Any experiences with ADHD (in adults)?

[Wasted]

15 yay

[Khaldun]

It was probably 1.5 or 2 years ago that I figured out I have all of the symptoms of ADHD except for the hyperactivity part.  I haven't gone to be diagnosed even though I think meds would help, but considering my relatively awesome mental health this year, I might do it now.  The interesting thing is that simply being aware of it has helped me tremendously; instead of fighting against myself by trying to be like Everyone Else, I go with my strengths and compensate for my weaknesses.  This has also greatly reduced my overall stress

Sometimes it takes me a whole day to start with a task that I don't like doing even though it might only take a few minutes to do. I constantly fight against myself, get totally stressed out, frustrated and even depressed that I fail to do something really fucking simple or that I take hours for simple tasks.

I always berate myself for being lazy or stupid or forgetting things and at the end of the day I am strung out from constantly fighting with myself.

I never told anybody because I was really ashamed about that. How do you tell somebody 'Hey today it took me 4 hours to write a fucking e-mail'.

So as silly as that may sound I really hope that my intuition is right because that at least would explain things and at the same time I am really really cautious because maybe I just want it to be just so that I have an explanation.

Sounds weird, eh?

This is close to a description of some days that I have. But...there are plenty of other things about my mind that I think work well. I'm deeply anxious about the idea of a drug that would affect my mind or emotions: I don't even know if I could evaluate their effects for myself as myself, as I've known myself for 40+ years, once I was using such a drug. Arguably in many cases my distractedness is also the source of my creativity, of my knowiedge. It's what makes me the particular intellect that I am, operating in the academic environment that I do.

So yes, there are things about the way that I work that are not good: the way I get stuck on very ordinary tasks, or semi-phobic about finishing the last part of the last thing. I have a book manuscript that has been 98% done for two years but the last 2% is so repellant to me that I'll do a great many things rather than hammer down that nail. I'm sure I frustrate colleagues because of this at times. But I also know I bring a lot of assets to any table in terms of my eclectic base of knowledge and interests. I feel like in some sense I shouldn't meddle with that. I don't know what I'd be like if I didn't diddle around trying to finish basic tasks, if I could focus for hours on end on one important job. I don't have a clear way to understand what I'd lose.

I also don't know how I'd find a psychologist or other clinical figure I feel I could trust to walk me through all this in a way that wasn't already predetermined--someone with the same skepticism, the same willingness to think carefully about particular cases, someone who would take the time to know who I am. My regular doctor isn't that kind of person--she's fine when I need an antibiotic for a cold, but I don't trust her to pay attention to me as a person. I don't trust most of what I know about psychotherapy and psychiatry: there's been a whole series of revelations recently about how badly tainted a lot of academic research is in terms of ties to drug firms, and that's specifically intense around psychotherapeutic drugs. I don't particularly feel like talking to colleagues or friends about who they might be seeing: some of the people around here who are most vocal about the fact that they've sought psychotherapy are the most neurotic and self-indulgent people I know, and I don't trust them at all when it comes to a clear-minded assessment of who is or is not a reliable therapist.

[MrHat]

55.  Apparently I'm just lazy and have a fear of finishing things.

[sigil]

104 Bitches! YEAAAAH!


Oh, wait, this isn't a good thing. Fuck.

I'm deeply anxious about the idea of a drug that would affect my mind or emotions: I don't even know if I could evaluate their effects for myself as myself, as I've known myself for 40+ years, once I was using such a drug. Arguably in many cases my distractedness is also the source of my creativity, of my knowiedge.

This.

This condition is part of who I am. I can do things that most people can't with ease. The price is that it doesn't shut off. If I can be a functioning member of society and earn money and keep things together, do I really want to give up what on many levels is an outstanding part of who I am as a person?

[schild]

I can do things that most people can't with ease.

I've always fucking adored this rationalization as a coping mechanism for dealing with disorder. Doctors use it, parents use it for their autistic children, it's just fucking awesome. Why?

Because it's goddamn insane, that's why.

Edit: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying, yea, great, you can do some shit that other people can't with ease. And other people can do simple normal societal shit that people with massive or even minor disorder can't even wrap their brains around. It's a crappy reasoning for anything. Everyone can do something the next person can't with ease. Saying that is a load of bollocks and you know it and I know it and parents know it and doctors know it.

[Sky]

108, heh.

I had begun a post yesterday about one day of my vacation, when I was simply going to replace some ceiling tiles. And how my condition led me on a merry chase all over town, jumping from project to project and place to place in a completely distracted manner. A job that should've taken maybe a half-hour (including a store run) took all day, though I got three other projects finished in the interim. Wish I had had time to finish the post, I was at a couple thousand words when I had to take off and it was humorous to me just to see how easily distracted yet kinda productive I was.

And sigil echoes what I was saying earlier. It's the most common resistance to moderating the condition with drugs. I'm very tempted to try it out and see what life would be like for a month with the condition moderated. Would I gain in focus what I would lose in sheer speed and creativity? Interesting dilemma.

[K9]

9    I am fascinated by dates.

Badly worded question ><

I scored 20

[Yegolev]

I can do things that most people can't with ease.

I've always fucking adored this rationalization as a coping mechanism for dealing with disorder. Doctors use it, parents use it for their autistic children, it's just fucking awesome. Why?

Because it's goddamn insane, that's why.

Edit: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying, yea, great, you can do some shit that other people can't with ease. And other people can do simple normal societal shit that people with massive or even minor disorder can't even wrap their brains around. It's a crappy reasoning for anything. Everyone can do something the next person can't with ease. Saying that is a load of bollocks and you know it and I know it and parents know it and doctors know it.

Seem that coping mechanisms are largely bullshit, would you agree?  They are still useful.  Your issue, I think, is in people making excuses for things and I'm on board with that, in general.  The coping mechanism is a tool, like a fork.  You're not suggesting I eat with my hands like everyone else, are you?  Seriously, though, I don't know any ADD adults that use it as an excuse for anything.  If it was laziness, it would be a hell of a lot easier to just give up.

Practically speaking, my ability to do certain things easily due to ADD isn't something people think about when I can't remember a list of more than two things to get at the grocery store, but it makes me feel better to know that I can Get Shit Done better than many other people in the right situations.  Helps focus on my successes while most people focus on my failures... constantly.  Sometimes the ADD even counts for something!  I'm sure a few people have wondered how I manage to keep the job I have knowing just a few things about me.  It's because I am very, very good at what I do.  If I had to do anything resembling a factory job, I'd be very, very bad at it and probably very depressed.

Admittedly, it's not exactly what I do but how I do it that is different.  I have learned ways to make boring things interesting and therefore have greatly reduced my procrastination.  I would not have went this route if I had not learned I have some degree of ADD and how it affects me.  Call it bullshit if you want, but it works.  Also, I get to keep my creativity and cats-in-a-minefield thought process.

By the way, your normal scores on those tests are incredibly scary.  I got a 86 on the ADD test and 18 on the autism test.

[schild]

By the way, your normal scores on those tests are incredibly scary.  I got a 86 on the ADD test and 18 on the autism test.

I was surprised myself. I mean, I expected to be right below the cutoff point but not several magnitudes lower than the populace. Granted, I have the ability to hyper focus at will, socially engineer the fuck out of just about anyone when necessary, and Get Things Done independent of however many other projects I'm working on. I mean, look at f13, the wiki, the game I'm working on, and everything else piled on and I'm still managing to focus as needed. Combine that with until recently I've been working full time since starting f13 and managed to keep it altogether, it's not exactly shocking I'm not the least bit ADD or autistic. Of course, those low scores are probably why I look at authority figures with disdain because they are more than likely stupider than me (at least, to me they are). Also, I probably qualify as a sociopath.

[sigil]

I can do things that most people can't with ease.

I've always fucking adored this rationalization as a coping mechanism for dealing with disorder. Doctors use it, parents use it for their autistic children, it's just fucking awesome. Why?

Because it's goddamn insane, that's why.

Edit: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying, yea, great, you can do some shit that other people can't with ease. And other people can do simple normal societal shit that people with massive or even minor disorder can't even wrap their brains around. It's a crappy reasoning for anything. Everyone can do something the next person can't with ease. Saying that is a load of bollocks and you know it and I know it and parents know it and doctors know it.

I don't feel like you're insulting me. Ok well last night I did, but I just chalked it up to you being emo for God hating Austin and trying to kill it with ice. My condolences on that, btw.

If I was having more difficulty your point would be perfectly valid. The fact that I'm seeing some slippage under stress is telling me that I might want to go  the pharma route and give up the cool bits.  So, I'm  agreeing with the bulk of what you just said, but allowing for some degree of self control being sufficient for most people to take advantage of the positives while minimizing the negatives. If you can function with it and talk to girls and stuff and keep your bills paid, it can be an asset. The problem is when you can't.

[Yegolev]

And sigil echoes what I was saying earlier. It's the most common resistance to moderating the condition with drugs. I'm very tempted to try it out and see what life would be like for a month with the condition moderated. Would I gain in focus what I would lose in sheer speed and creativity? Interesting dilemma.

I am worried about this as well.  Let's say I get some Ritalin and suddenly I'm the Model Husband.  I go grocery shopping successfully and I even remember to get the rug from the dry cleaner next door (instead of forgetting about it every. single. time. since the end of January!).  That evening, I cook dinner and don't forget to start cooking the side dish on time... or at all.  I also listen intently to my wife's wordy instruction transmissions and absorb everything.  A fine evening, so sayeth Normals and my wife.  Then I guess I just go to bed like unplugging a robot?  And do it again the next day?  At work, how do solve problems?  Brute force trial-and-error or previous experience, I guess.  Would I still write scripts to automate things?  Some of that is kinda scary.  I don't want to be normal because I secretly believe normal people are stupid and boring, unable to perceive the best parts of the universe.  Instead of meds, I drink lots of coffee.

[Hindenburg]

Also, I probably qualify as a wannabe sociopath.

Indeed you do. I maintain that you refuse to qualify yourself as a schizoid because you read the bit about chronic masturbation and thought "no way am I ever admitting that on the internets".  

[Yegolev]

chronic masturbation

I have always wondered what the threshold for this is.

[Hindenburg]

Usually it's the "fap until your dick hurts for the rest of the day" criteria. Google yields numerous answers.

[Yegolev]

I'll be damned if I'm googling that.

[schild]

And sigil echoes what I was saying earlier. It's the most common resistance to moderating the condition with drugs. I'm very tempted to try it out and see what life would be like for a month with the condition moderated. Would I gain in focus what I would lose in sheer speed and creativity? Interesting dilemma.

I am worried about this as well.  Let's say I get some Ritalin and suddenly I'm the Model Husband.  I go grocery shopping successfully and I even remember to get the rug from the dry cleaner next door (instead of forgetting about it every. single. time. since the end of January!).  That evening, I cook dinner and don't forget to start cooking the side dish on time... or at all.  I also listen intently to my wife's wordy instruction transmissions and absorb everything.  A fine evening, so sayeth Normals and my wife.  Then I guess I just go to bed like unplugging a robot?  And do it again the next day?  At work, how do solve problems?  Brute force trial-and-error or previous experience, I guess.  Would I still write scripts to automate things?  Some of that is kinda scary.  I don't want to be normal because I secretly believe normal people are stupid and boring, unable to perceive the best parts of the universe.  Instead of meds, I drink lots of coffee.

Yeg, I don't think all the ritalin in the world could make you normal. 

[Yegolev]

Yeg, I don't think all the ritalin in the world could make you normal. 

Fuckin' A.

[Khaldun]

Knowing you're not alone is a big help.

It's not about having a support group. Fuck, I don't need or want anyone with me to make me be more "normal". I can do that just fine on my own.

Do you enjoy lying through your teeth?

Seriously, that's an advanced bit of assholery.

[sigil]

Khal,  understand this about Itto's response. It's the rational response of someone who has no idea what he's talking about, but thinks he does.

The concept of not being alone, he's focusing on it as being "oh, I can find people who share this and we can do 12 step progams and it's ok" Which is how Schild took it. So I tried to go into detail.

I'm looking at it as, ok, this is something that I can quantify now.  Knowing is half the battle and all that shit.

That disconnect is why he thinks I'm lying through my teeth, when in  reality both statements are essentially correct. Although I am talking to a therapist that I trust and my friends, but it's not a support group in the 12 step sense.

[Hindenburg]

Hey, whatever works for you.

[Khaldun]

Look, I have a lot of suspicion of 12-step culture, support groups and so on. A lot of them annoy me. But if I'm talking to someone who is trying to talk about how they came to understand themselves, why should I ever be an asshole about it unless that person hurts me or does something bad to me on a regular basis? It's good when people talk about how they understand their own minds and motivations: that's how you understand yourself better even if (especially if) you think that's not the way you work. It's kind of the point of having forums and talking and listening to other human beings. If you're fucking sure you already have all the answers in life, then why the fuck are you bothering shitting on people on the Internet? You have better things to do, like ascending into heaven or being Muad'dib or something.

e.g., chill the fuck out or show me on the doll where the bad mans touched you.

[sigil]

Judging by his profile, he's a kid. He's going to run his mouth and Troll.

I wouldn't worry to much about him.

[Jeff Kelly]

Hey, I can exactly relate to sigil.

Reading about ADD wasn't such a revelation because I found out what's wrong with me (that was a bonus) it was because I realized that there are other people out there who deal with the same problems I do. It makes me feel a lot less weird about my situation, which is a good thing (TM). Knowing that there are people out there that I could talk to and that would know exactly how I feel is a relief. Especially when you always thought that everybody around you was normal except for you.

On the other hand I don't need some sort of weekly ADD anonymous support group, so yeah I know what he means.

Also I scored an 84 on the ADD test that was linked in this thread an an 28 on the other test. Take it for what it's worth. (As far as internet tests go, so probably nothing)

[sigil]

Hey, I can exactly relate to sigil.

Reading about ADD wasn't such a revelation because I found out what's wrong with me (that was a bonus) it was because I realized that there are other people out there who deal with the same problems I do. It makes me feel a lot less weird about my situation, which is a good thing (TM). Knowing that there are people out there that I could talk to and that would know exactly how I feel is a relief. Especially when you always thought that everybody around you was normal except for you.

On the other hand I don't need some sort of weekly ADD anonymous support group, so yeah I know what he means.

Also I scored an 84 on the ADD test that was linked in this thread an an 28 on the other test. Take it for what it's worth. (As far as internet tests go, so probably nothing)

Well congrats. We should form our own little clubhouse. Except it would never get completed because we'd be so busy futzing with a million other things that we'd forget about it.

Sky could build it. We'll be ready for visitors  on July 1st of never.

[gryeyes]

Communal reinforcement is a wonderful thing.

[Hindenburg]

Judging by his profile, he's a kid. He's going to run his mouth and Troll.

I wouldn't worry to much about him.

Oh man, a guy that hides his age looked at my profile info! I'm ousted!
Or you could just admit that you yourself adopt a reasoning that goes completely against what you previously said, and just blurted some pearls of wisdom shit because it seemed like the right thing to do™, even though it was a lie. Instead you've  opted for ad hominem. Again. Classy.
If that doesn't suit you, your previous recourse of completely ignoring my question was working quite well, I should say.

Khaldun: He's a guy. You don't white knight for guys. Chill, dood.

[sigil]

Judging by his profile, he's a kid. He's going to run his mouth and Troll.

I wouldn't worry to much about him.

Oh man, a guy that hides his age looked at my profile info! I'm ousted!
Or you could just admit that you yourself adopt a reasoning that goes completely against what you previously said, and just blurted some pearls of wisdom shit because it seemed like the right thing to do™, even though it was a lie. Instead you've  opted for ad hominem. Again. Classy.
If that doesn't suit you, your previous recourse of completely ignoring my question was working quite well, I should say.

Khaldun: He's a guy. You don't white knight for guys. Chill, dood.

No need to be so angry.   

[bhodi]

Experiences with it? I live with it daily. I don't medicate; I did when I was younger but I stopped when I became an adult. I'm just over the border so I'm able to control it with lifestyle.

[K9]

I think I would miss daydreaming.

[Hindenburg]

No need to be so angry.   

Attaboy! That's the way!

[chargerrich]

Here's something I should have mentioned earlier: Ask yourself why an amphetamine would be used as the treatment for a hyperactivity disorder.  It's all about the stimulation of a focal center. 

Hope I helped a little.

From the net... so you know its true 

It is commonly asked why the stimulant concerta should be used to treat hyperactivity, which seems on the surface, very paradoxical. However, MRIs of ADHD brains show decreased activity in the brain centers critical to concentration and goal-directed activities. Treatment with methylphenidate (etc.) results in increased activity in those regions, in ADHD patients, and in healthy controls as well.

Thus the model explanation is that hyperactive children (and adults) have underactive concentration centers, and stimulating them reduces hyperactivity. Thus the stimulants do not work paradoxically. They stimulate portions of the brain that are underactive by increasing dopamine and norepinephrine in the striatum and prefontal cortex.

[Sky]

I think I would miss daydreaming.

It's taking my fiancee a long time to adjust to the fact that I discuss almost every idea that pops into my head, she's very much concrete reality, think things through before discussing them. I like to bounce ideas around and think out loud, a whole lot of great ideas come forth that way, and people always have some interesting perspective I haven't thought of. I take it as normal, so it's pretty cool (and occasionally frustrating) having a mate who is almost my opposite. We work great together, when we can remember that I'm not serious about most of my crazy ideas and that she's not being negative when she's bringing me back to reality.

She also thinks I'm nuts for considering medication, she says I'm extremely functional. Thing is, she doesn't have to live with my brain all day :) It can get annoying at times.

[chargerrich]

Total score of: 47 (Below 70, Not Associated with ADHD)   

[chargerrich]

I know what you mean Merusk, I'm exactly the same.  Thats normal I think.

I thought quite some time I was autistic because some online descriptions I read fit me so well.

Then I met somebody who really has Autism and decided it was just a combination of being vain (I liked the idea of being smart because my brain works differently, which is basically just my trained coping mechanism for my Dyslexia) and not trusting strangers!  

You probably are Autistic. At least mildly.

It's called Autism Spectrum Disorder. Spectrum is the important part there. You don't have to be Rain Man, completely non-functional or have Aspberger's to be on the spectrum. Auties aren't all the same. Autism in concert with an intellectual disability is common, but far from exclusive. Autism and OCD are also common together, but again aren't required.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

Enjoy!

I scored a 23.../shrug

[Lantyssa]

38 on the Autism test.  I lost interest in the ADHD test.