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Author Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow  (Read 407453 times)
Merusk
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Reply #945 on: December 30, 2011, 02:29:39 PM

Seek help.

Or meds.

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Ingmar
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Reply #946 on: December 30, 2011, 02:33:45 PM

twat bitch bitch bitch

Well aren't you a catch.

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Raging Turtle
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Reply #947 on: December 30, 2011, 02:37:48 PM

Forget the meds, I want stories from the 50-75 dates.
Samwise
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WWW
Reply #948 on: December 30, 2011, 02:55:20 PM


"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
slog
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Reply #949 on: December 30, 2011, 02:56:17 PM

I think there is something to be said for that approach.  (easy for me to say, I've been married for 12 years)

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lamaros
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Reply #950 on: December 30, 2011, 04:37:33 PM

Musashi
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Reply #951 on: December 30, 2011, 07:28:42 PM

The stories aren't really all that interesting, honestly.  For the vast majority, it was just coffee.  A few times I managed to land dates with people who weren't looking for long term relationships, and yea, I managed to recognize it and shift gears in time to score.  But even though I found their expectations mostly set entirely too high, most girls are legitimately trying to find their next boyfriend.  Bearing in mind that when all things are considered, the chances that boyfriend will be you are probably relatively low unless you are Brad Pitt's long lost twin or something.  You can do a pretty good job of weeding out most of the crazy by answering a lot of questions and finding people who are at least capable of operating on your level.  At the end it's really just a whole lot of work after you get over the initial euphoria of how fantastically easy it is to fill your calendar with dates if you're willing to do it.

At first, I'd say probably 50% of the first dates were the last ones ended by her.  By the end, I found that I was the one telling people that I was sorry to report a lack of interest in the nicest way possible.  After I hit my stride, I didn't really have too much problem with second dates at all.  And the few that did end at the first date were obvious to both parties, and some of them I even still talk with some from time to time.

But after the first few dates, the story is just regular dating stuff.  Girls misrepresent themselves.  They wait till the fourth date to tell you they are stripping.  They lie outright about what they do for a living.  They decide to quit their jobs and move across the country.  They neglect to mention the child.  When confronted with your honest appraisal of the situation, they literally mentally break down and you become less of a date and more of psychiatric help facilitator.  All that kind of stuff happened.  But it looks way worse when the sentences are all together in one paragraph than it actually is.  In between the occasional nut job, I met several people with whom it just didn't work out for whatever reason.  I told myself I wasn't going to sell myself short and settle for the first naked boob, and I didn't.  All in all, I'd say it was a really positive, and fun experience - if exhausting.

Like other people have said, be wary of the lack of a full body photo, and don't be afraid to ask why they don't have one.  Of course if they list their weight as 'a few extra,' the answer is obvious.  Unfortunately, the MySpace angle is a thing people will shamelessly use.  When used in conjunction with the outdated photo trick, it is extremely risky.  I have been off by hundreds of pounds a couple times.  It's pretty awkward for you, and sad for her.  And just as a disclaimer for any overweight girls out there who might happen upon this - I actually did date a few girls who were marginally overweight.  But they were all ones who were upfront about it and had up to date photos in their profiles.  Surprise chins are not cool.


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Miasma
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Reply #952 on: December 30, 2011, 07:55:07 PM

What the hell is the "myspace angle" and why would ex russian brides use it?
Musashi
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Reply #953 on: December 30, 2011, 08:07:40 PM


AKA Gyoza
Raging Turtle
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Reply #954 on: December 30, 2011, 09:29:20 PM

That's actually a pretty tame example.  It's not obvious she's as big as she is, but you can still tell she's not petite. 

Here's the more extreme situation.  NSFW cleavage. 

Guys do this too (or put up pictures from 5 years or several inches of receding hairline ago).  If you're straight, it can interesting (and useful) to change your 'I'm looking for' settings and browse profiles of the same gender.  There's a lot of profiles out there that are both perfectly earnest and perfectly terrible, and learning to recognize some common mistakes will make your own profile better.  When I'm active on Okcupid, I get a decent amount of messages from women, and while I'm not ugly, I'm not someone women stop and stare at- I just have a good profile that I've actively sought out feedback on (although I'm also in a big city which is a huge help).

Anyway, I'm going to disagree that getting coffee is a good first date for everyone.  I'm not asocial but I'm still a lot more comfortable in a situation where whatever activity you're doing can fill an otherwise awkward silence or at least take away some of direct attention.  Climbing in a climbing gym, biking, even going for a walk/hike outside or in a museum gives you something else to talk about, while still letting you ask the standard first date questions. 

I suspect I'm also being a lot choosier about my dates.  If I had a date with a new woman every week I'd probably want a faster way to weed some out.
Musashi
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Reply #955 on: December 30, 2011, 11:04:54 PM

To be fair, I live in coffee shops.  So I know a lot of the locals in various nearby places.  So I'm really comfortable there.  However, I honestly found that I was much better at just concentrating on the date versus trying to do something active.  I tried going on walks and troll with my ridiculously chick-magnetic dog, but I just didn't have good luck with it.  But that's just me.  I'm not a multi-tasker.  And yea, coffee or drinks are really good ways to go if you want to see a lot of people.

Living in San Jose puts San Francisco in my 50 mile search.  And man, oh man, how many times I wished I lived in the city during this process.  I can only speak for the Bay Area, but the pickings in the city here are better by orders of magnitude.  It's not that the burbs are all chaff.  There are definitely acceptable choices.  But the sheer ratio of outstanding candidates in the 30 something bracket in the city was noteworthy.  If you live in a city, and are single, you are crazy not to do this shit.

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Reply #956 on: December 31, 2011, 08:19:15 AM

This thread is made of awesome!
 why so serious?

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Reply #957 on: December 31, 2011, 10:13:05 AM

That sounds like a lot of...work.  Ohhhhh, I see.

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Reply #958 on: December 31, 2011, 11:13:19 AM

About the only thing I have gleaned from this so far is the fact that I need a dog.  why so serious?

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Reply #959 on: December 31, 2011, 11:22:37 AM

It was tragic that I waited to get a Golden Retriever until after I was married.  About a week after I got him (he was 11wks old), I took him to the park for a walk and had three different women in their early 20s come up to love on him.  One was wearing a very tiny bikini while rollerblading, with tits falliing out every time she bent down to play with him.  It was awesome.

The two others I hit up good conversations with, and likely could have got their numbers if I asked.  And that was just one day.  I had ladies coming up to see my dog at least 50% of the times I took him to the park.
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Reply #960 on: December 31, 2011, 01:33:37 PM

No, that's not how it works.

You got hit on because you're married.  That shit only happens when you CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Trust me.  It doesn't matter if you wear a ring or not.  It doesn't even matter if you're happily married or not.  You get offers once you can't take them.

Life Blows.  End of Lesson.

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bhodi
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Reply #961 on: December 31, 2011, 02:40:09 PM

Is a large amount of cleavage / being obviously bent over on a zoomed-in face profile pic a negative for anyone else? It sort of makes me think less of them, I mean I get the idea of displaying assets but come on. It signals to me that either they have low self esteem or they are trying to distract you from something (probably the rest of their body just out of frame).
« Last Edit: December 31, 2011, 02:43:43 PM by bhodi »
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Reply #962 on: December 31, 2011, 03:25:51 PM

Need to see the pic to properly judge.
01101010
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Reply #963 on: December 31, 2011, 03:33:22 PM


Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
Samwise
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Reply #964 on: December 31, 2011, 03:45:17 PM

That sounds like a lot of...work.  Ohhhhh, I see.

Builds character.  Seriously.

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Strazos
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Reply #965 on: December 31, 2011, 04:19:56 PM

Oh I'm sure it does, as irrelevant as it is for me personally at the moment.

But in all seriousness, that Does sound like a lot of work - time spent chatting folks up, setting up dates and actually going. Multiple times a week? Sounds exhausting.

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Reply #966 on: December 31, 2011, 05:08:31 PM

Is a large amount of cleavage / being obviously bent over on a zoomed-in face profile pic a negative for anyone else? It sort of makes me think less of them, I mean I get the idea of displaying assets but come on. It signals to me that either they have low self esteem or they are trying to distract you from something (probably the rest of their body just out of frame).

Yes.

No Nerf, but I put a link to this very thread and I said that you all can guarantee for my purity. I even mentioned your case, and see if they can take a look at your lawn from a Michigan perspective.
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Reply #967 on: December 31, 2011, 07:40:25 PM

Okay, back from 4 epic days of camping and seeing bands at a new year music festival (it's summer here), including a drunken new year snog with a girl from another city. Have her number but what happens on tour probably stays on tour. Thanks for a good start 2012. Looking forward to meeting you, Tuesday online date - i had a great time at the festival, thanks.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2011, 07:42:57 PM by Tale »
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Reply #968 on: January 01, 2012, 02:58:53 PM

marginally overweight.

That can be who to look for. The dating world isn't their oyster, like it is for those who are in good shape, so you aren't the 115th man to have contacted her this week and you have more of her attention. Being in a relationship gives you a more active lifestyle and if things are going well between you, she'll probably also be motivated to look as good as possible. Don't make it an issue, but be ready to compliment her on weight loss.

During our relationship, my ex started going to the gym at lunchtime and lost the extra weight she had when I first met her (when I was a fit runner and cyclist). I also surprised her by getting her old bicycle fixed up, as she had suggested going riding with me, and although it didn't work out between us for other reasons, we have fond memories of those days, and I have fond memories of being with her new, hot, fit self :)
« Last Edit: January 01, 2012, 03:01:38 PM by Tale »
Ironwood
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Reply #969 on: January 01, 2012, 03:01:25 PM


 if things are going well between you, she'll probably also be motivated to look as good as possible.


 swamp poop

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
Tale
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Reply #970 on: January 01, 2012, 03:02:29 PM


 if things are going well between you, she'll probably also be motivated to look as good as possible.


 swamp poop

Haha.
Ironwood
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Reply #971 on: January 01, 2012, 03:42:34 PM

Seriously, it's like you don't know women at all.

For the most part, when a woman is happy and satisfied and think someone is in love with them, they generally won't give a fuck anymore and just let themselves go.  Did you ever see that Coupling episode about how 'pants spread' ?

Further, sounds like your girl was exercising because it was your passion and she wanted to be part of that - Good luck if your passion is sitting on your ass playing games.  The utter arsehole in me is stifling the suggestion that she knew it wouldn't last.  Whoops.

My advice ?  You start dating a fattie, you'll end up with a whale.  Good Luck to all of you.

I'm just glad that shit is waaaaay behind me.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
lamaros
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Reply #972 on: January 01, 2012, 04:22:42 PM

I know a few people who are more like Tale's experience. People are generally fitter when they're happier, and vice versa.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2012, 04:24:17 PM by lamaros »
Ironwood
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Reply #973 on: January 01, 2012, 04:26:24 PM

Well, that's not a Scottish Experience, alas.

"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Reply #974 on: January 01, 2012, 04:48:00 PM

Well, that's not a Scottish Experience, alas.

It crosses the continents.  AKA- fat gain.

No Nerf, but I put a link to this very thread and I said that you all can guarantee for my purity. I even mentioned your case, and see if they can take a look at your lawn from a Michigan perspective.
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Reply #975 on: January 01, 2012, 04:52:26 PM

Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.

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Reply #976 on: January 01, 2012, 05:51:42 PM

Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.

Women in their 20s seem to think it is the only way to go.

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Reply #977 on: January 01, 2012, 06:54:52 PM

Dating someone hoping you can fix them is always a great idea.

Women in their 20s seem to think it is the only way to go.

 Since we're generalizing and all.  awesome, for real


I'll say that I've seen much more of IW's experience than Tale's.  The only women I've seen get "fitter" in a relationship didn't have the wedding ring yet or had husbands who could afford lots of plastic surgery or a killer prenup.

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lamaros
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Reply #978 on: January 01, 2012, 06:57:26 PM

I'm only applying it to people are are happy. Generally happy people tend to be fitter, in or out of a relationship. If the relationship is good then that can make some people happy.

Often they're not good!
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Reply #979 on: January 01, 2012, 07:31:15 PM

This thread is great

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