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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow 0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow  (Read 407342 times)
dusematic
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Reply #595 on: February 03, 2010, 12:11:43 AM

Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? Or, how much/little do you end up publicizing your job? I imagine someone that puts lawyer down has a higher chance of getting a response, but also a higher chance of someone being primarily attracted to your job.

Just curious, as I'm not in a position to even consider this option, which...stinks.

It's 99% physical appearance.  Being a lawyer doesn't mean dick on the internet or in real life.  Nobody cares outside the context of the lawyer-client relationship.  Now, if you write something like, "senior partner for Richards, Layton, and Finger" then you're just asking for it.

Edit:  To clarify, people are generally pretty vague about what they do, i.e., "lawyer" or "government contractor."
« Last Edit: February 03, 2010, 12:14:17 AM by dusematic »
Signe
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Reply #596 on: February 03, 2010, 06:52:03 AM

I don't understand the 99% physical appearance in regards to gold diggers.  Isn't that totally unimportant to gold diggers?  I should think the job and financial prospects would be all that would interest them.  Why would they care what the person looks like if all they're after  is money?  Isn't that what a gold digger is?

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Big Gulp
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Reply #597 on: February 03, 2010, 07:01:54 AM

I know quite a few happy couples that met online.  So much so that I've considered it using it on occasion.  I don't think meeting online is all that different from being set up by a friend or meeting at a party.  It even has the benefit of helping to determine if the person can communicate by text.  No small feat in the era of texting.   

Internet dating was a distinctly "meh" experience for me.  Facebook?  Different matter entirely.  I can't sing the virtues of social networking enough.
Signe
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Reply #598 on: February 03, 2010, 07:43:07 AM

You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.

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Big Gulp
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Reply #599 on: February 03, 2010, 10:48:30 AM

You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.

Old high school friends (and even people who I wasn't friends with).  Hell, one of my acquaintances from high school is married to another local tattoo artist, and she LOVES to play match maker.  Gotten at least 3 dates from her alone.

I tell you, Facebook is the happy hunting ground of dating.  Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...
schild
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Reply #600 on: February 03, 2010, 10:49:21 AM

You're only competing with a population of guys that wouldn't fill Silent Hill up in Michigan though, rite?
murdoc
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Reply #601 on: February 03, 2010, 02:44:17 PM

I was always good at dating, bad at relationships.

Have you tried the internet? It's made out of millions of people missing the point of everything and then getting angry about it
Tale
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Reply #602 on: February 03, 2010, 05:16:46 PM

 
Four dates in one weekend is hard work. I couldn't remember whether I'd already told #4 things I'd told #3.

This is very true.  I went through a couple of months of juggling four girls (the Student, the Colleague, the Lap Dancer and the Secretary - very Jungian but you start to think in stereotypes) like this (no, none of them thought they were the only one so don't get mad at me) and I started prefacing everything with hedges like "I think I mentioned that" or "I still love the time that" because I kept repeating stories or thinking that I was perhaps doing so.

That's not the biggest problem with that approach to dating, but it's a factor.

LOL well I did get it down to two second dates (#2 and #3). Except now I have first dates with #5 and #6 on Saturday.

My second date with #2 went very well and she texts me all day. But we're opposites attracting, so I have to work too hard at conversation. I'd rather be hanging out with #3 (interstate on business) and I can't wait to meet #5.

I feel some pressure to resolve this well before Valentine's Day, or it will get messy (and expensive). Fuck you, internet dating.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2010, 05:26:26 PM by Tale »
Selby
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Reply #603 on: February 03, 2010, 05:53:28 PM

Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...
I think we can all learn from the Gulp.  All I ever had on my social pages like those were lesbians and the occasional person I knew from college, no dates to be had from there!
NiX
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Reply #604 on: February 03, 2010, 07:41:25 PM

I was always good at dating, bad at relationships.

Internet high five! I'm the same. I've become the brunt of many jokes because of how many girls I've dated. I probably have commitment issues, but that's ok. I'll always have Schild.
Tale
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Reply #605 on: February 07, 2010, 12:42:09 PM

Second busy internet dating weekend, still find it weird. Me and #2 like to kiss, but we have nothing in common, she's stupid and it's stupid. Gotta end that. Except she's kinda hot. Next date would be at her place. But, no. Hmm.

There was #5 who wants to go out again, but I'd rather not. And #6 is a wonderful human being and would be a great friend, because I'm not attracted to her at all. Meanwhile #7 finally replied, but she's gone overseas, while #8's life got too busy to meet.

I have a third date with #3 this week and she's awesome. All my energies are going there. I told her about the others and indicated I liked her best, so I think going out again with any of the others would be a betrayal. Even if #2 lives so far away she'd never find out. I'm still not an asshole until I do that.
Strazos
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Reply #606 on: February 07, 2010, 02:36:58 PM

Do you have a spreadsheet or something to help you keep track of all of this?

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shiznitz
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Reply #607 on: February 08, 2010, 09:09:19 AM

I told her about the others and indicated I liked her best, so I think going out again with any of the others would be a betrayal.

Betrayal is too strong a word, but I agree that once you tell a woman you like her the best, you should act like you aren't still fishing to the best of your ability.  You should get points for being open and honest, so don't blow those points by then making her second guess your sincerity.

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Tale
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Reply #608 on: February 08, 2010, 12:49:12 PM

I told her about the others and indicated I liked her best, so I think going out again with any of the others would be a betrayal.

Betrayal is too strong a word, but I agree that once you tell a woman you like her the best, you should act like you aren't still fishing to the best of your ability.  You should get points for being open and honest, so don't blow those points by then making her second guess your sincerity.

Out on a limb now. On the same night, I "broke up" with #2 and cancelled on #5's wish to meet again, leaving only #3. Now I am just a guy chasing a girl, so it's no longer an experiment in internet dating. Maybe she'll dump me tomorrow :)

Conclusions:
* This is a legitimate way to meet someone. There are desperados, people with dark secrets, but mostly just everyday people. Once you've met, it doesn't matter how you met.
* A sporty action shot with an intelligent bio attracts women (note: I'm told sporty action shots do not include posing in a muscle shirt with your guns).
* Meeting during daytime is by far the best way to start. Mid-morning coffee worked best, afternoon beers worked OK. It's cheap and there's no pressure.
* As with other dating, just treat the first date as getting to know each other a little and sharing some good stories, in the hope it might lead somewhere. Save the bad stories for later.
* Doing a lot of first dates fast is emotionally draining and confusing. Not recommended. But if I hadn't resolved my interest in them all fast, I would be left wondering about the others. Can't say what's best with this.
Murgos
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Reply #609 on: February 08, 2010, 01:35:45 PM

* A sporty action shot with an intelligent bio attracts women (note: I'm told sporty action shots do not include posing in a muscle shirt with your guns).

Actually, if you'd read the okcupid article earlier in the thread you would know that shirtless poses, by guys that 'got it', averaged more responses/contacts than other images.

e:  That's not commenting on the 'quality' of those contacts, of course.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2010, 01:39:06 PM by Murgos »

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Merusk
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Reply #610 on: February 09, 2010, 04:11:55 AM

They also said that declined very sharply with women's ages, though.  Twenty-one year-old women went for it nearly 2x the average, at 1.5 women met per attempt while thirty year olds were down to only .2 more women per attempt. 

If your goal is just to meet and sex-up as many women as possible, it makes sense to do the muscle shot.  (It also makes more sense to use some place like Adult Friend Finder instead)  If you're looking for a companion, well, 21-year-olds aren't the best place to start.  Particularly if you're already in your mid to late 30's.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
dusematic
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Reply #611 on: February 11, 2010, 08:49:22 AM

I don't understand the 99% physical appearance in regards to gold diggers.  Isn't that totally unimportant to gold diggers?  I should think the job and financial prospects would be all that would interest them.  Why would they care what the person looks like if all they're after  is money?  Isn't that what a gold digger is?


You trolling me?  I was assuaging someone's fears that online dating was rife with gold diggers.  That behavior makes less sense online.  What actually happens is that physical superficiality becomes concentrated because all profiles are generic and without meeting someone in person, all that is left is a profile picture.
Signe
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Reply #612 on: February 11, 2010, 10:27:34 AM

No, I wasn't trolling anyone.  I simply misunderstood what you were saying, I guess.  Who remembers?  That conversation was before the Great Snow Of Twenty Ten!

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Minvaren
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Reply #613 on: February 22, 2010, 08:48:38 AM

One item that I saw this week in online dating and both fumed and laughed about it:

I'm currently signed up for two services.  On one service, I got a match that looked very interesting, so I wrote to her.  Received a close back with the reason : "I'm pursuing another relationship."  Well, darn.  But life goes on.  Then about 10 days later, she shows up with a brand new account on the other service I'm on...

 Facepalm

Viewed her profile so she knows I spotted her.  Will close it out later this week...  but why lie to people you've never met?

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
NowhereMan
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Reply #614 on: February 22, 2010, 09:00:03 AM

Maybe the other relationship she was pursuing swiftly collapsed? And sometimes people aren't comfortable with telling others, "I think you're too ugly for me," or similar even if it's a total stranger they never nor will meet face to face.

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schild
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Reply #615 on: February 22, 2010, 11:57:16 AM

One item that I saw this week in online dating and both fumed and laughed about it:

I'm currently signed up for two services.  On one service, I got a match that looked very interesting, so I wrote to her.  Received a close back with the reason : "I'm pursuing another relationship."  Well, darn.  But life goes on.  Then about 10 days later, she shows up with a brand new account on the other service I'm on...

 Facepalm

Viewed her profile so she knows I spotted her.  Will close it out later this week...  but why lie to people you've never met?
Women.
lac
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Reply #616 on: February 22, 2010, 12:49:41 PM

They can be so inconsiderate to those who don't take a subtle hint.
Musashi
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Reply #617 on: February 22, 2010, 01:41:42 PM

Men don't do subtle.  Been so for a long time now.

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Signe
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Reply #618 on: February 22, 2010, 04:20:45 PM

Women.

In your head you were thinking, "can't live with them, can't kill them", weren't you?  I bet you even mumbled it under your breath! 

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schild
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Reply #619 on: February 22, 2010, 05:28:34 PM

Men don't do subtle.  Been so for a long time now.
Neither do women.
Slayerik
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Reply #620 on: March 04, 2010, 12:52:16 PM

You got dates from Facebook?  How?  Joining different groups and stuff?  If that works, it sounds a lot easier than joining a dating service.  Probably less expensive, too.  And you'd automatically know you have at least one thing in common with the person if you meet them through some sort of common interest group.

Old high school friends (and even people who I wasn't friends with).  Hell, one of my acquaintances from high school is married to another local tattoo artist, and she LOVES to play match maker.  Gotten at least 3 dates from her alone.

I tell you, Facebook is the happy hunting ground of dating.  Just be friendly and breezy, stay somewhat active on it, and dates will fall into your lap.  At least they have for me...

Michigan Facebook pimps UNITE!

Facebook is awesome for dating.

I hooked up with a friend of my ex-wife's through it, I knew there was a vibe when she was on vacation up north with us.

I hooked up with some ex-gf's for basically one night stands.

Found girls that had crushes on me in HS, thus making it a cake-walk to start dating.

A hot friend of mine from HS happened to message me out of the blue, saying she was bored. I told her I was going fishing in an hour, and I invited her along. She agreed, by the end of the couple hours of fishing we were making out and had a great time. I had no assumptions going into it, I had flirted like once with her.

We've been seeing each other for eight months now. Shit is that easy sometimes.




For the guys that have problems with talking to ladies, one book that helped me get back in the game after my divorce was, incidentaly, "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It really gave me a few "light bulb" moments...I was never bad with women but I was sooooo far off in some of my mannerisms and creating attraction the wrong way. From there, I have developed my own "cocky/funny" attitude that fits my personality and has worked great with the ladies.


« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 01:06:05 PM by Slayerik »

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Minvaren
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Reply #621 on: March 10, 2010, 12:54:43 PM

Somewhat relevant to the discussion...

Online Dating Similar to Real Life

Quote
A researcher has found that people who lie on online dating services are people-pleasers who want to present themselves in the most favorable light to get someone to like them.

Interestingly, the behavior would be the same if the individuals were dating in the traditional, face-to-face manner.

If they'll lie to you online, they'll lie to your face - which is part of why it's a hot button to me, I reckon.

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nebu
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Reply #622 on: March 10, 2010, 02:25:40 PM

This is yet another reason why I love being older and more emotionally secure.  When I go on a first date, I'm pretty much 100% myself.  If they don't like me then, it's just saving the both of us a lot of wasted time. 

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

-  Mark Twain
schild
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Reply #623 on: March 10, 2010, 08:52:22 PM

Quote
Online Dating Similar to Real Life

I'd say ALERT THE PRESS, but it looks like some asshole already did. Tough nut to crack, obviously.

Quote
When I go on a first date, I'm pretty much 100% myself.  If they don't like me then, it's just saving the both of us a lot of wasted time.

Been doing that since 1982. Word Lyfe.
Minvaren
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Reply #624 on: March 11, 2010, 06:06:44 AM

When I go on a first date, I'm pretty much 100% myself.  If they don't like me then, it's just saving the both of us a lot of wasted time.

I agree with what you said.  smiley

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Selby
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Reply #625 on: March 11, 2010, 06:37:12 AM

I agree with what you said.  smiley
Sadly, even if you are yourself, that is no guarantee that time won't be wasted and things won't end up badly ;-)
Nebu
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Reply #626 on: March 11, 2010, 06:41:41 AM

Sadly, even if you are yourself, that is no guarantee that time won't be wasted and things won't end up badly ;-)

Things never end up badly if you go in with a good attitude.  You should be with someone that appreciates you for who you are and doesn't see you as some kind of project to fix.  If they don't want to be with you, you're ALWAYS better off without them as well.  Dating is a no lose deal.  You meet a few people, have some fun, and learn a few things... usually about yourself... in the process.

"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."

-  Mark Twain
stray
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Reply #627 on: March 11, 2010, 06:34:32 PM

I don't understand why dudes like that don't just go out and have fun, find a likeminded woman (or women) if they just want to get laid. To be honest, I hate relationships, and I'm shallow (for now).. but I ain't gonna lie and get a "girlfriend" through bullshitting. First off, someone gets hurt... but besides that, it's expensive anyways. [edit] I know some retard like this. He had some money from a family death or something.. and I think he was blowing money on girls.. saying he was a MIT graduate/engineer.. all to get laid. Really, in the end, only he's the one getting hurt. Playing a game costs money. The chick's are going to feel stupid for falling for it - but they'll get over it (afaik, I only know of one.. and she walked out on him on some vacation he took her to)..
« Last Edit: March 11, 2010, 06:45:22 PM by stray »
Signe
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Reply #628 on: March 11, 2010, 09:37:23 PM

When I was young, saying you were an MIT grad/engineer would have got you the opposite of laid.  (whatever that is)

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Selby
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Reply #629 on: March 11, 2010, 10:49:04 PM

Things never end up badly if you go in with a good attitude.
I would beg to differ, but I'm cynical and jaded and as a result am not likely to ever date again (in the words of some movie: "I date!  But you know, both times it was really screwed up...").
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