Training Monkeys: Ideas needed

[NiX]

One of my class projects is to come up with a training session, but we're allowed to pick what we train people on. We've got some bland ideas; upgrade computer, resume building ideas and other simple stuff. Our time frame is 20 minutes. Other than that, not many restrictions outside of the logic that it has to be cheap to do and has to fit in a classroom.

[apocrypha]

Fit an IUD?

[ShenMolo]

Whats the class?

[Nebu]

Writing a cover letter.  Graphing options in Excel.  Using the full functionality of google.  Evaluating information on the internet.  Chosing a web browser.  Spyware and programs to deal with it.  What is VOIP? (benefits vs cost).  

I'll keep trying.

[ShenMolo]

Train them to meditate.

1. Tell everyone to sit comfortably, on the floor or in their chair. Back straight, head level, looking forward and slightly down. Eyes closed.
2. Tell them to breathe comfortably and naturally.
3. Tell them to focus their awareness only on their breath. Place their attention on the sensation of breathing, the feeling of air entering and leaving their nose.
4. They will only be able to maintain this attention for a few seconds before their mind begins wandering and flitting about. When they become aware of this, have them gently acknowledge to themselves that they are "thinking", and to then bring their awareness back to their breathing.
5. Do this over and over for the 10-15 minutes you have to meditate. Every time you catch yourself "thinking", bring your awareness back to your breath. Over and over and over.
6. At the end of the session ring a small bell or a quiet chime on your cell phone to end the session.

[Khaldun]

Doing an optimal search for the same basic query in 3-5 different engines or search environments (LC catalog, Google, Proquest, Flickr, etc.)

[NiX]

Whats the class?

Training and Development. I'm majoring in HR, if that helps make sense of why we're doing this.

Good ideas so far.

[Murgos]

Whats the class?

Training and Development. I'm majoring in HR, if that helps make sense of why we're doing this.

Good ideas so far.

Oh, that's simple then.  They want you to do sexual harassment.  Certified A+ and solid practice for doing it 23452347 more times a year when you get out into the real world.

[Ookii]

Teach them how to rasterbate.
Show them how to surf ad-free on the internet (most people don't actually know about this one).

[Salamok]

Whats the class?

Training and Development. I'm majoring in HR, if that helps make sense of why we're doing this.

Good ideas so far.

In that case I would do a 20 minute training session on the obfuscation of information.  This seems to be the single most valuable function that HR provides after all if none of your employees can understand (much less stay awake through) any of your documentation then the likelihood of you being sued drastically decreases.

For example the HR department where I work would never allow you to use the title "Training Monkeys" it is far too amusing and derogatory.  They had a 3 hour meeting a few months ago calling everyone in for the single purpose of coming up with a PC way to say "Training Monkeys", in the end I believe they hesitantly agreed to temporarily use the term "Staff Development" until such a time as a more appropriate phrase could be found.

[schild]

Finding porn sites without getting malware or virusii.

Show them how to surf ad-free on the internet (most people don't actually know about this one).

Don't show them that, sites have ads to make money.

[Merusk]

Whats the class?

Training and Development. I'm majoring in HR, if that helps make sense of why we're doing this.

Good ideas so far.

Oh, that's simple then.  They want you to do sexual harassment.  Certified A+ and solid practice for doing it 23452347 more times a year when you get out into the real world.

 

 You can instruct folks on anything, but since it's for a class you have to know your audience.  If they're not interested in your topic, they won't give a damn. For my Toastmasters instructional speech (to a group of homeowners and Architects) I was going to do the proper cleaning and sharpening of a lawn mower and its blade.   If I'd done any of the suggestions listed so far I'd have put the group to sleep.  Especially with the computer/ tech stuff. The majority of folks still view computers as 'magic voodoo boxes.'

[NiX]

The age range of the group is 18-26 with the exception of 2 people over the age of 30. The demographic is spread so far, it's really hard to find something they'll be interested in. Could always train people on how to be gangster, but I might be too white for that.

[Trippy]

Teach them how to cook something?

[Salamok]

Whats the class?

Training and Development. I'm majoring in HR, if that helps make sense of why we're doing this.

Good ideas so far.

Oh, that's simple then.  They want you to do sexual harassment.  Certified A+ and solid practice for doing it 23452347 more times a year when you get out into the real world.

 

 You can instruct folks on anything, but since it's for a class you have to know your audience.  If they're not interested in your topic, they won't give a damn. For my Toastmasters instructional speech (to a group of homeowners and Architects) I was going to do the proper cleaning and sharpening of a lawn mower and its blade.   If I'd done any of the suggestions listed so far I'd have put the group to sleep.  Especially with the computer/ tech stuff. The majority of folks still view computers as 'magic voodoo boxes.'

lol, but always to remember to obfuscate they would never title the class "sexual harassment" at my work this class is simply referred to as HB1976

[Big Gulp]

Oh, that's simple then.  They want you to do sexual harassment.  Certified A+ and solid practice for doing it 23452347 more times a year when you get out into the real world.

Excellent idea.  Listen to this and take notes.

[stray]

Train people on how to distinguish between ales, stouts, and lagers. Tell them to front some money beforehand, for the lesson.

[NowhereMan]

Wine Whisky tasting! Alternatively simple card tricks.

[stray]

First of all, what are you good at Nix? Best to just go with something you know.

Just don't mention games or computer stuff. That's lame.

[Sky]

One of my class projects is to come up with a training session, but we're allowed to pick what we train people on. We've got some bland ideas; upgrade computer, resume building ideas and other simple stuff. Our time frame is 20 minutes. Other than that, not many restrictions outside of the logic that it has to be cheap to do and has to fit in a classroom.

Do a training session on setting up training sessions.

[apocrypha]

The age range of the group is 18-26 with the exception of 2 people over the age of 30. The demographic is spread so far, it's really hard to find something they'll be interested in. Could always train people on how to be gangster, but I might be too white for that.

I've yet to hear anything that leads me to believe they wouldn't be interested in how to fit an IUD. Especially when you asked the audience for a volunteer.

[Lantyssa]

Just make sure you go on before the person who gives the sexual harassment lecture.

[NiX]

First of all, what are you good at Nix? Best to just go with something you know.

Just don't mention games or computer stuff. That's lame.

I'm good with photoshop, but that's a problem because it also has to be something my 2 other group members can pick up really fast.

[Segoris]

Oh, that's simple then.  They want you to do sexual harassment.  Certified A+ and solid practice for doing it 23452347 more times a year when you get out into the real world.

^So true, and a damn fine idea. Also, ergonomics would be good and easy to learn/teach. Your monitor goes X distance away, back at Y degree, elbows don't touch the edge of the desk, etc.


Additionally, I can't stop but think of [urhttp://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093793/]Project-X[/url] when I saw this topic. Fly Virgil, FLY!!!

[Strazos]

Is your room equipped with a projector?

If so, hook up a nice laptop and teach them how to own face in TF2 or something. 

[Yoru]

20 minutes? Teach them to flame-sear a steak. It's one of life's most useful skills.

[Prospero]

Teach them to count in binary on their fingers. I did that for a speech class once, and it was frightfully successful. It's a great party trick to say you can count to over 1000 on your fingers.

[Righ]

I'm good with photoshop, but that's a problem because it also has to be something my 2 other group members can pick up really fast.

Teach them how to use BitTorrent to steal a copy of Photoshop CS4 like most everybody else who uses it.

[NiX]

Teach them how to use BitTorrent to steal a copy of Photoshop CS4 like most everybody else who uses it.

I half jokingly suggested we teach people how to efficiently pirate stuff. Only to see the teachers reaction really. I still use PS7 and it's glorious.

[Yegolev]

I think the IUD fitting was a good idea.  It's a skill that might come in handy for anyone.

[lamaros]

Safe sex?

[Samwise]

Teach them to cook a simple dish or mix a complex drink.  If possible, let everyone sample the final product.

[slog]

Teach them how to goof off at work all day while posting on message boards and not get in trouble for it.