F13 St00pid Joke Thread
Phildo:
I went to google zombie babies after reading Rattran's post... but what I found was pretty fucking repulsive. You have defeated me, sir.
Sky:
Guy in the hospital. Girl comes in to give him a sponge bath. He asks, "Can you see if my testicles are black?" She replies that she's just to do the non-private areas. He asks again, "Please, can you just take a quick look to see if my testicles are black?" She denies him again, "Sir, I'm not a nurse, I can't do that for you." He persists, and finally she relents. She lifts the sheet and gently inspects his testicles, lifting and turning them. "They seem fine to me," she says.
"Well, thanks a lot....but COULD YOU SEE IF MY TEST RESULTS ARE BACK?"
Oban:
...groin...
DraconianOne:
We've had the Scottish jokes, so here's some Welsh ones.
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A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields.
Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man "Paid a yfed yr dwr! Mae'n uch-y-fi!"1
The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking. Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer.
"Paid fachgen! Dwr ych-y-fi! Mae defidau crappio yn y dwr!"2
Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said "Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Dim drinkio!"3
"I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I couldn't understand a word you said dear boy!" said the man at the stream in a fine English accent;
"Oh I see, you're English" said the farmer. "I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get a lot more in..."
1Don't drink the water! It's dirty!
2Don't do it, boyo. The water's dirty. Sheep have crapped in it.
3It's dirty water! Don't drink it!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two American tourists, on a driving holiday through Wales, stopped for lunch in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllantysiliogogogoch. One tourist asked the waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The waitress leaned over and said,"Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gordon Brown was giving a speech in Cardiff. He said "I was born a Scotsman, I have lived all my life as a Scotsman and I will die as a Scotsman."
A voice called out from the crowd "What's wrong boyo? Got no ambition?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rhys: Doctor, I can’t stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home.
Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
Rhys: Is it common?
Doctor: It’s not unusual.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It's the final of the 2009 Six Nations rugby tournament and Wales, once again, are ahead on points going into the final against England. They've been playing so well all season that the morning of the final, Shane Williams turns to the rest of the team and says "Listen lads. There's no point all of us wasting our day. Why don't you all go down the pub and I'll beat England by myself." The rest of the team agree.
After a few beers, the Welsh team decide to see how Williams is doing so they turn the televison on and, sure enough, at the end of the first half, he's beating England by 21 points to 3. They go back to their drinking and don't watch the rest of the game. A couple of hours later, Shane Williams turns up at the pub looking dejected and apologetic. "What's wrong?" they asked. "Didn't you win?" "No," Williams replied, "England won 23 - 21". "Ah well! They said. You were playing by yourself so it's still a damn good result."
"I know," said Williams, "but I got sent off after 2 minutes of the second half."
NowhereMan:
Quote from: DraconianOne on August 18, 2008, 11:44:16 AM
It's the final of the 2009 Six Nations rugby tournament and Wales, once again, are ahead on points going into the final against England.
I thought that was all you really needed for the last joke :rimshot:
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