Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow

[bhodi]

Anywho, tried any of the geek dating sites? Seems to me only poor young kids use the free ones, and only 'normal' people who look down on gaming would frequent the more traditional pay sites.

The opposite, actually. You want as large a pool of people as you can get, and walling off by requiring people to pay shrinks it considerably. OKCupid had some sort of article where they compared themselves and eHarmony, the logic seemed to be fairly sound on a brief readthrough.

[NowhereMan]

The link is in fact in this thread (I think a few pages back). The logic makes sense in terms assessing the number of people you message v. the number who can reply (ignoring those that want to). The only gap might be taking into account the demographics of the site, I could see OKCupid skewing more towards the younger crowd. I actually made a profile on OKCupid out of curiosity, most of the matches I got were either crazy looking girls (based on profile not just picture) or young single mothers (this was in the 20-28 age range). Not sure if that says something about the type of people on OKCupid or something about me based on the stuff I've given them so far.

[Minvaren]

My reply was entirely tongue-in-cheek Min. You need to get laid an unwind some.  Maybe try a dating site?  

I caught it, hence the   in my reply.  Maybe should have made that a wink-smiley instead.  

That said, it has been a year without a day off...  Just 2 more weeks to vacation...

That said, I couldn't imagine dating someone I couldn't be friends with...

You need to repeat this over and over for the majority of men out there.  

Guys tend to get so sucked in by their physical attraction that they forget this very thing.  When I was younger, there was a direct correlation between hotness and amount of crazy I was willing to tolerate.  Though I have to admit that some of the best sex I've ever had was with women I couldn't stand being around longer than a couple of hours.  

That's actually the reason for my singleness at this time - I stopped going for "cute, sexy, and seems nice" and opted for "sort of person I can be close friends with long-term."  And agreed 100% regarding best sex.

(edit : grammarz)

[HaemishM]

Also, the few Korean women I've met have all been a bit crazy to varying degrees.

See my long-dead review article on Lineage 2. ALL Koreans are fucking nuts.

[Draegan]

...for those of you who've had success with OKCupid, what age range are you in?  Wondering if my close proximity to 40 skews things a bit.

Had two people write me on there so far, both seem pretty interesting.  #1 stopped writing or signing on after about 10 days, #2 wrote me once and hasn't replied since but still signs on.  Contact frequency about the same as pay sites, but the follow-through is abysmal by comparison.

I was 28 at the time and she was 30/31

[Minvaren]

New OkCupid blog entry : And what do we lie about?

I bump my height up by 1" depending on the mood of the day (I'm 5'9"-ish), I admit.  The picture stats threw me a bit at first, though, but on reflection mirrors my experience IRL.

[LK]

I will give them some credit and say this does make me want to rejoin OKCupid.

[bhodi]

I am disappointed that they didn't add a section comparing people who didn't put their income. I personally always thought it's somewhat crass to state how much money you make on a profile but I guess after reading that, I'm starting to think differently. I always figured you could get financial red flags in summaries and such (I live with my parents and am in my 30s, etc.)

[Selby]

I always figured you could get financial red flags in summaries and such

As my ex-wife is now finding out, a boyfriend with no job and no ambitions for one does not make a long term relationship.

[Sir T]

As my ex-wife is now finding out, a boyfriend with no job and no ambitions for one does not make a long term relationship.

You forgot the

[Sjofn]

New OkCupid blog entry : And what do we lie about?

I bump my height up by 1" depending on the mood of the day (I'm 5'9"-ish), I admit.  The picture stats threw me a bit at first, though, but on reflection mirrors my experience IRL.

I enjoyed the height part. I've been told by dudes shorter than me that I am obviously taller than I am (I'm 5'11") because THEY'RE 5'11". It makes me laugh every time. 

[bhodi]

I fully admit the height thing. My drivers license says 5'9. I'm more like 5'7 and a half, and I have been known to claim 5'10 in the past. A friend of mine who's 6'4 says that people who claim (or actually think) they are 6 feet are even worse, especially when they don't believe he's only 6'4 because there is clearly a foot of difference.

[Lantyssa]

I've seen the height thing some myself, since I'm 5'10".  I have to break it to them gently that they are shorter than they think.  "No, really.  I have not grown any in the last fifteen years.  My doctor can verify I am not six feet tall."

[Selby]

I like actually being 6'3-4" tall.  No reason to lie!

[Furiously]

I like actually being 6'3-4" tall.  No reason to lie!

Just be glad you are not 6'8"!

[proudft]

I'm 6'2" and anyone over about 5'11" or so I always overestimate their height.  I'm so used to looking down at people, I guess, that if someone's eyes are getting close to my eye level I start assuming they are taller than me.

Then I run into a person who is actually 6'4" or more and then I remember, yeah, THAT's what a taller person looks like.  That whole 5'11" to 6'3" range gets pretty fuzzy for me though.  I'd be terrible at the police lineup.

[K9]

Hah, you can select C++ and LISP as languages you speak in their profile settings, but not perl.

[Nebu]

Wow... people lie about themselves to get dates on the internets?  UNPOSSIBLE?

I will never understand the shortsiightedness of people.  I have friends that use dating sites and they constantly complain about

a) women using REALLY old pictures of themselves.

b) women lighting their face with ridiculously bright light to hide their age in photos

c) women lying about their employment/relationship status.

I imagine that guys are even worse.  I can't imagine any woman taking the risks involved with internet dating.  Too many nutjobs out there.

[Rasix]

I might be one of the few shorter folks that round down.  Anytime I said 5'9" and a half I felt like a short guy trying to be taller.  But then again, I've been in the same relationship since I was 21, so I've no reason to puff myself up anymore.  My wife's 5'5" so I feel tall at home.    My driver's license says 5'6" since I haven't updated anything since I was 16.

Sadly, I would have been a full inch or so taller without my back issues.  </world's smallest violin>

[Sjofn]

I'm 6'2" and anyone over about 5'11" or so I always overestimate their height.  I'm so used to looking down at people, I guess, that if someone's eyes are getting close to my eye level I start assuming they are taller than me.

Then I run into a person who is actually 6'4" or more and then I remember, yeah, THAT's what a taller person looks like.  That whole 5'11" to 6'3" range gets pretty fuzzy for me though.  I'd be terrible at the police lineup.

I sort of do that too, actually. If I don't feel like I have to tilt my head to look at their face, I tend to describe them as "about my height." Ingmar is what, 6'1"? I think of him as my height. Maybe a more accurate decription is "if I magically become taller than them if I put on heels," I will put them in the "my height" category.

[Ingmar]

I used to round up to 6'2", then I went through a phase of being overly precise and being 6'1" and some fraction, and then I decided it was all pointless vanity and just say 6'1" now if for some reason someone asks. I have terrible posture
anyway, so really I'm probably more like 6 feet even in practice. I'm sure I would have put 6'2" on my profile info back in my early 20s.

EDIT: And yeah I might have been taller but for the whole non straight spine thing, which causes the bad posture to an extent etc etc. Now we can have TWO tiny violins.

[NowhereMan]

If you want to be overly precise just get a measurement in cm. I'm 183 (or just over 6'). I've never felt much need to lie but then I'm apparently lucky enough to have just hit that magic number. Also I'm really terrible at doing stuff to maximise female interests because some small voice in my head keeps shouting that it's better to be honest than have attention. Or at least I feel better about myself being honest and ignored than loved. I've made a deal with myself that if my love life continues to be barren and I get into half-decent shape for next year I'm going to try okcupid. If I have any really entertaining disasters I promise to let you guys know.

[Merusk]

5'-10 1/2" last I was measured in High School 18 years ago, if we're being 'totally accurate'. Tall enough to not be short, short enough to not fall into the whole, "Your lifespan is shortened if you're over 6"-0" problem."

However, Cincinnati seems littered with Teutonic gods, because I'm towards the short end of the pack around here. I look around the supermarket lines and regularly see women my height or better.  Took a trip back to Cleveland 5 years ago and was reminded of its Slavic roots in the same situation. I was TALL with only 4-5 men near my height or taller and not a woman in sight near me.

Regional differences are fun.

. 

[NowhereMan]

I seriously think if they switched to metric for height measurement they'd see less lying, even if just because they wouldn't have that magic 6' hanging around.

[Ingmar]

Especially since Americans won't actually be able to even picture what 183 cm is for the most part.

[Paelos]

It's like trying to figure out how hot it is in Celcius, or how much something weighs in kg. 

[Minvaren]

Another study : Internet access at home increases likelihood of being in a relationship.

"With the meteoric rise of the Internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s," Rosenfeld said.

Also interesting...

Among couples who met within two years of the HCMST Wave I survey in the winter of 2009, 61 percent of same-sex couples and 21.5 percent of heterosexual couples met online.

The bolded part mirrors my experience - most same-sex couples I know met online.

[Lantyssa]

That doesn't surprise me too much.  If you're not in college with a student group or involved in some GLBT oriented group (social or otherwise), finding potential partners can be extremely difficult.

[Murgos]

That doesn't surprise me too much.  If you're not in college with a student group or involved in some GLBT oriented group (social or otherwise), finding potential partners can be extremely difficult.

Maybe if you all wore armbands or little stars pinned to your shirts...   

[NiX]

Maybe if you all wore armbands or little stars pinned to your shirts...   

[Selby]

So far internet dating has been a waste of time.  But it's sure fun to read crazy people's profiles and go "damn, some people are nuts."

[Merusk]

You'll have to share some.

The REALLY good part is when you stop and think about it for a minute.   That's what they're willing to admit to a stranger, so imagine the deep, dark recesses of crazy they're keeping secret.  You know, so they don't seem weird.

[Selby]

You'll have to share some.

The people whose profile lists their religion (completely different than yours) and how it's their life and for some reason the matcher thinks you 2 would do well together.

The person who has never dated anyone and is 40 years old (and lives with their parents) and has some REALLY odd ideas on what they think dating should be like...

All I've gotten so far though is one person who likes to talk about video games and music playing with me, everyone else has not responded to my messages ;-)  Hence it's mostly a waste of time, but I get to read crazy profiles.

[Murgos]

My favorites were the ones with lists of requirements for a potential suitor.  Typically, reading through the list narrows the potential field down to, maybe, 6 people.  7 tops.  IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.  I'm not talking 18 year old princesses either, I'm talking about 35-45 year old single women with mediocre looks and poor prospects.

it's a certain type of crazy that just always gave me giggles and made me feel sorry for them at the same time.

And then there were the awesome ALL CAPS profiles.  Usually professing some desire for dates with people with advanced degrees from top colleges.

Still, don't give up.  There are normal people out there, it just takes some effort to weed through the loonies.

[Mosesandstick]

Rezzing this thread to say the okcupid blog (oktrends) continues to be stupidly awesome. FYI, women are twice as likely to say the Earth is bigger than the sun