Star Wars Episodes 1, 2, & 3

[Ratman_tf]

My favorite scene in the whole movie is in the cantina where Ford says that the Falcon can "make the Kessel run in 12 parsecs" and Guinness smirks at him because he actually fucked up the line.  He was supposed to say something besides "parsecs" but it stuck throughout the series.  

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kessel_Run

Ah! My personal windmill!

HAN
It's the ship that made the Kessel
run in less than twelve parsecs!

Ben reacts to Solo's stupid attempt to impress them with obvious misinformation.

http://starwarz.com/starkiller/scripts/thestarwars_revised_fourth_draft_jan.htm

Somewhere between here and there EU writers with no wit and little imagination tried to explain an error that didn't exist, and Lucas, being old and dodgery probably doesn't even remember it anymore. Hell, his ex-wife probably threw that line in there.

[DraconianOne]

Somewhere between here and there EU writers with no wit and little imagination tried to explain an error that didn't exist, and Lucas, being old and dodgery probably doesn't even remember it anymore. Hell, his ex-wife probably threw that line in there.

I wouldn't trust that script as being what they actually used and suspect that there's a certain amount of revisionism going on. It's apparently the revised fourth draft from Jan 1976 but was publicly published in 1979. That site also links another revised fourth draft dated March 16 1976 which still refers to Greedo as "Alien", refers to Han Solo's ship as "Pirate Ship" in the sluglines rather than "Millennium Falcon", has a lot of lines that never made it into the film and and some slight differences in dialogue that was in the film.  The supposed Jan 16 draft is pretty much exactly as the movie.  Bearing in mind that they started shooting at the end of March 1976, I suspect that the March 16th draft was the actual shooting script and that the line regarding Ben's reaction to Solo's claim was added subsequently.

Not that I'm saying Lucas was wrong or that there actually was an error - it's a fucking fantasy sci-fi film with lots of "made-up" words that were borrowed from other languages or created to suit his world.  Any quibbling over the meaning of a particular word in the script by nerds and geeks is just ridiculous self aggrandizement and mental masturbation.

[Slyfeind]

They are so exotic that they measure time with parsecs! Oh what a fictiony world!

[Cyrrex]

You guys and your crazy lack of SW geek knowledge.  It has thoroughly been retconned explained in the EU that doing the run in 12 parsecs is a result of Han going closer to the event horizon of the Maw (blackhole) cluster than anyone had ever successfully done before.  He wasn't flying faster, he was shaving off the corners.  It's like saying I ran the 400 meters in 350 meters.

Sadly, I know this so well that I even struggled to remember what you guys were what the original argument was about.  And to be honest, of all the shit in the SW universe that requires retconning, this is one of the better jobs they did.  There's better shit for you to pick on.

[Ironwood]

Like the fucking Midichlorians

[Brogarn]

Like the fucking Midichlorians

Finally! Something mentioned in this thread that truly pisses me off. Midichlorians? REALLY? W.T.F. Lucas?!?!?! That, out of everything, is what sends me into major nerdrage. Fucking goddamn midichlorians.

[Ironwood]

One review of Phantom said Midichlorians were like watching an Autopsy of Santa Claus.

I had to agree...

[Trippy]

You guys and your crazy lack of SW geek knowledge.  It has thoroughly been retconned explained in the EU that doing the run in 12 parsecs is a result of Han going closer to the event horizon of the Maw (blackhole) cluster than anyone had ever successfully done before.  He wasn't flying faster, he was shaving off the corners.  It's like saying I ran the 400 meters in 350 meters.

Yes that was the retcon we were referring to (as explained in the above Wikia link).

[UnSub]

The Peter Jackson LOTR are films. Not movies, well at least the expanded versions.

I could wax lyrical on the terrible piles of shit that the LotR movies are, how they only work as films when they stick very closely to Tolkien (and that is tragically infrequent, rendering 99% of the viewing time wasted) and how the extended cuts only shovel more shite on the pile with their ludicrous liberties (the confrontation between the Witchking of Angmar and Gandalf the White should be rammed frame by frame up Jackson's arse and fat bitch Boyens should be forced to eat the bloody awful "How to Write a Screenplay in Fifteen Minutes" books she presumably learned and from which she appears to quote from in her idiotic commenaries).

However I wont, as this thread is about Star Wars...  

Edited for rage-blind typos.

I'd like to add some more nerdrage topics to this thread. What shall it be? Anime? Star Trek? Doctor Who & Torchwood?

[cmlancas]

I refuse to read this thread on account that someone said the first two movies "weren't that bad."  This is a clever troll, right?  RIGHT?!

 

[Triforcer]

I vote for Dr. Who nerdrage.  Its fun to read British swear words.

[WindupAtheist]

If you hate the Lord of the Rings movies you should be killed. Look, I can understand someone not being as forgiving of gungans and lolsand as I am, but if you hated the LOTR movies then I just have to ask WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

[Trippy]

Tom Bombadil, obviously.

[Triforcer]

The first two movies were awesome.  As to ROTK, I could have done without the slow motion bed-jumping scene, and the roughly 15 other times in ROTK that Merry and Pippin cast longing looks into each others' eyes. 

I can understand why between 3-10% of men would've liked ROTK, though. 

[Quinton]

One review of Phantom said Midichlorians were like watching an Autopsy of Santa Claus.

I had to agree...

Sometimes it's better not to try explain things.  Let the force be the force and don't worry about what exactly it is.  Ah well, Lucas...

[Margalis]

The third LOTR movie was awful and boring.

Look, I can understand someone not being as forgiving of gungans and lolsand as I am, but if you hated the LOTR movies then I just have to ask WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

Recently I've been on a Cronenberg kick. So I guess my answer is "movies that aren't for 12-year-olds." Or maybe "movies that are at least slightly challenging and/or interesting." Or "movies that contain a single original thought." Something like that.

[lamaros]

Recently I've been on a Cronenberg kick. So I guess my answer is "movies that aren't for 12-year-olds." Or maybe "movies that are at least slightly challenging and/or interesting." Or "movies that contain a single original thought." Something like that.

I recommend the following http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0805648/ (A review here: http://www.midnighteye.com/reviews/heart-beating-in-the-dark-new-version.shtml as the imdb page lists hardly anything).

[K9]

If you hate the Lord of the Rings movies you should be killed. Look, I can understand someone not being as forgiving of gungans and lolsand as I am, but if you hated the LOTR movies then I just have to ask WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0sc-gS9AqM

[WindupAtheist]

Oh the hell with Bombadil. Some things just don't work on film.

[Ingmar]

I could have done with exactly one less "Legolas does something ridiculous" scene in each movie.

[Ironwood]

Actually, fanboy tho I am, I'll second that.

[eldaec]

Tom Bombadil was pointless selfindulgent asswankery at best, and allegory at worst, it should have been cut from the book, never mind the film.

I could have done with exactly one less "Legolas does something ridiculous" scene in each movie.

Thirded.

Also, I could have done without the 'Faramir is a retard' revisionism.

[Ironwood]

Yeah, I suppose.  I see WHY they did that one though (to make Aragorn 'unique') but the whole fucking point of the parralel in the books was that Faramir, like Aragorn, had 'proper' blood in him.

It's just one of those things you need to take a pinch of salt with.

Like Cate Blanchett chewing scenery and totally fucking up Galadriel.

Yuck.

[lamaros]

I'm not a LoTR fan, books or films, but I did find the way they screwed about the Ent bit stupid and annoying.

[Triforcer]

Yeah, I suppose.  I see WHY they did that one though (to make Aragorn 'unique') but the whole fucking point of the parralel in the books was that Faramir, like Aragorn, had 'proper' blood in him.

It's just one of those things you need to take a pinch of salt with.

Like Cate Blanchett chewing scenery and totally fucking up Galadriel.

Yuck.

Thanks, I had almost forgotten about her little CGI moment in Fellowship. 

[Ironwood]

Sorry about that.

In honesty, you could nitpick the three films all day long, but considering what was attempted (translation of Tolkien to screen) I was amazed at the end result.  In a good way.

[Slyfeind]

I really don't get all the LotR love. They used lots of slow motion, and big operatic music. Other than that, it's just another popcorn flick (or three popcorn flicks, as the case may be).

Reading the Star Wars EU thread, I get the feeling that a lot of prequel hate is because Lucas shat all over the EU, sometimes purposefully. He joked that among the EU fans, "there'll be hell to pay" before the release of Episode 1. I was honestly surprised in Ep 3 that he didn't debunk the "Han Solo saved Chewbacca from slavery" thing.

[Venkman]

Reading the Star Wars EU thread, I get the feeling that a lot of prequel hate is because Lucas shat all over the EU.

Retconning is fine. His IP and all. But tell a better story, or heck, at least tell a good one. And it wasn't so much about the EU stuff as much as it was the first three (good) movies.

[Ratman_tf]

If you hate the Lord of the Rings movies you should be killed. Look, I can understand someone not being as forgiving of gungans and lolsand as I am, but if you hated the LOTR movies then I just have to ask WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

When I went to see LOTR I nerdraged out. It was a summer popcorn flick, with lots of special defects to cover the shitty acting (which I blame on the shitty director) and some stuff that just made me facepalm. Like Gandalf and Saruman's fight at Orthanc, which was just painful to watch.

I've since gotten over it, and even watch them on DVD every now and then. But while they're ok, they are Nothing Special.

[Ratman_tf]

Like Cate Blanchett chewing scenery and totally fucking up Galadriel.

Yuck.

How could you tell? If I hadn't read the books, I wouldn't have understood WTF she was saying, or why.

[Ratman_tf]

You guys and your crazy lack of SW geek knowledge.  It has thoroughly been retconned explained in the EU that doing the run in 12 parsecs is a result of Han going closer to the event horizon of the Maw (blackhole) cluster than anyone had ever successfully done before.  He wasn't flying faster, he was shaving off the corners.  It's like saying I ran the 400 meters in 350 meters.

Sadly, I know this so well that I even struggled to remember what you guys were what the original argument was about.  And to be honest, of all the shit in the SW universe that requires retconning, this is one of the better jobs they did.  There's better shit for you to pick on.

It's a retarted retcon, and the EU writers should feel bad for making that shit up. It's exactly the kind of nitpicking mindset that got us Midichlorians in Ep1. (Everything must be spelled out for the audience)

Three seperate replies in a row. Now I feel bad. 

[Slyfeind]

How could you tell? If I hadn't read the books, I wouldn't have understood WTF she was saying, or why.

A friend of mine literally didn't understand at all. All she heard was "VVR DZZ VRR ZZVZZRDR VZZRR I pass the test."

[Slyfeind]

Reading the Star Wars EU thread, I get the feeling that a lot of prequel hate is because Lucas shat all over the EU.

Retconning is fine. His IP and all. But tell a better story, or heck, at least tell a good one. And it wasn't so much about the EU stuff as much as it was the first three (good) movies.

Oh dear god, I think that was the point of the prequels. He purposefully made crappy movies that contradicted the EU, to show everybody how much he really hated them.

[Quinton]

Reading the Star Wars EU thread, I get the feeling that a lot of prequel hate is because Lucas shat all over the EU, sometimes purposefully. He joked that among the EU fans, "there'll be hell to pay" before the release of Episode 1. I was honestly surprised in Ep 3 that he didn't debunk the "Han Solo saved Chewbacca from slavery" thing.

As somebody who has paid pretty much zero attention to the SW EU stuff (I enjoyed the original movies, but never got into all the random books and whatnot), I still think the prequels were awful.

[Venkman]

Oh dear god, I think that was the point of the prequels. He purposefully made crappy movies that contradicted the EU, to show everybody how much he really hated them.

Wuh? Nobody sets out to make a bad movie with that kind of budget. Shitting on the EU is fine. But he didn't wake up each day trying to figure out how to get the worst from everyone involved.

It may have only looked that way  

It's a retarted retcon, and the EU writers should feel bad for making that shit up. It's exactly the kind of nitpicking mindset that got us Midichlorians in Ep1. (Everything must be spelled out for the audience)

It's fine if you want to replace the loosely-defined rarely-read origin story for Boba Fett with some father/son clone thing, don't specifically show that Mandalorian armor deflects lightsabers, or create a new Master for Obi Wan. But midichlorians? Come on. It went against the mysticism from canon, and were a one-time throwaway we've never heard of again on purpose.