Best Review Ever

[Phildo]

I've never tried pirating a book before, so if someone can find a copy for me, I will in fact read it.  And hate you all.  But I'll try and pick out some more choice morsels.

I'll also see if it's available at any of the bookstores near me.  For research?

[stray]

Ed Wood has come back to haunt us.

You take that back, damn you! Ed was a saint.

[acerogue26]

Can't wait for his next book!

22 Tails of Suspence and Terror...

The Devil's Children
by
Aaron Rayburn

One great big SIC for mankind. Also, catch a look at that totally evil priest that just emancipates evil all over the place. What a mess.

http://aaronscryptofgorgothica.com/index.html

[Signe]

I love that quote so much I am keeping it for posterity where others can see it and admire its beauty, in my sig.

Sigged for posterior?

I don't like the sound of that!   

[NiX]

I've never tried pirating a book before, so if someone can find a copy for me

I did my best to find it this morning, but I couldn't. The best I could find was a link to SA where they dug up other books that are equally painful to read.

[Soukyan]

I've never tried pirating a book before, so if someone can find a copy for me, I will in fact read it.  And hate you all.  But I'll try and pick out some more choice morsels.

I'll also see if it's available at any of the bookstores near me.  For research?

I could always have Amazon Prime deliver it to me and give it to you this week when you're in town. But man do I hate paying for total shit like that, and I wouldn't want to encourage him.

Then again, do you think he would sign a copy for me? Now that would be 

[Sauced]

http://www.powells.com/biblio/61-9781418499761-1

[Phildo]

Gorgothica is...
the darkest recess of our minds where thoughts and images of the grotesque, evil and morbid reside; A part of every mind in which creative genius of horror emanates.

At least he got "emanates" right this time.

[Phildo]

Went to the bookstore and they didn't have it.  They could order it, but I'm not paying $20 for this piece of shit in paperback.  $33 for the hardcover.

[NiX]

Dip into the F13 fund. AKA - Make schild pay for it.

[Grand Design]

I'll second that.  I want to see a front page write up on The Shadow God.

[Sir T]

Ed Wood has come back to haunt us.

You take that back, damn you! Ed was a saint.

I was more thinking of Jonny Depp's portrayal of Ed Wood, someone that was so totally enthused by the whole genre that he couldn't even see what what he was doing was crap. I mean it had Bela Lugosi and tentacles, what could go wrong???

Man this thread is too good. Seriously someone has to get more quotes from that damn book.

Get them yourself. He has an excerpt from it on his website

http://aaronscryptofgorgothica.com/page5.html

In fact, because I'm a conservative, I'm naturally cruel beyond the capacity for human mercy. So here it is! BWAHAHAAAAA!!!

It's leading you to the edge of the world, Craig. Stop now before you fall into the pits of hell.

I believe I am already there, he thought morbidly. Craig held his hands to his ears to block the freezing wind and shut out the voices in his head. He couldn't take anymore of it. The exposed skin of his body ached from the biting wind. He wondered when the inhumanity was going to stop.

Not until your dead, Craig! NOT UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!

Just then, Craig screamed at the top of his lungs. He screamed for perhaps a full minute, driving all his inner voices away.

He stopped abruptly, letting his head swim a little. After a moment, he opened his eyes and peered into the mystic black. Far off into the distance, there was a tiny speck of light. Craig's bloodshot, cold, gray eyes stared fixedly on the seemingly distant star. "Holy fuck," he muttered.

Holy fuck was right. Craig was appalled that he was actually seeing something. His fear of blindness was temporarily over. He hollered into the vast darkness. The chilling breeze died instantly and the distant speck of light wavered like a twinkling star.

Craig looked around himself through the darkness. There was only the lonely speck far off into the distance. He began to walk toward it. Whatever it was, it was something. And in this world, that was definitely something to give full attention to. Craig's curiosity got the better of him and before he knew it, he was sprinting as fast as he could toward the glowing light.

Maybe it was a way out, he thought known people who had talked about the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe this was a very large tunnel and that speck was the light at the end of it. He could only pray harder that it was.
As Craig got nearer and nearer, he saw that the speck of light was a large ball of fire, lazily drifting in the middle of the air.

"What the hell?" he muttered. He drifted closer, feeling a tinge of heat for the first time. It felt so good. He wondered if the fireball was dangerous. It almost had to be if it existed in this world, didn't it? Craig was almost sure that nothing good could ever come from this world.

"Hello?" Craig said tentatively.

The orange ball of flame flickered soundlessly in the pitch black of the Dark World. It cast odd orange light on the concrete below.

It's a ghost, Craig's mind screamed. It is a lost soul who has been trapped here.... just like you.
Craig refused to believe that. Though it was a ball of fire precariously floating in the middle of the air, Craig had to accept it because it was there in front of him. He was seeing it with his very own eyes. Still, his mind planted that seed of doubt.

"Who are you?" Craig asked.

The flaming sphere flickered, then a change began. The flame dulled from the bright orange to a glowing azure. Suddenly, it began to sprout limbs. It's changing into a monster.

Craig's mind yelled at him to run, but he stood still, unable to move, watching the glowing transformation. Even if he did run, again, where would he go?

The burning, blue fire was transforming into a figure. Craig starred transfixed as the object propagated a head. The head stretched the taunt skin of its shoulders as it came up and out. It was bald with dominant features, short horns where its ears should have been, and piercing, black eyes, and a large flat nose. It growled softly, lifting up its arms.
It is a demon, Craig thought on the verge of fainting. His mouth suddenly went dry and he trembled, fear building inside him to a near hysteria.

The demon floated several feet into the air, shining radiantly with that ominous, blue light Craig had seen in his bedroom. Suddenly, the demon stopped growling and craned its neck toward Craig.

The demon floated several feet into the air, shining radiantly with that ominous, blue light Craig had seen in his bedroom. Suddenly, the demon stopped growling and craned its neck toward Craig.

[Brogarn]

 

[Grand Design]

First, I am not a writer.  I've written a few stories in my youth, and they were all about as bad as this crap.  That said, I don't have aspirations of being a writer and try to sell my teenage angst as popular fiction on Amazon.  For $35, no less.  So, let the riffing begin.

Craig held his hands to his ears to block the freezing wind and shut out the voices in his head.

Voices in one's head cannot be stopped by covering one's ears.  That's like trying to mute your car stereo by rolling up the windows.

Craig was appalled that he was actually seeing something. His fear of blindness was temporarily over.

I'm certain that 'appalled' is the wrong word, given the sentence after.  Appalled does not mean surprised.

Whatever it was, it was something. And in this world, that was definitely something to give full attention to.

So, something unknown is still something, and something compared to nothing is worthy of attention.  Astoundingly profound logic.

He wondered if the fireball was dangerous.

I'll give you a hint - fireballs are made of fire.

Though it was a ball of fire precariously floating in the middle of the air, Craig had to accept it because it was there in front of him. He was seeing it with his very own eyes. Still, his mind planted that seed of doubt.

What seed of doubt?  What does he have to accept?  I've taken this slightly out of context, but read it in context - it makes no sense.

The burning, blue fire was transforming into a figure. Craig starred transfixed as the object propagated a head.

Propogate is not something done to a head, unless limbs are spawned individually from sexual activity.  As many dirty jokes as you can make with 'propgate' and 'head', it does not make it a proper context in which to use that word.  Species propgate, limbs do not.

The demon floated several feet into the air, shining radiantly..

Shining radiantly is redundant.  Radiant literally means shining.

The writer in me really does empathize with this guy.  We all write crap from time to time.  But this is why there are editors.  When we write words, they are reflections of our thoughts.  When we reread our own words, they make perfect sense.  To Rayburn, I'm sure the above passage is clear as day.  He should have an editor point out his mistakes before unleashing his work on the world for scrutiny.  Believe me, if it weren't for editors, we would never have heard of writers like Stephen King, Tom Clancy and John Grisham.

[Samwise]

[bhodi]

I feel like I'm at a Bulwer-Lytton fiction competition.

That's some truly awful writing.

[HaemishM]

That writing makes me feel so much better about myself.

[Murgos]

Believe me, if it weren't for editors, we would never have heard of writers like Stephen King, Tom Clancy and John Grisham.

I thought you were pro the editing process?  Talk about being out of context with the surrounding sentences.

[Ironwood]

That writing makes me feel so much better about myself.

That writing would make Rosie West feel better about herself.

Please tell me this man isn't making any money ?


Or any more books ?

[Grand Design]

Believe me, if it weren't for editors, we would never have heard of writers like Stephen King, Tom Clancy and John Grisham.

I thought you were pro the editing process?  Talk about being out of context with the surrounding sentences.

You need to expand that statement if you want me to fully understand your objection.

What I meant is that Clancy, King and Grisham are mediocre at best.  They write huge books which are entirely plot driven.  There is rarely anything more to 'get' from their works beyond the plot.  My guess is that if we were exposed to the original drafts prior to editing, the people who do bother to read their books would be far less likely to do so.  Meaning, Rayburn and a decent editor would probably result in something not half bad. 

For me, the good writers write little but convey much more.  See Flannery O'Conner.

[Soukyan]

Yes, but Stephen King wrote a book On Writing. Quite a good read, too.

[Grand Design]

It may not have been fair to include King with Grisham and Clancy.  King has shown the ability to move outside of his genre and has produced some genuinely great works despite his pulp fiction.  Misery stands out in my mind.

[Montague]

It may not have been fair to include King with Grisham and Clancy.  King has shown the ability to move outside of his genre and has produced some genuinely great works despite his pulp fiction.  Misery stands out in my mind.

King has some themes and deeper meanings to his work but doesn't feel the need to bludgeon the reader with the message. His style is hardly literary though - his main contribution is essentially creating the form of the modern horror novel. He's much more of a storyteller than a literary writer, IMO.

Clancy I'd agree with. 200 pages of plot combined with 200 pages of "cool shit you probably didnt know the military could do". Grisham I never really read, so no comment.

[Grand Design]

I've personally never read Clancy.  Reading Christopher Buckley's evisceration of his work was enough to convince me to avoid him.  Clancy is what you get when an insurance salesman with a penchant for blowing things up buys a typewriter.  Grisham, who I have read, against my better judgment, more than once, is what you get when a lawyer gets bored and starts making shit up.  I've put down King novels, but I've never outright hated one.  On the other hand, halfway through Pelican Brief, I realized that I hated The Firm when I read it and this was the exact same pap.

I retract my statement about Stephen King.  I'm glad I just erased the lawyer joke I had above, too.

Has schild appropriated funds to get this monstrosity for Phildo yet?

[stray]

Grisham is a guilty pleasure of mine (well, guilty pleasure when traveling...since I seem to not read anything of his otherwise). The plots are entertaining, if you like Po' Country Lawyer stuff. Not much there, as far as writing goes though, so I agree.

I've never been able to finish a King novel. Very difficult to follow for me. He's the king of tangents. And even if they aren't tangents, and that there's some way it'll all make sense eventually, I simply stop giving a shit.

[Montague]

Grisham is a guilty pleasure of mine (well, guilty pleasure when traveling...since I seem to not read anything of his otherwise). The plots are entertaining, if you like Po' Country Lawyer stuff. Not much there, as far as writing goes though, so I agree.

I've never been able to finish a King novel. Very difficult to follow for me. He's the king of tangents. And even if they aren't tangents, and that there's some way it'll all make sense eventually, I simply stop giving a shit.

For some reason he goes way overboard on the internal dialogue. Whenever I see him starting the stream of consciousness bullshit I see it as a signal to skip ahead two pages.

[Daeven]

Shining radiantly is redundant.  Radiant literally means shining.

Ooo! New MMO Matrial Arts game from Korea: Shining Radiant Path Of Divinely Forceful Emanations!

Or maybe its a new Kung-fu cereal. I can't tell.

[Sky]

Ooo! New MMO Matrial Arts game from Korea: Shining Radiant Path Of Divinely Forceful Emanations!

Or maybe its a new Kung-fu cereal. I can't tell.

Sounds more like a bowel movement. So...fitting given the source.

[Murgos]

Believe me, if it weren't for editors, we would never have heard of writers like Stephen King, Tom Clancy and John Grisham.

I thought you were pro the editing process?  Talk about being out of context with the surrounding sentences.

You need to expand that statement if you want me to fully understand your objection.

You seem to imply that the editing process is a good thing and then provide three (or, maybe 2.5)  examples of writers who it probably would have been better to hear nothing from at all, which we, presumably, might not have without robust editing.

Thus, editing is bad.

[Grand Design]

I see.  My opinion of those authors tainted the point that I was making about literary success.  I was making the point that even semi-decent authors can sell a metric shitton of books.  An bored insurance salesman and a bored lawyer managed to become household names and produce a string of books which were best sellers, more likely than not with the help of some good editors.  I was implying that Rayburn's 'art' would be a lot less repugnant if it were edited.

[lamaros]

Shit edited is still shit. You must hate editors if you'd want to labour them with such a horrible task. Things this bad get dumped in the wastebin.

[Paelos]

Shit edited is still shit. You must hate editors if you'd want to labour them with such a horrible task. Things this bad get dumped in the wastebin.

Pretty much. The editor is supposed to filter your work. You can't filter a turd.