 2 car garage in this area if all you're going to do is store junk in it instead of your cars?  Enjoy cleaning snow off the car, dumbasses.  Oh, and your garbage can and recycling bins can be brought back in now.  Trash pickup was 2 days ago.  And guess what?  If you'd just tossed down some cheap grass seed 2 years ago, your backyard wouldn't still be a weedy, muddy mess most of the time, although I'm sure the random containers and bits of junk lying around might still be there.

Our other neighbors across the street - would it really kill you to be .. neighborly.. and acknowledge that other people live around you?  Sorry if waving as we pass on the street is too much for you or something.

And this turned out longer than I'd planned. 

[stray]

People who respond to criticism of America with "If you don't like it, then go to China." I practically am from China. And I may just take you up on that actually!   The sad irony is that it would actually be an improvement to be in China and many similar places at the moment.

[Cyrrex]

Fuck you, people posting cute baby pics.  My wife is trying to talk me into having a third, and I'm too old for this shit...but it's working!  Down with cute babies!

Fuck you, time.  Thanks for not having enough of yourself.  I have so much shit I want to do (okay, games I want to play) and not enough time to do it all.

Fuck you, Chicago winter.  I like a bit of cold and snow as much as the next guy, but I don't need it for the next four fucking months. 

Fuck you, new guitar, for being so hard to learn to play.  I won't let you win, you stupid inanimate object.

Fuck you, mods, for banning all most some of the idiots.  It's more fun around here when there are a couple of Broughdens and Chargerriches.

Fuck you, all the people who pick on Bloodworth and actually mean it.  Don't take shit so seriously.

Fuck you, people taking shit so seriously.

Fuck you, al the people so quick to hop on the Barack Bandwagon only to hop off just as quickly.  He was never as good as you thought he'd be, nor is he nearly as bad as you think he is now.  It's only been a fucking year!

Fuck you, every fantasy football player on both of my teams.  How can you so constantly under-perform, except of course for that magical period immediately following getting benched?

Fuck you, F13, for sucking up so much of my work time.  You're going to get me fucking fired!

[Merusk]

My Brother's former fiancee: For acting with such base vanity and superficial behaviour that you've tossed aside a very good man simply because you're an attractive 24 year old. You behaved with maturity and level-hotheadedness that was beyond your years.. until you started hanging out with those single & vapid friends from High School again.  There's a reason they didn't have boyfriends, too bad you didn't realize it.

My brother: (who I'll air this grievance to tomorrow)  Stop falling for the 'fluffy' ex-cheerleader types. You'd think after the first two burned you that you'd learn your lesson.  Nice to look at and play with, bad to keep.  They'll ALL behave that way until their looks are gone, so I fail to see why you're always surprised.  You're 31, this shouldn't be news.

Most of you all here at F13. You're getting old and crotchety. It's less amusing than it was when you were in your 20's and it's turning into bitterness and general anger.  Lighten the fuck up already.  If something ANYONE here posts bothers you enough it actually gets under your skin, perhaps you need to take a break from the board.  Real people are still more annoying than the lousiest fucker here, Douchematic.

Bioware: Quit recycling the same goddamn story as if we don't notice.  We do. Your games are still good, but you're treading a thin line.

Ed: Oh forgot one:

Lego:  Your little plastic people aren't gold plated so how the hell do you justify charing $14 for fucking four of them and 20 little LEGO pieces.  Goddamn your prices and my need to buy creative/ educational toys for my kids.

[stray]

Shit yeah, been bitching about Legos myself lately. How the hell is a kid going to ever get a "Big Bucket of Legos" experience that way. It costs a fortune to just build one up now.

[HaemishM]

Ironwood and Haemish:  Ironwood's recent showings in the LotR nerdgasm aside, your customary spewings of vitriol and profanity have lately felt lacking in fire, brimstone, and inappropriateness for mixed company.

Fuck you, you rotting bag of flea-bitten orangutan ovaries. My Festivus wish is that you become the plaything of inbred, closeted BDSM conservatives with syphilitic testicles and a withered penis, are locked in the basement of some sailor wanna-hump-hump bar for six weeks before being fed a steady diet of evangelical Jesus-laced brainwashing by six-year old neo-Nazis. Is that vitriolic enough for you, motherfucker?

Fuck you, Mythic and in particular Mark Jacobs. Not for foisting a horribly incomplete, incompetently-designed devolution of your better game, though you certainly deserve to be raped by rabid furries in pink ferret costumers for that. No, fuck you for continually letting that cow's bladder Paul Barnett talk in public and on-camera. Oh, and Paul Barnett for living up to Voltaire's other maxim, "I douche, therefore I am."

Fuck you, investment bankers, stock market traders, and anyone and everyone involved in the financial industry that isn't involved with direct consumer financial services (and some of you that are). You are worthless, parasitic leeches feeding on the taint-blood of our entire fucking economy, and you are too much of a gaggle of rancid pussies to take the medicine of failure like a human being and go bankrupt, dive out of your 50th story office window or live on the fucking streets when your inevitable failures cause companies like mine to get rid of almost 1/4 of their workforce and consider that number A GOOD THING. Do me a favor the next time you think that selling little pieces of a lot of other people's debt is the greatest idea since paper - eat the barrel of your fucking gun, you self-righteous rectum stain.

Fuck you, Congress. All of you. After the debacle that is healthcare reform, not a fucking one of you deserves to be considered a part of the human race. Only a completely useless bunch of cunts could possibly take the good idea that is single-payer healthcare, that works everywhere else in the world, including countries where they think putting lead in toothpaste is a good idea, and turn it into one gigantic welfare check to the insurance industry.

Fuck all of you who can't take political discussion, with all its heated passion, insulting talk and differing opinions and actually learn something from it. In all the years I've been reading and writing on this site, I have learned more about shit I knew less about in politics than I have in all the other time I spent talking about video games. Clean out your sandy vaginas and get over yourselves, geeks.

Fuck Nintendo in the goat ass for signing off on the largest heaping pile of useless shit that barely deserve to be called video games, both from internal devs and 3rd party devs. Yes, your console has sold a metric fuckton and more. Yes, it has ostensibly expanded the video game industry to an audience that wouldn't have otherwise been interested. But goddamn, couldn't you have at least forced your 3rd party devs to some standard of worthiness? For a system I championed, there aren't 30 great games on the goddamn thing - and I'd be hard-pressed to find 30 GOOD games on it either. FUCK YOU and fuck me for believing you would give a shit.

Fuck you, Sony and Microsoft for making your consoles and the games for them $60-fucking-dollars. That's way too much fucking money per game.

Fuck you, mainstream media for ignoring self-publishing, or books in general unless they are about faggy, angsty daywalking vampires who glow in sunshine, the exploits of some celebrity's overstretched vagina or a pre-pubescent wizard with mommy and daddy issues.

But most of all, fuck every one of you cocksuckers that didn't buy my book.

[Merusk]

Useless convo remined me of another:

Fuck you assholes who think that turning on your high beams to overcome the one dead headlight is acceptable because "it's a recession."  No, asshole, you're blinding me on the highway with that shit, and it's worse on the normal roads.  Fucking stop it.

Related:  If you don't know how to adjust your lights, don't fucking install them yourself.  No, pointing those "clear white brights" higher on the road isn't helping anyone.  Least of all your fellows on the road in whose mirrors your lights now shine.  If I have to put my mirror to the "dim" position at dawn or twilight because you're an idiot, you've made me just as dangerous when I have to go to change lanes to get away from your stupid ass.

[stray]

Fuck you, Sony and Microsoft for making your consoles and the games for them $60-fucking-dollars. That's way too much fucking money per game.

Yes, but the price of PS3/360 games drops to fairly reasonable numbers. Not just used ones either. Some of the best games sell new in the 40 and under range (SFIV, Valkyria, Disgaea, RE5, SCIV, Burnout Paradise, Saints Row, MGS4, Uncharted, Prince of Persia). The list goes on, my friend. None of these have even been out long. And the kicker is, only one of those are 40. The rest are 30 or even 20 and under. Hell, some even get bundled as double features (God of War collection, Bioshock/Oblivion).

Anyhow, if you were ever depending on games constantly being $60, then you were wrong. Feel free to add "Fuck you Stray for rubbing it in" to your lists of grievances.

[edit] Oh, and Merry Christmas! Make yourself happy and buy a 360/PS3 before the stores close fool.

[Sir T]

Ok, I'll bite

Fuck you Irish Public for electing likable crooks and then being surprised that they are dishonest scumbags that are using the public purse as a piggy bank. And then buying the guy that fucked the Irish Economy Sideways' autobiography by the bucketload even when its full of lies. That contradict his other spoken lies. I mean he won 200,000 pounds on a horse that he cant remember the name of. Really.

Fuck you Blizzard for making just ok games that sell because you are blizzard, that stifle everyone else attempts because they are forced to copy you. And then kill off all innovation in the MMO industry because no-one cant compete with you as you are using dollar bills as toilet paper.

Microsoft and Bungie. For Halo 3. And all the jackasses that bought it. Its the same game as halo, fucktards and is just an ok game, fucktards. AND all the sellout reviewers that gave it 10/10.

The shitheel gamers that demand science fiction games yet wont buy them when good ones come on the market. Because you can't put tits on a spaceship.

Games workshop. Overpriced models for an underwhelming system. And no other game can get going because the gaming public has no money left after buying workshops shit. And Games workshop "fine detail" brushes that I used for drybrushing. And that idiot workshop rep that rewarded people winning a painting competition with a book on how to paint the workshop way.

The Irish radio laws that demand you have to fill 20% of your broadcast with current affairs and talk. Laws which exist nowhere else in Europe.

Television in general. AND news as entertainment, with the utter refusal to give good news. I mean whats the point in making people feel better.

Thats it from me. Happy new year.

[Velorath]

Fuck you, Sony and Microsoft for making your consoles and the games for them $60-fucking-dollars. That's way too much fucking money per game.

Yes, but the price of PS3/360 games drops to fairly reasonable numbers. Not just used ones either. Some of the best games sell new in the 40 and under range (SFIV, Valkyria, Disgaea, RE5, SCIV, Burnout Paradise, Saints Row, MGS4, Uncharted, Prince of Persia). The list goes on, my friend. None of these have even been out long. And the kicker is, only one of those are 40. The rest are 30 or even 20 and under. Hell, some even get bundled as double features (God of War collection, Bioshock/Oblivion).

Anyhow, if you were ever depending on games constantly being $60, then you were wrong. Feel free to add "Fuck you Stray for rubbing it in" to your lists of grievances.

Meanwhile, Twilight Princess, Mario Galaxy, Mario Kart, Punch-Out, Smash Bros., etc... still remain only a few dollars off their full retail price.  Some of those games came out 2-3 years ago.

[Signe]

My memory for forgetting to do all sorts of things I keep intending to do.

My procrastination for contributing (which I finally did a while ago for this past year) to F13 and buying Haemish's book even after I saw it on his wall thingy and so many things you just wouldn't believe me.  I WILL DO IT SOON I SWEAR!!!

My uncontrollable teasing.  I very nearly never mean it.  Even Mr Bloodworth.

The fact that my excuses are so outlandish that no one believes them even when they're not complete lies.

All sorts of other stuff.

[Mosesandstick]

My brother, for buying Modern Warfare 2. And wanting to kick me off the PC to play it.

Harmonix, for making me buy a full game for songs.

Everyone who finds too much too complain about and too little too be happy about.

Merry Christmas all!