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f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Serious Business  |  Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow 0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.
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Author Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow  (Read 407478 times)
01101010
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Reply #910 on: December 27, 2011, 04:09:30 PM

OKCupid in Pittsburgh is literally full of artists/writers in the female pool. Which is somewhat surprising considering none of them actually reply.  why so serious?

Sadly, they seem much better than the barrel shaped leviathans that roam the cityscape and bar scene, even if they are mute.

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
Yegolev
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Reply #911 on: December 27, 2011, 05:03:27 PM

Why are there so many single women in Miami?

Why am I homeless?  Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
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Chimpy
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Reply #912 on: December 27, 2011, 06:22:22 PM

Why are there so many single women in Miami?

Because women are inherently crazy and Miami is polar north for the crazy compass?

'Reality' is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.
Slayerik
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Reply #913 on: December 27, 2011, 06:58:55 PM

Why's that in green?

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Trippy
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Reply #914 on: December 27, 2011, 07:18:32 PM

Cause everybody knows it's the polar south, not north, duh.

Miasma
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Reply #915 on: December 27, 2011, 09:07:57 PM

Maybe all the old widows.
01101010
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Reply #916 on: December 27, 2011, 10:15:47 PM

Having lived there for 5 years... They are the one that call themselves ladies. But.... It's a TRAP!

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
lamaros
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Reply #917 on: December 28, 2011, 01:28:03 AM

By poly you people mean polyamory, right?
Minvaren
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Reply #918 on: December 28, 2011, 05:48:59 AM

lamaros - yes.

Re: Miami - on one of the sites I was on, I got a regular stream of matches from there.  All seemed to fit a pattern - "beach bunnies with kids."  Not sure if that's correlative or causative, tho...

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
shiznitz
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Reply #919 on: December 28, 2011, 08:11:16 AM

Huh, I'm surprised Los Angeles is so unbalanced.


Not to be snarky, but that chart needs to be adjusted to remove gay men. They are a majority of "single" men in the SF area.  If you are single guy in SF, try yoga.  Yes, yoga is not for everyone, but single women like it and a straight guy in a yoga class will have very very very good odds.

I have never played WoW.
MuffinMan
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Reply #920 on: December 28, 2011, 08:43:24 AM

Also, yoga pants.

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schild
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Reply #921 on: December 28, 2011, 10:21:55 AM

Taking up a hobby to pick up chicks is only something a raging asshole would do. Faking interest in a hobby is even worse.
Murgos
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Reply #922 on: December 28, 2011, 10:31:40 AM

An argument could be made that almost all exercise is a hobby done to pick up the opposite gender (health and fitness being major determining factors in attractiveness).  I see no reason why yoga should be excluded just because it has a disproportionate amount of hot chicks.  If you're doing it right it'll make you sweat and build muscle.

"You have all recieved youre last warning. I am in the process of currently tracking all of youre ips and pinging your home adressess. you should not have commencemed a war with me" - Aaron Rayburn
Trippy
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Reply #923 on: December 28, 2011, 11:15:54 AM

Huh, I'm surprised Los Angeles is so unbalanced.
Not to be snarky, but that chart needs to be adjusted to remove gay men. They are a majority of "single" men in the SF area.  If you are single guy in SF, try yoga.  Yes, yoga is not for everyone, but single women like it and a straight guy in a yoga class will have very very very good odds.
I doubt that's the case for the SF dot. Some number of those may be gay men (depending on how those stats were gathered) but think of how many tech people are living in SF. What percentage of those are female? It's the same reason San Jose has a big blue dot.
Raging Turtle
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Reply #924 on: December 28, 2011, 11:40:54 AM

This may be a dumb question, but are there that many more gay men in SF than gay women? 
shiznitz
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Reply #925 on: December 28, 2011, 01:51:42 PM

This may be a dumb question, but are there that many more gay men in SF than gay women? 

Yes, but there are probably more gay women than straight single guys.

And doing yoga as a fake hobby is not what I was recommending.  If you know you hate yoga, then you hate yoga.  If you have never tried it and you azre single in SF, then go try it.  You might find a girl there too.

Disclosure: I do not do yoga nor do I live in SF.  My evidence is purely anecdotal hearsay.

I have never played WoW.
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Reply #926 on: December 28, 2011, 03:39:31 PM

Not to be snarky, but that chart needs to be adjusted to remove gay men. They are a majority of "single" men in the SF area.

I've lived in SF my entire life, friendo.  Gonna call bullshit on this unless you have some credible stats to back it up.  Last survey I saw said that about 16% of SF residents identify as gay.  That's pretty far from a majority.

As for "anecdotal hearsay", I don't think of any of the gay guys I know would count themselves as "single".  Unless you count the "bi" guys who only date girls.   Ohhhhh, I see.

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Trippy
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Reply #927 on: December 28, 2011, 04:48:20 PM

I think he meant he believes the majority of the "surplus" of single guys (i.e. what's represented by the big blue dot) in SF are gay.
Johny Cee
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Reply #928 on: December 28, 2011, 05:09:45 PM

Taking up a hobby to pick up chicks is only something a raging asshole would do. Faking interest in a hobby is even worse.

There's a difference between taking up a hobby to pick up chicks, and just doing something that you're more likely to meet women (and just people) in your age cohort.  As you get older, it gets really easy to stay stuck in your ways and just not meet new people.

In my 20's, I picked up MTG again when I was burned out on bars and my friends we're starting families, and met alot of great people that way.  A few of the couples I still hang out with all the time I met through MtG.  This summer, I started going to all the gallery openings and social things, and it's been wonderful.  Met alot of interesting people that way, from cool middle-aged folks to weirdo artsy types to college volunteers...  good food and plenty of wine don't hurt either.


At 35, I've noticed that my age group is going through the first big divorce/separation period from their first marriages.  I've had more unsolicited lunch or coffee offers from people I run into through work or volunteering in the last two years then the ten before that.
Hawkbit
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Reply #929 on: December 28, 2011, 09:32:29 PM

My wife and I know four married couples that started through match.com.  All four are still married past the two year mark, though one of them doesn't seem to be a very happy marriage.  The other three are strong though.  Four seems like a lot, really.  Maybe it works.
shiznitz
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Reply #930 on: December 29, 2011, 07:00:03 AM

I think he meant he believes the majority of the "surplus" of single guys (i.e. what's represented by the big blue dot) in SF are gay.


Right.  That chart does not distinguish in the blue dot between hetero- and homo- singles.  It counts all singles. 
« Last Edit: December 29, 2011, 07:01:35 AM by shiznitz »

I have never played WoW.
Lantyssa
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Reply #931 on: December 29, 2011, 07:01:23 AM

Whether through online matchmaking or other activities, it's about being exposed to enough people that you chance across someone who is compatible.

Hahahaha!  I'm really good at this!
Johny Cee
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Reply #932 on: December 29, 2011, 07:02:12 AM

Whether through online matchmaking or other activities, it's about being exposed to enough people that you chance across someone who is compatible.

Exactly.
01101010
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Reply #933 on: December 29, 2011, 07:04:26 AM

Whether through online matchmaking or other activities, it's about being exposed to enough people that you chance across someone who is compatible.

Target rich environment?  why so serious?

Does any one know where the love of God goes...When the waves turn the minutes to hours? -G. Lightfoot
shiznitz
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Reply #934 on: December 29, 2011, 07:13:53 AM

Online dating works (I am married 10 years to my 4th Match.com date) because it offers a pool of self-identified people looking for a date/relationship/hook-up.  If you participate, you are much more likely to find someone sooner than just moving through your life normally.  You might meet your dream girl at Best Buy, but we all know that the odds are seriously against that.

Also, keep in mind that every date you have that doesn't blossom into a full relationship will only help you figure out the qualities that really matter to you. Many time, they are not the qualities you might have listed had you been asked before you started looking.  I found that what I thought were my physical "must haves" were really not that important in the end.  A true emotional bond will make her/him attractive to you.

I have never played WoW.
Slayerik
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Reply #935 on: December 29, 2011, 10:27:42 AM

As my father would say: "Beauty is skin deep. But ugly goes straight to the bone."

"I have more qualifications than Jesus and earn more than this whole board put together.  My ego is huge and my modesty non-existant." -Ironwood
Draegan
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Reply #936 on: December 29, 2011, 10:52:04 AM

My last online dating experience ended poorly.  I'm now married.
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Reply #937 on: December 29, 2011, 11:17:05 AM

My last online dating experience ended poorly.  I'm now married.

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Margalis
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Reply #938 on: December 29, 2011, 03:14:08 PM

Doing Yoga is a great way for a single guy to be exposed to a lot of women farting.

vampirehipi23: I would enjoy a book written by a monkey and turned into a movie rather than this.
shiznitz
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Reply #939 on: December 30, 2011, 06:17:15 AM

Which could be the #1 reason to do it, actually.

I have never played WoW.
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Reply #940 on: December 30, 2011, 06:27:07 AM

 ACK!

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shiznitz
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Reply #941 on: December 30, 2011, 06:35:38 AM

The look on a woman's face when she farts and knows a man heard it is FANTASTIC!

I have never played WoW.
Mrbloodworth
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Reply #942 on: December 30, 2011, 08:29:53 AM


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Minvaren
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Reply #943 on: December 30, 2011, 08:34:24 AM

During my several years of yoga, the number of farts (from either gender) was surprisingly low.

That said, I find dating more as a way to figure out what I don't want, rather than what I do want.

"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to remain ignorant." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Musashi
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Reply #944 on: December 30, 2011, 12:08:34 PM

So, I've recently finished successfully using the internet for dates.  I've been with my girlfriend for like 4 months now.  I met her on OK Cupid, and was also using plenty of fish.  She's a cute divorcee with no plans for children and a willingness to tolerate D&D night.  It's early, yet.  But things have been fairly smooth, minus a couple of minor baggage issues.  All within expected margins.

I went on between 50 and 75 (first) dates in 2011.  No, that's not an exaggeration.  I'm not telling you this to congratulate myself.  I am telling you because of some of the shit I'm seeing in this thread opining the happenstance of what I have come to accept as natural everyday asshole human behavior.

I have only one piece of advice to offer anyone, man or woman, who is endeavoring to ford the mighty waters of dating random people on the tubes.

LOWER YOUR GODDAMN EXPECTATIONS

You are not likely to meet the girl of your dreams on the first date.  You are far more likely to meet some twat you think is cute, but who is a divorced Russian bride with a clear understanding of the MySpace angle.  (Happened to me twice - no lie.)  I guarantee you will be far more successful in the long term if you date more women than you're probably comfortable with.  You will find a sense of confidence knowing that you have another date scheduled with some random bitch later in the week, while you're on a date with a person.  I'm not suggesting that you will have to go to the lengths I went to.  I am a broke ass artist.  I have like zero financial prospects.  I'm about as stable as a rubber duck on class 5 rapids.  You will do better than me.  HOWEVER.  If you puss out before you get really comfortable dating, you will settle for the first piece that allows you to get your beak wet.  And right before your darling apple lets her dark side known, you will get that bitch pregnant, and then you're going to remember my words right before you pull the trigger.

Get the date.  If she wants to chat a little first, okay.  If she wants to correspond vie email, or have a preliminary phone call, fine.  But get a coffee date within a couple of weeks or just assume she's moving in a different direction (she is).  You are trying to meet people.  She is too.  If she wasn't she would have plastered pictures of herself on the internet, risking being discovered by family or co-workers.  Even if you're on the fence about whether you're physically attracted, still probably get a date.  It's good experience.

And ladies.  Holy shit.  Stop pretending you're nice.  Out of the literally hundreds of women I corresponded with, maybe five or six had the balls to say, "I think you're great, but I'm just not interested."  While of course at first I was taken back by these words, with time I came to accept them with less than a sigh.  Why?  Because that bitch just saved me time, and the cost of an over-priced chai drink, a danish, and gas.  Really.  I thought about writing them back thanking them for the ten dollars.

And just as a matter of courtesy, I'll offer this:

Coffee dates are by far the most effective for real progress finding someone special.  However they never, ever, ever lead to ass on the first date.  It just doesn't happen.  Until you get to drinks, you might as well just accept it.  If you don't you're going to end up like dude a few posts up who scared off the girl he had worked so hard for a second date.  First dates over drinks, however, I find hold enough potential to make yourself plain.  Still here's some quick thinking I did to salvage a fizzle, "Well I wouldn't want you to think you weren't worth the effort."  You're welcome.

AKA Gyoza
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