In this topic: Spoilers!

[HaemishM]

* You're really the supposedly dead Sith lord killed at the beginning of the game with a wiped memory and a conscious (or not) depending on whether you went light side or dark.

* The Illuminati is real and controlling the world. You can join them and be an asshole, destroy them and be an asshole, or merge with the computer and destroy all technology on earth sending us all back to the stone age, thus being a global asshole.

[Yoru]

Oh, here's one I forgot.

* Your son is gay. You're being framed for his murder by the shapeshifting aliens that the scientists accidentally unleashed from the center of the asteroid. They killed him because he got too close to their secret (i.e. that they were murdering people and replacing them.) You manage to kill a couple of them, get two people whom you're pretty sure aren't aliens into a spaceship, and then blow up the engines, sending the asteroid plummeting into a black hole. Fortunately, you're on the spaceship.

And another, way less obscure and way more recent.

* You're dead, but during a convenient we're-out-of-budget plot lapse, the AIs bring you back to life. You find Jade and save her from the Oracle and the AIs. (Or not. Flexible plot.) You screw the cop who's been hunting you before heading back to the place where you got your mystic powers from. An epic, Dragonball-esque battle ensues. Either the AIs win and humanity gets driven far underground, being hunted and frozen into extinction, the Illuminati-like organization goes back to ruling the world from the shadows, or you become a god among men and don't really know what to do with the power. In the latter two, you keep the cop chick. Oh, and she's carrying your kid. Who probably also has wacky superpowers.

[Fabricated]

*You're the reincarnation of a hero and destined to kill the annoying dry-voiced villain who somehow threatens the world by hanging out in a volcano waiting for you. You get two special weapons, kill a pulsing heart thing, then drink a lot of liquor and beat the villain to death.

*Same thing as above, but on the way you fight and defeat a god, get the ability to turn into a werewolf, and then kill an insane woman who's probably powerful enough to be considered a god too. Meanwhile, you get woke up in the middle of the night a lot by assassins who scream elven profanities at you.

[Margalis]

This is one of the plots I've been saving for "one day if I write a book." About a cloned person going batshit insane after finding out they are a clone. Although my first choice was an evil clone of Isaac Newton.

Like the Sixth Day?

I had the idea before the Sixth Day. And in the Sixth Day does the clone really go insane? Don't they team up in the end or something? The point of my story was that Isaac Newton is possibly the smartest person ever, and kind of crazy to boot. He is cloned because who doesn't want a super-genius clone? Then goes crazy (even more so than he already was) and is the smartest villain ever.

You're really the supposedly dead Sith lord killed at the beginning of the game with a wiped memory and a conscious (or not) depending on whether you went light side or dark.

Man this was also a plot I'd thought of. Originality is not my strong suit apparently. Although I'm sure the "amnesiac turns out to be a bad guy" has been done many times before.

[Strazos]

Fuck, you really did just spoil a game for me. 

*Points at the thread title*

A few FF12 plot points got ruined for me by coming in here.

Yeah yeah I know. You just happened to hit about the only game I plan on playing soon that I don't already know the ending to. No big deal.

[Glazius]

So here's one nobody will get.

* No matter what you do, the villain completes his plan to rearrange the layers of the world, killing thousands. But it's okay, because it was just supposed to be a signal to the rest of the galaxy that you were ready to join the Federation!

--GF

[Signe]

That's from the game of QuarkXpress!

[Yoru]

So here's one nobody will get.

* No matter what you do, the villain completes his plan to rearrange the layers of the world, killing thousands. But it's okay, because it was just supposed to be a signal to the rest of the galaxy that you were ready to join the Federation!

--GF

I think I know that one, although I never actually completed it: Septerra Core

[UnSub]

* You reverse time, go back and kill the Vizier before he can cause any trouble, steal a kiss from the princess than reverse that moment to because it's socially awkward.

* You defeat the big black thing that was following you, get the hot girl in red then sail back home to find out that you can't escape your destiny.

[NowhereMan]

*The last few missions have been a set up, you've actually been killing members of the Black Hand. It's all been orchestrated by a crazy man who wants revenge and is a member of the council. He succeeds in killing all of them but then you kill him and the Night Mother gives you a cool black robe.

*The bad guy is your Father. Also the hot princess you kissed is your sister. Bummer.

*The English guy is actually evil, the Catholic church isn't after you and your new girlfriend is a direct descendant of Jesus.

[lamaros]

*The English guy is actually evil, the Catholic church isn't after you and your new girlfriend is a direct descendant of Jesus.

* You also just wasted hours (or more) of you life just to keep in touch with popular culture. It wasn't worth it.

[Strazos]

* Did you read the book? If so, the movie will make you want to claw your eyes out. Also, you'll never get those 2 hours of your life back. And probably not the cash you just wasted on the ticket or DVD either.

[Viin]

* Did you read the book? If so, the movie will make you want to claw your eyes out. Also, you'll never get those 2 hours of your life back. And probably not the cash you just wasted on the ticket or DVD either.

Don't be specific or anything - that's every single movie made from a book!

[Glazius]

So here's one nobody will get.

* No matter what you do, the villain completes his plan to rearrange the layers of the world, killing thousands. But it's okay, because it was just supposed to be a signal to the rest of the galaxy that you were ready to join the Federation!

--GF

I think I know that one, although I never actually completed it:

Dang, I bow to your obscuritology.

Here's one more.

* You know that guy who wanted to sacrifice everyone in a vain attempt to save the world? Screw him! You and your new awesome sword rally the whole damn world behind you, save the girl, and drop the hammer on the monster that's turning everything to stone. And you hook Mr. We're All Doomed up with the girl's hot sister. Win!

--GF

[Yoru]

Dang, I bow to your obscuritology.

Here's one more.

* You know that guy who wanted to sacrifice everyone in a vain attempt to save the world? Screw him! You and your new awesome sword rally the whole damn world behind you, save the girl, and drop the hammer on the monster that's turning everything to stone. And you hook Mr. We're All Doomed up with the girl's hot sister. Win!

--GF

You win this one, Trebek. It sounds Japanese and vaguely like A Link To the Past (but obviously isn't); I can't place it definitively.

[Signe]

*The English guy is actually evil, the Catholic church isn't after you and your new girlfriend is a direct descendant of Jesus.

* You are not just the guardian of your vagina, you ARE your vagina.

Yes, I just saw it.  So predictable.

[UnSub]

* You blow up your awesome ship to destroy the evil Precursor battleship. Fortunately, as you tell your grandkids the story, you've managed to find an even bigger and better ship for the sequel.

[Simond]

* The world may very well be the figment of someone's imagination.

Well, if we're doing anime....

* It turns out that the crybaby klutz with the stupid haircut is actually the princess everyone was looking for.
* And the pink-haired brat is actually her daughter from the future.

* The blue-haired girl is part clone of the protagonist's mother, part alien.
* The redhead is just as screwed up as the protagonist - she just hides it slightly better.
* They're not really robots. And it's not armour, it's shackles.

* Spike dies.

* The villain controls his cult via the heroine's cyborged brother, Nemo is her father, and the Nautilus is an Atlantian ultratech starship.

* The quiet girl looking after the roses? She's a witch. She also sleeps with her brother.
* The whole contest is a scheme for the rose-girl & her brother to sacrifice the winner in order for her brother to regain godlike powers.

* Emo-boy is actually an abused girl IRL, 'his' girlfriend the uberguild leader is paralysed IRL, and the PK was an immature kid. Also, hiding AIs inside a MMOG is a Bad Idea.

[eldaec]

* The albs steal the relic, then the mids, then the hibs, then the albs, then the mids, then the albs, then the hibs....

* The nazis get taken over by camp aliens.

* The necromancer is evil, who knew?

* Space travel was not invented till one year after the war amoung the stars starts, shortly after people invented cities, then the ability to ride horseback; later on, everyone forgot how to make almost everything.

* Bob won

* sb.exe

[Fabricated]

*You kill a lot of strogg, pretty much fail your mission, get captured, get half-way stroggified, get rescued, lose most of your unit, kill/explode a lot of stuff, then rekill the Makron and turn the tide of the war.

*The Nazis dabble too far into the occult and manage to summon an medieval death knight/sorcerer (among other things). You kill all of it with lots of circle strafing and get a hearty pat on the back from the U.S. government.

*You manage to shoot and wound the killer at the end after reliving your grandfather's past via his journal and seeing how he solved his case, unfortunately the killer gets away.

[UnSub]

* It turns out your friend is actually the worst of the family and that by killing off his siblings you've given him what he wants. Then he turns into a giant monster that you fight on an island in a battle that nearly ruins the feel of the game.

[eldaec]

I didn't notice this one till just now:

* Did you read the book? If so, the movie will make you want to claw your eyes out. Also, you'll never get those 2 hours of your life back. And probably not the cash you just wasted on the ticket or DVD either.

* It turns out, Strazos is an evil evil man, you discover this after his implication that the book is ok and you go read it. You later discover that you can get better literary value from listening to Hrose discuss Mark Jacobs conspiracy theories, and will spend several months in desperate pain trying to find exactly which part of your brain is storing the memory of this retarded perversion of the novel artform, in order to have the brain cells storing it surgically removed.


Seriously Strazos, there are probably children reading - this sort of shit could put them off the written word for life.

[Strazos]

I don't know why, but I was thinking of a specific book/movie when I wrote that but, for whatever reason, was extremely vague about it.

Unfortunately, the book is, in my experience, usually better than the movie.

I'm looking at you, TROY.

[NowhereMan]

Noone gets three in a row, draw again.

[UnSub]

* Man-bot comes back and gets to smack the holy heck out of Time Master. The rest of your team watch on, mostly useless.

[Raging Turtle]

*The poison is in both glasses.

*The pirate is actually the stableboy.

*He kills the guy who killed his father.

[Triforcer]

* The princess is in another castle.

[Triforcer]

Ack, that one was done already. Ok-

* Nick Bruiser can't believe he lost to you.  He's so ashamed!

[Furiously]

Jump the barrels, climb the ladders, jump around, the monkey always steals the girl. You really can't win.

[Ironwood]

* After a long, hard battle you finally defeat the evil emperor.  Now the world will be at peace again.  You are a true hero.

[Johny Cee]

*The boards explode in flames and hobbit porn,  all going their separate ways...  Until 80% of the community meets up again in eighteen months on the forums of UOcharts.com.

*There is a frontpage.