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Topic: Soccer Moms in Deadwood (Read 1686 times)
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voodoolily
Contributor
Posts: 5348
Finnuh, munnuh, muhfuh, I enjoy creating new written vernacular, s'all.
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McSweeney's today cracked my shit up.AN OVERHEARD
CONVERSATION
AT THE SUBURBAN
NEIGHBORHOOD POOL,
IF THE SUBURBAN
NEIGHBORHOOD POOL
WERE IN DEADWOOD.
BY KARI ANNE ROY
- - - -
MOM 1: Fucking Homeowners Association cocksuckers. Are they so slow in the ass-fucking cerebrum as to not allow a goddamned simple, commonplace, gullet-pleasing peanut-fucking-butter sandwich on the premises of their fucking pool patio?
MOM 2: Fucking power-hungry vulturine twats is what they are, that Homeowners Association you speak of.
MOM 1: I mean, fuck me if I'm gonna take the three angelic fucking spawn of my hooch and force them to hunker their tiny selves down in the back of the sweltering cocksucking Odyssey just to masticate a PB&J and imbibe some goddamned Mott's. Fuck.
MOM 2: Want I should write a letter to the HOA fuckers and invite them to a civil fucking sit-down where we can discuss this fucking asinine and irritating issue face to face?
MOM 1: Fuck no. It wouldn't do any good. I doubt any of the fuckers can read.
MOM2: Well, shit, Tiffany, let's just divvy up the sandwiches among our sweet fucking runts and see what happens. Hunter's gone all asshole from hunger-induced madness of the brain, already.
MOM 1: Indeed, Jennifer. Let's buck the fucking antiquated "system" of HOA whores trying to prevent ants and the like from invading the fucking pool area. Ants I can abso-fucking-lutely deal with. Insane children? Jesus Christ on a bike, that shit is impossible to manage.
MOM 2: KIDS! FUCKING LUNCHTIME!
MOM 1: DON'T FORGET TO WASH YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS!
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WayAbvPar
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Al Swearengen is a role model for all. That reminds me- I need to purchase a knife.
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When speaking of the MMOG industry, the glass may be half full, but it's full of urine. HaemishM
Always wear clean underwear because you never know when a Tory Government is going to fuck you.- Ironwood
Libertarians make fun of everyone because they can't see beyond the event horizons of their own assholes Surlyboi
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Dren
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2419
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I never watch Deadwood. I take it they use a lot of profanity?
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42666
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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They make profanity into a gourmet meal. Then they shove it down your throat before kicking you in the nuts.
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Morfiend
Terracotta Army
Posts: 6009
wants a greif tittle
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My mother is a nice little english lady and she absolutly loves this show. She went to one of my cousens weddings recently back in the UK, and during the reception when everyone was having dinner she casually dropped "Cocksucker". My imediat family thought it was hilarious. The rest of the people in the wedding where horrified.
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Yegolev
Moderator
Posts: 24440
2/10 WOULD NOT INGEST
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My mother is a nice little english lady and she absolutly loves this show. She went to one of my cousens weddings recently back in the UK, and during the reception when everyone was having dinner she casually dropped "Cocksucker". My imediat family thought it was hilarious. The rest of the people in the wedding where horrified.
Awesome. |
Why am I homeless? Why do all you motherfuckers need homes is the real question.
They called it The Prayer, its answer was law
Mommy come back 'cause the water's all gone
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